Midnight Whispers (short stories collection) - Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Urvi's Pov
The final semester was over and we finally had our placement letters in our hands. Earlier, I thought I'll choose Bangalore, since it was hub for IT, also because he was based there. But now I wanted to go back to my city, Delhi, and lead a peaceful life there. My family was still not aware of what depressed life I am leading. They had no idea about Advait. And now, they never will have.
He had called me almost everyday for last two months, wanting to give explanation. But I was just numb. I was not feeling anything. No love for him --which I anyways never did, I am grateful for that--- but no hate as well. I felt nothing.
I felt nothing.
Earlier, I was devastated. Even if I didn't loved him. I almost did. I was loyal. I had thought I'll be having future with him.
Fool. fool. fool
I felt sad, sad for my fate. I felt bad, bad for myself. I felt pity sympathy anger and what not. But all for myself.
Nothing for him.
He don't deserve shit from me. And he won't be getting anything anyways.
I was packing my bag. I was finally leaving. Leaving this hell hole. Leaving a life which gave me nothing but misery, even if it was fir an year only.
I knew Advait was a playboy before ---even after in being a relationship... but anyways--- but he had promised, when he had pursued me. I did had a liking for him, but I did not wanted to have a relationship with him. I knew it had high risk. But he promised, swore up and down, that he won't look at any other girl. He lived upto it for around six months before he started his unorthodox relationship with.. someone I still don't know the name of.
I hope they have a bright future. So bright that they go blind.
I was busy cursing my fate and the whore I fell for --fell in the trap he made me walk into-- when my roommate Nikita walked in. She was my friend. Note-was. Taking she knew everything about them. That man whore and his whore but did not tell me a thing. Not even a clue.
The only friend that was true to me was Lily. Lily is my best friend and is right now dating Malik for two years. She had a hard life and she was the quietest species alive on earth. I am not even kidding.
She did not knew about Advait's infeidilty, but Malik did. He even tried to make him understand that he was doing wrong but Advait won't listen. Lily was very angry at Malik and broke up with him. I tried to pacify Lily saying it was not his mistake. When he had enough of Advait's cheating he called me, he told me, he made me witness it.
But she won't listen.
I knew after few days, after she is peaceful enough, she will forgive him. It is always like that with them.
Nikita came inside with slow steps.
"I...I" She started but I continued to pack my thing. "I am sorry Urvi, I really am." She said and I just nodded. After a few minutes she sighed aloud --Shakily-- I dare to add.
"I know I should not meddle your business, but he was standing in front of the apartment for five hours now." My gaze snapped at her as the Man who destroyed my life, my dreams came in my view.
Ignoring his red rimmed eyes I glared at Nikita.
"How dare you." I said, my voice, coldest I ever heard.
"I...I"
"How. Dare. You." I asserted. "Do not... I repeat.. Do not ever try to make the decisions that are mine to make." Not like we are ever gonna meet again, but what ever.
"You can show yourself out with the man whore in question."
When did I turn this bitter?
They both looked at me shocked. Probably thinking the same thing I was thinking. I had never ever talked to anyone like that ever.
"Jan... Urvi." He said in pained voice. "We need to talk." He said as he stepped further. I looked up and noticed Nikita already left.
"About what, Mr. Khurana." I asked finally zipping my bag up and making it stand beside the bed.
Its finally time for the closure.
"Don't be like that Urvi.. I.."
"Do not step near me Advait. It won't take me a second to kill you if you came near me." I said it the most hated tone I can find in myself.
"I... I what do I do Urvi.. what do I do to make all this right." He cried.
"Fine then." His eyes glimmered with hope. "Lets start with a few questions should we?" He nodded aggressively, hope shining bright in his eyes. "Not like anything can make it all right ever." His hope died. Good.
"How long?" I asked. He hesitated but finally gave the answer.
"One... One month." He said. My heart shattered more if possible. I had hoped against hope that it was first and last time. Not like it would've changed anything, but it hurts. It hurts so much.
"Why?" The question came out as a choke as tears ran down my cheek.
"D..don't cry." He choked. "Don't.... I fucked up, I f-fucked up." He repeated like a broken record. Explaining himself more than me.
