Je T'aime. - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

I stood in front of my easel in the drawing room, adding my final touches to my painting of Joseph in the garden. The blossoms that I had painted back in the height of summer were long gone now, and I was recreating their color based solely on my own memory. My mother sat behind me, flipping through pages of state affairs. Between each page she licked her fingers before reading whatever content lay before her.
I added a streak of white to the sky of my painting, blotting it with my finger. With a light, bouncy touch I turned the streak into a fluffy cloud. I took a step back, analyzing my work. My mother took a glance up from her readings. "Very nice, Mimi, very nice."
"You think so?" I replied, still searching for error.
"Of course I do, my dear. Should I hire you for my next portrait? It would certainly help with some of these costs." She tossed her stack of papers down onto the table beside her.
"War is expensive, Mama," I replied. "Expensive in both money and lives."
My mother sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I pay for all of it, but yet they still address these letters to your father. He's not the child of Charles the Sixth, I am."
"Well, it's a man's world, unfortunately," I replied. "But compared to the fates of other female rulers, you've fared fairly well."
"I should have remained unmarried like Elizabeth of England. But that would make me heirless. That's another issue entirely."
"Who would be your heir if not for my siblings and I?"
"Most likely Frederick Christian of Saxony, your dear Albert's older brother."
"My dear Albert? Mama, I've told you this many times before. We're just friends."
My mother let out a chuckle before returning to her papers. Just then, the door opened. "Your Majesty, important news," said a man I recognized to be one of Mama's advisors. "Count von Lacy has just arrived at Berlin with fifteen thousand men."
Mama stood from her seat. "And of the Russians?"
"Halfway into taking the city. Queen Elisabeth has already fled."
"And of Frederick, that devilish man they call a king?"
"Still in Silesia."
"Good, good. I shall write a letter to Lacy and Count Tottleben immediately. Share any news you find with me at once. If we fail to capture Berlin, all may be lost. Show me the battle maps," The advisor unrolled a map of the area surrounding Berlin. My mother turned to me. "Christina, you are dismissed."
I curtsied to my mother and left the room, closing the door behind me. In the middle of wedding celebrations, my mother was making arrangements for war. Did she not want to preserve our empire's finances? And truly, if the war would become more desperate, what would happen to me and all I cared about? Would my father, my brothers, or even Albert be sent off to the bloody field of battle? Would my sisters, Isabella and I be forced to flee my home like Queen Elisabeth of Prussia? Would we lose? What would happen then? Would we be imprisoned like Albert's poor mother, and die of the stress? It was a terrifying thought. Not only the court was at risk, so were the people of Vienna.
The people of Vienna were on my mind- we were supposed to be going on a carriage tour of the city to introduce Isabella to our subjects today. But with Mama's nose buried in state affairs, who knows if we could ever get to the carriages before the sun set. Mama being such a powerful ruler left a wound in the heart of my siblings and I. Forgotten promises and bedtimes without a kiss goodnight were not uncommon. But my Mama, I knew, had a duty to perform. Not only were we her children to look after, so was every citizen of the Empire.
As I was heading back down towards my chamber I saw Pia, coming up the service stairs, which were hidden behind a door designed to look like a panel in the wall when closed. She was carrying a basket of neatly-folded laundry on her hip. "Hi, Christina!" she chirped. "These are all yours. Big day today, any ideas on what to wear?"
I turned to walk with her towards my chamber. "I'm not really sure."
Pia gave me a curious look. "Are you alright? You don't seem alright."
I sighed. "Archduchess duties."
Pia took a knowing sigh. "Ah," she took a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. "If this is a bad time you don't have to, but I just got this letter from my brother. Can you read it to me while we get you ready?"
I gave Pia a warm smile. "I'd love to."
We entered my apartments, where the soft golden sunlight of day was shining in beams through the windows, illuminating the gold leaf on my wall trim and furniture. Pia handed me the letter as she began to dress me in a gown of blue silk and Austrian-made lace.
