Je T'aime. - Chapter 36: Chapter 36

The first days of April came with surprising warmth, the kind of warmth that made you crawl out of your winter cocoon and dig for your lighter petticoats. But Vienna pulled this trick every year. The warmth was not to last- another week, and winter would return with snapping cold.
It seemed as if the court had felt this new energy, too. Ever since my mother's assassination attempt, or "the incident" as everyone eerily called it, most of the court had kept themselves isolated from the world beyond the palace gates. But the warming sun must have awoken something in them.
Though the incident did leave a scar on me, rationally there was nothing left to fear. The assailant, a Croatian radical, was tortured for information before he was hanged, his body burned to ash and dumped in the Danube, never to be recovered. He was gone. But yet the fear still lingered. Isabella said that four years prior, her grandfather the King of France was stabbed by a crazed anti-monarchist, but luckily managed to live. I could feel that something wasn't right.
On a strangely warm day in early April, Marianna and I decided to take tea in the gardens. We stepped out of the palace, fresh air hitting our skin. It seemed as if the whole court had the same idea- the gardens were filled with courtiers out for strolls, taking tea, and playing in the lawn.
Marianna took a deep sigh. "This is nice," she said, gesturing out to the full and gleeful gardens before us. "Such a shame that it won't last."
"Every year this happens, and every year is the same," I shrugged, noting how freely my shoulders felt without a shawl wrapped around them.
"Oh, wonderful!" Marianna exclaimed, beckoning me to follow her. "There's Isabella and Eleanore!"
I glanced over to an open place on the lawn underneath a tree's reaching branches. Isabella and Eleanore were seated on a picnic blanket, tea and other pickings laid out around them. Isabella had an open book lying in her lap. As we approached, Isabella lifted her head from her read. "Ah, there you are!"
"Such a lovely day," Marianna said as she lowered to sit beside Eleanore. She winced with the turbulent movement, but continued anyways. "The weather will be good for my bones, I hope."
Isabella immediately reached for my sister. "We could get you a chair if-"
"No, no," insisted Marianna, waving away Isabella's concern. "It's fine."
I came and sat beside Isabella, adjusting my skirts. Isabella looked to me with a kind of knowing smile, like there was a sentence caught under her tongue. Then, shoving back whatever emotion was bubbling near the surface, she reached for a slice of bread.
"I think this is the finest day I've ever experienced in Austria," said Eleanore. With every syllable she spoke, her pearl-drop earrings moved with the motion of her head. "It'll take me quite some time to adjust to the climate here. Back in Spain, and even in Italy, we would have been on the beaches by this time of year."
Isabella rolled her eyes. "You liked to be out on the beach at this time of year. The water is always freezing until at least May."
"I've never been to the beach," I admitted as I poured myself a cup of tea.
Eleanore gasped. "Oh, how I pity you, querida. How could you never have-"
"Austria's a landlocked country, Eleanore," Isabella smiled warmly and placed her hand atop mine. "It'll just be another stop on our trip."
Eleanore raised a brow with curiosity. "Trip? What trip?"
"Well, one of these days," Isabella explained, "We're going to take a trip to visit my family at Versailles. But a stop at the coast won't be too out of the way."
"Versailles!" said Marianna excitedly. "You'll have to drag Joseph out of Vienna by his ankles. That man is a homebody through and through."
"Oh, I know," Isabella replied, taking a sip of her tea. "I wouldn't be upset if we went without him."
"Wouldn't that be a scandal. The whole court would be up in flames. Two ladies, travelling alone!" Eleanore said, plucking a blade of grass from the lawn and running it between her fingers.
Isabella rolled her eyes, propping her hand out behind her and leaning back. "I'll travel alone if I damn well please."
Marianna plopped a sugar cube into her cup. "How I admire your ambition."
"Is that not the greatest trait to have?" Isabella asked earnestly. "Ambition? As a lady scientist, Marianna, you must certainly have more ambition than me. The scientific world is drowned in testosterone."
Marianna laughed. "Yes, I suppose you're right. If I wasn't an Archduchess, I doubt I could even get my hands on one textbook. Ambition and privilege are the best traits to have."
