Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay - Chapter 8: Chapter 8
You are reading Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay, Chapter 8: Chapter 8. Read more chapters of Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay.
It's not until two days later that Daniel sees Jonah again.
"You weren't in yesterday. Are you okay?" Is the first thing Daniel asks when he lays eyes on Jonah.
Jonah rolls his eyes in response but Daniel is persistent and refuses to move until Jonah answers the question.
"Fine," Jonah replies, "My mum wanted me to stay at home yesterday so she could keep an eye on me. I mean I still had to beg her to let me come in today."
"Why did you want to come to school?" Daniel says, turning his nose up in disgust.
"To see your gorgeous face of course."
Jonah winks at Daniel and Daniel can feel his cheeks flush. Because Daniel still hasn't stopped thinking about the texts that Jonah sent last night, hasn't stopped trying to find some underlying meaning that means that Jonah isn't flirting with him. Perhaps Daniel is overreacting; perhaps all friends send each other texts alluding to wanting to try out sexual acts with each other. But somehow Daniel thinks maybe not.
"Are you coming or what?"
It is only then that Daniel realises he still hasn't moved and that Jonah is talking to him from halfway down the corridor with an impatient expression on his face as if Daniel exasperates him more than anything else.
"Yeah."
Daniel's mind seems to be all over the place this morning as his attention flits to the numerous couples making out in the middle of the corridor to the brightly coloured posters that are seemingly blue tacked to every single surface.
"So do you want to come round to mine tomorrow?" Jonah's voice brings Daniel out of his reverie.
"Do you want me to?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
"Cause I like spending time with you dickhead," Jonah sighs, and Daniel gets the feeling that he might be starting to get on Jonah's nerves.
"I meant is there a specific reason?"
"Well there's a match on we could watch together."
"Hell no, I'm not watching football, I actually have no idea what happens during those matches, all they do is kick the ball around."
"There'll be eye candy," Jonah pouts.
Daniel snorts at that. As if he could be bribed by something as petty as cute guys, does Jonah know nothing about him?
"Please Danny-Boy," Jonah says shuffling closer to him, "I really want to watch the match with you."
"Why?" Daniel asks.
"Because out of all my friends, you've got the best knowledge of balls."
Daniel would be tempted to hit Jonah for saying that but Jonah's voice has dropped to a level that Daniel can only just here and so instead of hitting the boy, Daniel moves closer to him.
"I don't think it's really the same," Daniel replies trying to keep his voice level.
"Are you trying to tell me that you're not good at handling balls?"
"I'm an expert at handling balls; I'm just not sure you're experienced enough for me to bother with."
"Ah, but maybe you can teach me."
Daniel feels his cheeks flush and has to remind himself that Jonah is not flirting with him; the pair are talking about football. Daniel reminds himself that Jonah Clarke is not gay, that Jonah is not interested and probably never will be.
"I don't think I'm really qualified for that," Daniel says, "besides, I'm not any good at football."
"Football," Jonah mutters, "cause that's what we were talking about."
"What?" Daniel asks in surprise, because he can't possibly have heard Jonah correctly,
"Doesn't matter," Jonah says, "so will you come round or not?"
"Will there be food?"
"Of course."
"What kind of food."
"Is food all you think about?" Jonah asks. "Because how the hell do you maintain your figure if it is?"
"Are you asking me for dieting tips?"
"I'm just saying that you seem to eat a lot and I have no idea where you put it."
Daniel doesn't know what comes over him, but he raises his eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh," Jonah says, "I see how it is. Although if we're going to get competitive about that then you're just setting yourself up to lose."
"Somebody's confident," Daniel comments.
"Well y'know, we've got changed for gym with the rest of the class for a few years now and I'm definitely looking like I'm in the lead."
"Are you saying you look at other guys' dicks whilst we're getting changed?"
"Well I don't look on purpose."
"Jonah!"
"What? Doesn't everybody."
"I never have," Daniel replies, "although that's probably because I'd be killed if I did."
"Yeah, it's weird that a straight guy can look at another guy's dick and it not be weird, and yet you're not allowed to."
"Shall I tell you what's weird, the straight boy's obsession with drawing penises on everything."
"That is weird," Jonah replies, "I mean I can only imagine what they would say if a girl started drawing tits on everything."
"I imagine the word lesbian would be mentioned."
"Probably."
The two descend into a comfortable silence as they think about the possibility before Daniel realises that his question still hasn't been answered.
"So what food will there be?" He asks.
"Chocolate, marshmallows, even pizza if you're lucky," Jonah tells him.
"That sounds like the unhealthiest meal ever - I'm in."
Jonah lets out a laugh at that and Jonah looks over at him. Daniel hadn't realised that their shoulders were brushing against each other but now it's all that he can think about. It's the lightest touch but it feels like Jonah's shoulder is exerting some great pressure. Does Jonah realise? Does he even care? Daniel isn't even sure why he does.
