Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay - Chapter 10: Chapter 10
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There are a lot of things that Daniel wants right now. He wants his phone back, he wants to know what the hell happened just four hours ago and he wants – no, needs – to talk to Jonah. And to be perfectly honest the third one would certainly help with figuring out the other two.
Daniel's brain is whirring, all he wants to do is talk to somebody, anybody, about what just happened but his options are severely limited. There's no way in hell he's telling his parents, Isaac would just laugh and Jonah, well Daniel's not entirely sure how Jonah would respond but based on his actions earlier Daniel is pretty sure that it wouldn't be good.
And so Daniel is restless and yet all he really wants to do is sleep, close his eyes and forget about everything for a little while. But all Daniel can think about Jonah, and that's not really setting him up for a goodnight's sleep.
Deciding there's no way he's going to be able to drift off to sleep right now, Daniel opens up his laptop and quickly sends a message to Isaac.
Daniel Evans: Wuu2?
Isaac Berkovich: What have I told you about using text speak Dan?
Daniel Evans: Fuck off
Isaac Berkovich: Someone's feisty tonight
Daniel Evans: I can't sleep :(
Isaac Berkovich: Why the hell are you trying to sleep, it's nine o'clock on the evening
Daniel Evans: I've got a lot on my mind
Isaac Berkovich: Do you need me to come over?
Isaac Berkovich: Seriously Dan, I can be over there in like ten, twenty minutes, just hold on while I put some shoes on
Daniel Evans: You don't need to come over, just need to talk to someone
Isaac Berkovich: What about?
Daniel Evans: Anything other than what's on my mind
Isaac Berkovich: Did you hear about Wallace?
Daniel Evans: This sounds like it could be the intro to some terrible joke
Isaac Berkovich: Every joke I tell is brilliant
Daniel Evans: So this is a joke then
Isaac Berkovich: No, although I bet Maria kind of wishes it was
Daniel Evans: Did they break up? Cause if so that's not that interesting
Isaac Berkovich: That's not the interesting part about it, the interesting part is why they broke up
Daniel Evans: And let me guess you're about to tell me
Isaac Berkovich: What else are best friends for?
Daniel Evans: Go on then
Isaac Berkovich: Wallace cheated on Maria with Maria's mum
Daniel Evans: NO
Daniel Evans: EW
Daniel Evans: WHY DOES ANYBODY EVEN LIKE WALLACE? HE'S NOT EVEN THAT CUTE
Isaac Berkovich: If I remember correctly you had a crush on him when you first arrived
Daniel Evans: I was young and stupid, what can I say
Isaac Berkovich: It was last year Dan
Daniel Evans: Exactly, I was young and stupid
Isaac Berkovich: You're still stupid :p
Isaac Berkovich: Is there any particular reason Jonah is texting me right now
Daniel Evans: Idk
Isaac Berkovich: Really? Cause I thought you two were like joined at the hip or something
Daniel Evans: Fuck off Zach. What's he saying?
Isaac Berkovich: Have I turned into some sort of messenger or something? Oh god – you two haven't fallen out have you?
Daniel toys with the idea of telling Isaac the truth but quickly decides against it. That would mean reminding himself of what happened, and Daniel is intent on not doing that until he absolutely has to. Not that it was bad, on the contrary Daniel very much enjoyed it, it's the aftermath that he's not such a fan of.
Daniel Evans: Of course not, just wondering what he wants, you seemed surprised he was texting you that's all
Isaac Berkovich: Well I was more surprised that he was texting me and calling me Daniel
Daniel Evans: Oh.
Isaac Berkovich: He wants to know why you didn't come to the party he invited you to
Daniel Evans: He didn't invite me to any party?
Isaac Berkovich: He says he texted you about it about an hour ago
Daniel Evans: He has my phone
Isaac Berkovich: Oh
Isaac Berkovich: I've told him that but he's adamant that you should come to the party
Isaac Berkovich: Apparently he really misses you
Isaac Berkovich: Dan I think he's drunk
Daniel Evans: Oh god, I want to know what drunk Jonah Clarke is like
And it's true, Daniel does want to know how Jonah acts when he's had a bit to drink but Daniel also wishes that Jonah wasn't drunk right now. Because Daniel has spent time with enough drunk people to know that alcohol acts as some kind of truth serum and Daniel really does not want Jonah telling everyone about the events of today. If only because Daniel knows that it'll get twisted into some rumour that will no doubt portray Daniel as some kind of predator.
Isaac Berkovich: He's kind of an annoying drunk, although god knows you'll probably find it cute
Daniel Evans: We've been over this Zach
Isaac Berkovich: Please Daniel, you're not fooling anyone, except maybe Jonah but he does strike me as the totally oblivious type
Daniel Evans: I hate you
Isaac Berkovich: You love me, in a totally platonic sense of course
Daniel Evans: I have enough common sense to not like you as anything more than a friend
Isaac Berkovich: I can't tell if you're referring to past events or whether you're trying to insult me
Daniel Evans: It was an insult
Isaac Berkovich: Oh
Isaac Berkovich: It wasn't a very good one
Isaac Berkovich: Do I need to give you a crash course in delivering the best insults?
