Ishqiya - Chapter 20: Chapter 20

S I M R A N
Tears gathered at the corner of my eye and I felt a huge lump forming in my throat, unbearable for my liking. I blinked rapidly and detached myself from Avinash. Taking a few steps back I waited for him to acknowledge me, or at least stop me but he didn't. He stared at Vidhi, his love with a longing, as if seeing her after so long. Weren't they in contact with each other before? It broke my heart to witness the two lovers reuniting after a long. Not able to bear any more of it, I left the place in search of Sumedha.
I found her near the bar counter talking with a few of her friends. As soon as I came into her sight, her eyebrows scrunched in a frown.
"What happened Simran?", she questioned too I just shook my head, not able to form a sentence. "You were with Avinash a few-", she started but stopped when she followed my line of sight and saw Avinash and Vidhi standing close
"Shit, shit I'm sorry Simmy, I wouldn't have forced you to come if I had the slightest idea of her presence here", Sumedha spoke stepping towards me. "Obviously she would be here, with the love of her life", I chuckled and lifted my wet lashes towards Sumedha. She was quick enough to gather my dishevelled state in her embrace and comfort me.
"It's okay yaar, everything will be alright", she cooed in my ears as I did my best to keep my tears at bay, but they flowed helplessly. I felt so feeble and it wrenched me to see them together. Was it too much to ask for? Didn't I deserve love too?
Sumedha walked us to a scheduled corner away from everyone's sight to avoid others seeing me grieving at my broken heart again.
"Why Sumedha why? Why is it always me? Can't he love me as he loves her? Can't he look at me more than friends? Am I so hard to love?", I broke down completely as tears continuously cascade down my eyes.
I felt broken, I felt impotent to control my emotions. I let my resolve break as Sumedha muttered comforting things in my ears, her arms wrapped tightly around me.
At first, he was so far away, so unreachable but suddenly so close. I nearly got what I wanted for ages. Now he's again more far away than ever and there's no way to get him back. On the day I came and when bumped into him, I thought there was a chance for us to be something, I thought this time I would confess my feelings honestly but no nothing goes as planned. Because now when I finally had him, she had to come back and ruin everything.
"I knew I sounded selfish, but I too deserved love, to love, to be loved.", I chuckled at my stupidity of thoughts. "Who was I kidding, destiny never wanted us to end together, I was just too blind to accept the truth."
"Don't waste your tears for someone as petty as him Simmy, just let go this time, don't bottle up your emotions. You need a closer darling, just let it out everything", Sumedha said as she cupped my tear-stricken face in her palm and my lower lip quicker as I burst out in fresh tears once again.
After my breakdown, Sumedha wiped my tears and made me look presentable. My nose was almost red from crying and my eyes were bloodshot. I thanked my stars for at least giving me a best friend like her's who stood by me through thick and thin.
We walked out from the ladies' washroom stalls towards the open lawn. Sajal walked towards us and passed us confusing glances. He kept staring at me continuously without uttering anything for the next five minutes.
"If you want an autograph you can ask you know?", I tried to ease up the tension making the three of us laugh. I chuckled amidst my tears and tried to act strong.
"You know, I'm there for you whenever you need me, hm?", Sajal took me in a side hug and whispered in my ear. I looked at him and nodded lightly. No matter how dumbarse of a person he was, he was still my best friend.
We all were called for a group photo and we walked towards the stage where everyone was trying to fit in the frame. Keyword: trying
The three of us took our positions and flashed a bright smile towards the camera. I managed to smile even if it broke my heart. Neither Avinash nor Vidhi were in sight in the entire hall. Did they patch up already? Were they together again?
My trail of thoughts was broken when Sumedha tugged me away from herself a bit. " Simran zara sarko yaar, yaha toh jagah hi nhi ho rhi hai", her tone was filled with annoyance
I slowly stepped a step away but my mind trailed down the memory lane.
