Kenopsia - Chapter 116: Chapter 116
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Hair.
Hair keeps memories.
I've seen so many little animations on YouTube to some random song of characters drawn with long hair and then cut short to show how someone hurt that character.
Unlike those little clips, I had not touched mine because of those memories.
I twirled it between my fingers, watching the split ends twist between my fingers, those few inches were the hair that still saw the world from before the Great Silence.
It was my last tie to before.
But as I thought several times, it was getting too much, my mind made up by this morning when I succeeded in slamming the office door on my hair and almost scalp myself with the yank of it, falling flat on my back.
I know this needed to be done, letting go of my past as it would never be reality but it was still had.
I sat on the rooftop, having dunked my head and hair in the kiddy pool because cutting hair when it was wet resulted with a more aligned cut, not some ugly diagonal line that also somehow did loops.
I looked at my other hand, the scissors in it, I had already drenched myself and lit the fire in the metal bin to burn the cut hair, I needed to get it over with.
I sighed, sitting down and reaching up, parting my hair on the side of my head, grabbing a large enough chunk near my temple and started braiding it.... I can't do it, I can't cut all of it, who care if having one long braid and the rest shorter looks dumb? No one can fault me in this world and the husks have no fashion sense.
I tied the hair tie around the end of finished braid before grabbing the scissors again, gulping.
It still felt so heavy as I reached for a free strand and pull it straight by passing my hand in it.
Come on, you need to do it, you can always grow it out, plus that braid, you can much more deal with that instead, it is still hair from before, you are not throwing away everything.
Snip.
I held the piece of hair no longer tied to me and sighed, it felt so hard to do this.
But it was also letting go of the past and moving forwards.
No more hair my father touched but also none present for when Vic and Hope died.
No more hair so marked by the dyes it looks faded but also new hair for new colors to bring in.
No more hair from when I made two young boys suffer for knowledge but new strands for future commitments.
I sighed and balled up the hair while standing, throwing it in the fire without a word.
Smelling burning hair made me frown but I reached up, it's now or never.
I sat in the little chair, listening to the wet crackling of the human hair.
I did it the best I could, cutting it shoulder length.
What I thought up was working and I was pleased. That being pulling the hair back in a pony tail but using the long braid looped around it a few times with a not pulled tight knot to hold it.
I was quite happy that it worked, letting me keep that long strand of hair braided and it not being in the way like the rest since that was why I decided to finally make the jump and cut it of finally.
It felt like a literal weight off my shoulders and yet, I was missing it.
But this way it was safer for me, long hair could have caused way more danger to me then it is worth so this was long in the making... I just needed to build up courage.
And anyhow, I have kept a part of it, a part of before, a part of the old me.... That is enough, that is all I need to move forwards.
Five years of this mess all saved and memorized in this one braid, happy and angry because of it.
I leaned back into the chair with a deep sigh, sinking into it.
I like to think I am strong but I am not, I am scared of change.
I didn't want to help other, I didn't want to cut my hair, I didn't want to leave this town... All because I am scared.
But I can't be, they all listen to me, I made myself the leader, I can't disappoint them.
"I'll be strong." I muttered the promise to the wind.
I was scared to change, to cut, to lose the last of what I have from before.
And god do I hate to admit this to myself.
But I will not backdown.
I will be strong for all and myself.
All I am really scared of now is once again losing people... So please... Let it not happen.... Right Jasmine? Wherever you are... I forbid you to die. You must come back to us.
Let the world not be cruel this once.
Hair keeps memories.
I've seen so many little animations on YouTube to some random song of characters drawn with long hair and then cut short to show how someone hurt that character.
Unlike those little clips, I had not touched mine because of those memories.
I twirled it between my fingers, watching the split ends twist between my fingers, those few inches were the hair that still saw the world from before the Great Silence.
It was my last tie to before.
But as I thought several times, it was getting too much, my mind made up by this morning when I succeeded in slamming the office door on my hair and almost scalp myself with the yank of it, falling flat on my back.
I know this needed to be done, letting go of my past as it would never be reality but it was still had.
I sat on the rooftop, having dunked my head and hair in the kiddy pool because cutting hair when it was wet resulted with a more aligned cut, not some ugly diagonal line that also somehow did loops.
I looked at my other hand, the scissors in it, I had already drenched myself and lit the fire in the metal bin to burn the cut hair, I needed to get it over with.
I sighed, sitting down and reaching up, parting my hair on the side of my head, grabbing a large enough chunk near my temple and started braiding it.... I can't do it, I can't cut all of it, who care if having one long braid and the rest shorter looks dumb? No one can fault me in this world and the husks have no fashion sense.
I tied the hair tie around the end of finished braid before grabbing the scissors again, gulping.
It still felt so heavy as I reached for a free strand and pull it straight by passing my hand in it.
Come on, you need to do it, you can always grow it out, plus that braid, you can much more deal with that instead, it is still hair from before, you are not throwing away everything.
Snip.
I held the piece of hair no longer tied to me and sighed, it felt so hard to do this.
But it was also letting go of the past and moving forwards.
No more hair my father touched but also none present for when Vic and Hope died.
No more hair so marked by the dyes it looks faded but also new hair for new colors to bring in.
No more hair from when I made two young boys suffer for knowledge but new strands for future commitments.
I sighed and balled up the hair while standing, throwing it in the fire without a word.
Smelling burning hair made me frown but I reached up, it's now or never.
I sat in the little chair, listening to the wet crackling of the human hair.
I did it the best I could, cutting it shoulder length.
What I thought up was working and I was pleased. That being pulling the hair back in a pony tail but using the long braid looped around it a few times with a not pulled tight knot to hold it.
I was quite happy that it worked, letting me keep that long strand of hair braided and it not being in the way like the rest since that was why I decided to finally make the jump and cut it of finally.
It felt like a literal weight off my shoulders and yet, I was missing it.
But this way it was safer for me, long hair could have caused way more danger to me then it is worth so this was long in the making... I just needed to build up courage.
And anyhow, I have kept a part of it, a part of before, a part of the old me.... That is enough, that is all I need to move forwards.
Five years of this mess all saved and memorized in this one braid, happy and angry because of it.
I leaned back into the chair with a deep sigh, sinking into it.
I like to think I am strong but I am not, I am scared of change.
I didn't want to help other, I didn't want to cut my hair, I didn't want to leave this town... All because I am scared.
But I can't be, they all listen to me, I made myself the leader, I can't disappoint them.
"I'll be strong." I muttered the promise to the wind.
I was scared to change, to cut, to lose the last of what I have from before.
And god do I hate to admit this to myself.
But I will not backdown.
I will be strong for all and myself.
All I am really scared of now is once again losing people... So please... Let it not happen.... Right Jasmine? Wherever you are... I forbid you to die. You must come back to us.
Let the world not be cruel this once.
End of Kenopsia Chapter 116. Continue reading Chapter 117 or return to Kenopsia book page.