Je T'aime. - Chapter 46: Chapter 46

Somehow, word had gotten out.
I hadn't said anything. I doubted that my mother or Joseph would have said anything either. But soon, before I even knew it, rumors about Isabella's condition were floating around court. Her name was on everyone's lips, whether they had the right to speak of her or not. It was constant, a flurrying of words that came from all angles, speaking of all kinds of accusations. These people spoke as if they knew, but they didn't know a damn thing! Even the idea of interacting with them filled me with nausea. I was determined to stay in my chambers all day. If they couldn't see Isabella, they couldn't see me, either. They could talk whatever kind of crap about me that they wished if it kept Isabella out of the discussion.
I laid in bed, the blankets pulled up over my head to keep out the light of day. The time went faster if I was able to sleep, but it was nearly ten o'clock and much too late for me to doze off again. Just as I reached for a book, I heard a door open, then familiar footsteps. "I'm not getting up, Pia."
The blankets were pulled from my face, blinding me with crisp sunlight. Pia's freckled face appeared over mine. Draped over her arm was a cream-colored gown decorated with fine lace and embroidered roses. "I'm afraid you don't have a choice," said Pia. "I have specific orders to get you up and dressed no matter how you protest."
"And who gave you these orders?"
"The Empress."
There was no argument there. I pushed myself up into a seated position and began putting my stockings on. "What's so important that my mother needs me for? I have plenty of other sisters she could have chosen from."
Pia brought me my shoes, made of scarlet leather with a jeweled buckle. "It's a luncheon with visiting dignitaries. You've been called in place of Isabella."
"Ugh, Pia!" I moaned. "But I don't want to make pleasantries with dignitaries!"
Pia tugged firmly at my stays, causing a sharp tension in my stomach that made me briefly queasy. In the mirror, I could see her brow furrow. "Well, Isabella can't. She's been vomiting all morning."
"Oh," I felt my cheeks grow hot. "I see."
"It'll only be for a few hours," Pia sighed as she tucked roses into my hair, adjusting my curls into the perfect position. "You know, you won't be able to wallow in sadness for nine months. And this won't be her only pregnancy."
"How did you know?"
"It's the talk of the town in the servants' quarters. The laundrymaids knew something was up when there weren't any blood rags in her wash every month."
I sighed. "I just feel bad for her."
In the mirror, Pia looked over my shoulder and smiled. "I know. We all do."
Alone, I left my apartments and began making my way down towards the state room where the luncheon was being held. I glanced out of the windows; the sun was shining brilliantly and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. How I wished I was out riding instead of trapped within some royal duty. But I was doing it for Isabella. I had to do it for Isabella.
While on the stairs, I heard a chirping voice that I knew too well. "Mimi!" I looked up, and a glittering figure in a bright pink gown came whisking down the stairs. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
My sister came crashing into me, wrapping me in a hug. "Ah, Liesl!" I exclaimed through laughter. "Hi!"
"I'm glad you're going to this luncheon too," Liesl explained as she let go of me. "I thought it would only be me, since I'm the one on the marriage market," she rolled her eyes.
"Why does that matter?" I inquired.
"The visitors we're hosting are Sardinian. I think they partially came here to get a good look at me for Prince Benedetto."
"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. If I hear one more thing about Prince Benedetto-"
"Mimi!"
"Sorry, I just don't understand why we can't ever catch a break from that fool of a prince. I don't have the patience for him right now."
Liesl's expression softened, the bodice of her dress expanding with a sigh. "Yes, I heard of Isabella's condition. I'm happy for her, but it is dangerous."
"I know."
With a gentle smile, my sister took my arm. "Come. Let's not keep them waiting."
Liesl and I made our way through the palace until we reached the grand state room where the luncheon was being held. The whole place was filled with people, chatting and filling their plates with food as servants bustled about carrying silver trays of drinks. Liesl's hold on my arm tightened. Besides my mother all of the way in the back, everyone else in the room was a man. And not men we knew, like our father and brothers. All of these men were strangers.
Stiffly, Liesl and I crossed the floor, penetrating eyes following us with every step we took. I felt them all over me, scanning every inch of my form from my head to my toes. I kept my gaze fixed towards the destination of my mother and paid none of them any mind. Floating on the air was whispering and stifled laughing amongst the clinking of glasses. Liesl and I sat to my mother's right, placing our napkins on our laps and praying to God that the food would soon be brought out and we could get this all over with. I leaned over to whisper to Liesl. "If this is about Benedetto, then why isn't Papa handling this? It was his idea and it's his nephew."
"I don't know," Liesl replied, "But we just have to endure it."
I itched with irritation. Liesl could never take any authority over herself. She always just took whatever was thrown at her without any protest.
The food came out, highly decorated plates piled high with all kinds of foods. The centerpiece was a roasted goose with its head still attached, plucked and turned completely golden by the heat of the oven. It sat on a bed of roasted vegetables, surrounded by a rich herbal sauce. There were still more dishes of fish, game hens, and venison. Even at Isabella and Joseph's wedding I hadn't seen such a wide selection of alcohol. Wine, sherry, and rum were aplenty. A cornucopia of breads and cheeses completed the spread amongst large bunches of both red and white grapes.