Flashback~~
I clicked my tongue in annoyance as I was made to sit in the boring waiting area before the owner's office of our tuition. Basically, I didn't attend classes for at least a week without prior notice, and since me being in 9th grade, it was a big deal because it could hinder my studies. So I was summoned by the owner to have a word with him. But it wasn't my fault, our team was practising for zonal and I would end up so tired to my bones that I would hit the bed the moment I returned home.
I tapped my feet impatiently on the floor making the receptionist pass me an annoying look. I flashed her my infamous extra-sweet smile royally ignoring her distaste.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed Avinash walking towards my direction, his bag slung on his left shoulder. I quickly straightened my sloughed back and swatted my hair away from my forehead making myself presentable. He covered the distance between us and stood near the same couch I was sitting on.
"Simran Babu thoda udhar khisak jaao", Avinash said making my eyes open wide
[translation: Simran Babu, move a little there]
Did he just call me Babu? Like seriously? But it was common in Bhojpuri to use this kind of endearment, still, it made my heart giddy. With a small smile and unsteady heartbeatat, I moved towards the other side making a place for my crush.
Present~~
I snap back from my thoughts because of the camera flashing. Once the photo session was over I walked towards the water stalls as my throat felt parched.
But I guess it was a mistake as I witnessed Avinash and Vidhi, the couple, now talk of the whole party engaged in a heated conversation. Avinash was furious while Vidhi was trying to pacify him.
My legs seemed to be frozen on the spot and my throat felt dry. I tried to walk away but the scene before me broke my heart yet again into a million pieces. I felt unable to breathe and so overwhelmed.
I know we weren't meant to be the time I laid my eyes on them, witnessing them hugging each other, basking in the warmth of love. Is it too much to ask that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, with the person I love? I laughed at my stupidity.
I love him but he loves her but that's ok right? As long as he is happy that's ok. My love is enough for me, for us in my imagination but the reality is far more worse than anything. I'm so strong, that I can even let him go, but it hurts, it hurts so damn much that I felt like collapsing.
I thought I'd be able to survive this life with the little bit of his faded memories right? But no! I was wrong, the memories will always haunt me.
I forced my wet lashes open and locked with those warm brown eyes of Avinash. He looked at me with astonishment while my heart cried. A lone tear escaped my eyes as I saw his arms wrapped around the person he loved.
Not being able to take it anymore, I walked away, away from the pain, away from the feelings. But then I felt a tug at my wrist. My body was forced to turn and I stared at the intruder with fury. But my eyes softened as I saw it was Avinash.
"Look Simarn, I can explain-", he tried but I cut him off. "there's nothing to explain Avinash, and why would you explain anything, we were nothing", my voice came out more hoarse because of my dry throat
"Listen to me, okay, I didn't know Vidhi would show up", he spoke. "Stop justifying yourself, I didn't ask for a clarification", I said again trying to free my wrist from his grip
"For fuck sake, stop cutting me off in the middle and running away from me with every chance you get", he yelled, his tone sharp and his gaze intense as his grip tightened on my wrist
He pulled me towards himself and my body jerked towards him, my hands going to his shoulders to steady myself.
"I-I like you Simran, I genuinely like you, okay, I hope you're understanding", Avinash stammered and his confession made my eyes wide like saucers
A weird warmth surrounded my heart. By breathing ragged as I saw his eyes pooling with emotions. Did he just confess? Was my crush, the love of my life confessing to me?
But as soon as the happiness came it was ripped away from me as the image of him and Vidhi flashed in front my my eyes. He didn't say he didn't love Vidhi, he just said he liked me. A bitter pain hit my heart and I bit on my lower lip to stop it from wobbling.
"you don't like me Avinash, you just like the idea of liking me", I spoke as more tears escaped my eyes. He shook his head trying to say something but I cut him off in the middle.
"Will you stop fooling with my feelings for god's sake", I cried out loud, using all my strength as I pushed back Avinash making both of us shocked at my outburst. Thanks to the DJ there wasn't a dirty scene happening already.