Isabella's face lit up with the kind of bubbling excitement that I treasured so dearly. The sunlight rolled off of her face with a golden glow, like Icarus himself had brushed his hand along her cheekbones. "Oh, a philosopher! As soon as I'm finished you can read this book," Isabella feverishly flipped through the pages of the edition on her lap. "My uncle gave it to me. I've been on a bit of a philosophy kick lately."
She held the book up dedicatedly and smiled giddily, which made my heart leap with adoration. "Hear the freshest thoughts from Paris's finest salons. It's called Julie, ou la nouvelle Héloïse, by Jean-Jacques Rousseau. It's philosophy, but styled as a novel! Isn't that brilliant?"
I couldn't help but smile at my Isabella's excitement. "Oh, yes. Tell me more."
"It's about a young noblewoman having to choose between her husband and her lover. But the real story is the constant battle between reason and passion, and what that does to the human existence. Isn't that incredible?" Isabella dog-eared her page, shutting the book and bringing it to her chest.
"Certainly," I replied, admiring the beautiful precision of the words that came off of her tongue like a stream of golden honey.
Eleanore chuckled. "You lost me at philosophy."
Marianna leaned back, straining to look around Isabella towards the western side of the gardens. It was then that I heard the bellowing howl of Joseph's hounds. "Here come the boys."
The dogs came bounding down the lawn, ambition set into their eyes. They immediately ran up to us, causing us to quickly move our tea out of the way. Theseus, the younger of the two, collapsed into Isabella's lap. Hercules was not far behind. Isabella began to pet Theseus, laughing as he rolled over asking for belly rubs. Isabella happily obliged. "Aren't you the cutest thing!" Theseus's tail whipped back and forth wildly, his long ears laid out flat on the ground. "Yes, you are!"
Hercules trotted up to Isabella, cautiously sniffing her shoulder. "Hercules, Theseus!" The two dogs turned their attention to their master, standing obediently to wait for their next instruction. Their chocolate brown faces almost appeared human-like with understanding. "I'm so sorry, ladies," Joseph said, taking his dogs by their collars. "Come on, boys."
"No, no, Joseph," Isabella said, scratching behind Theseus's ears. "They're good dogs. Let them stay. Sit here with us."
Joseph obliged, sitting down on the blanket between Isabella and I. The dogs seemed to enjoy the attention. Joseph chuckled at them. "Spoiled rotten."
"Oh, Joseph, can't they live in the palace with us? They're so sweet," said Isabella.
"No," Joseph said matter-of-factly. "They're hunting dogs. Hunting dogs belong in a kennel. They'd be a disaster inside. If you want a dog, Isabella, I'll buy you one," he suggested, looking her dedicatedly in the face. God, he was so in love with her. Maybe as in love with her as I was.
Isabella glanced up and smiled at her husband. "We'd have to talk about that."
There was a change to the air around us. The temperature grew cool, and I could feel the humidity rising. We glanced up to see a dark cloud rolling across the sky from the west. "Uh-oh," said Marianna, pointing at the brewing storm. "I don't remember seeing that earlier."
"Maybe it'll go around us," Joseph replied, even though some of the other courtiers were beginning to depart back inside.
Marianna gazed up at the sky as if there were words written across it. "I wouldn't get your hopes up."
Isabella took Theseus's face in her hands, squishing the drooping skin on his jowls upwards into a silly expression. "Oh, look at you. So handsome!"
"You know," Joseph began, "The Elector of Bavaria has a very sturdy, wonderful bitch around Theseus's age. We'd like to match them together for a heartier stock of the breed. Hercules is a brilliant hunter, but his form leaves much to be desired."
I gasped and clamped my hands over Hercules's droopy, velvety ears. "Joseph! Don't say that to him!"
"Oh, Theseus! You'll be a father," Isabella said to the dog.
"A father to the best hound bloodline in Europe," said Joseph, patting his dog on the head.
Suddenly, the rain came pouring down. Everyone in the garden sprung up, gathered their things, and ran for the palace. But in their rush, Eleanore, Marianna, and Joseph left Isabella and I behind. They took the dogs and left us. But still, we made no attempt to catch up to them.