Though the food looked delicious, I couldn't manage to eat more than half of my plate. But as the meal was served, the entire room went quiet. Everyone stopped talking. The only sounds were assorted munching, whispered inquiries to pass dishes and clinking silverware. I glanced over at Liesl. She ate delicately, like we were instructed to at state banquets. She chewed slowly and diligently, taking the tiniest bite with each raise of her fork. Her eyes darted back and forth across the room. I had never seen her so silent and reserved.
After the meal had finish, everyone returned to socializing. I pulled Liesl aside. "What does it take to get out of here?"
Liesl took a deep exhale. "These people are all going to want to talk to me, so I have to stay. But I don't see a reason that you should."
"I don't want to leave you here alone."
"I've got Mama. And you look like you're itching to leave. So go."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Get out of here."
A gap appeared between the bodies of the room, and I took this as my route of escape. Hoping to slip by without notice, I began to make my stride towards the exit. I wasn't more than five steps away before I heard a voice from behind me. "Oh, Your Highness?" I cringed. The words were in a thick, Italian accent. Sardinians.
I plastered on a false smile and turned. Two men, one short and one tall, were looking at me expectantly behind their glasses of champagne. "Yes?" From a passing servant I acquired a glass of red wine, which I was going to need to get through this. They were very ugly men; the tall one looked nearly starved, his hair powdered to the nines, and his clothes about ten years out of date. The other was short and stout, the top of his head balding, and his facial hair growing out into stubble.
The tall man grinned. His smile was sickly sweet, and his voice so syrupy that it made me sick to my stomach. "It's so lovely to see you, Archduchess Elisabeth. How is the dear Crown Princess? We understand she could not be here. What a shame."
That wasn't my name, but I was used to it. Out of eight daughters, it wasn't unusual to be called the wrong name. "She is well and sends her best regards," I replied, attempting again to make a run for it.
"But Your Highness," said the short one. It took all of my strength not to roll my eyes. "We understand..." the two men glanced at each other and leaned in towards me. The short one dropped his voice down to a hissing whisper. "That a certain rumor has been going around. Is the Crown Princess with child? We've been told that your sister Archduchess Christina is her particular friend."
"I... sirs, I'm afraid that's private information."
The tall one laugh. "So, you confirm it!"
"No, I-"
The tall one leaned back onto one leg, placing his hand on his hip. "Well, I would expect it this late in the marriage! Any good wife would have been with child the morning after the wedding."
The short one laughed gutturally. "Yes, yes. But from the tales we've heard, the Crown Princess doesn't care much to attend to her wifely duties. She seeks out her own pleasures. It was a matter of time before Joseph took matters into his own hands. It's what's best for her, no?"
"Tell us, Archduchess," whispered the tall man. He leaned in closer to me and I leaned back. His teeth looked like a horse's, and his breath stank of rum. "We've heard rumors about the Crown Princess. We've heard she takes certain," he cleared his throat. "Carnal pleasures away from her husband. Romps in the garden, shall we say? Has Joseph tamed his wild wife?"
"I... I don't know what you're saying."
The tall man raised a brow and glared at me like I was a stupid child. "Did Joseph do what was right, force her to settle and take his heir, like good women are supposed to?"
My jaw clenched, and I felt my face growing hot. "Pardon me, gentlemen," I grumbled, turning away. The only thing that was on my mind was leaving. I had to get away. I knew I shouldn't have come out of my apartments. I couldn't take any more of this.
I heard the short one's voice come from behind me. "That whore better hope her baby's a boy."
Without thinking, I spun on my heel. Blinded by fury, I took my glass of wine and threw it onto the two men. The entire room gasped, then drew silent. Whispers floated on the air. My consciousness came back to me as I watched a purple stain grow across their fancy clothes, rolling with drips of crimson liquid. Their mouths had fallen open, staring at me with empty eyes. My cheeks burned, and my chest rose and fell with panting breaths. I let the wine glass slip out of my fingers and fall to the ground, landing with a soft thud on the carpet. Tears built up in my eyes, but I couldn't let them see me cry. "Don't speak of her," I said under my breath. Then louder, "Don't speak of her!"
My mother rocketed out of her chair, her royal authority booming through her voice. "Christina!" Without looking back, I stormed out of the room, eyes on my back like daggers. I heard Liesl's voice calling after me, but as soon as I reached the hallway, I gathered my skirts and started running. Running, around the corner, and clambering up the stairs. My chest ached with the pain of regret. What had I done? Oh God, what had I done?
I flew down the final hallway, throwing my desired door open. Opening and closing doors, I went through each room until I landed in the bedchamber. There fair Isabella lay, a book in her hand. She looked up at me, her expression softening. "Christina dear, what's wrong?"
I came to her, kneeling by her bedside. I laid my head down on her chest, surrounding myself in the comfort of her body's warmth and the scent of rose and sandalwood. "Oh, Isabella," I murmured, my voice muffled against her.
Isabella reached up and began running her fingers through my hair. "Come, tell me what happened."
I sighed, crawling into bed beside her. I could feel her heartbeat through her body, comforting in its gentle and constant rhythm. I latched onto her, pulling myself tight against her. She held me close and kissed my hairline. How could they say those things about such an angel? "I've made a horrible mistake."