Daniel tries to clear his head of these thoughts. Tries to remind himself that he does not like Jonah Clarke, at least not in that way. But Daniel is quickly starting to realise that forcing himself to get rid of these feelings is not working. Because it's not like it's a switch that can be flicked one way or another, these are emotions that have developed over thousands of memories, emotions that have been a part of Daniel for so long that he's not sure who he'd be now if they'd never existed. And Daniel knows that the whole thing is dangerous, because there's a friendship at stake here, and so he tries to maintain a neutral expression and refuses to meet Jonah's eye.
"You okay there Daniel?"
"Peachy thanks."
xxx
Today is one of those days when Jonah wishes he had mind reading abilities, Daniel seems to have suddenly retreated back into his metaphorical shell and Jonah is desperate to know why.
Not that Jonah is totally all there today either. His mind keeps on straying back to the texts he sent yesterday and wondering how on earth he could possibly explain those to Daniel. "Look Daniel, I know I sent you flirty text messages and basically asked you to have sex with me but I didn't mean it, not that I don't want to have sex with you, just y'know, I like girls." Jonah can imagine how well that would go over.
"You okay there?"
Jonah returns from his thoughts to find Daniel staring at him with a concerned expression on his face, because apparently their friendship solely consists of them worrying about each other.
"Fine."
"Really, cause we've been in English for ten minutes now and you've spent the entirety of it staring out of the window like somebody's murdered your father and you're planning on seeking revenge. You're not are you?"
"My father is very much alive," Jonah assures Daniel, "but thanks for your concern."
"What are friends for?" Daniel replies.
Jonah plans on returning to his thoughts - because he really doesn't feel capable of concentrating today and he's pretty sure he can mooch notes off of Daniel later anyway – when he feels Daniel sit up straight next to him.
"What's wrong," Jonah asks, nudging Daniel lightly with his shoulder.
"Nothing?"
"You can't fool me Danny-Boy."
"Damn it," Daniel says lightly, "and here I was thinking I was doing a brilliant job."
"Newsflash, you're not," Jonah tells him teasingly, "so come on, what's up?"
"They're talking about us," Daniel explains, gesturing with his chin in the direction of where two girls are sat at a table in the corner giggling away.
"So?"
"They think you're cute."
"Well looks like they've got common sense then."
"They think I'm, quote, a greasy haired geek, unquote."
"Or maybe not," Jonah says, "is it bothering you?"
"Well y'know when someone suggests that I'm 'too ugly to be friends with Jonah Clarke' then yeah, my feelings are a little bit hurt," Daniel replies sarcastically.
"You know that they're wrong don't you?"
Daniel shrugs and turns his attention to the piece of paper in front of him that appears to be empty, maybe Jonah won't be getting those notes after all.
"Cause they're wrong," Jonah continues, "your hair isn't greasy, it's fabulous, and I'd run my hands through it cause it looks really soft if that wouldn't be so weird and if anything I'm not awesome enough to be friends with you."
"What the hell Jonah?" Daniel splutters, trying to keep his voice down. "How the hell are you not awesome enough to be friends with me?"
"Well I know nothing about videogames and you're funnier than me and I'm honestly jealous of your hair, seriously, what shampoo do you use?"
Jonah allows himself to crack a small smile when Daniel turns to look at him in disbelief.
"It's a secret," Daniel says.
Jonah is relieved to see that an easy grin has slipped onto the other boy's face too, and he nudges Daniel with his shoulder once again.
"And just so you know Danny-Boy, if I swung that way, you'd be the first to know," Jonah says, offering Daniel a sly wink.
Jonah is satisfied to see that Daniel's cheeks flush furiously.
"Don't let other people get you down," Jonah tells Daniel, "you gotta own your awesome and don't let anybody take it away. You're not what other people say you are, you're what you say you are. So you can be as awesome as you want, just as long as you don't let other people try to convince you otherwise."
"So are you saying ignore the haters?"
"Nah," Jonah replies, "I'm saying listen to the fans."
Daniel cracks a smile and Jonah decides then that his mission for the day is completed, not that he'd known that that was what he wanted to do when he woke up this morning but when Daniel smiles, Jonah just wants to make him smile again and again.
"Thanks," Daniel says simply.
"What for?"
"Not being a dick. There are a lot of people who'd say I was overreacting and just tell me to move on."
"You've been through a lot," Jonah says, and he can see Daniel wince, Jonah gets the impression that he usually avoids thinking about it, "and it's made you insecure, it would make anyone feel that way. And if it takes me reminding you how awesome you are on a regular basis to make you feel as good about yourself as you should then I'm not going to complain. I just want you to realise how amazing you are Danny-Boy, cause there aren't many people like you in the world, so embrace your uniqueness, cause it's what makes people remember you."