Daniel rolls his eyes. Only Isaac would ever offer something like that. But despite his ridiculousness, Daniel has to admit that Isaac is the best friend he could ever ask for. Isaac is capable of distracting Daniel entirely so that he doesn't have to dwell on things he'd rather not. And Isaac's unwavering acceptance of Daniel and all of his flaws actually makes Daniel's heart soar sometimes, because Daniel is certain that there is no better friend than Isaac Berkovich.
Daniel Evans: I think I'm fine thank you
Isaac Berkovich: Okay, let me guess, it's cause you're dying for me to tell you what Jonah's saying now
Daniel Evans: I don't care
Isaac Berkovich: Why don't I believe you?
Daniel Evans: Because you're a twat
Isaac Berkovich: Now, now, now Dan, that's no way to talk to your best friend
Isaac Berkovich: (But just in case you were wondering, he just said bye, something about a drinking game)
Isaac Berkovich: Not that you care or anything
Daniel Evans: Whatever Isaac
xxx
Jonah is drunk. Very drunk.
He's also very confused, because Daniel isn't answering any of Jonah's texts and Jonah doesn't know why. Sure there was the kiss, but why would Daniel be mad about that? Jonah isn't, Jonah is over it.
A body stirs beside him, coloured hair spreading over the pillow.
"That was fun," the girl drawls, "we definitely have to do it again sometime."
Jonah's learnt from past experience that it's best to not respond to comments like that, but to instead just shrug.
"I mean if at the end of the party you fancy round two then you know you can hit me up."
Jonah nods as if he'd actually consider it but Jonah has a rule about not sleeping with the same girl twice. If you just do it once then it's fun, twice then it's friendly, three times and it's serious. And so Jonah tends to stop after one round, because there's no point in risking it. And Jonah may be drunk, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten everything important.
Jonah doesn't recognise the girl which to be honest is probably a good thing. It's another one of Jonah's rules. You sleep with a girl from school, rumours spread around quickly, and Jonah learnt that the hard way. Of course Jonah is happy to occasionally make exceptions, but only if he thinks the girl is worth it.
The girl is running her hands up and down Jonah's bare chest and Jonah has to resist the urge to push her away. Rule number three of successful one night stands, always be polite, else wise you often end up with a pissed off girl and a shitty end to the night.
Rule number four, if she wants to talk about herself, let her. You don't have to actually listen, as there won't be a moment where you'll have to recall this information at a later date.
"You're much better in bed than my ex," naked girl tells Jonah, "he didn't know what he was doing with it at all."
Jonah nods, pretends he cares.
"Not everyone can be as talented as me," Jonah says when she appears to be done with her rant.
"That's definitely true," the girl purrs.
And then her hands are on his chest once again and she's leaning in to kiss him and Jonah realises that it's time to enforce rule number 5; leave before she starts to think this could be something serious. Of course the rule does depend on the individual case, some girls just want Jonah for one night but Jonah has discovered that it's usually best to leave earlier rather than later. There seems to be a fine line between a one night stand and a full blown relationship and it's one that Jonah is desperately trying not to cross.
"We should probably get back to the party," Jonah suggests, he tries to sound wistful as if he really does want to stay, "don't want to miss out on all the fun."
The last few words take on a tone of suggestiveness and Jonah can instantly see that they have the desired effect.
"You know we could have fun here."
"But you know that drunk sex is a thousand times better than tipsy sex."
Of course it isn't true. Jonah is pretty sure that entirely sober sex is the best type of sex. But if he says it seductively enough, he's pretty sure that it will do the trick.
"Well how can I argue with that?"
Jonah pulls on his clothes and waits for the girl to do the same. Jonah holds the door open for her on the way out and catches her when she nearly falls. Jonah may be thought of as a player (a title he vehemently denies, sleeping around and 'playing' girls are not the same thing) but he always tries to be a gentleman. It's the key to rule number six.
"I had a great time," the girl says as the pair descend the stairs.
"So did I," Jonah's voice takes on a sultry tone.
It's not true though, Jonah would say he had a mediocre time at best but he got what he wanted, a distraction, and so he doesn't feel he has any right to be unhappy with that.
And with that thought, Jonah remembers exactly what it was that he needed distracting from. And the memories of the kiss come flooding back to him, in a strange kind of high definition that seems to both slow the memory down and speed it up to the point where Jonah would be completely unable to describe his surroundings at this moment in time but would be able to draw the memory of the kiss in such vivid detail that it would seem like a photograph. Or at least Jonah would if Jonah actually had any artistic skills, but that's beside the point.
Jonah hates this. He doesn't want to think about any of this; it's why he came here after all. He'd hoped that a good fuck could have made him realise how ridiculous the kiss had been, but it does not seem to have had the desired effect. Briefly taken his mind off of it? Yes. Helped him figure out what the hell happened? Not so much. Obviously, Jonah isn't drunk enough.
