MAQAAM - Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Inara has had a long list of visitors in the two weeks that she sat confined to her bed. Her husband being a constant was an exogenous variable she decided to ignore at this count. A day after her accident, Rahil had somehow informed Aqmar without her knowledge, that was a lot to say when the man had hovered around her for all the waking hours, counting on his chair for two straight days to be considered.
Her brother had come barrelling, literally and figuratively the very evening. Her parents are in tow. He had demanded her the tale and had paced the length until her neck ached. Inara had complained and the man had calmed to sit back, still brooding. She didn't realize Rahil had a competition in her own family.
Jamila, her mother had wept again. Apologizing and explaining her reasons. She was heartbroken, much more than Inara had thought her to feel. She had cried in her father's arms as Inara's injuries were narrated again.
"Can you forgive your mother, mera Baccha?" She had caressed her face, looking 10 years aged in the past hour.
With her good arm, she squeezed her hand and smiled in reassurance. Her mother was being a mother to her daughter the same way Inara was being a daughter. They hadn't lived a life before; they were experiencing the ups and downs together. She had come to acknowledge the fact after facing death so close. Each of them lived the first life they got, they hadn't this before. Her parents were parenting for the first time, with no experience, no past lives, and no daughter dilemma before.
"I am sorry, Ammi." She placed her head against the bosom of her mother, letting the familiar warmth caress her with the comfort she had associated with her. The gravitational force that kept her down and moving.
"I was being biased to Iram." She had confessed. "Trying to keep her happy knowing her condition, I sacrificed yours."
That was the truth. In order to keep her other daughter's happiness, somewhere Inara had backpaddled.
"She is pregnant." Her mother had repeated what Inara had known for a while. She may not run in the same circle as her once-twin sister but she never missed on entail. That was too much of a goody-two-shoes act that didn't suit her.
She liked keeping tabs, especially on people who were in her grudge radar.
Inara's eyes met Rahil at the other side of her room, the man stood in the same place he had once when she had stepped into his sanctuary for the first time. His eyes told her to stay relaxed and let go. Somehow, she didn't know the words but she had read right through his facial expressions.
Blinking back, she shot her family a big smile and changed the subject like the expert she was, a good student of Rahil Sohail – the Master of Arts in switching subjects.
When she had repeated her thoughts to Rahil the same night, laughing at the new degree she had awarded her husband, he had shaken his head with a barely concealed smile as he fed her medicines and told her to sit back as he read her book for her.
See, another change of subject.
Her parents had insisted on taking her for a few days but her mother-in-law had arguments and deals she didn't know Afreen Sohail was capable of. She had convinced them and let them leave without her.
Inara was impressed, again.
Next was her boss and team leader, Mr Iyer looking all sort of gruff and scowling at the mention of the driver who was injured the same way as Inara, definitely more but she would like to believe otherwise.
Everything hurts, she kept chanting as if that proved she was a victim here.
While he conveyed how she could extend her leave but also had the option of working from home, he gossiped about her other colleagues who were left with minor injuries. When she told him how they always supported the mad rush performed by their driver, he looked disappointed and dropped her option of working from home.
She had an extended period of holiday until the doctor declared her fit to return to work. The health insurance did a fantastic job.
Add guilt and anger to the mix.
Irfan and Tarini had stopped by more than thrice in the duration, dropping ice creams and cakes for her much to Rahil's chagrin.
"Now I know why our wedding kept postponing," Irfan had claimed to know the secrets of the world. "Thank God our families did their best to push it to the end of next month. I wouldn't want my favorite to walk around with a fracture."
"Favourite?" Rahil's brow cocked almost immediately.
That hum that Irfan led out was borderline a demand to step in Rahil's blacklist until he smartly added "My favorite Bhabhi."
"You sure it wasn't because you used your charms and impressed her family immediately?" Rahil could be a brutally honest and annoying fact-checker at times.
To say Irfan had made a glowing impression on Tarini's family would take the delusional statement to the next level. He had been nervous, clumsy, and too blunt in the 15 minutes of their meeting that her Kannada family had stared at him wide-eyed. Her father was so close to letting his only daughter remain unmarried for her whole life. If not for his family who had taken pity on him and Tarini - who did have a good 10-minute laugh before – hadn't stepped up their game, Irfan would have remained a bachelor all his life.
