Kenopsia - Chapter 49: Chapter 49

"I shouldn't be doing this."
I knew I was doing something bad but.... The temptation.... People always said it helped them through tough times.
"Fuck!" I threw the pack of cigarettes I've been staring at in the river, having just walked passed the broken down bridge.
Alcohol is bad enough to use to cope but I can't try any of the other drugs I might find, I shouldn't even have been thinking about it dammit.
I had took one of the cop rifles we had with me and was practicing shooting it, I have ammo, I have many other guns too, all locked in the gym storage closet of the school.
I aimed up and shot two other husks that came my way, noise always attracting more but it was helpful for target practice plus I was heading home, bag filled with food.
The days feel oddly long yet short since I am alone again.
A cat, two fish and a named plant from my ex is not really human company.
I miss them all so much....
It hurts a lot, I was foolish enough to think of a future with Hope growing up, foolish enough to think my father would grow old, foolish enough to think Vic cared enough to stay.... I was a fool.
That night it was another sleepless one, covered in a blanket on the couch with the alligator plush hugged to my chest.
I wish things just got faster, easier or harder.... Something, I wish something would happen.
"I'll head across town again." I said, remembering my first face to face death.
Nancy..... How long ago how you died? The boys got to burn to rest in peace after the bird incident but you? Still in the four walls of the school after four years...
I wouldn't be able to bury you how I want it, I know by now, left there, you probably are just bones.... But everyone else got to burn and rest in peace.... I'll come to get you...
Next day I put my hair up in a pony tail and a baseball cap as the sun was already hitting hard even if it was march, I put on jeans and a black T-shirt and some mountain climbing boots.
I grabbed one of my many backpacks and put a bit of everything I might need in then and grabbed the ladle only since I was taking the rifle today too.
I set out while rewinding my watch and tracing a tally mark on the old 2019 calendar that was now tracking the days for me only with my needing to remember the leap years and if Monday is actually Monday, it.... Helped, it was human to want to know the time.
Entering the school came with a few unwelcome memories when I stepped over the bones of the husk that made me think I was going to die, oh how times have changed.
And I was right, the again-dead husks I left for months had rotten so did she, after four years, was nothing but bones in moth eaten clothes.
The hole in the head from her own gun glared at me.
I took a deep breath, pulling my usual gear on: Mask, goggles and gloves.... And kind of shoveled up remains in a pile.
It just felt wrong to remember her specifically and her being the only one I knew to die and not be put to rest.... Hell I might even do this to Adam, he was a monster of a human but he was human.... Concentrate on Nancy now and think about him later.
I exited the school and approached the trees in its court yard.
I pulled the little trowel I got from the first mall I visited after the Great Silence and dug a hole, I put the bagged remains in it and covered it with a mound of dirt.
I picked up my head at noises and stood.
I packed up and held the riffle.
I exited the school grounds and went behind the church.
I frowned and fired a warning shot.
"Wow we mean no har--" "LEAVE!!" I yelled at the group of kids looking my age. "MY TOWN MY RULES, LEAVE!!"
"Plea--" Bang!
I cut of the female of the group with another shot.
"You came from the north so head back there or I put a hole through you!!" I ordered.
When none moved I shot the glass mural of the church and it crashed down next to them and I aimed at them before shooting again.
One of the boys screamed like a girl as that shot grazed him, it should be survivable.
I aimed again as they started to run and shot, missing before they dispersed and zigzagged, harder to hit then husks.
I shot until they were too far to hit.
I knew I would camp out her tonight to be sure they didn't come back.
A tear escaped my eyes as I watched the three dots fade, having chased the humans away.
"This is how I am coping without you." I hissed at the sky, unable to bare the thought of losing someone else so I prefer having no one.
I can't have anyone, that way, I won't lose anyone.
I walked around the church and went inside, I took the baseball cap off by reflex still and sat in a pew near the clear, normal, glass window to see, this was on the edge of town after all, I would see if they come back, I'll put a bullet through their head this time.
I sighed, I would wait the rest of the day and night just to be sure and then go home even tho they probably learnt their lesson.... I know it is lame but this is how I am coping with loss.... Limiting my ability to lose more....
I wish I hadn't come to this but I can't lose more.
I just can't...