"You don't like me Avinash, you are just pitying me okay? These emotions that you think you're feeling will fade away with the passing of time, so please I don't want to end up with a broken heart again", I said stepping away from him, he was silent all along listening to me
"Maybe not in this life, but if we ever meet in our next life. At that time do not meet me as someone whom I can't have, but meet me as someone whom I can have", I spoke with a sad smile on my face even if I felt my heart breaking into several pieces
"Go back to Vidhi Avi, go back to her. She loves you and you love her too it's just your emotions are fooling around with you. Go have a future with her, go on dates, have fun, spend time together, hopefully, get married, have kids and have yourself happily ever after, just go to her", I added my voice cracking at the end because of the unbearable pain. My eyes burned from all the crying.
He raised his head and locked his eyes with me trying to read my emotions but I didn't let him, I blinked several times trying to get rid of the hopeless tears and wiped my damp cheeks. I know I look broken because of the overwhelming thoughts but I cared less as I took steps back, away from him.
From the moment I saw the ocean in his warm brown orbs for the first time, I fell in love with the fish and fauna that were inside. He was the ocean to my land, and now his oceans have been passed on to the next, this ground has never felt more empty, for we were two halves of a whole, a yin to a yang.
He was as wild as the open ocean, as gentle as the tides, as strong as the waves, and now the shorelines cry empty tears, never being able to match his ocean. I, a lonely traveller on these open Waters, I thank him for the life inside of me, inspiring me to keep going no matter what, I thank him for his strength, raising me up to be stronger than ever, but above all, I thank him for his currents, for him always managed to bring me right back home. Now I am lost, with nowhere to go for him to have taken my guiding light, as well as my home with him. I can only hope that one day, I'll find my way back to it. That I'll find my way back to him, my home, my life, my ocean.
"Excuse me", Slowly taking my steps back I finally turned my back to him and walked away with hurried footsteps. Finally, I had the closer I deserved, the ending I carved for, I was free, free from everything.
A week passed since the party and I was dealing well with my heartbreak. From what I heard Avinash left the other day after the reunion party. It was shocking since he wasn't in contact with Vidhi or anyone from his friend's group. Even now it ached my heart when I think of that night, but I'd made up my mind so it was bearable to an extent. Because now it was time to move on, to prioritise myself.
I zipped my suitcase and dragged it towards the cab that stood on the threshold of my home. I bid farewell to my family and friends and walked out.
"Achche se Jana thik hai, aur pahuchkar call karna", Maa took me in a comforting hug and kissed my forehead.
One by one I took everyone in a hug and bid them bye, promising to frequently visit them.
I sat in a cab as the journey started to the railway station. Once reaching the station I walked towards the platform as the train would be here any minute.
Dragging my bag near one of the benches kept there, I walked towards the stalls to quickly grab a chewing gum when I bumped into someone. What was me with always bumping into people? *Sigh*
"I'm sorry", I apologized and picked up the stranger's phone which I managed to drop
I rose up to my feet and handed him the phone but the said stranger was silent, staring at me weirdly. I looked behind me to see if he was looking at someone but there was no one.
"Hey! You okay there?", I questioned waving my hand in front of him. Did he just injure a nerve in his brain or something?
"Oh my god! Where have you been all my life", he finally decided to break the silence, making me roll my eyes at him. His pick-up line was so boring and outdated that I felt like to break his head and knock some sense in his damaged skull.
The damn fellow looked at me with dreamy eyes, his black eyes filled with mirth. He was tall, taller than average. Broad shoulders, a light stubble, dressed in a sweatshirt and pants with black Converse. He had the latest Apple wireless headphones resting on his neck with his Apple smartphone in his hands. The guy was rich TBH.
"Hiding from you", I replied with a very extra sweet fake smile making him wince at how fake it looked. It did even hurt my cheeks though.
"touché", he whispered scrunching his nose which I found cute. Cute? I mentally scolded myself.
"Well, beautiful I'm Saksham Sharma and you are?"