"Such a friend to poke my wounds." His grumblings made Tarini snort loudly.
Inara giggled and enjoyed the best friends riling each other. She had started leaving her room, taking refuge in their living room as the guests visited her she had leaned on Rahil and the man was quick to hold her closer. That was enough to bring a warm flush to her cheeks and a shy smile. People watching or not didn't matter to her.
Irfan had looked at them and beamed like a proud mother.
In all the days that passed, there was a secret call Rahil had subtly handled with a hushed whisper away from her. Her narrowed eyes, constant probing, or nagging did not help as the man knew how to keep secrets. She had resorted to ignorance after the 10th time of asking yet the curiosity kept killing her.
Until she was referred to an orthopedic and a physiotherapist.
She met Dr. Azeen Shah, her resident doctor who was also the wife of a businessman with whom Rahil has ties. She had looked at her name and frowned, and the realization had dawned suddenly on her features.
"My husband had great things to talk about you, Mr. Sohail." She had mentioned in a breeze.
Rahil, flushed but maintained a polite Thank you before leaving all the attention to her.
Her quirked brow was back as she pointed him with a look to her husband who sighed before breaking under her glare and gestured a later with a wave. Satisfied, she focused on her checkup until the door burst open by Dr. Sana Adami who came rushing inside the cabin stating an emergency.
She had apologized profusely for interrupting before her husband came following her, someone who stopped and stared at Rahil for a long second.
Mudassar Adami took a look at Inara and then Rahil as his mask of indifference cracked with understanding replacing it. "Mrs. Sohail?"
He had asked Rahil to which the man bobbed his head like a kid admitting to his mistakes in front of his mentor.
The man shook his head a little. "You could have told us, Rahil. I thought you were blowing off dinner plans the entire time because you weren't interested anymore."
"No, No. I didn't mean to." Rahil declined the thought. "It was too sudden, and..."
He raised a brow to complete his words.
He ducked his head bashfully. "I didn't wish to trouble Inara and put unnecessary pressure on her. She would have felt guilty of something she had no power on."
Inara stared at the man in awe while the women beamed at each other. There was so much she wanted to speak, ask, tell him at that moment but it had to be backtracked as her fingers latched in his palm, squeezing them in gratitude as the warmth spread through her.
"Isn't he so sweet?" Sana Adami cooed. "You are a lucky girl, Inara. You don't mind calling me you Inara, do you?"
She minded nothing at this point.
Her eyes refused to leave him. If not for the audience, her actions would have been different, so much different.
"Now that we know the truth, how about we decide a meeting and then a dinner once Mrs. Sohail is fit to join us?" Mudassar proposed. "I am still very much interested in your idea, Rahil."
"That would surely work." He nodded not before glancing at her to gauge anything, approval or disapproval which made her heart flutter again in the past 15 minutes. At this rate, her BP would ricochet off the ceiling.
Listening to all that Dr. Azeen had to say about her health, Rahil collected her prescriptions and helped her back to the cab he had booked for them. She had stopped him from taking the medicines from outside the hospital and suggested they got them from the wholesale market, her medical expenses were costing a ton. If not for the insurance covering the maximum, she would have cursed the driver for his irresponsibility all her life.
Rahil wasn't prone to her convincing skills; the man was ready to believe her every word as if it were the prophecies made by the Almighty himself and she was coming to love it all.
Somewhere, loving more of him.
Or, his entirety.
"Why not tell me?" She had asked that night, lying on her side of the bed as she watched him working on his laptop, it had stopped irritating her. For, Rahil's attention was on her more than that Dabba.
"Tell you what?" Acting oblivious are we?
"Rahil Sohail." His name came out like a threat she had very much plans to execute, if not for the fuzzy feeling she felt in her heart for this man, she would have kicked him down.
He exhaled. "I didn't mean to hide it."
His glance at her with his pursed lips made her turn further in curiosity which earned a glare from. "You will strain your shoulder, Ini."
"Fine!" She rolled her eyes and shifted back to her original position. Her neck took additional trouble in meeting his eyes. "Start speaking now."