"You should be a motivational speaker or something," Daniel says teasingly.
Jonah just shakes his head.
"So are you okay now?" Jonah asks. "Or do I need to give you a list of one hundred things I love about you."
"Well I'm fine but you can rattle off that list anyway if you want to."
"Now, now, now Danny-Boy, don't be demanding," Jonah says, "it doesn't look good on you."
"What does look good on me then?" Daniel asks.
"A smile," Jonah replies without thinking, "oh god that sounded so cheesy and so creepy I'm really sorry."
Jonah is surprised to find that Daniel is staring at him with a massive grin on his face.
"S'okay," Daniel assures him, "I was beginning to think that you never suffered from word vomit anyway."
"Word vomit?"
"So you no foodgasm but not word vomit? What language do you even speak Jonah Clarke?"
"English."
"Really, cause I thought it was more like garbage," Daniel replies teasingly.
"Hey!"
"Sorry."
"And now I regret being nice to you."
"Please forgive me."
"No."
"Please."
Jonah looks over at Daniel who has now stuck out his bottom lip and is staring at Jonah wide eyes.
"Fine," Jonah huffs, "consider yourself forgiven."
xxx
Daniel grins eagerly when he gets a text from Jonah as he is entering his psychology class, he's also not surprised to find that Jonah has changed his contact name in Daniel's phone once again, that boy can't seem to make up his mind.
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Do you and Isaac wanna go out to eat at lunch? I have somewhere in mind :)
Daniel quickly directs the question towards Isaac before typing out a reply.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I'd love too, Isaac says he'll pass, something about trying to impress Alice
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Is she the blonde girl?
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Yep, otherwise known as the one he's got to chance with :/
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
That's not very supportive
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
He's been trying for years, so far no progress just being an honest friend :(
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Maybe we should set him up with someone
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Like who?
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Via?
Daniel briefly thinks back to Jonah's co-worker. All he remembers is a fiery personality and a sarcastic sense of humour. The complete opposite of Alice, but Isaac would definitely think she was hot.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
She'd eat him alive
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Maybe Isaac would be into that ;)
Daniel tries – and fails – to contain his laughter, causing Isaac to look at him in confusion, along with the rest of his psychology class. Daniel bites his lip, and tries to keep the volume down after that. Mr Roscoe is a pretty chill teacher, especially when the group are working on a project that Daniel happened to finish weeks ago, and so he won't mind Daniel being on his phone, what he might mind is Daniel disturbing the rest of the class, some of who are lagging very far behind.
"What are you laughing at?" Isaac whispers.
"Fancy going on a date?"
"You're really starting to make a habit of asking straight guys out," Isaac says teasingly, "and no offence Dan, but you're really not my type."
"Not with me."
"Then with who?"
"One of Jonah's co-workers."
"Why do you ask?"
"Jonah suggested it."
"Oh so that's how it is," Isaac jokes, "now that you two are acting like a loved-up couple you don't want me to feel like a third wheel so you're setting me up with random girls."
"Ha, ha, ha," Daniel replies sarcastically, "god Isaac you're so funny."
"Thanks," Isaac says, combining the word with a smile that suggests he actually thinks he is, "it always helps to have a back-up career."
"I think you might need a back-up career for your back-up career," Daniel tells him.
"You wound me Dan," Isaac replies, "but don't worry my debut album perfectly combines classical music with more modern grime beats."
"I have no idea what you just said."
"Neither do I really."
Isaac simply shrugs before turning his attention back to the work in front of him, leaving Daniel to entertain himself.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Isaac doesn't seem keen on the whole date thing at the moment but I'll keep on working him
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
tbh, I'm not sure how well Via will react to the suggestion
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
She'll probably call you a dick for suggestion she can't get a boyfriend on her own
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
True :( She's kinda got high standards for guys though, I've been used as an excuse before to get her out of dates
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Does she pretend you're her boyfriend? Maybe she's trying to tell you something ;)
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Are you kidding? She was being nice to me when you came, she's so mean to me Daniel
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I think you're overreacting
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
For April Fool's Day she stole my phone, called my mum and pretended to be my drug dealer, my mum wouldn't let me out of the phone for WEEKS
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Tbh, that sounds pretty funny
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
It wasn't
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Are you sure?
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I'm not sure I want to be your friend anymore
For a brief moment Daniel panics, and then he realises that Jonah is joking, or at least he hopes he is.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
:(
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Screw you, you always know exactly what to do to win me over
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I literally sent you a sad face
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Exactly :)
Daniel shakes his head, Jonah Clarke is an idiot, but there's something about talking to Jonah, whether than be face to face or phone to phone, that always puts Daniel in such a good mood.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
You're an idiot
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I'm your idiot
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
What if I don't want you to be my idiot?