"I don't know the r.. reason Urvi. My dad said to date her or else he would do bad with mom, and I had to... I was compelled to do that. I... I swear I did not wanted to. Then dad told me to take her to the hotel suite I owned and I... I just agreed. It was all six months ago. I.. I restrained for five months but then..." He looked down in shame. Oh god! was I always this blind.
"Why is it so hard to control?" I asked, Was it his sexual desires are high or was it I was not introduced to this world that is why I don't know what it is?! "We were... we were going to s-start." I closed my eyes as more tears came out.
I can't help it...
This was the man I had seen my whole future with. This was the man I was going to spend my whole life time with. This was the man who used to tell me he wanted a daughter after daughters from me.
When I came out of my self pity, Advait was already on his knees.
"P-Please don't cry Urvi. I will change. I will go to psychiatrist. I will change. I will join military services to change all this. I will do anything... anything Urvi. D-Don't leave." He said.
I thought for a minute. And then nodded to myself.
"Advait." I said softly. He was vulnerable right now. And as much as I hate him, I am not taking his murder on my name. "I want you to change." He nodded quickly. "I want you to become a better man for yourself, for maa. I want you to become best man to the daughter you will have in future. Okay! Change Advait, Change but not for anyone, change for yourself, and the ladies close to your heart." He wailed loudly, probably remembering one of our talks about having a baby girl.
Oh god! I am such a fool.
"I swear I will change Urvi, Jaana. I will. Will you wait for me? I will change and become the best you could ever have. I will, I swear on maa. J-Just don't leave me Urvi, I will die without you. I am nothing without you." He added desperately.
Should've thought before dicking down other girl. I wanted to add but decided against it taking how vulnerable he is.
I took a deep breath.
"Stand up." He did as I said, as if he was my puppet. Cleaned his face with his hand. And tried hard to smile but can't. His eyes were crimson red. The most red I have ever seen them. His blood pressure was blasting, I can tell. He was a paitent of high blood pressure.
But for once, I wanted to think about myself.
"I can't Advait." Tears started again from his eyes. "I can't live my whole life, waiting when will be the next time you will step out on me. I can't live in the constant fear of being cheated Advait. And if someday, you did, what will I do. We are not married, and still I feel my future is over but what will I do when we will be married?! What will I tell my children. I get that you might change but the cost of your changing will be my life long depression and constant fear Advait. I still thinks what is my fault in all it. Was I not beautiful enough or was I not worthy enough to give your loyalty --the only thing I asked for-- to me? Was I not beautiful? I am constantly doubting myself."
"I-its not you Urvi, Its all me, its me who is not worthy of you, who is not enough." He slapped himself multiple time. I wanted to stop him, but I did not. But I was sure, he really need help. "I don't even deserve to live Urvi, I don't. No let me complete. when I was a child I used to think why maa and Dad lives apart . and when I was thirteen, I over heard them fighting when once dad was over at our small apartment, dead drunk. He was sounding very angry. One moment he was begging mom to come back to him and the other he was threatening. Either way he wanted her back. Mom did not agree. When he asked her why can't she forgive him, She shouted that he was still the same man she left. A cheater. And once a cheater always a cheater. That time I realized why mom left dad. I started hating dad. I started to do things exact opposite to what he told."
He gulped, and I realized he needed to sit down. As much as I wanted to throw him out, but-- closure. He sat on the small chair facing the bed and I sat on the bed with my legs folded. we were practically sitting in two opposite corners of my room.
"My dad, I agree, was not a good husband, a worst one even, but he was a good dad. But I was so angry that I did not hear a thing from him. At fourteen he told me that I should never have sex around randomly, and that night, on my birthday, I had sex." He looked down in shame. "I don't know the girl's name but I used to look more mature than I was, so no one questioned me. After that for a whole year, I did it to get on dad's nerve, never letting maa know what I was doing. I knew it will be a huge disappointment on her part. But after a year dad and me started having ugly fights and after that sex came out be a matter of releasing tension. I started doing it whenever I was stressed. And after years of repetition, I met you." A small smile came on his lips. I did not smile. This was the start of maybe a good period of his life, but, as I look at it now, it was dark period of my life. The one which need to be ended, it has to end.