"I met them at the conference. They showed their interest and talked about a dinner with family before moving forward with their investment plans. Shehryaar Shah and Mudassar Adami explained their beliefs regarding working with people who kept families above all. They wanted to meet you and Ammi before giving any final commitment to us. I had agreed. There was nothing I would do if not introduce my family to them. You know what you and Ammi mean to me."
His actions narrated a new tale each day, causing trouble for her sane senses.
"It was before I stepped out and found about..."
"My accident." She filled in.
He swallowed looking away. "I felt horrible for being busy making plans for us while you needed me. Anything could have happened to you and I wasn't there for you, Ini. It will forever remain a dent in my consciousness. I wish I could change that day and be available when the hospital tried reaching me, when Ammi was alone with you. I should have been there."
"True." She mused faking an understanding. "You know you should have come before I arrived in the hospital, or even before the cab hit the divider. Aap to antaryaami hain na, aapko pta hona chahiye tha esa hone wala hain. Why did you not know, Rahil?"
(You are omniscient. You must have known everything before it happened.)
"Mazaak uda rahi ho?" He pointed to her with a no-nonsense look. (Are you making fun of me?)
"Never." She tried sitting back to face his eye level. "Making sure you know you are not God. You cannot know everything nor you can be present in two places. This accident..." she waved towards her wrapped shoulder and ribs. "It was supposed to happen. If not for me, it could have been anyone. Or, if not the cab, I could have slipped somewhere, fell, or worse, bumped into a pole. It could have been anything and you couldn't have stopped it."
"I wonder how we would explain your injuries after bumping into a pole." His comment made her roll her eyes.
"See, you get the gist. Stop being guilty of something you had no control over." She tried patting his chest but winced at the twist.
"Careful." He chided her like every day for the past weeks. "When will you learn to sit back without moving? These wounds would have healed faster if you had just rested. But no, Madam likes to hop around every chance she gets."
"Hey!" She fisted his t-shirt pulling him closer than intended. Eyes flickering between the mere inches between them and air charging with what she wouldn't like to name just yet. "Aap...I don't h...hop..."
She licked her lips and swallowed hard at the nearness. This man was beautiful, but more so when she stared at him with less than 15 centimeters between them. She was conflicted, about where should she stare first. His perfectly trimmed beard or those pools of black ink that stared at her with newfound surprise.
Or could she focus on his bow-shaped lips that were surrounded by the small prick of hair? How they were so pink and nourished at the end of the day was a mystery to her.
Oh, and she would definitely be throwing his bodywash away. It was insanely addictive. With all plans to sniff and blame cold, she was ready to take another lung full of air in her system.
"Come again?" Rahil's eyes beamed in amusement feeling her nervousness at the sudden action and her fingers relaxed her hold on his clothes. Not that he pulled himself back. "I didn't understand before."
Understand what? Was she even saying something?
What were they even talking about?
"You were saying?" He asked again. Leaning closer to her, he hummed innocently.
Those small crinkles around his eyes deepened and she forgot to breathe. Why were people breathing again?
"Blink to karien, Ini." He whispered making her brain follow immediately, and the man burst out laughing. (Blink at least, Ini.)
If only he hadn't thrown his head back and left her enough space to think, she wouldn't have gathered her bearings back. She was quick to clutch her eyes shut and wish the bed to topple down so that Rahil could be thrown inside the earth. She didn't wish to hear him tease her for these moments that passed.
Teasing was her arena, she did it to make Rahil's life a little less miserable.
Why her mind would betray her?
That deceiving fellow.
Oh, how embarrassed she was because of this stupid, very-very idiotic brain of hers.
"Blink karien, Aankhein band nahi." His soothing whisper caressed her ears and her eyes snapped open pushing her to the extent of digging herself a grave. Why were they listening to him and not her?
(I told you to blink, not shut them.)
"I...I am sleepy." She blurted the first thought, well, the lame thought that her brain could conjure. She was so going to punish it.
"It is time to sleep." He quipped still biting back his smile, or was it laughter?
She could decide it later. First, she needs to stop talking, stop thinking, and also stop breathing for that matter. It was enough first-hand embarrassment she could bestow upon herself.
She sniffed again just to make a point of having a cold, not that she was addicted to his fragrance, and lay down. Pulling the comforter to the top of her head, she clutched it feeling him shuffle around. He kept his laptop aside, then he left the bed and made a trip to the washroom. Coming back, he switched the night light and closed the others. He slid the window close and drew curtains.
