Mafia Men: Nikolai's Inferno - Chapter 74: Chapter 74

-Nikolai.
I wasn't afraid of anything in this world-guns, knives, threats, none of that could shake me. But those damn feelings? Love? That scared the living shit out of me. The idea of being vulnerable, of giving someone else that kind of power over me, made my skin crawl. I could face down any enemy, but the thought of love made me feel like a goddamn coward. It was the one thing I couldn't control, couldn't predict, and that pissed me off more than anything else. The way it crept up on you, making you weak, making you care-it terrified me to my core.
When she asked me if I loved her, said the words out loud; fuck, that was scarier than having a ticking bomb attached to your chest.
I stood in front of her like a fucking idiot. I had never been speechless before anyone, I always get the last word but Evangeline has managed to do that as well.
I grabbed my fifth glass of whiskey and downed it. I couldn't say it, I don't fucking know what I feel for her. I wanted her, I liked being around her, sleeping in the same bed as hers, I liked having her in my life but love was out of the question.
I told her, I fucking told her that I won't love her. She fucking said she had no problem with it. She said she was fine with me not loving her. She fucking said that she won't ask me to love her. Didn't she? 4 I picked up the bottle of whiskey and tossed it on the wall, placing my hands over the desk, I hung my head, "Fuck!"
When I first met her-the day her father had died, I'd never imagined that the girl I'm taking home would end up being my fucking wife. Evangeline had looked like a nobody to me, I don't know why I decided to keep her, I have no fucking idea how I let all this get this far.
She must be fucking crying. She must be thinking that I am the biggest asshole on planet earth. Fuck! I can't stand her when she cries, her tears get on my nerves. If it was anyone else that had made her cry I wouldn't hesitate to fucking put a bullet in their skull but it was fucking about love.
I shouldn't care, I shouldn't fucking care, except I do care. I care so much about her that I can't even see my way around her.
Why the fuck would she ask for something I couldn't give her? Something I might not ever be able to give. It was a weakness in my dictionary. I would give her anything else; sex, money, diamonds, a good life, whatever she wants but that.
But I do like her in a lot of ways...
I like her body, I like fucking her, I like talking to her, I like her foolishness and the words that flew out of her fucking beautiful mouth. I liked how she watched me kill a man and she wasn't scared of me in the least, I liked how can I be Nikolai around her, I don't fucking have to be Don Niko or the head of the family. I like how she looks at me sometimes like she'd fucking explode with happiness, even when I'm covered in blood. I liked not coming home to an empty house, I liked how she waits for me to get home.
I liked all those things, I didn't love them.
Like and love has different fucking meanings.
Liking all of it meant I could live without them but loving them meant she was my weakness-which she isn't. So, I liked Evangeline, but I didn't fucking love her. 3
I made my way out of the study and went up the stairs, standing outside of our bedroom. I sighed as I pushed the door open and found her curled up on the bed. Her back was shaking and I could hear how hard she had been trying to muffle her whimpers.
"Evangeline..." I called her and she stilled, her whimpers seized.
I made my way around the foot of the bed and went to sit beside her. She scrambled away from me, curling into a ball and turning the other way.
I grabbed her body by the waist and slid her back to me, "Baby girl..."
"Why are you here?! I don't matter to you, I don't mean anything to you! You don't love me-"
"Evangeline, we talked about this..."
She sat up, brushing her hair back from her face, swiping at her cheeks to get rid of the tears, and getting to the other side of the bed, "And what did we talk about?!"
"You said you won't ever ask me to love you," I reminded her.
A look of incredulity crossed her face as if she couldn't believe what had come out of my mouth. It was the fucking truth, "When did I say "
"You did say that! I told you that I won't love you, it was the first thing I did before I even touched you."
She blinked and two fat tears rolled down her cheek. The urge to wipe them was strong but she was sitting too far away from me almost at the other corner of the bed. "That was different!" she exclaimed in a frustrated manner.