Dear Pia,
Hopefully the palace is treating you well! Father Hofmann showed me an article in the newspaper that had a picture of the Princess from Italy that Crown Prince Joseph is marrying. From her drawing she seems very pretty. Have you met her? Her name escapes my memory now. In other news, harvest this year is plentiful and we expect all to go well for the winter. We have so much extra wheat that we were able to give some to the Shumachers just down the road. Jakob and I have been helping them ever since Mr. Schumacher broke his leg when his horse bucked in the summer. His wife is heavily pregnant and is due any day now, so Viktoria is going to help her around the house until she is well enough. Matthias is going to stay behind with Mama while we're away for a few hours. Maybe you'll even be able to keep more of your paycheck this month!
In other less happy news, old Sully died. He was a very old dog, you must remember, and he had trouble walking and was nearly blind. We buried him up on the hillside. I do hope that sometime you can come visit us. I think sometimes it irritates Viktoria that she's the only girl. Or maybe one day we can come to Vienna, but I'm sure if the work I have to do daily will never subside.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! You remember Andrea Salzburger, don't you? From church many years ago? If you don't, she's the dark haired girl who had all of those sisters. Well, she just returned after being a camp follower with her first husband, who was in the army. Her husband was unfortunately killed, and she returned to her parents' household. She has been bringing meals to the Schumachers three times a week, and I try to find an excuse to talk to her every chance I can. It's truly such a pity what happened to her- she's only twenty years old and already a widow. She is very kind, generous, and beautiful. If she and her father agree to it, I would very much like to marry her. She has a little baby girl from her first marriage named Sophia, but I don't care. I would be as good of a father to her as if she was my own. Jakob teases me about it, but I truly love her with all of my heart. I'm so nervous to ask her, but if she says yes I will update you as soon as possible!
Mama is well, although the colder air does irritate her joints. I think that if I marry Andrea, we'll build a little house at the back of the farm so that I can still help Mama. I really hope to see you soon- so many things have happened since we last wrote. Love you, Pia- and hello, Your Highness, Pia tells me you read letters for her. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Hans Bauer Jr.
With a smile I refolded the letter. "All seems well at the Bauer farm," I said as Pia slipped the letter back into her pocket. "Are you going to be making a trip to a wedding anytime soon? You can borrow one of my gowns."
"I'd love to, if she says yes. I remember her first husband. He was a good man. I don't know if she's ready to marry again just yet."
"That's understandable," I replied. I thought about this common man, slaughtered on the battlefield, and my anxieties about the spreading war returned. "I don't even know what I would do if I was in her situation. And with a baby, too."
"Hopefully you never will be," Pia placed the final touches on my outfit. "There. This is perfect for visiting the public- simple enough to appeal to the people, yet refined enough for the daughter of the Empress."
After I was finished getting ready I went downstairs to the front doors of the palace to wait for our carriages. "There you are," said Marianna. "We thought we were going to have to leave without you."
I followed Marianna and Liesl into a carriage, and my younger sister Amalia followed me. She sat down next to Liesl, across from me, and smoothed her skirts. "Riding with the big girls now, Amalia?" I inquired.
Amalia glanced up at me as if she had been pulled from another world. "Hmm? Oh, yes. Mama said it would be better for me than riding with Charles, Leopold, and Johanna. She said I'm more like a lady now than a child."
"That's reasonable," Marianna replied. The carriage began to roll forward, flanked on either side by guards both on horseback and on foot. The carriage train passed the gates of the palace and towards the mismatched roofs and high steeples of Vienna. As soon as we were past the gates the people of the city began to crowd around the carriages, waving and cheering, only to be ushered back by the guards. I smiled and waved back graciously to our people.
Our subjects came in all types- dusty workers from the porcelain factory, wash-maids with rolled up sleeves, little children on their fathers' shoulders, and stumbling day drinkers from the local tavern. Grandmothers with hunched shoulders and young women holding babies stood next to each other, watching the carriages go by. Some of them called out our names, but they weren't necessarily the right names. So many different faces with so many different lives overlooked us. A merchant's wife clothed in silk stood next to a dirty chimney sweep, all trying to catch a glimpse at my family and I, who were always locked away in our yellow palace just outside of the city.