The rain was cool and refreshing, like a wake-up call from Heaven. Isabella looked to me, raindrops collecting in her eyelashes. "We're alone," she said, but the sound of the rain hitting the ground drowned out her voice a bit.
I looked around. "We are." Though the ran was pounding down onto us we didn't escape it. There was something so liberating about it. It was like my senses had opened.
Isabella took my hands in hers. "I feel as if I have neglected you."
"Neglected me?" I asked earnestly, searching for an explanation in her face. "How so?"
Isabella sighed. As she did, a bead of water fell from the tip of her nose. "Between the masquerade, and my uncle, and poor, poor, François, I feel as if I pushed you aside for my Crown Princess duties. And I don't want to do that to you."
"It's alright!" I said, cupping her cheek in my hand in some attempt to wash away the ashamed look on her face. "I understand. You have a lot on your shoulders. I'm here for you."
Isabella chuckled nervously. "I don't know why I thought you would be angry with me. It all sounds silly now. But you know what?"
"What?"
"I like being alone with you."
Isabella threw her arms around my neck and kissed me, her fingers releasing a few stands of wet hair at the nape. My clothes were heavy and they clung to me horribly, but I didn't care. Her lips were warm and I loved her and she loved me. The rain didn't even matter anymore.
Our kiss broke but we were still close enough to be whispering against each other's mouths. "I know where we can be alone for longer," I suggested.
"Where's that?" Isabella asked, her chocolate eyes shimmering with wonder.
"Come on," I said, grabbing her wrist and running eastwards.
"Ah, Christina!" Isabella laughed. "Where are we going?!"
"You'll see!" I shouted back a reply, gathering my skirts to avoid gathering puddles on the lawn. "Watch your dress!"
"It's a good thing I didn't wear my best shoes today!"
There, across the garden, I saw it. Hofburg's botanical showstopper- the hedge maze, with thick green walls nearly seven feet tall. I pulled Isabella in. The ground was paved with brick, and I could still hear the central fountain through the bushes. "First one to the fountain in the middle wins. Ready?"
"Oh, I was born ready."
"Set, go!" We both took off in different directions, holding our skirts up dangerously high. I had a bit of an unfair advantage- I had done this maze dozens of times, while Isabella had not. I tried to draw a mental map of the maze, but the rain didn't make it any easier. The sounds of my shoes on the brick and my heavy breathing made keeping a clear train of thought nearly impossible.
Reaching a stall, I made a right. I couldn't remember which was the correct way, but I did it anyways. It was better than nothing. I hoped my intuition would serve me well. But every turn looked the same, and the cracks on the bricks that I thought were defining slowly began to fade together. It was like a big, forest green labyrinth prison.
Left? Right? No, straight! It was useless now. I just kept running. I hadn't been in this maze since my summertime fling with Louis  Eugene over a year prior. Ugh, what an awful idea. And I had the nerve to beg my mother for her to let me marry him! It was good that she kept her wits about her. He tried to kiss me in this maze. I shuddered at the thought.
I made the last turn, and from where I stood the center seemed clear. It was just me and the sculpted cherubs that surrounded the bubbling fountain. I approached the fountain and was about to sit down when I felt hands slipping around my waist, gently pulling me back into another body. "I lost, didn't I?" I whispered.
Isabella chuckled. "Yes, you did," I leaned my head back into her shoulder, the rainfall hitting my unguarded throat. She pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Je t'aime."
"You've been reading too many French books," I replied. "You'll forget all of your German."
Isabella rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Fine. Ich liebe du."
"There. That's better," I turned my head to the side and kissed her properly on the lips. "You'll be the best Empress that Austria has ever seen one day."
"Even better than your mother?"
"Hopefully less commanding."
We both laughed. "Joseph as the Emperor," Isabella sighed. "It's hard to see it. Sometimes I forget I'm supposed to be Empress. I would be content with being the Crown Princess forever."
"Well, with the sturdy health of my mother," I explained, "You very well could be. The woman gets kicked down and stands right back up."
