Kenopsia - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

I know I shouldn't go out in the winter like this no matter how layered my clothes are but I must do something.
Vic finished by agreeing to help me for the first part of it.
For the first time this started, with her help because of the cold, I unbound the gate and opened it.
It made me feel.... Vulnerable.... More then anything but I am not strong enough.
I marched out to the nearest restaurant, remembering the food cart in it from when I stayed there at the start, and despite the snow, I pushed it back to the school.
With Vic, we lifted my father's body on top of it.
I stared at it, I don't know what my face looks like, I long stopped being able to cry.
"Come on, lets do this quick Andie, it is cold." I glanced at her and at a whimpering baby strapped to her, with the gates open I would have sent her back in right away but I needed help with all this snow.
"At least lay Hope down inside, he can be alone for a few minutes, we can't hurt him for this." I rubbed his already reddening cheeks with a finger.
"Alright, wait a moment."
"Sure."
I was left alone, the blizzard had lessened to a gentle snow fall yesterday but it almost felt colder.... Or was my heart just not beating anymore?
"You should have never gotten a coward's death." I whispered, kissing my father's forehead. "I never even got to know all that you could have taught me, you never see me learn to shot your rifle... We were fighting last we spoke... Have I ever said, despite all of that, I loved you? I can't even remember..."
I sighed, waiting until she was back, she helped me pull the cart to the bridge and onto it.
With some more struggle we hoisted the body on the guard railing.
I sighed sadly, it was too cold to dig up the soil and even if we waited until it wasn't, even with the cold, his body would rot and I can't have him go through this.
I pulled my beanie off and put it on his head.
With a heavy sigh, I shoved the body enough for it to tumble down into the river bellow, flowing eternally with no ice on it.
I watched for a while as the water drifted along with the black mass in it until it was gone and still I stayed there watching.
"Here you'll rest for all of eternity and here shall I remember you." I whispered, laying my head on the cold railing before pulling it away, not wanting my skin to freeze to the metal.
I had secured the gate again and even sprayed his name on the wall of the dead with the date, staying there a while after, just watching the newly added name, hating how the list just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.... When will it stop?
At home I played with Hope to distract myself and get him to move a little, moving helps keep warm and babies must stay warm, this will be the most dangerous winter of his life.
I kissed his cheek when he grabbed my hair and pulled on it, in a year it is around six inches of growth and well it has been almost....Almost.... This mess started 2019... On March twelve.... it is 2022.... Fuck me...
"No don't put that in your mouth." Vic halfheartedly laughed as Hope tried eating my hair. "It's not clean, no offence."
"None taken, I am well aware even without all this babies putting dyed hair in their mouth would not be good, mostly that it is chemical paint not that natural henna or whatever type of dye."
"Mhm.... I am sorry for what happened."
"No one could have predicated it." I said, not willing to talk about it.
Unfortunately I would have the face the fact.... Nothing lasts forever...