The carriages stopped in the town square, where guards were keeping the crowds back. As soon as they saw my mother they exploded into applause. But the cheers were even louder when Joseph and his bride emerged. Joseph, mindful of the crowds, offered his arm to the blushing Isabella. My siblings and I emerged and stood behind the newlyweds. A cloud of hats were thrown into the air with cries of affirmations and blessings. Isabella looked amazed by the sight of it all. She loosened her grasp on Joseph's arm and stepped forward.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes were on the young Princess as she parted her lips to speak. My mother raised her hand, demanding silence. All noise dropped, and hushes spread across the crowd. "My good people of Vienna, and the wide Empire beyond," Isabella began, hints of Spanish pronunciation poking through her German words. "I wish to thank you for such a warm welcome into your beautiful country. My life as your Princess and future Empress, no matter how long, shall be entirely devoted to your service. Thank you, everyone, and may God bless you all."
Isabella gingerly stepped back as the crowd cheered again. She glanced at Mama with reddening cheeks, and received an affirming nod. Just then, a little girl broke free of her mother's grasp and ran through the lines of guards, darting between their legs. "Dorothea!" cried out the mother, reaching to seize the girl, but was blocked by the guards.
The little girl, who couldn't have been older than five, ran forward and flung herself onto Isabella, clutching at her skirts. "Princess-" she began to say. The girl was grasped roughly by the arm, and bayonets were pointed at her. In the strong clutch of the guard, the girl shrieked with pain. The mother, terrified her child was going to be shot, was throwing her weight against the guards trying to break free.
"François, wait," Isabella said to the guard who had hold of the little girl. "Let her go," The guard, mildly confused, let go of the girl but kept a close watch. Isabella kneeled to the height of the girl. "Now, Dorothea, is it? What did you want to tell me?"
The girl sniffled back tears from her incident. "I wanted to thank you, Princess, for coming all of the way from Italy for us."
Isabella smiled sweetly. "You're very welcome. Now you run back to your mother." Isabella stood as the girl ran back to her mother, who scooped her up and mouthed the words 'Thank you'.
A man in the crowd doffed his hat and held it aloft. "Three cheers for the Princess!" he declared. "Hip-hip!"
"Huzza!"
"Hip-hip!"
"Huzza!"
"Hip-hip!"
"Huzza!"
Isabella waved with a beaming smile until she was ushered back into the carriage by Joseph. Even as the carriages pulled away from the square the people followed her in large throngs, the only thing keeping them from her being the fear of being trampled by dozens of hooves. The people of Vienna all swarmed like moths towards a flame. They seemingly forgot about their own Empress, who rode at the front of the train, heavily guarded against nothing.
Amalia turned away from the window, the curtain pulled back to see the crashing ocean waves of the crowd. "They really like Isabella," she commented before turning to watch again.
"That can be dangerous," Marianna replied. "Public opinion can be a blessing and a curse. But the common man knows nothing of the daily happenings at court. He only learns from the paper or from word of mouth, and even that can be a few days late."
Isabella was still waving to the crowd from her containment inside of the carriage, her smiling face shining through the window. "How did she know that guard?" Liesl suddenly inquired.
"What?" replied Marianna.
"The guard, the one who grabbed the little girl. Isabella knew his name. It's François," Liesl clarified. "I barely know the names of everyone at court, let alone the guards."
Amalia spoke up. "Is it that one, on the back of the carriage? The one in blue?"
"Yes, precisely. That's him."
"Charles taught me all about this," Amalia began. "That blue uniform means he's a French Royal Guard. And with a name like François, he's definitely French. The sash and the gorget-"
"What the hell is a gorget?" Liesl interrupted.
Amalia sighed with a roll of her eyes, "The metal crescent hanging around his neck. It means he's an officer. And a very high up one, at that."
"He was probably sent over with Isabella from her grandfather, the King of France. He's her personal guard," stated Marianna.
"We have plenty of good guards here. Why did King Louis send over a personal one? I've managed to live with the protection of Austrian guards." Liesl complained.
Marianna sighed. "The King of France was stabbed by an attacker three years ago, Liesl, we've been over this. It makes sense for him to encourage additional protection of his granddaughter."