She felt him placing a pillow behind her like every day for her ribs and shoulder if somehow she moved in her sleep. He had lent his side of bed to her as well to not harm her already injured side.
Taking her side in return, he slid inside the comforter and she pressed her face into the pillow as she slept facing him all thanks to that driver. He settled and the that male spice and wood smell brought another onslaught to her senses. She took a small breath, only for it to hitch as his lips caressed her forehead but it was his words that made it impossible to breathe again.
"Sleep well, My Inara."
Not she could have. After hearing him whisper and hold her protectively in his arms for the night, she had hardly managed to calm herself and steal some sleep.
He held her like all the nights back but never had he addressed her as his.
My Inara. His Inara.
Her lack of sleep had made her giddy with the thought which stayed until the next morning.
"Subaba-Khair."
Inara blinked at the voice, peaking out of the fort her over-caring husband made around her, pillows and comforter protecting her- cocooning her, from all sides. "Ammi? Subaba-Khair."
Afreen's amusement was clear as daylight, "Were you comfortable, baccha?"
"Don't make fun of me." Inara pouted fighting her way out of his walls of cottons and feathers. "Rahil did this."
"I know." She grinned helping her remove the layers and stand back on her feet. "He asked me not to wake you up until absolutely late. Mumbled something about running your brain till very late and not sleeping at all. Wanna tell me?"
She was a mess, blood rushing through her cheeks, neck, ears, and chest as the heat traveled faster. Not that the comforters weren't to be blamed.
"I slept like a baby." Lying through her teeth, she escaped towards the washroom and locked herself inside in the name of a long shower and then refused to step out until Afreen had yanked her out for a late lunch.
She was so going to kill that man, that she punched into thin air as Afreen served her food with a dose of chastising for taking a long shower. Her fingers were wrinkled, all thanks to her brain playing the scenes from last night.
And they did nothing for crying out loud.
How would she handle a kiss, or two? Or three?
How about more?
She would push Rahil down the terrace and then let him touch her in ways her idiot brain kept prompting. It was weird how she could imagine herself doing that but could not even live through the seconds he was so close to her.
She forgets breathing for that matter.
She didn't want to die this fast.
"Are you going to cry?"
She jumped at his voice. Taking a dramatic whiplash, she found him leaning against the main door. His bag and tiffin in one hand, helmet in another. Eyes tired yet glimmering with worry she didn't wish to be the recipient of anymore.
The man cared a lot but worried more.
At this rate, all his hair would turn white and they wouldn't even cross their first anniversary which was in another 6 months.
"Roye mere dushman." She scoffed and tilted her head. "Why are you early? Mere bina dil nahi lag raha tha?" (My enemies should cry. Why are you early? Was your heart not in peace without me?)
Yes, tease him. Keep the reigns in your hand and you will go a long way.
"Nahi lag raha tha." He replied without missing a beat. (Yes, it wasn't.)
While he was busy keeping his things in their designated space, she was stumped. Clean bowled.
Clearing her throat, she searched her year-long gathered vocabulary to keep talking. "Ammi left for Humaira Khala's place. They are going for shopping."
"And you didn't?" He asked glancing with a frown.
"This held me back." She raised her fractured shoulder, sneering at her hand, and back to following him around from her place on the couch. "I swear, Mujeeb bhai ko me chodungi nahi."
(I won't leave Mujeeb bhai.)
She had cursed the poor driver so many times in these weeks, if not being resting her soul would have made her hunt the man down to avenge this accident.
He hummed ignoring her anger and moved towards the back of the couch to stand above her, pointing her with a knowing look. "Do you want to go with me?"
"No, but we can shop online?" Her offer made him nod once. She was watching him as his smile turned secretive and he leaned down. Inara's eyes widened at the suddenness.
Once again her breath hitched as he loomed over and came to a stop an inch before her. His eyes swept her features and mirth danced in his eyes.
"What..." Her voice trailed and he was back, standing up straight. "Rahil?"
He raised a brow biting back his smile. "Ji?"
"What was that?" She hissed in disbelief.
