Midnight Whispers (short stories collection) - Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Advait's Pov
Love.
I has always been enticed --intrigued even-- that how it felt like. Surely, I was loved by Maa, more than anything and everything, but I always wanted to be loved like a woman loves her man. Always wanted to be loved as one and only -the one of someone.
And finally when someone loved me like I was her the one, I let her slip away from me.
Sitting on the floor now, as I looked up at the sky, I wanted to shout, wanted to scream my agony, wanted to scream, how much failure of a man I was.... Just like the bastard I call dad. I never wanted him to be called my father. I was not like him, and I will never be like him.... was what I had told myself. Was what Urvi had told me, always.
But can I be a bigger disappointment?!
I proved exactly how wrong she was.
I proved exactly how right 'fruit does not fall far away from parent tree' idiom was.
Pure. Pure. Pure.
That was the definition of her love for her love for me. Definition of her. She was just so pure. So beautiful. So mesmerizing. I sometime wandered, if that was the reason I was crazily obsessed with her. Maybe I wanted to taint her pureness, with my destroyed soul.
Disgust.
I could feel it in my mouth, in my stomach, all over the body. Funny how you never feel like this while doing the deed. But feel disgusted with yourself after your partner finds out. That was not my case though. I had cried hours after doing what I did with that woman. I don't know what I did? I don't remember anything after doing it. I don't know why I was doing it... What I knew was I fucked everything up.
The first day I went to that Maya at the swimming pool, I knew I had bursted the sweet bubble of love I was living inside.
It was haughty, It was remorse. I felt disgusted with myself. Loathed it.
I do not know what I was thinking. I don't know what was it that took me to the dark side of the life. And now, all the beautiful colours of life faded and I am left alone,
all alone.
A huffing Malik came to me dodging the bottle of whisky and alcohol, I have been consuming from the last week. I knew, I fucking knew, what I did was undeniably the worst thing a lover can do to his lover, but somewhere in my heart, I hoped against hope, that she will forgive me, That she will come back to me.
I had sworn to cherish her and love her and look at her and her only. I have decided that if some other girl will take her place in my heart, that would be only her daughter.
Our daughter.
Our little daughter will be perfect, with her hairs and sweet voice and my eyes, our daughter would have been the most beautiful girl of this world. I had sworn to cherish her in her life. A small smile came on my lips.
My perfect little world.
Mallik shook me, but I did not look at him. I can't.
"Adi..." He said. "Adi wake up." He said. I was already awake.
"She is leaving Advait." He said. My mind went blank.
All the hopes, all the dreams came crashing down with the hard reality. I rubbed my hands over my face and got up on wobbly legs. I need to meet her. I needed to see her.
I can't live without her . A choked sob came from my lips, as I made my way down the stairs. I can't live without her. I slipped once and twice before getting to my car.
"you are not in the condition to drive, sit there." He pushed me to passenger seat and sat on the driver one and drove to the airport. My stomach has totally dropped by now. She was leaving. And I was looking like a dead corpse.
I looked at Malik with dead eyes. I heard him mumbling, something like 'god! what have you done to yourself?'
sometimes I envied him, just so much.... he was my best friend since we were in diapers. While, I was the bastard I was, he was never that. he was waiting for the girl he loved, he has loved all his life, even though he was not sure if he will get her. But he waited.
Why can't I be like him?!
His life was perfect. His family was perfect, his everything was perfect, and so was his love life. He was so devoted to Lily that it was not even funny. He loved her more than the life itself. I won't be even surprised when one day I will receive their wedding card.
Why it has to be me?!
But whom can I blame, it was all on me! I was the reason of the destruction I caused myself. We reached airport and Malik hastily pulled me out with him. He dragged me through the entry and I followed him..... numb.
I stopped and so did Malik when I saw her talking emotionally to Lily.
My beautiful Jaana... not mine anymore
so many dreams, so many aims, so much love.... I'd so much I wanted to do with her. I had planned it all. Just me and her and maa, in a beautiful big house, with our small cute daughter.
All shattered, because of you.... My mind whispered back to me, sounding as broken as I was. We were ten foot away from each other, and yet.... so far, that I can't reach her. I can never reach her now.
Its been a month already and she had not even looked at me, let alone talk to me.
I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.
Her eyes suddenly stared back into mine, as I stood there, with tears blurring my vision. It was a mess. I was a mess. A whole bloody fucking mess.
"urvi" I whispered. Savouring her name last time on my tongue. She came near me.
"Advait." She gave me one of those beautiful smiles of her. "I don't know what to say now. I am leaving. I know and I told you in the very start of our relationship, that I liked you but I never loved you, at that time. I told you it'll take time. And fortunately, I was still in the process of falling for you, so it was not hard for me moving on from you." Her smile was tight lipped and I knew she was lying. I knew she was hurt beyond imagination. "But I was really hurt by your actions, broken even, I was so soo much hurt, that it still hurts to look at you. For someone being loyal, there is no need to love. And while you claimed you love me, I knew you cannot change. But I hope you will. I hope you will someday love someone so much, that you won't mind being changed for her. It wasn't me but it could be anyone in the future."
How do I make her believe that she was --is-- it for me. That she is the only girl I had loved and had been obsessed with. I have no future without her. I have nothing without her.
Nothing.
"And I have decided something because reason number one," She showed her index finger. "We are not meeting ever again. I don't know if we crossed path, coincidently but I won't want to meet you again." My heart dropped to my fucking feet.
What?!
"And two, I want you to start anew, just like I will, not in the forseable future, but....... someday. " Never gonna happen. A start without her is end.
"I forgive you!" She said, and all the misery came out in form of shoulder shaking tears from my pathetic eyes.
Bloody hell! It was a goodbye...... It was a goodbye forever.
If she had not forgave, I would've hoped that she wanted me to chase her, and heck, that was what I would've done!!! But by forgiving me, she wants nothing to do with me.
"Why?!" Why can't you forgive me?! I wanted to ask and she knew what I wanted to ask....
"Because, some actions only have repercussions Advait, no redemption. And for me.... your action is that."
And that was it. That was all that she said. before giving a hug to lily and went to boarding section, without looking back.
It was all I saw before everything --including my future-- went black.