Kenopsia - Chapter 27: Chapter 27

I was walking the streets of the town but not too far, heading back to my bike.
"Step away from it." I told the woman I saw near it, holding my gun up.
"No you fuc-" Bang.
I watched her body fall, hole through her head, I am not taking risks, hostile first actions lead to your end in favor of my life.
I looked at the gun in my hand and put it in its holster, I am getting good with the handgun.
But what I just did resonated deep within me.
I didn't hesitate.
I didn't hesitate to take a life over the slightest sign of aggression, that being her hand moving to her own gun, I didn't give her a chance.
"Am I too far gone?" I asked myself, am I like Adam? A monster of a human? Even my father didn't stain his hands with human blood since this mess started.
I sighed, no, I'll choose too not see this as insanity, this is nowhere near it, nowhere near Adam, I am not taking risks.
But I fell to my knees when I got near the bike, knees weak, blood slowly seeping on the ground but it was not like movies, not a thick, none-see through liquid that pooled nicely.... It splattered and was quickly drying.
"I am sorry." I said, closing the shocked eyes with a slight frown as I gathered my strength in my legs and stood.
I flicked a lighter on and held it to her clothes and watched the fire spread a bit before sitting on the bike and pedaling away.
It was quiet on the road back, the wind whooshing and the bike chain being hooked around the gears being the only sounds, you never miss the noise until it is forever gone... It is haunting how silent the world is.
And yet it was not silence that occupied my mind.
It was still the thoughts of how easily I pulled this gun on someone.... I had hit a man with a bat before, I had killed children before.... But those kids were different.... And that man was soon to join them, I could explain my choices and actions even if I knew I was a lost cause when I didn't hesitate for that man.... But even so, I had a reason.... I still didn't find a good enough one for this action today.
I had not listened to my father's yells and so he came to leave me alone.
I sat on top of the brick walls, one leg hanging off it and the other up on it, hugging it with my chin on my knee.
Why does this world keep throwing curve balls my way? I thought I learnt the rules before getting thrown of course again... When will this stop?
I looked at the sky, the past cannot be changed.... And I know the world can never be like it was despite how much we hope it can revert back... It can never revert back.... Everything changed too much...
"We changed too much." I spoke my thoughts out loud.
We all changed, none who survived could ever go back to being in a normal society.... All we lost, all we killed, all we learnt, all we adapted too.... We are too different...
When I look in the mirror I cannot see my old self... That girl died, killed by that first husk in her apartment, she died before she got outside that house and now I am here.... Ironically a husk of my own self, nothing but the skin, the only difference is that my heart is beating and I am breathing, thinking.
A husk of Andie, a cheap copy not meant to exist and yet is the one to have survived.
"How ironic." I whispered. "How.... Ironic...."