"I was mesmerized by your site. I never even once lusted out for you. It was always admiration. After one year of pursuing you, you agreed for a relationship and that same day I went to maa and told her everything. She was ecstatic that I had finally found a girl, and within one week I took you to meet Maa. I never --not even any of my friends-- allowed anyone to meet maa. Maa is the soft spot. If she was hurt, I was hurt. If she cried I cried. If she was happy so was I. After meeting you her resolve on you being the perfect girl went stronger. She wanted you to be her daughter-in law. I agreed. I was scared of the idea of marriage, but if it was with you, I was happy to start anew. When I was with you or when I was pursuing you, I never, not even once, looked at another girl. But then the cycle started again." He took a deep breath. He looked pained.
"eight months ago, it all started again. Dad threatened me. He told me if I did not dated M-Maya." Oh god! it was Maya, it was right under my nose. Oh God! Maya used to come to the restaurant parties I used to go with Advait and our friends. He looked ashamed, like never before. "I started dating her, be-behind your back, threatening our friends right and left, never to tell you what was happening. Malik told me I was wrong but I did not listen, because I was not touching her. Did not even looked at her while we were--- we had to be together. I wanted to prove that I will handle it and will come back to you. But then a month ago dad threatened me that he will take Maa away. I was so drunk and I started missing you. But I had to go to suite where I kept Maya to avoid dad's working on his threat and th--then it happened. I snapped, I tho---thought it was you and did all of it. Another week, Dad threatened me again, saying he will kill you, I resorted to old method. Every week dad will threaten me, beat me, and I knew only one outlet, only one thing and I kept doing that....four times.... until..." He was breathing loudly, his red eyes again filling with tears. Why does it still hurts. I hate him. Regardless of what he went through I hate him.
"Until you told me you were going to tell your parents about me. I started to feel more guilty then I already was. I started to think of so many what ifs. What if I told you? Will you accept me back? What if I did not and you found out? I ended things with Maya, and then drank so much that I was totally passed out. I got a call from city hospital that Maa was in hospital, badly beaten." I gasped. Oh no! Aunty was hurt, Aunty was hurt.
"I knew it was dad's doing and I went and punched him. I was hurt, I went to Malik's and found he was having a party, which was thrown by Sagar. Sagar came to me when I was yet again, dead drunk and took me to one of his bed room. When I entered in, I saw you. I told you how much I missed you and made love.." I scrunched my nose in disgust.. He looked through his eyes lashes and looked down. Never even once he looked up at me while confessing. " D-did it with he--her. Deep down I knew you were not here, you were not the one I was with, b-but I was drunk, so much that I lost my power to think." Tears fell down from his eyes. I cocooned my legs in my chest.
I don't know what to do? I don't know what I was going to have in my future, I don't know what I was thinking. I was numb. I was shocked, I was... I don't know.
Aunty was in hospital. She was hurt. I don't know what to do?!
One thing I knew was I can't give him a chance. I just can't. I felt, bad, pity and sympathy for him, but I just can't forgive him, I just can't move on with him.
I got up, so did he.
He had lost the hope which were shining in his eyes when he came inside my room. Good. I don't want to hurt him more. It was not me. I don't hurt. I don't do revenge. I believe fate gives us what it had stored for us. And hell, I was not going to change for anyone.
"I am really sorry to what happened to Aunty and... to you, I don't know how to react. But I will advice you to stay away from your father, and move from here to somewhere he can't find you both Advait. I never knew about this past of yours, and I am very sorry to hear that. But.. I can't give you another chance. I can't help it. I don't just... I can't trust you anymore. I hope you move on and find someone else. I hope you change and live your own life Advait. Live for yourself, but change for others. You need to... you have to. I hope you get a good life with whoever you meet in your future." I said extending my hand. He was crying loudly by now, I was also in tears. I have spent three years with this man two out of which was a relationship I looked forward to.
"I hope you have a good future." I shook hands with him when he slowly extended his hand to me. For whole five minutes he looked at our hands. He did not let go and I did not snatched my from him. I just wanted him to do whatever he wanted to one last time. He tightened his hold on my hand and pulled me into a hug. I did not retorted, nor did I hugged him back.
He cried and cried and cried. I let him. One last time... I told myself as tears slid down my face. We both cried for how long I don't know.
Then I broke the hug and he reluctantly let go. He looked at my face, as his eyes slid down from my forehead to neck, it looked like he was etching every details of my face in his mind for one last time. Then he took my hand and kept them on his eyes. And then he turned.
And left..
without looking back...