"Just arranging the pillow, Ini." He jutted his chin to the space beside her. A pillow now occupied the small space that would be his in another few minutes or so. "But why are you blushing?"
"I am not!" She snapped back at him with a riled glare and the man snorted a laugh.
"I will be back freshening up."
He was laughing - on her
Shooting invisible daggers behind his form, she patted her flaming cheeks and cried into the air silently. "Why is he acting like this? Can he not remain that broody, glaring, angry man he was? Ye mere piche kyu pade hain." (Why is he behind me?)
"Aapki wajah se." (Because of you.)
She squealed at his sudden return and sat back only to see him talking on his phone.
"Yes, just now." His eyes met hers from across the room. A brow raised questioning her, she was quick to shake her head and look back. Taking the remote, she surfed through the channels to avoid eavesdropping on his conversation, not that she wanted to. It was a boring talk with too much humming, Okay, yes, works, and some more thinking.
Stopping at Kal ho na ho, she smiled seeing Shahrukh on screen and sat back gushing at his efforts for Naina, the girl was so lucky to be Aman's love interest yet the man inserted love in her life in someone else's form, not wanting to leave her heartbroken over him.
He loved her yet he let her go, for her own happiness.
"What are you smiling at?" He sat beside her; phone discarded on the coffee table as his full attention was on her. He glanced at the television and rolled his eyes as the screen broke into another one of its song sequences.
"Don't act as if you don't love this masterpiece." She was ready to fight him, anything was better at this point than let him ruffle her feathers.
"I don't." His admission made her stare at him wide-eyes.
"Have you ever watched it full?"
"Yes, once" he nodded as if reminded by a bad watch. "It is silly."
"Why?" She demanded. "It is a masterpiece. Do you find true love repulsive or are you someone who believes in Animal kind off toxicity? Aaj to bata hi de mujhe aap, Mohabbat se parez hain aapko?"
"No, and you know the answer to that, Ini." He stated with a frown, uncaring of the offensive stance she had taken towards his words. "What do you think mohabbat is? Letting go of who you love or fighting for them?"
"Mohabbat is making the other person happy. Doing anything that makes them happy. You live for their happiness." She admitted what she had known all her life. Living for other's happiness was what love entailed. That is what preached to her.
"And what about your happiness?" He asked pointing to her with a look that he often gave to his employees in the midst of a presentation, making them forget and stutter in nervousness when they were off the track.
"I am happy when they are." So glad she didn't stumble around her words.
He shook his head as if readying himself to explain a concept to a petulant child a day before the exam. "We are humans, Inara. We tend to be selfish."
"What do you mean?" She pestered him and he gave up on her demand.
"This happiness, this living for them, and all the worldly talks of finding love in their eyes is not reality. It is an illusion the world gives you to keep you away from questioning reality. Love is not living for others, it is accepting your selfishness and fighting to attain your own happiness. If you make me happy, I will fight to have you in my life. Either I will keep you in my life and center my efforts to make you stay close to me or I will fail. I will lose you but that would be temporary because if you mean something to me, I will try again. Mohabbat is a twisted concept."
"No." She objected
"Yes." He stressed cutting her off. "It is romanticized by poets, created as a desire, a notion used in the reel world but it is not all flowers and rainbows. It is pain, hurt, sleepless nights, and a strive to tame our own selfish desires. It means a passion to have what you cannot live without. Mohabbat, Ishq, and Junoon are all synonyms. It means to have and hold what you want, who you want. It is putting efforts to not let go."
"You are going to destroy the term for me, aren't you? I don't want to hear more." She whined wanting to walk away from this conversation but he was quick to pull her back. She fell in his lap and gasped in surprise. "Rahil! Let go of me."
"No." He stated with finality, holding her back as she struggled to escape. Though not bruising, his hold was firm as if he had no plans to let her go. Ever.
"Rahil, please."
"See, this is what love is." He declared making her still. "You wish to fight against me while I fight you to keep you with me. I cannot expect you to be here forever, not until I put effort into keeping you near me every day. There is no forever, no eternity, no promises for a lifetime but hard work, struggles, and conviction to keep you with me. I am selfish, Inara. I won't let you leave me until either you win from me or I lose. Even if I do, I will fight harder and there is no way I will let you win and leave. That is not how humans work. That is not how love is."