"Shots?" Somebody shouts from across the room, an open invitation to anyone who happens to hear. "Strip poker?
Jonah doesn't even have to think about it.
"Why not?" He replies. What have I got to lose?
xxx
It's one in the morning when the house phone starts ringing and Daniel buries his head in his pillow. Who the fuck rings at this time?
He hears the pad of his mother's footsteps on the landing and then the quiet murmur of voices. And then a sliver of light enters his room as the door is pushed slowly open.
"Daniel," his mother whispers, "it's for you."
Who the fuck rings at this time? Daniel wonders again before correcting it. Who the fuck rings him at this time?
"Who is it?"
"I don't know," his mother says honestly, "but he keeps on begging to speak to 'Danny-Boy', apparently you're not answering your mobile. Do you want me to tell him you're not in?"
Daniel rolls his eyes because he knows exactly who is on the other end of the line and he can't believe that they're being that stupid (or that they're that drunk). And to be honest Daniel is still kind of pissed after his confusing actions earlier but he still wants to know why he's calling.
"It's fine," Daniel replies, "I'll talk to him."
His mother hands over the phone before backing out of the door, presumably going back to bed. Daniel feels bad for causing her to wake up and mentally reminds himself that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't asked Jonah Clarke out.
"Hi," his voice has a nervous undertone to it and Daniel hates it.
"It's Jonah."
"I guessed."
"I wanted to talk to you," Jonah's says and there is a definite slur to his words.
"What about?"
"Is the plural of mongoose, mongeese of mongooses?"
"I don't know Jonah," Daniel sighs.
"Nobody does Danny-Boy and that's the problem. I just want to know but nobody agrees. I think it's mongeese."
"Then we'll say it's that."
"But Siri told me that that wasn't a word, and Siri's always right."
"How drunk are you right now Jonah Clarke?"
"Oh-oh, you called me by full name are you mad at me Daniel? If it makes you feel any better then I'm only in my boxers right now."
That makes Daniel's heart clench just a little bit, cause there can only be reason why Jonah isn't fully dressed and he really doesn't want to think about it. He asks anyway.
"Why are you only in your boxers?"
"Strip poker," Jonah mumbles.
And Daniel's heart lifts a little bit, because surely the fact that Jonah is this drunk and hasn't hooked up with anyone has to mean something? Right?
"And how drunk are you?" Daniel repeats.
"I'm just a little bit tipdy – shit – tipsy."
"What am I going to do with you Jonah?" Daniel sighs.
"I wrote a song about you," Jonah says.
"Did you now?"
"Do you want to hear it?"
"I've got a feeling I'm not going to get a choice."
And Daniel can see that he is right because before he has a chance to finish his sentence Jonah is starting to hum what Daniel can only assume is the intro to the song he has written.
"Daniel is my best friend, he has awesome hair, he likes guys but not girls and he's really awe-some."
Jonah attempts some kind of Beyonce-esque run on the last word but it doesn't work out as well as he might have hoped. Daniel struggles to contain a giggle; he quite likes drunk Jonah, potentially more than sober Jonah.
"And what's that masterpiece called," he asks teasingly.
"Daniel Evans is awesome," Jonah replies, "have you met him?"
For a moment Daniel thinks Jonah is joking but he can sense no trace of humour in his voice, but Daniel still isn't sure.
"I said have you met him?" Jonah repeats.
And this time there is no room for uncertainty in Daniel's brain. Jonah is being very, very serious. He appears to have forgotten who he's talking to, which leads Daniel to wonder exactly how drunk Jonah is, it appears to be worse than Daniel realised.
"No I haven't."
Daniel isn't sure why he said that, but he has to admit to being quite intrigued as to what Jonah is going to say next.
"You should," Jonah tells him, "he's really kind and funny and clever. And he has cool hair, which is red like a tomato but it looks better than if he has a tomato on his head." Jonah's voice trails off as he lets out a laugh, at least someone finds him funny. "And he gets sad sometimes when people say mean things but he shouldn't because those people are just stupid."
"You seem to really like him."
"He's my best friend," Jonah says gravely.
Daniel can feel his heart sink just a little bit and he's not sure why.
"And he also really cool taste in music," Jonah finishes, "although he doesn't like One Direction which makes me sad."
"Jonah how much do you like One Direction?"
"I skipped school the entire week after Zayn left."
Daniel decides then that he really, really likes drunk Jonah. Because drunk Jonah seems to be truthful Jonah who embarrasses himself, and Daniel isn't sure that Jonah could possibly have a better drunk persona.
"I gotta go," Jonah says abruptly.
"Uhm, are you okay?"
"I think I'm gonna throw up."
"Oh right okay then, you go."
"Why did you call me by the way?" Jonah asks. "I forgot to ask."
"You rang me Jonah," Daniel reminds him.
"I don't think so but okay mystery boy."