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Why wouldn't you want me to be your idiot? :(
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I can't tell if you sound sad or cocky x
Daniel isn't sure what happens but some part of his mind decides that it would be a good idea to send Jonah Clarke a kiss. Now Daniel is definitely going to have scared him away. Friends don't just send kisses. It's surely a cardinal rule of friendship.
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
As if I could ever sound cocky :p x
xxx
"Jonah where the heck are we going?"
Daniel has been asking the same question for the past god knows how long and Jonah is starting to get slightly annoyed by it if he's being totally honest.
"Wait and see," he repeats for what seems like the hundredth time.
"I thought we were going out for lunch."
"We are."
Daniel sighs and Jonah tries to keep a smile off his face.
When the pair eventually arrive, the grin on Daniel's face makes the suffering through the complaints worth it and Jonah settles down under the slide before pulling a selection of sandwiches out of his bag.
"What are you doing?"
"I made a picnic, well actually I bought a picnic but what's the actual difference?"
"It's February."
"Hey if we can eat ice cream in this weather then we can dine al-fresco."
"And the location."
"Hey it's where we became friends; I figured it would be nice to come back, especially as we never really got a chance to make the most of it last time, stupid rain."
Daniel says nothing else and instead sits down opposite Jonah and helps himself to one of the sandwiches proffered.
Jonah didn't expect coming back here to feel weird but for some reason he can't take his mind off how the whole adventure ended last time. With the bus stop and the excuses and the kiss. Jonah has tried to convince himself that means nothing, and he is steadfast in that belief, but that doesn't stop his mind from fixating on it, to the point where Jonah is afraid to look at Daniel in case he starts blushing.
He's not sure what's gotten him, much like he wasn't sure what he was doing back then. But Jonah is starting to think that coming to the park was a bad idea.
"Scotch egg?" Daniel asks, shaking Jonah from his thoughts.
"Thanks."
Jonah takes the snack offered to him and when he takes a bite he mentally thanks himself for bringing them.
"You seem a little out of it," Daniel says after a short while.
"I'm fine thanks."
"Like I believe that Jonah Clarke. What's up late night?"
Daniel's comment is accompanied with a suggestive wink and Jonah is beginning to wonder where the shy, insecure boy he spent time with on the first day has gone. Not that Jonah is complaining, he likes the new Daniel, even if that Daniel does seem to be strangely dirty minded.
"Something like that," Jonah replies jokingly, "anyway I brought you here for a reason."
"Should I worry about my innocence?" Daniel replies in the same tone.
Jonah forces a laugh out, but to be honest the suggestion feels too real, especially with the kiss still on Jonah's mind. No that that was anything close to what Jonah was planning, but somehow the idea doesn't seem as weird as it might have done two weeks ago. And it's difficult for Jonah to believe that the pair have only been friends for a fortnight because he's never known anyone to make such an impact on his life in such a short space of time, he both loves it and is slightly afraid of it at the same time.
"No I want to get to know you better, like properly, not just your favourite hot beverage or flavour of ice cream. Although to be honest they're the same so I suppose even that's not that impressive, although it depends..."
Jonah stops talking when one of Daniel's hands is placed over his mouth.
"You're rambling," Daniel says teasingly.
Of course I am, Jonah thinks to himself, else god knows where my thoughts are going to take me. All Jonah knows is that it is a place that he is not sure he wants to go. Jonah doesn't say that though, instead he changes the subject.
"Jesus your hands are freezing," he tells Daniel.
"Bad circulation."
"See I didn't know that."
"It's not exactly anything exciting to know," Daniel replied, "and this game is stupid anyway."
Jonah doesn't reply but makes a sound that suggests he's offended.
"It's not that it's a bad idea, but I kind of think it's stupid to just tell someone everything all at once. Like they should find things out by themselves, or by accident, little by little. It shouldn't be about exposing everything about yourself all at once but rather about sharing little pieces when the time is right."
"You seem to have a very strong opinion on this."
"I guess I'm just worried if I show you everything then there's a bigger chance of me scaring you away," Daniel says.
He tries to pass it off as a joke but Jonah can see the sadness behind the smile and so grins back until he feels like his muscles might actually never work again.
"You could never scare me away," he replies.
"Bold words, considering you barely know me."
"Seriously Danny-Boy, what can be that bad?"
"It's not bad I guess, it's just a lot of stuff, and I guess I've convinced myself that it's too much for people to handle. You know the worst parts of it to be honest anyway."
Jonah feels strangely honoured but he can't stop himself from asking the next question.
"And what are the worst parts?" He asks.
Daniel raises his eyebrows as if he can't believe that Jonah doesn't know.
"You'll have to talk to my father to find out the answers to that to be honest," Daniel replies sadly, and then he shakes his head and offers Jonah a smile, "race you to the swings."
And then Jonah is left more confused than he was when this whole conversation started.
