Kenopsia - Chapter 42: Chapter 42

I reread this last page in my diary, reading it over and over, how cruel.
I turned the page.
I stared at the date with hate... 2023.... First entry on the twelve-th of March 2019...... it is March in a month.... A simple subtraction..... 2023 minus 2019.... Four years of this hell....
I wanted to cry again but I just couldn't, no tears came even if I would have let them spill down my face... Four years since all changed...
I sat in the office chair.
Staring at nothing.
Petting Whiskers even if I didn't feel like it.
After a while I stood up and left the room, the cat rolling in a ball on a couch and sleeping.
I walked into the school bathroom, to use the mirror.
I combed out my hair, it was so long after four years, it was tickling my lower back....
I passed my hand through it and with the comb's help, tied it in a pony tail.
I changed shoes, it were February, still a bit cold as winter seemed to persist but warm enough to switch back to sport shoes, these were Adidas shoes that were black with white stripes on them.
I also wore black sweat pants, a blue T-shirt and a hoodie over the top.
I stuffed a mask and a pair of plastic gloves in my pockets before leaving the building.
I sighed, looking around, my eyes stopping on the bin we had used to climb out of the protective wall before walking back to the gate as repairing the things that kept it closed that I had busted to get my father's body out.
It was long work to fix it, all the tape, the ropes, the caulk used, I needed to reapply and fix everything.
I was on it for a few hours before I was done and finally turned to the bin again, walking to it and climbing on the wall.
I sat there, I hadn't left the the school since I lost them all.... I remained cooped up there and eating whatever we had stocked.
This was the first time I left the school for something more then to get water... Having locked myself up, staying laying on the ground for days.
It was thirst that first made me move, not wanting to go on, I don't think I do want to move still but I need to live.... For whatever reason I can think off, even if that is purely so someone alive can remember who died for me and with me... They can't be forgotten...
I hoped off the wall, only the trusty ladle in hand.
The walk to the bridge was a silent one.
I stopped when I saw the bane of my existence on the bridge with it's back to me.
A damned husk.
I approached it and lifted my hand.
"Die!" I struck in anger. "ALL OF YOU JUST DIE!!!" I hit it as it fell... And hit again... And again.
I hit with a scream, stopping a following hit as this sixth broke the skin and put a bloody spot on my ladle.
I kicked the corpse before pulling the lighter out and lighting its jacket on fire before walking ahead.
I looked at the makeshift crosses to mark their final resting place.
Dad's was still two metal rulers held in the form of a cross with a shoelace.
Hope's had been a dead bush that was still rooted in the little grass patch with a paint brush tied to it with rubber bands.
Vic's was a small shovel shoved in the dirt with a pencil tapped around the handle.
I sat down in the middle of the road and pulled my notebook out.
I pulled my four pens, only was black the others were blue, red and green, scribbling on the page.
Uncaring of the danger that was nearing with the defrosting of the husks for the winter, they are not here currently... I'll be fine....
I scribbled, the background shifting from reality as the river flowed much further but I let my pens draw whatever they wanted, just watching as they worked away.
I tapped my pen on the page before capping it, just staring at it before looking at the grave-marks.
This is all I have left off them and the memories of their face... Not even a picture or anything.... Just memories... Morbid, horrid, memories....
"Why did you leave me?" I whispered to no one, a drop falling on the page, smudging the ink on the left corner before I wiped my eyes.
I closed the notebook and hug it to my chest with a heavy sigh.
Fourth year.... Here we go....