And with that the line goes dead and despite everything that's happened today, all the confusion and the rejection and the potentially ruined friendships, Daniel falls asleep with a smile on his face.
xxx
Somehow Jonah has managed to get home. He fumbles with his key and tries to turn it in the lock but to no avail. Tonight the lock seems to have transformed itself into one of those impossible puzzles that Jonah knows he has no chance of ever solving.
Before he has a chance to properly attempt it the door swings open to reveal Ruth. Her hand is on her hip and her head is cocked to one side. Jonah can already tell that he is in very deep shit.
"And where have you been?"
"At a party."
"You're so lucky mum and dad are away at that conference."
Jonah doesn't reply he just moves past Ruth and moves towards the sofa; he's not sure how much longer his legs can hold him up for. Ruth tries to look disapproving but instead she looks concerned, but that doesn't mean that Jonah is looking forward to facing her properly in the morning.
"You're an idiot," Ruth tells him, "I haven't seen you this drunk in a long time. So why did you do it?"
"I wanted to have a good time."
"I'm calling bullshit."
"Well then fuck you."
"Jonah Anthony Clarke don't you dare talk to me like that," Ruth says.
Jonah expects her to sound angry, but her voice is eerily calm, the only trace that he's pissed her off is the way she pronounces every single word so clearly.
"Sorry," Jonah mumbles.
"Now tell me why you're as drunk as you are."
"Does there have to be a reason?" Jonah asks.
"Well the last time you came home like this it was the day after that big fight with mum and dad," Ruth points out, "and I saw Daniel running out of the house this afternoon so I'm guessing something happened."
"It's nothing important."
"Bullshit."
"Seriously Ruth I just felt like a party."
"Bullshit," Ruth repeats.
Jonah doesn't have enough energy to argue with her anymore. And he knows she's right but that doesn't mean that he's going to admit it. That's the problem when Jonah argues with his sister; they're both just as stubborn as each other and so fights like these can last for days, even if they're just ignoring each other's presence for the majority of that time.
"Whatever Ruth," Jonah says, "believe whatever the hell you want, I'm going to bed."
"No you're not."
"You're not my mum."
"Stay there."
Ruth disappears as soon as she says then and Jonah briefly contemplates the idea of heading up to his room just to piss her off, but he knows she's just looking out for him and so he stays perfectly still.
"Drink this," Ruth says when she enters the room once again.
In her hand she clutches a glass of water which she hands over to Jonah. She obviously senses the reluctance on Jonah's face as she narrows her eyes at him.
"All of it," she orders.
Jonah follows her instructions before handing the glass back to her with a frown on his face.
"Happy?"
"Not really but I guess this'll have to do," Ruth replies.
Jonah shakes his head.
"Can I go to bed now?"
"Whatever Jonah, I'm not your mum remember."
In his drunken state Jonah can't really process her words properly, but he almost thinks that Ruth sounds hurt when she says that.
"Night Ruth."
"Night Jonah."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
As Jonah is beginning to make his way towards the stairs his eyes catch sight of Daniel's phone still lying on the coffee table and an idea slowly starts to form in his mind. After all Jonah still has his winnings of the bet to claim and now seems as good a time as any to do so.
Scrolling through Daniel's contacts Jonah can see that there is a long list of people that he can choose but there's one person that Jonah has in mind. One person's number that Jonah is pretty sure Daniel won't have deleted even though he really should have done, almost certainly should have done, a while back.
There it is. Thirteen letters displayed on the screen that manage to get Jonah's blood boiling and his fists clenching.
To: Charlie Martin
You're a dick. I hope you know that. I also hope you know that even though you did your best to ruin my life that it doesn't even fucking matter anymore because people like you are never going to change, and eventually people are going to realise what a vile person you are, and in the end people like me are going to get every fucking thing they deserve and more
Jonah leaves it at that, and hopes that it's enough. There's so much more he wants to say, but he almost feels like Charlie Martin doesn't deserve to hear it. After all Jonah has a funny feeling that he would just be wasting his metaphorical breath anyway.
The phone vibrates with a reply a few minutes later.
From: Charlie Martin
Sorry who is this?
And that makes Jonah about a thousand times more angry than it possibly should do. Because how could Charlie forget about someone whose life he thoroughly screwed up? How can Daniel possibly be that forgettable? Charlie dedicated months to ruining Daniel's life except now he can't even remember him?
And then Jonah starts to feel sick. Because what if the reason Charlie doesn't know who this is is because he's fucked over so many people that it could be any one of them? Jonah doesn't know who Charlie Martin is, but he decides then that he never really wants to.
Jonah has to stop himself from typing out a vicious reply. Because the bet was one text, nothing more, and Jonah always sticks to his word, no matter what. And so Jonah places the phone back on the table where he found it and heads up to his room. Charlie Martin still on the brain.
Jonah tosses and turns trying to fall asleep, his mind full of questions. And all he wants to do is get Daniel off his mind yet again, but this time it's not the kiss that haunts his memories but rather Daniel crying on the train, heartbroken and apologetic about something that wasn't his fault.