"You weren't in yesterday. Are you okay?" Is the first thing Daniel asks when he lays eyes on Jonah.
Jonah rolls his eyes in response but Daniel is persistent and refuses to move until Jonah answers the question.
"Fine," Jonah replies, "My mum wanted me to stay at home yesterday so she could keep an eye on me. I mean I still had to beg her to let me come in today."
"Why did you want to come to school?" Daniel says, turning his nose up in disgust.
"To see your gorgeous face of course."
Jonah winks at Daniel and Daniel can feel his cheeks flush. Because Daniel still hasn't stopped thinking about the texts that Jonah sent last night, hasn't stopped trying to find some underlying meaning that means that Jonah isn't flirting with him. Perhaps Daniel is overreacting; perhaps all friends send each other texts alluding to wanting to try out sexual acts with each other. But somehow Daniel thinks maybe not.
"Are you coming or what?"
It is only then that Daniel realises he still hasn't moved and that Jonah is talking to him from halfway down the corridor with an impatient expression on his face as if Daniel exasperates him more than anything else.
"Yeah."
Daniel's mind seems to be all over the place this morning as his attention flits to the numerous couples making out in the middle of the corridor to the brightly coloured posters that are seemingly blue tacked to every single surface.
"So do you want to come round to mine tomorrow?" Jonah's voice brings Daniel out of his reverie.
"Do you want me to?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
"Cause I like spending time with you dickhead," Jonah sighs, and Daniel gets the feeling that he might be starting to get on Jonah's nerves.
"I meant is there a specific reason?"
"Well there's a match on we could watch together."
"Hell no, I'm not watching football, I actually have no idea what happens during those matches, all they do is kick the ball around."
"There'll be eye candy," Jonah pouts.
Daniel snorts at that. As if he could be bribed by something as petty as cute guys, does Jonah know nothing about him?
"Please Danny-Boy," Jonah says shuffling closer to him, "I really want to watch the match with you."
"Why?" Daniel asks.
"Because out of all my friends, you've got the best knowledge of balls."
Daniel would be tempted to hit Jonah for saying that but Jonah's voice has dropped to a level that Daniel can only just here and so instead of hitting the boy, Daniel moves closer to him.
"I don't think it's really the same," Daniel replies trying to keep his voice level.
"Are you trying to tell me that you're not good at handling balls?"
"I'm an expert at handling balls; I'm just not sure you're experienced enough for me to bother with."
"Ah, but maybe you can teach me."
Daniel feels his cheeks flush and has to remind himself that Jonah is not flirting with him; the pair are talking about football. Daniel reminds himself that Jonah Clarke is not gay, that Jonah is not interested and probably never will be.
"I don't think I'm really qualified for that," Daniel says, "besides, I'm not any good at football."
"Football," Jonah mutters, "cause that's what we were talking about."
"What?" Daniel asks in surprise, because he can't possibly have heard Jonah correctly,
"Doesn't matter," Jonah says, "so will you come round or not?"
"Will there be food?"
"Of course."
"What kind of food."
"Is food all you think about?" Jonah asks. "Because how the hell do you maintain your figure if it is?"
"Are you asking me for dieting tips?"
"I'm just saying that you seem to eat a lot and I have no idea where you put it."
Daniel doesn't know what comes over him, but he raises his eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh," Jonah says, "I see how it is. Although if we're going to get competitive about that then you're just setting yourself up to lose."
"Somebody's confident," Daniel comments.
"Well y'know, we've got changed for gym with the rest of the class for a few years now and I'm definitely looking like I'm in the lead."
"Are you saying you look at other guys' dicks whilst we're getting changed?"
"Well I don't look on purpose."
"Jonah!"
"What? Doesn't everybody."
"I never have," Daniel replies, "although that's probably because I'd be killed if I did."
"Yeah, it's weird that a straight guy can look at another guy's dick and it not be weird, and yet you're not allowed to."
"Shall I tell you what's weird, the straight boy's obsession with drawing penises on everything."
"That is weird," Jonah replies, "I mean I can only imagine what they would say if a girl started drawing tits on everything."
"I imagine the word lesbian would be mentioned."
"Probably."
The two descend into a comfortable silence as they think about the possibility before Daniel realises that his question still hasn't been answered.
"So what food will there be?" He asks.
"Chocolate, marshmallows, even pizza if you're lucky," Jonah tells him.
"That sounds like the unhealthiest meal ever - I'm in."
Jonah lets out a laugh at that and Jonah looks over at him. Daniel hadn't realised that their shoulders were brushing against each other but now it's all that he can think about. It's the lightest touch but it feels like Jonah's shoulder is exerting some great pressure. Does Jonah realise? Does he even care? Daniel isn't even sure why he does.