"No, it wasn't. I warned you to not get involved with me. I told you that I'm not a good man, I told you I don't love but you didn't listen. What did you think? That I was fooling around? I don't fucking fool around, Evangeline. I told you the fucking truth."
A sardonic laugh left her lips. She shook her head from side to side as more tears rolled down her cheeks, "Why did you marry me then? Did you even think that maybe, I'd like to get married to someone who actually loves and values me?"
"I do value you, baby girl, but I don't have to love you for that."
She scoffed and nodded to herself, "Why did you even bother coming up here and explaining to me?"
"I wanted to remind you of our conversation..."
She sniffled and wrapped her arms around herself, "Well, thank you for that. I do remember everything now as clear as day. Thanks for reminding me what I had gotten myself into. Now you can leave, please." "Stop being a baby, Evangeline."
She wiped her tears and gave me a fake smile, "I get it, Nikolai, I'm fine. You don't love me, you will never love me. Now you can go back to the people you actually love and value, you don't have to waste your precious time on me. Come to me when you need me to open my legs for you. Go to your father, or maybe you want me to apologize to him again. I will drop to his feet if that's what you want."
Something twisted in my chest, and a rush of violent emotions washed over me, "Don't be fucking ridiculous!"
"Your father was right anyway..."
I raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck did he say to you?"
She laughed, "Does it even matter? I know what I mean to you, your soldiers are probably more important to you than me."
Is that what she fucking thinks? Does she think that she doesn't matter to me at all? Fuck, the only thing that was keeping me fucking sane was her. I can't even fucking go a day without seeing her. 5 "I went on a war with my father and the Russells for you. I went on a war with Ignacio for you. I stood up Grace at the altar not once but twice for you. You still fucking think you don't matter to me?! I can't fucking see my way around you, Evangeline. When you fucking left me, I wanted to kill you, and then I realized I can't even fucking do that because the thought of your dead body made me fucking sick."
"Nik-"
She opened her mouth to say something but I stopped her. I stood up and stared down at her on the bed.
I stood up, looking down at her, "No, I'm not fucking done talking yet! I have babied you. I have fucking worshipped you and your body, I went out of my way to treat you like my queen, I have done things for you that I wouldn't even dream of doing for anybody else. And if you still fucking think that I don't fucking care for you then you are goddamn insane!"
I didn't fucking look at her as I strode out of the bedroom, slamming the door on my way out. She has some fucking nerve. She's an infuriatingly stupid woman but fucking hell whatever she is, she is fucking mine.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I picked it up, "Scott?"
"Niko, come down to the tunnels, now!" he barked out on the other end.
I hung up the call and slid my cell phone back inside my pocket. I glanced at our bedroom door once again before I strode out of the house and to the back of the garden. I entered the shed, put in the code, and went inside.
Scott met me at the foot of the stairs. He nodded as we walked to Alessandro's office.
"What is it?" I asked, irritation brewed inside of me. Evangeline has got me all fucking riled up.
"The chip we pulled out of her wasn't a tracking device, Niko. It's a memory chip."
"A memory chip? Did you run it?"
Alessandro nodded, "The information inside of it was encrypted. It took a few hours but I was able to decode it."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "What does it say?"
"It's a password, Niko, a password, and the location of the key."
Is it the same fucking key Ignacio was going on and on about like an idiot? The key to Elijah's underground lair.
"Where is it?" I gritted through my teeth.
Alessandro shrugged, "Where else, Niko, in his fucking home. There's a vault in his bedroom closet. It's a fucking military-grade, biometric portal made out of solid titanium. It can't be drilled or blown up, the door to the lair same. Only facial recognition can open it."
"Evangeline's?"
Alessandro nodded, "Quite clever because no one knew that face even existed. Her father had a 3-D face model of hers also her thumb impression that open the third and final door into his super-secret lair."
I gritted my teeth, "There's no way Elijah could pull this off on his own, he had someone, someone powerful enough that had access to all this technology." "What was he hiding?" Scott asked.
Alessandro lifted a shoulder, "We can go see for ourselves..."