Jonah hates Charlie Martin, hates him more than he ever thought possible. But most of all, he's afraid that deep down; he's going to hurt Daniel in more or less the same way.
Daniel's brain is whirring, all he wants to do is talk to somebody, anybody, about what just happened but his options are severely limited. There's no way in hell he's telling his parents, Isaac would just laugh and Jonah, well Daniel's not entirely sure how Jonah would respond but based on his actions earlier Daniel is pretty sure that it wouldn't be good.
And so Daniel is restless and yet all he really wants to do is sleep, close his eyes and forget about everything for a little while. But all Daniel can think about Jonah, and that's not really setting him up for a goodnight's sleep.
Deciding there's no way he's going to be able to drift off to sleep right now, Daniel opens up his laptop and quickly sends a message to Isaac.
Daniel Evans: Wuu2?
Isaac Berkovich: What have I told you about using text speak Dan?
Daniel Evans: Fuck off
Isaac Berkovich: Someone's feisty tonight
Daniel Evans: I can't sleep :(
Isaac Berkovich: Why the hell are you trying to sleep, it's nine o'clock on the evening
Daniel Evans: I've got a lot on my mind
Isaac Berkovich: Do you need me to come over?
Isaac Berkovich: Seriously Dan, I can be over there in like ten, twenty minutes, just hold on while I put some shoes on
Daniel Evans: You don't need to come over, just need to talk to someone
Isaac Berkovich: What about?
Daniel Evans: Anything other than what's on my mind
Isaac Berkovich: Did you hear about Wallace?
Daniel Evans: This sounds like it could be the intro to some terrible joke
Isaac Berkovich: Every joke I tell is brilliant
Daniel Evans: So this is a joke then
Isaac Berkovich: No, although I bet Maria kind of wishes it was
Daniel Evans: Did they break up? Cause if so that's not that interesting
Isaac Berkovich: That's not the interesting part about it, the interesting part is why they broke up
Daniel Evans: And let me guess you're about to tell me
Isaac Berkovich: What else are best friends for?
Daniel Evans: Go on then
Isaac Berkovich: Wallace cheated on Maria with Maria's mum
Daniel Evans: NO
Daniel Evans: EW
Daniel Evans: WHY DOES ANYBODY EVEN LIKE WALLACE? HE'S NOT EVEN THAT CUTE
Isaac Berkovich: If I remember correctly you had a crush on him when you first arrived
Daniel Evans: I was young and stupid, what can I say
Isaac Berkovich: It was last year Dan
Daniel Evans: Exactly, I was young and stupid
Isaac Berkovich: You're still stupid :p
Isaac Berkovich: Is there any particular reason Jonah is texting me right now
Daniel Evans: Idk
Isaac Berkovich: Really? Cause I thought you two were like joined at the hip or something
Daniel Evans: Fuck off Zach. What's he saying?
Isaac Berkovich: Have I turned into some sort of messenger or something? Oh god – you two haven't fallen out have you?
Daniel toys with the idea of telling Isaac the truth but quickly decides against it. That would mean reminding himself of what happened, and Daniel is intent on not doing that until he absolutely has to. Not that it was bad, on the contrary Daniel very much enjoyed it, it's the aftermath that he's not such a fan of.
Daniel Evans: Of course not, just wondering what he wants, you seemed surprised he was texting you that's all
Isaac Berkovich: Well I was more surprised that he was texting me and calling me Daniel
Daniel Evans: Oh.
Isaac Berkovich: He wants to know why you didn't come to the party he invited you to
Daniel Evans: He didn't invite me to any party?
Isaac Berkovich: He says he texted you about it about an hour ago
Daniel Evans: He has my phone
Isaac Berkovich: Oh
Isaac Berkovich: I've told him that but he's adamant that you should come to the party
Isaac Berkovich: Apparently he really misses you
Isaac Berkovich: Dan I think he's drunk
Daniel Evans: Oh god, I want to know what drunk Jonah Clarke is like
And it's true, Daniel does want to know how Jonah acts when he's had a bit to drink but Daniel also wishes that Jonah wasn't drunk right now. Because Daniel has spent time with enough drunk people to know that alcohol acts as some kind of truth serum and Daniel really does not want Jonah telling everyone about the events of today. If only because Daniel knows that it'll get twisted into some rumour that will no doubt portray Daniel as some kind of predator.
Isaac Berkovich: He's kind of an annoying drunk, although god knows you'll probably find it cute
Daniel Evans: We've been over this Zach
Isaac Berkovich: Please Daniel, you're not fooling anyone, except maybe Jonah but he does strike me as the totally oblivious type
Daniel Evans: I hate you
Isaac Berkovich: You love me, in a totally platonic sense of course
Daniel Evans: I have enough common sense to not like you as anything more than a friend
Isaac Berkovich: I can't tell if you're referring to past events or whether you're trying to insult me
Daniel Evans: It was an insult
Isaac Berkovich: Oh
Isaac Berkovich: It wasn't a very good one
Isaac Berkovich: Do I need to give you a crash course in delivering the best insults?