Daniel tries to clear his head of these thoughts. Tries to remind himself that he does not like Jonah Clarke, at least not in that way. But Daniel is quickly starting to realise that forcing himself to get rid of these feelings is not working. Because it's not like it's a switch that can be flicked one way or another, these are emotions that have developed over thousands of memories, emotions that have been a part of Daniel for so long that he's not sure who he'd be now if they'd never existed. And Daniel knows that the whole thing is dangerous, because there's a friendship at stake here, and so he tries to maintain a neutral expression and refuses to meet Jonah's eye.
"You okay there Daniel?"
"Peachy thanks."
xxx
Today is one of those days when Jonah wishes he had mind reading abilities, Daniel seems to have suddenly retreated back into his metaphorical shell and Jonah is desperate to know why.
Not that Jonah is totally all there today either. His mind keeps on straying back to the texts he sent yesterday and wondering how on earth he could possibly explain those to Daniel. "Look Daniel, I know I sent you flirty text messages and basically asked you to have sex with me but I didn't mean it, not that I don't want to have sex with you, just y'know, I like girls." Jonah can imagine how well that would go over.
"You okay there?"
Jonah returns from his thoughts to find Daniel staring at him with a concerned expression on his face, because apparently their friendship solely consists of them worrying about each other.
"Fine."
"Really, cause we've been in English for ten minutes now and you've spent the entirety of it staring out of the window like somebody's murdered your father and you're planning on seeking revenge. You're not are you?"
"My father is very much alive," Jonah assures Daniel, "but thanks for your concern."
"What are friends for?" Daniel replies.
Jonah plans on returning to his thoughts - because he really doesn't feel capable of concentrating today and he's pretty sure he can mooch notes off of Daniel later anyway – when he feels Daniel sit up straight next to him.
"What's wrong," Jonah asks, nudging Daniel lightly with his shoulder.
"Nothing?"
"You can't fool me Danny-Boy."
"Damn it," Daniel says lightly, "and here I was thinking I was doing a brilliant job."
"Newsflash, you're not," Jonah tells him teasingly, "so come on, what's up?"
"They're talking about us," Daniel explains, gesturing with his chin in the direction of where two girls are sat at a table in the corner giggling away.
"So?"
"They think you're cute."
"Well looks like they've got common sense then."
"They think I'm, quote, a greasy haired geek, unquote."
"Or maybe not," Jonah says, "is it bothering you?"
"Well y'know when someone suggests that I'm 'too ugly to be friends with Jonah Clarke' then yeah, my feelings are a little bit hurt," Daniel replies sarcastically.
"You know that they're wrong don't you?"
Daniel shrugs and turns his attention to the piece of paper in front of him that appears to be empty, maybe Jonah won't be getting those notes after all.
"Cause they're wrong," Jonah continues, "your hair isn't greasy, it's fabulous, and I'd run my hands through it cause it looks really soft if that wouldn't be so weird and if anything I'm not awesome enough to be friends with you."
"What the hell Jonah?" Daniel splutters, trying to keep his voice down. "How the hell are you not awesome enough to be friends with me?"
"Well I know nothing about videogames and you're funnier than me and I'm honestly jealous of your hair, seriously, what shampoo do you use?"
Jonah allows himself to crack a small smile when Daniel turns to look at him in disbelief.
"It's a secret," Daniel says.
Jonah is relieved to see that an easy grin has slipped onto the other boy's face too, and he nudges Daniel with his shoulder once again.
"And just so you know Danny-Boy, if I swung that way, you'd be the first to know," Jonah says, offering Daniel a sly wink.
Jonah is satisfied to see that Daniel's cheeks flush furiously.
"Don't let other people get you down," Jonah tells Daniel, "you gotta own your awesome and don't let anybody take it away. You're not what other people say you are, you're what you say you are. So you can be as awesome as you want, just as long as you don't let other people try to convince you otherwise."
"So are you saying ignore the haters?"
"Nah," Jonah replies, "I'm saying listen to the fans."
Daniel cracks a smile and Jonah decides then that his mission for the day is completed, not that he'd known that that was what he wanted to do when he woke up this morning but when Daniel smiles, Jonah just wants to make him smile again and again.
"Thanks," Daniel says simply.
"What for?"
"Not being a dick. There are a lot of people who'd say I was overreacting and just tell me to move on."
"You've been through a lot," Jonah says, and he can see Daniel wince, Jonah gets the impression that he usually avoids thinking about it, "and it's made you insecure, it would make anyone feel that way. And if it takes me reminding you how awesome you are on a regular basis to make you feel as good about yourself as you should then I'm not going to complain. I just want you to realise how amazing you are Danny-Boy, cause there aren't many people like you in the world, so embrace your uniqueness, cause it's what makes people remember you."
"You should be a motivational speaker or something," Daniel says teasingly.
Jonah just shakes his head.