Liesl rolled her eyes. "Well, if French guards can let their own king get stabbed, maybe their guards aren't the best."
We then sat in silence as the carriages rolled past the gates, and the crowds started to wean off. The few who clasped their hands around the metal bars of the palace gates were pried off by guards. It was truly wild- Isabella was merely a princess in a carriage, not Christ on a donkey. If the people were able to lay out palms for her, they most certainly would.
As we all emerged from our carriages, the court swarmed to ask Isabella questions. As I went to approach her, hoping to be a familiar face in a sea of overwhelming interest, my mother grabbed my arm and pulled me aside. "Did you see?" she whispered sharply. "The people love her!"
"Of course I saw," I replied. "You would have to be blind as a bat to miss it."
My mother smiled. "A people's princess. With her, our view in the eye of the public shall certainly increase. They love her, they love us. And hopefully they'll overlook the large taxes coming towards them in a few weeks. This war doesn't pay for itself."
I glanced over at the princess, swarmed with questions and conversations with anyone who pushed their way into her presence. Somehow I feared for her. The Habsburg word was never sugar-coated. And a lady as sweet as Isabella always attracted flies.
That evening we all gathered in the frontmost hall of the palace, gathered around all of the windows. Below in the cobblestone courtyard, the tiny figures of distant men were setting up a great fireworks show that my mother had organized. I was given a place to stand in front of the largest window. My little siblings stood in front of me, balancing on their tiptoes for a better view. It was a pleasantly clear night, the stars sparkling like little diamonds on a canvas of a navy sky.
Albert managed to worm his way through the crowd to stand next to me. He looked down upon the courtyard and sighed.
"Barrels upon barrels of gunpowder," he whispered. "Being lighted for our own entertainment instead of being used to fire at our enemies. I hate to ask, but is your mother a fool?"
"I fear for the nation, Albert," I expressed. "I fear that you and my brothers will march off to the drums of war and never return."
Albert placed a hand upon my shoulder. "We can only pray for the mercy of God."
Antonia turned around to me, her round, cherubic face and bright blue eyes looking up at me. "Mimi, I can't see," she said with a frown. She stood on her tiptoes to no avail.
I stooped down and lifted Antonia, balancing her on my hip. "Oh, you've gotten heavy!" I said as I adjusted her weight. "There, can you see now?"
"Mmm-hmm," Antonia said with a nod. She glanced over my shoulder and gasped excitedly. "Izzy!"
"Hello, Antonia!" replied a familiar, sweet voice, matching the girl's excitement. "How'd you get all of the way up there?"
"Mimi picked me up so that I could see," Antonia replied, pointing out the window.
"Mimi?" Isabella repeated with an inquisitive tilt of her head.
"That's what I used to call myself before I could say my own name," I replied. "It just happened to stick."
Isabella smiled. "That's very sweet. I like it."
Antonia pointed out of the window and exclaimed, "Look!" I turned and glanced out of the window as a rocket of flame shot upwards towards the heavens. With a cracking boom, the flame exploded into a golden circle of fizzing sparks. More and more began to be launched, whizzing through the air and booming with a sound not unlike artillery. Bright light illuminated the courtyard and the inside of the palace, briefly casting midnight with the glow of dawn. Clouds of silver smoke still lingered in the air, hovering long after the firework was gone.
The light shone onto the faces of the courtly crowd, and oohs and ahhs soon followed suit. With the glow of the light show reflecting like a looking-glass in her dark brown eyes, Isabella whispered, "It's marvelous. I haven't seen a show so grand since Versailles."
I replied, "I've heard it's a beautiful place. I'd love to visit someday."
A nostalgic grin spread across Isabella's face. "The most beautiful palace I've ever been in, frankly. I haven't been back in a very long time. Oh, I must have been eleven, maybe twelve the last time I was there. But my grandfather and aunts still send me very lovely letters. I miss my grandfather very much- as well as Madame de Pompadour. She was more motherly to me than my own grandmother," Isabella lifted the pendant that was hanging around her neck, which bore an image of a shepherdess romping with a lamb, her hair decorated with flowers. "She gave this to me."
"It's beautiful. She seems like more of a queen than Queen Marie."