Daniel rolls his eyes. Only Isaac would ever offer something like that. But despite his ridiculousness, Daniel has to admit that Isaac is the best friend he could ever ask for. Isaac is capable of distracting Daniel entirely so that he doesn't have to dwell on things he'd rather not. And Isaac's unwavering acceptance of Daniel and all of his flaws actually makes Daniel's heart soar sometimes, because Daniel is certain that there is no better friend than Isaac Berkovich.
Daniel Evans: I think I'm fine thank you
Isaac Berkovich: Okay, let me guess, it's cause you're dying for me to tell you what Jonah's saying now
Daniel Evans: I don't care
Isaac Berkovich: Why don't I believe you?
Daniel Evans: Because you're a twat
Isaac Berkovich: Now, now, now Dan, that's no way to talk to your best friend
Isaac Berkovich: (But just in case you were wondering, he just said bye, something about a drinking game)
Isaac Berkovich: Not that you care or anything
Daniel Evans: Whatever Isaac
xxx
Jonah is drunk. Very drunk.
He's also very confused, because Daniel isn't answering any of Jonah's texts and Jonah doesn't know why. Sure there was the kiss, but why would Daniel be mad about that? Jonah isn't, Jonah is over it.
A body stirs beside him, coloured hair spreading over the pillow.
"That was fun," the girl drawls, "we definitely have to do it again sometime."
Jonah's learnt from past experience that it's best to not respond to comments like that, but to instead just shrug.
"I mean if at the end of the party you fancy round two then you know you can hit me up."
Jonah nods as if he'd actually consider it but Jonah has a rule about not sleeping with the same girl twice. If you just do it once then it's fun, twice then it's friendly, three times and it's serious. And so Jonah tends to stop after one round, because there's no point in risking it. And Jonah may be drunk, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten everything important.
Jonah doesn't recognise the girl which to be honest is probably a good thing. It's another one of Jonah's rules. You sleep with a girl from school, rumours spread around quickly, and Jonah learnt that the hard way. Of course Jonah is happy to occasionally make exceptions, but only if he thinks the girl is worth it.
The girl is running her hands up and down Jonah's bare chest and Jonah has to resist the urge to push her away. Rule number three of successful one night stands, always be polite, else wise you often end up with a pissed off girl and a shitty end to the night.
Rule number four, if she wants to talk about herself, let her. You don't have to actually listen, as there won't be a moment where you'll have to recall this information at a later date.
"You're much better in bed than my ex," naked girl tells Jonah, "he didn't know what he was doing with it at all."
Jonah nods, pretends he cares.
"Not everyone can be as talented as me," Jonah says when she appears to be done with her rant.
"That's definitely true," the girl purrs.
And then her hands are on his chest once again and she's leaning in to kiss him and Jonah realises that it's time to enforce rule number 5; leave before she starts to think this could be something serious. Of course the rule does depend on the individual case, some girls just want Jonah for one night but Jonah has discovered that it's usually best to leave earlier rather than later. There seems to be a fine line between a one night stand and a full blown relationship and it's one that Jonah is desperately trying not to cross.
"We should probably get back to the party," Jonah suggests, he tries to sound wistful as if he really does want to stay, "don't want to miss out on all the fun."
The last few words take on a tone of suggestiveness and Jonah can instantly see that they have the desired effect.
"You know we could have fun here."
"But you know that drunk sex is a thousand times better than tipsy sex."
Of course it isn't true. Jonah is pretty sure that entirely sober sex is the best type of sex. But if he says it seductively enough, he's pretty sure that it will do the trick.
"Well how can I argue with that?"
Jonah pulls on his clothes and waits for the girl to do the same. Jonah holds the door open for her on the way out and catches her when she nearly falls. Jonah may be thought of as a player (a title he vehemently denies, sleeping around and 'playing' girls are not the same thing) but he always tries to be a gentleman. It's the key to rule number six.
"I had a great time," the girl says as the pair descend the stairs.
"So did I," Jonah's voice takes on a sultry tone.
It's not true though, Jonah would say he had a mediocre time at best but he got what he wanted, a distraction, and so he doesn't feel he has any right to be unhappy with that.
And with that thought, Jonah remembers exactly what it was that he needed distracting from. And the memories of the kiss come flooding back to him, in a strange kind of high definition that seems to both slow the memory down and speed it up to the point where Jonah would be completely unable to describe his surroundings at this moment in time but would be able to draw the memory of the kiss in such vivid detail that it would seem like a photograph. Or at least Jonah would if Jonah actually had any artistic skills, but that's beside the point.
Jonah hates this. He doesn't want to think about any of this; it's why he came here after all. He'd hoped that a good fuck could have made him realise how ridiculous the kiss had been, but it does not seem to have had the desired effect. Briefly taken his mind off of it? Yes. Helped him figure out what the hell happened? Not so much. Obviously, Jonah isn't drunk enough.
"Shots?" Somebody shouts from across the room, an open invitation to anyone who happens to hear. "Strip poker?
Jonah doesn't even have to think about it.