"So are you okay now?" Jonah asks. "Or do I need to give you a list of one hundred things I love about you."
"Well I'm fine but you can rattle off that list anyway if you want to."
"Now, now, now Danny-Boy, don't be demanding," Jonah says, "it doesn't look good on you."
"What does look good on me then?" Daniel asks.
"A smile," Jonah replies without thinking, "oh god that sounded so cheesy and so creepy I'm really sorry."
Jonah is surprised to find that Daniel is staring at him with a massive grin on his face.
"S'okay," Daniel assures him, "I was beginning to think that you never suffered from word vomit anyway."
"Word vomit?"
"So you no foodgasm but not word vomit? What language do you even speak Jonah Clarke?"
"English."
"Really, cause I thought it was more like garbage," Daniel replies teasingly.
"Hey!"
"Sorry."
"And now I regret being nice to you."
"Please forgive me."
"No."
"Please."
Jonah looks over at Daniel who has now stuck out his bottom lip and is staring at Jonah wide eyes.
"Fine," Jonah huffs, "consider yourself forgiven."
xxx
Daniel grins eagerly when he gets a text from Jonah as he is entering his psychology class, he's also not surprised to find that Jonah has changed his contact name in Daniel's phone once again, that boy can't seem to make up his mind.
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Do you and Isaac wanna go out to eat at lunch? I have somewhere in mind :)
Daniel quickly directs the question towards Isaac before typing out a reply.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I'd love too, Isaac says he'll pass, something about trying to impress Alice
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Is she the blonde girl?
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Yep, otherwise known as the one he's got to chance with :/
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
That's not very supportive
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
He's been trying for years, so far no progress just being an honest friend :(
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Maybe we should set him up with someone
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Like who?
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Via?
Daniel briefly thinks back to Jonah's co-worker. All he remembers is a fiery personality and a sarcastic sense of humour. The complete opposite of Alice, but Isaac would definitely think she was hot.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
She'd eat him alive
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Maybe Isaac would be into that ;)
Daniel tries – and fails – to contain his laughter, causing Isaac to look at him in confusion, along with the rest of his psychology class. Daniel bites his lip, and tries to keep the volume down after that. Mr Roscoe is a pretty chill teacher, especially when the group are working on a project that Daniel happened to finish weeks ago, and so he won't mind Daniel being on his phone, what he might mind is Daniel disturbing the rest of the class, some of who are lagging very far behind.
"What are you laughing at?" Isaac whispers.
"Fancy going on a date?"
"You're really starting to make a habit of asking straight guys out," Isaac says teasingly, "and no offence Dan, but you're really not my type."
"Not with me."
"Then with who?"
"One of Jonah's co-workers."
"Why do you ask?"
"Jonah suggested it."
"Oh so that's how it is," Isaac jokes, "now that you two are acting like a loved-up couple you don't want me to feel like a third wheel so you're setting me up with random girls."
"Ha, ha, ha," Daniel replies sarcastically, "god Isaac you're so funny."
"Thanks," Isaac says, combining the word with a smile that suggests he actually thinks he is, "it always helps to have a back-up career."
"I think you might need a back-up career for your back-up career," Daniel tells him.
"You wound me Dan," Isaac replies, "but don't worry my debut album perfectly combines classical music with more modern grime beats."
"I have no idea what you just said."
"Neither do I really."
Isaac simply shrugs before turning his attention back to the work in front of him, leaving Daniel to entertain himself.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Isaac doesn't seem keen on the whole date thing at the moment but I'll keep on working him
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
tbh, I'm not sure how well Via will react to the suggestion
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
She'll probably call you a dick for suggestion she can't get a boyfriend on her own
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
True :( She's kinda got high standards for guys though, I've been used as an excuse before to get her out of dates
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Does she pretend you're her boyfriend? Maybe she's trying to tell you something ;)
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Are you kidding? She was being nice to me when you came, she's so mean to me Daniel
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I think you're overreacting
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
For April Fool's Day she stole my phone, called my mum and pretended to be my drug dealer, my mum wouldn't let me out of the phone for WEEKS
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Tbh, that sounds pretty funny
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
It wasn't
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Are you sure?
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I'm not sure I want to be your friend anymore
For a brief moment Daniel panics, and then he realises that Jonah is joking, or at least he hopes he is.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
:(
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Screw you, you always know exactly what to do to win me over
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I literally sent you a sad face
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Exactly :)
Daniel shakes his head, Jonah Clarke is an idiot, but there's something about talking to Jonah, whether than be face to face or phone to phone, that always puts Daniel in such a good mood.
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
You're an idiot
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I'm your idiot
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
What if I don't want you to be my idiot?
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
Why wouldn't you want me to be your idiot? :(
To: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
I can't tell if you sound sad or cocky x
Daniel isn't sure what happens but some part of his mind decides that it would be a good idea to send Jonah Clarke a kiss. Now Daniel is definitely going to have scared him away. Friends don't just send kisses. It's surely a cardinal rule of friendship.