"She's the queen of my grandfather's heart. That's why he calls her Reinette. My mother could always find refuge with her." Isabella sighed with the nostalgic sorrow of an elderly widow, remembering good times long gone, the changing bursts of light glowing onto her face. But she was just a springtime flower, nearly overflowing with beautiful youth. Why did this flower wilt with such melancholy at just eighteen years old?
My mind created a strange reaction- my arms strained to wrap around her, to hold her and comfort her in that moment. But my conscience rejected it. Whatever influenced me, I brushed it off as an intrusive thought. The last firework faded, leaving just a path of ash where it had illuminated the sky. The crowd applauded and began to peel away from the windows. I placed Antonia down on the ground. "Can they do it again?" she chirped.
"No, no," I replied. "Only enough for one show. Maybe we can convince Mama to do it again at New Year's," Antonia beamed before running over to my mother, saying something about more fireworks.
The hall was soon overtaken by a dark emptiness only moments after the show had ended. The paintings of goddesses and cherubs that decorated the walls were streaked with an eerie shadow, their brush-streaked eyes overlooking the hall like seraphic sentries, descended from Heaven to watch over us. Albert had left us- when I turned he was nowhere to be seen. It was just Isabella and I. "Christina?" she said, nearly in a whisper, as if she didn't want to disturb the silence of the hall.
I turned to see her face in the combination of starlight and candlelight, illuminated in silver and amber. "Yes?"
Isabella interlocked her arm with mine, clinging to me like she was afraid of the shadows that were draping across the room. "Can you walk me back to my apartments? I don't think I can navigate this palace in the dark quite yet."
"I would be happy to," I replied as we began to navigate the dimly lit corridors. "I meant to talk to you about this morning," I began. "The people adore you. And watching you with that girl- they'll adore you for a long time."
"Is that not a good thing? A crown is held by public support, is it not?"
"It is. But watch where you tread. The public cannot adore you more than my mother. She is old now, and the war hasn't exactly put her in the greatest position. If they value you, they'll value Joseph by association, and my mother's throne will be at risk. And, trust me, Joseph is not ready to be Emperor yet. Especially not with our armies surrounding Berlin."
Isabella's eyes went wide. "Armies surrounding Berlin?"
My heart dropped as soon as the words left my lips. "I only overheard my mother discuss it. I know nothing else."
"If I knew this war was so dire, I would have never allowed these celebrations to happen. Is the Empress mad? She is a ruler before a mother-in-law."
"No-one can tell her what to do, ultimately. Your attempts would have been in vain."
Isabella sighed. Her shoes clicked on the floor, in rhythm with the formal swaying of her dress. "What kind of mess have I gotten myself into?" Isabella pinched the bridge of her nose. She looked up at me. "I can only hope that you can help me, Christina."
"Of course," I replied. "It would be my honor."
Isabella smiled. "I think a great friendship is brewing between us, Christina. Truly, you're much more pleasant company than your brother."
My heart leaped within my chest. "Thank you. I think so too."
We approached Isabella's chamber door. "Here we are," she said quietly, gently unlocking the door with a click of her key. "Goodnight, Christina. I'll see you tomorrow."
She stepped into the room and turned to face me. Just as I thought she was going to close the door, she placed her arms around me, one around my waist and the other over my shoulder. She embraced me, and my body seemed to freeze. Her skin was supple and soft, and her body warm. In my ear she exhaled, her breath fluttering the hairs at the nape of my neck ever-so slightly. She was lightly fragranced with notes of rose and sandalwood. Her touch slipped from me, the scent fading and her warmth growing cool. The last of her to leave me was her fingertips from my waist. My brain rushed with thoughts, but my body remained locked in place. With a blushing smile Isabella closed the door, and she was gone.
I soon regained myself, even though I could barely believe what I had experienced was real. I could barely believe Isabella was real. She was like the painted angels that dwelled on the palace's walls, but she moved and she spoke. She spoke such lovely words, and she moved so gracefully. I decided that the next day I would check if there were any blank places on the wall where a deity had broken loose, turning brushstrokes into soft, warm, sweet-smelling flesh.