"Why not?" He replies. What have I got to lose?
xxx
It's one in the morning when the house phone starts ringing and Daniel buries his head in his pillow. Who the fuck rings at this time?
He hears the pad of his mother's footsteps on the landing and then the quiet murmur of voices. And then a sliver of light enters his room as the door is pushed slowly open.
"Daniel," his mother whispers, "it's for you."
Who the fuck rings at this time? Daniel wonders again before correcting it. Who the fuck rings him at this time?
"Who is it?"
"I don't know," his mother says honestly, "but he keeps on begging to speak to 'Danny-Boy', apparently you're not answering your mobile. Do you want me to tell him you're not in?"
Daniel rolls his eyes because he knows exactly who is on the other end of the line and he can't believe that they're being that stupid (or that they're that drunk). And to be honest Daniel is still kind of pissed after his confusing actions earlier but he still wants to know why he's calling.
"It's fine," Daniel replies, "I'll talk to him."
His mother hands over the phone before backing out of the door, presumably going back to bed. Daniel feels bad for causing her to wake up and mentally reminds himself that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't asked Jonah Clarke out.
"Hi," his voice has a nervous undertone to it and Daniel hates it.
"It's Jonah."
"I guessed."
"I wanted to talk to you," Jonah's says and there is a definite slur to his words.
"What about?"
"Is the plural of mongoose, mongeese of mongooses?"
"I don't know Jonah," Daniel sighs.
"Nobody does Danny-Boy and that's the problem. I just want to know but nobody agrees. I think it's mongeese."
"Then we'll say it's that."
"But Siri told me that that wasn't a word, and Siri's always right."
"How drunk are you right now Jonah Clarke?"
"Oh-oh, you called me by full name are you mad at me Daniel? If it makes you feel any better then I'm only in my boxers right now."
That makes Daniel's heart clench just a little bit, cause there can only be reason why Jonah isn't fully dressed and he really doesn't want to think about it. He asks anyway.
"Why are you only in your boxers?"
"Strip poker," Jonah mumbles.
And Daniel's heart lifts a little bit, because surely the fact that Jonah is this drunk and hasn't hooked up with anyone has to mean something? Right?
"And how drunk are you?" Daniel repeats.
"I'm just a little bit tipdy – shit – tipsy."
"What am I going to do with you Jonah?" Daniel sighs.
"I wrote a song about you," Jonah says.
"Did you now?"
"Do you want to hear it?"
"I've got a feeling I'm not going to get a choice."
And Daniel can see that he is right because before he has a chance to finish his sentence Jonah is starting to hum what Daniel can only assume is the intro to the song he has written.
"Daniel is my best friend, he has awesome hair, he likes guys but not girls and he's really awe-some."
Jonah attempts some kind of Beyonce-esque run on the last word but it doesn't work out as well as he might have hoped. Daniel struggles to contain a giggle; he quite likes drunk Jonah, potentially more than sober Jonah.
"And what's that masterpiece called," he asks teasingly.
"Daniel Evans is awesome," Jonah replies, "have you met him?"
For a moment Daniel thinks Jonah is joking but he can sense no trace of humour in his voice, but Daniel still isn't sure.
"I said have you met him?" Jonah repeats.
And this time there is no room for uncertainty in Daniel's brain. Jonah is being very, very serious. He appears to have forgotten who he's talking to, which leads Daniel to wonder exactly how drunk Jonah is, it appears to be worse than Daniel realised.
"No I haven't."
Daniel isn't sure why he said that, but he has to admit to being quite intrigued as to what Jonah is going to say next.
"You should," Jonah tells him, "he's really kind and funny and clever. And he has cool hair, which is red like a tomato but it looks better than if he has a tomato on his head." Jonah's voice trails off as he lets out a laugh, at least someone finds him funny. "And he gets sad sometimes when people say mean things but he shouldn't because those people are just stupid."
"You seem to really like him."
"He's my best friend," Jonah says gravely.
Daniel can feel his heart sink just a little bit and he's not sure why.
"And he also really cool taste in music," Jonah finishes, "although he doesn't like One Direction which makes me sad."
"Jonah how much do you like One Direction?"
"I skipped school the entire week after Zayn left."
Daniel decides then that he really, really likes drunk Jonah. Because drunk Jonah seems to be truthful Jonah who embarrasses himself, and Daniel isn't sure that Jonah could possibly have a better drunk persona.
"I gotta go," Jonah says abruptly.
"Uhm, are you okay?"
"I think I'm gonna throw up."
"Oh right okay then, you go."
"Why did you call me by the way?" Jonah asks. "I forgot to ask."
"You rang me Jonah," Daniel reminds him.
"I don't think so but okay mystery boy."
And with that the line goes dead and despite everything that's happened today, all the confusion and the rejection and the potentially ruined friendships, Daniel falls asleep with a smile on his face.
xxx
Somehow Jonah has managed to get home. He fumbles with his key and tries to turn it in the lock but to no avail. Tonight the lock seems to have transformed itself into one of those impossible puzzles that Jonah knows he has no chance of ever solving.