"Any woman who could survive sixteen labors could survive a plague. I'm afraid to go through one labor, let alone sixteen. But someday-"
I grasped Isabella's hand, bringing it to my face and kissing her knuckles. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."
Isabella's expression relaxed. "We."
"Of course. We."
Just above us, a flash of lighting shot out, reflecting on Isabella's face in a strike of blueish light. It was immediately followed by a thick, heavy rumbling of thunder. "I think we better head back inside," I suggested.
"I couldn't agree more," Isabella replied, and we made our way towards the door. The hems of our gowns were wet and the bottoms of our shoes were covered in mud when we stepped into the palace. "I'd hate to mess up these marble floors," Isabella said as she took off her shoes.
I followed her actions and commented, "One time I watched Wilhelmina's little dog take a dump right in front of the Imperial jewels. So I think it's seen its fair share of messes. That little barkbox is always getting into trouble. It's like a walking puffball, have you seen it?"
"No, I haven't had the fortune," Isabella said through a laugh.
"His name is Bonbon," I said. "The dog is named Bonbon."
"Aw!" Isabella laughed. "Bonbon! Like a little chocolate!"
"Hercules and Theseus could eat him for a snack if they wanted to."
"Oh, Christina, don't say that. I bet Bonbon is a very lovely boy."
"Yeah," I joked, "Until he takes a shit on something important, which he's prone to do. Like an imported Turkish rug or the shoe of a door-guard."
There was a figure coming down the stairs, who halted in his tracks when he saw us, peering at us curiously. "What in the hell happened to you two?"
"Hi, Joey," I said joyfully to my eldest brother.
"That didn't answer my question."
"We got caught out in the rain!" Isabella covered. "Terrible thing, isn't it?"
Joseph's face softened as he looked upon his waterlogged bride. "Fine. Go up and get yourself a hot bath, dear. Before you get sick. Go on."
"I'll see you at dinner, Christina?"
"Like always."
As soon as Isabella was gone, Joseph gave me an irritated glare. "Really? What in the world were you doing out in a thunderstorm? You're dripping all over the floor." Joseph pointed at the small puddle of water gathering underneath me.
"We were romping and splashing in puddles," I explained. "Remember when we used to do that as kids? It's so liberating and fun. You remember, don't you?"
Joseph sighed nostalgically. "I do. And it was. But we're not kids anymore, Mimi. We have cares and worries now. At least try to not make yourself and my wife sick by being out in the rain. Go get yourself dried off. Please."
"One of these days, Joey. I'm going to make you fun again."
"Good luck."
I went back to my chambers and changed into a set of dry clothes. It was a strange feeling; the clothes were so warm, but to the touch my skin was still clammy and cold. It was then that I saw a folded paper on my writing desk. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I saw that blue wax seal.
To my dearest Christina,
I am told that the day begins with God. I, however, begin the day by thinking of the object of my love, for I think of her incessantly. If I had become a nun, which was my only ambition in the months following my mother's death, I never would have found this love. I never would have met you.
When my mother died all I wanted was to shut myself away in a convent somewhere. Happiness wasn't worth anything to me if my mother wasn't there. And she died in France, away from me. I'll always regret that the last words that I spoke to her before she got into the carriage were the tail end of an argument.
But when my grandfather sent my mother's papers back to Parma, I allowed myself to go through them. Among those papers were dealings that my mother called her "life's work", the plans for my trip to Vienna and my marriage to the Crown Prince of Austria. As it was my mother's will, I gave up on the idea of the convent.
The most happiness that I have felt since the death of my mother, who was more like a sister and a friend than anything, has been in your company. When I first learned of my betrothal to your brother I was horrified. But now I am content to know that you will be by my side. I like to think that my mother smiles down upon us from Heaven, and that she planned this all along.
I love you, and I will love you forever. I consider myself your bride as much as I am Joseph's. He is a dutiful attachment, you are true.
Je t'aime, je t'aime, tonjours.
Your very own,
Isabella
I didn't even realize I was crying until a tear fell down onto the page beside the final a in Isabella's name. I lifted the letter and pressed kisses to it like it was her in parchment. Never in my life had I been so terribly in love.