From: Clarke, Jonah Clarke
As if I could ever sound cocky :p x
xxx
"Jonah where the heck are we going?"
Daniel has been asking the same question for the past god knows how long and Jonah is starting to get slightly annoyed by it if he's being totally honest.
"Wait and see," he repeats for what seems like the hundredth time.
"I thought we were going out for lunch."
"We are."
Daniel sighs and Jonah tries to keep a smile off his face.
When the pair eventually arrive, the grin on Daniel's face makes the suffering through the complaints worth it and Jonah settles down under the slide before pulling a selection of sandwiches out of his bag.
"What are you doing?"
"I made a picnic, well actually I bought a picnic but what's the actual difference?"
"It's February."
"Hey if we can eat ice cream in this weather then we can dine al-fresco."
"And the location."
"Hey it's where we became friends; I figured it would be nice to come back, especially as we never really got a chance to make the most of it last time, stupid rain."
Daniel says nothing else and instead sits down opposite Jonah and helps himself to one of the sandwiches proffered.
Jonah didn't expect coming back here to feel weird but for some reason he can't take his mind off how the whole adventure ended last time. With the bus stop and the excuses and the kiss. Jonah has tried to convince himself that means nothing, and he is steadfast in that belief, but that doesn't stop his mind from fixating on it, to the point where Jonah is afraid to look at Daniel in case he starts blushing.
He's not sure what's gotten him, much like he wasn't sure what he was doing back then. But Jonah is starting to think that coming to the park was a bad idea.
"Scotch egg?" Daniel asks, shaking Jonah from his thoughts.
"Thanks."
Jonah takes the snack offered to him and when he takes a bite he mentally thanks himself for bringing them.
"You seem a little out of it," Daniel says after a short while.
"I'm fine thanks."
"Like I believe that Jonah Clarke. What's up late night?"
Daniel's comment is accompanied with a suggestive wink and Jonah is beginning to wonder where the shy, insecure boy he spent time with on the first day has gone. Not that Jonah is complaining, he likes the new Daniel, even if that Daniel does seem to be strangely dirty minded.
"Something like that," Jonah replies jokingly, "anyway I brought you here for a reason."
"Should I worry about my innocence?" Daniel replies in the same tone.
Jonah forces a laugh out, but to be honest the suggestion feels too real, especially with the kiss still on Jonah's mind. No that that was anything close to what Jonah was planning, but somehow the idea doesn't seem as weird as it might have done two weeks ago. And it's difficult for Jonah to believe that the pair have only been friends for a fortnight because he's never known anyone to make such an impact on his life in such a short space of time, he both loves it and is slightly afraid of it at the same time.
"No I want to get to know you better, like properly, not just your favourite hot beverage or flavour of ice cream. Although to be honest they're the same so I suppose even that's not that impressive, although it depends..."
Jonah stops talking when one of Daniel's hands is placed over his mouth.
"You're rambling," Daniel says teasingly.
Of course I am, Jonah thinks to himself, else god knows where my thoughts are going to take me. All Jonah knows is that it is a place that he is not sure he wants to go. Jonah doesn't say that though, instead he changes the subject.
"Jesus your hands are freezing," he tells Daniel.
"Bad circulation."
"See I didn't know that."
"It's not exactly anything exciting to know," Daniel replied, "and this game is stupid anyway."
Jonah doesn't reply but makes a sound that suggests he's offended.
"It's not that it's a bad idea, but I kind of think it's stupid to just tell someone everything all at once. Like they should find things out by themselves, or by accident, little by little. It shouldn't be about exposing everything about yourself all at once but rather about sharing little pieces when the time is right."
"You seem to have a very strong opinion on this."
"I guess I'm just worried if I show you everything then there's a bigger chance of me scaring you away," Daniel says.
He tries to pass it off as a joke but Jonah can see the sadness behind the smile and so grins back until he feels like his muscles might actually never work again.
"You could never scare me away," he replies.
"Bold words, considering you barely know me."
"Seriously Danny-Boy, what can be that bad?"
"It's not bad I guess, it's just a lot of stuff, and I guess I've convinced myself that it's too much for people to handle. You know the worst parts of it to be honest anyway."
Jonah feels strangely honoured but he can't stop himself from asking the next question.
"And what are the worst parts?" He asks.
Daniel raises his eyebrows as if he can't believe that Jonah doesn't know.
"You'll have to talk to my father to find out the answers to that to be honest," Daniel replies sadly, and then he shakes his head and offers Jonah a smile, "race you to the swings."
And then Jonah is left more confused than he was when this whole conversation started.
End of Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay Chapter 8. Continue reading Chapter 9 or return to Jonah Clarke Is Not Gay book page.