Before he has a chance to properly attempt it the door swings open to reveal Ruth. Her hand is on her hip and her head is cocked to one side. Jonah can already tell that he is in very deep shit.
"And where have you been?"
"At a party."
"You're so lucky mum and dad are away at that conference."
Jonah doesn't reply he just moves past Ruth and moves towards the sofa; he's not sure how much longer his legs can hold him up for. Ruth tries to look disapproving but instead she looks concerned, but that doesn't mean that Jonah is looking forward to facing her properly in the morning.
"You're an idiot," Ruth tells him, "I haven't seen you this drunk in a long time. So why did you do it?"
"I wanted to have a good time."
"I'm calling bullshit."
"Well then fuck you."
"Jonah Anthony Clarke don't you dare talk to me like that," Ruth says.
Jonah expects her to sound angry, but her voice is eerily calm, the only trace that he's pissed her off is the way she pronounces every single word so clearly.
"Sorry," Jonah mumbles.
"Now tell me why you're as drunk as you are."
"Does there have to be a reason?" Jonah asks.
"Well the last time you came home like this it was the day after that big fight with mum and dad," Ruth points out, "and I saw Daniel running out of the house this afternoon so I'm guessing something happened."
"It's nothing important."
"Bullshit."
"Seriously Ruth I just felt like a party."
"Bullshit," Ruth repeats.
Jonah doesn't have enough energy to argue with her anymore. And he knows she's right but that doesn't mean that he's going to admit it. That's the problem when Jonah argues with his sister; they're both just as stubborn as each other and so fights like these can last for days, even if they're just ignoring each other's presence for the majority of that time.
"Whatever Ruth," Jonah says, "believe whatever the hell you want, I'm going to bed."
"No you're not."
"You're not my mum."
"Stay there."
Ruth disappears as soon as she says then and Jonah briefly contemplates the idea of heading up to his room just to piss her off, but he knows she's just looking out for him and so he stays perfectly still.
"Drink this," Ruth says when she enters the room once again.
In her hand she clutches a glass of water which she hands over to Jonah. She obviously senses the reluctance on Jonah's face as she narrows her eyes at him.
"All of it," she orders.
Jonah follows her instructions before handing the glass back to her with a frown on his face.
"Happy?"
"Not really but I guess this'll have to do," Ruth replies.
Jonah shakes his head.
"Can I go to bed now?"
"Whatever Jonah, I'm not your mum remember."
In his drunken state Jonah can't really process her words properly, but he almost thinks that Ruth sounds hurt when she says that.
"Night Ruth."
"Night Jonah."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
As Jonah is beginning to make his way towards the stairs his eyes catch sight of Daniel's phone still lying on the coffee table and an idea slowly starts to form in his mind. After all Jonah still has his winnings of the bet to claim and now seems as good a time as any to do so.
Scrolling through Daniel's contacts Jonah can see that there is a long list of people that he can choose but there's one person that Jonah has in mind. One person's number that Jonah is pretty sure Daniel won't have deleted even though he really should have done, almost certainly should have done, a while back.
There it is. Thirteen letters displayed on the screen that manage to get Jonah's blood boiling and his fists clenching.
To: Charlie Martin
You're a dick. I hope you know that. I also hope you know that even though you did your best to ruin my life that it doesn't even fucking matter anymore because people like you are never going to change, and eventually people are going to realise what a vile person you are, and in the end people like me are going to get every fucking thing they deserve and more
Jonah leaves it at that, and hopes that it's enough. There's so much more he wants to say, but he almost feels like Charlie Martin doesn't deserve to hear it. After all Jonah has a funny feeling that he would just be wasting his metaphorical breath anyway.
The phone vibrates with a reply a few minutes later.
From: Charlie Martin
Sorry who is this?
And that makes Jonah about a thousand times more angry than it possibly should do. Because how could Charlie forget about someone whose life he thoroughly screwed up? How can Daniel possibly be that forgettable? Charlie dedicated months to ruining Daniel's life except now he can't even remember him?
And then Jonah starts to feel sick. Because what if the reason Charlie doesn't know who this is is because he's fucked over so many people that it could be any one of them? Jonah doesn't know who Charlie Martin is, but he decides then that he never really wants to.
Jonah has to stop himself from typing out a vicious reply. Because the bet was one text, nothing more, and Jonah always sticks to his word, no matter what. And so Jonah places the phone back on the table where he found it and heads up to his room. Charlie Martin still on the brain.
Jonah tosses and turns trying to fall asleep, his mind full of questions. And all he wants to do is get Daniel off his mind yet again, but this time it's not the kiss that haunts his memories but rather Daniel crying on the train, heartbroken and apologetic about something that wasn't his fault.
Jonah hates Charlie Martin, hates him more than he ever thought possible. But most of all, he's afraid that deep down; he's going to hurt Daniel in more or less the same way.
End of Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay Chapter 10. Continue reading Chapter 11 or return to Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay book page.