"If this is what reality check is, I don't want to hear it." She protested, not wanting to look at him and have him keep speaking.
"This is just one truth. You will hear it from me, or from someone else but you will. There is no truth in the fictional world you watch or you see. Neither Aman was right in manipulating Naina's feelings for someone else nor Ranvijay was for acting like an Alpha male and bringing pain to Geetanjali. Both were incorrect. There is no comparison but what stands out is that there was no fight. One was ready to let go of what didn't belong to him and the other tried holding onto what he didn't work for. Ishq as you presume, it is beautiful when talked about but it can be a nightmare for those who suffer in it." He sighed loosening his hold yet she was far too upset to move. "I don't wish to make you see the harsh side of what you believe is love, Ini. I am just showing you how it is, what it will be for us."
"What us?" Now she was interested.
"I can't confess great things to you." He tortured his lower lip.
"Do you mean you love me?" She gulped the lump in her throat. There was no way she could get past the question. This man had left her puzzled, filling in too many details and information she had no clue why she was told, but what she knew was this.
She had believed in direct questions and equally direct answers.
"Inara" Her name came out as a pleading, from him to not make him reiterate his words in a simpler, human version.
"No, Rahil Sahab." She declined his attempts to not say it out. "Today you need to tell me. Lya aapko mujhse mohabbat hain?"
"If it means my life centers around keeping you to me, yes." He admitted. "Mujhe aapse mohabbat hain."
"Konsi Mohabbat? The one you explained to me or the one I believe in?"
"The one which exists." He blinked before keeping her onyx eyes hostage to his pools of stormy oceans. "There will be no promises for forever. No hand holding till eternity, no living for you, no letting you go for your happiness. I am a selfish man, Inara. I will keep you with me, close to me, and will do everything it takes to hold you. I will show you through my actions what you mean to me."
Was this a love confession?
"I have never believed in words; nothing will change that. I will not declare eternal love for you but you can count on me to keep fighting for us, for you. There will be days when I may lose but I will jump back. I will strive each day for you. I will fight for us. I will work hard for us. There will be pain, hurt too but never there will be setbacks between us. I can promise you a fight, Inara. That is all I can give you."
A confession which was so Rahil. Too practical, less flowery words, and a reflection of reality.
She broke the eye lock, staring at her fisted palm in her lap.
"Did I upset you?" He murmured in her ears, not forcing her to look up.
Each of them needed time to recentre their thoughts, and accept the beliefs that they threw towards each other.
"See, that is why I keep my thoughts to myself." He scoffed begrudgingly.
"No." She snapped looking up. "You will not keep your thoughts to yourself anymore."
"Ini..."
She shushed him before he could utter another syllable. "You have spoken enough, Rahil."
He blinked as if giving her free reign to speak.
"You will not keep your thoughts to yourself." She huffed crossing her arms and pointing at him with her doe eyes. "You cannot not tell me what you think and keep me in the dark. How can I fight for us without entail?"
"Fight?" He repeated.
She nodded making him frown. This man would need a dermatologist before any other doctor because of these deep frowns.
"If you believe in this version of love so be it." A shrug and she continued. "You will not say the words so I will. They will be enough for both of us."
She swallowed and faced him head-on. Leaning closer to him, she placed her forehead against his, palms slithering to his bicep and up as she took measured breaths. His warm palm held her back to not let her slip.
"I, Inara Rahil, is in love with you, Rahil Sohail." She whispered the words for him. "Main aapse mohabbat karti hoon. All the versions of it. The one you believe in, the one that exists, the one which is fooling the world, and the one I have wished for or all the ones that the others believe in. All of them."
"Ini." He took her name in a reply, cherishing her words.
"You can get tired fighting alone so I will step up." She whispered his version of love. "So don't promise me words of affection or paragraph-worth confessions but your thoughts. I want to hear them all."
"I will." He nodded, then shook his head smiling. "You sure you wouldn't run away from them?"
"I will try not to." She pursed her lips acting guilty which she wasn't. "Can you try to tame the intensity a little?"
"Define little." He cocked an amused brow.
Raising her hand, she pinched her index finger and thump together leaving a small space between them. "A little."
He shook his head chuckling, "Consider done, Begum."