Kenopsia - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

I was holding the mop and scrubbing up the level of the school I never used, I just needed something to do.
I need to keep my home in one piece to survive.
The windows at the end of the hallway and in the classrooms were open as all the dust was flying everywhere.
"Out of the way cat, you don't like this water." I gently pushed Whiskers back from the bucket of water filled with dish-soap while using my foot.
He took to following me around.... I am the last he's got left after all... Even you were left alone...
I sighed, shaking my head and continued to mop the hall, I'll do the library later, the classrooms were work enough.
I can imagine your pain but why did you abandon me? Why? Now I can just hope heaven is real and you three are happy with the rest of humanity, watching on with pity or hope that we'd be able to do something on this hell of an earth.
I leaned on the mop, hands cupped on the tip of the wooden shaft and chin on top of my hands... I hate thinking about what would never happen now.... Humanity would never see the stars up close, create another movie, produce another new game console, humanity was done for, all we could do was to wait for the end.
I went back to cleaning before grabbing the mop and bucket, carrying them down to the ground floor, leaning the mop against the outside of the school.
I grabbed a sponge I got back along with the cleaning supplies after my headless chicken sprint to just expel all that I was feeling.
"Ew." I frowned a bit, staring at the cockroach that ran between my legs. "Bug spray, I need bug spray." I said but I couldn't help me brain, it was in survival mode.... It wondered about how to catch a cockroach and if it was edible.
I shivered at that thought, not pleased that I might need to rely on that but pre-made food will run out even if I am the only one eating it, limited supplies, I'll need to find food elsewhere.
I have a garden but it still needs to grow more to sustain myself for the whole year, and I'll need meat and shit.... Dammit.
I wet the sponge and with the grippy side I started brushing the moss off the wall.
I have so much to do, always so much, when will it all get easier?
When?
I fucking know the answer, never, it will never be easy for me, so many places to still explore, so many things to still set up, so many things to get, so many things.... So many... Too many....
I threw the sponge at the wall before picking it up and going back to my work, this is unfair.
And to say.... I missed being alone.... I missed this shit...
I guess what I missed was not the loneliness or silence.... But the lack of fights.
But now I feel the opposite of course.... I miss every little fight I had with my father, every little disagreement.... I miss it...
"Concentrate dammit.... Distractions will kill you." I muttered to myself, covering my face with my hand. "You cannot risk.... You need to live Andie.... Only you can remember them... Their memories can't die... They can't..."
I blinked from my thoughts as I shook my hand, feeling something.
"Oh you bitch!!" I screamed at the caterpillar that tried to climb on my hand but was now on the ground. "I will bug spray your whole population to the moon!" I rubbed my skin where it touched me, not really meaning it.
Caterpillars become butterflies, free from the confines of this cursed earth, safe from the husks and to live a peaceful life.
"I wish I was a butterfly." I said, using the sponge to pick it up, I am not touching it, and walked to the little food garden I had at the foot of the trees and put it there.
I watched it scoot along the ground for a while before sighing and heading back to work before I thought myself into a happy world only to be disappointed it wasn't reality.
I sighed.
This is unfair.