Miracle - Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Ezra kept asking about school, but I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to lie and say it had been great. Brides of Heaven was still a safer place for me than here at the apartment, and it wasn't like it was unbearable there. I didn't want him worrying about me all day when he needed to work.
First thing he'd done when we got home was change my bandages, and scold me for all the cracks I'd put into the healing skin. He had me take more painkillers and proceeded to apply extra ointment over every inch of my back, then carefully bandaged me up again.
"I'll make you some food," he said, and because of the state of my back he wouldn't allow me to help. So I sat on the sofa and watched him boil water for ramen—which he did just by holding the handle of the pot, without even turning the stove on.
All I could hear in the back of my mind was Jordan bragging about what a good cook she was. I must have been sulking, because when he set the bowls of steaming noodles on the coffee table, he gave me a concerned look.
"Did you want something different? I could—"
"No, this is good," I said quickly, and reached for the dish in front of me. He stood there watching uncertainly, like he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do to cheer me up. Gah, I'd been feeling awkward and out of place all day, and it wasn't fair to be making him feel that way too, especially in his own house.
I pointed at his computer monitor. "Can that play movies?"
"Yeah."
"Let's watch one together. Can we?"
He sat down next to me on the sofa, and the monitor blinked to life in response to his thoughts. "What do you want to see?"
"Do you have Star Wars?" It was my go-to when I was feeling down.
He put it on, and the moment the classic theme song started playing my mood improved. We ate our noodles through the opening scenes.
When we got to the part where Obi-Wan delivered his iconic These aren't the droids you're looking for line, I was struck with a thought. "The Force is a lot like what you guys can do, huh? I wonder if George Lucas ever met a Nephilim."
"What if I told you he's one of us?"
I nearly leapt off the sofa in excitement. "No way! Are you serious?!" I turned to see Ezra's eyes twinkling at me a bit, in spite of his deadpan expression. At the same moment I realized that was impossible. George Lucas was a genius storyteller, but even in Hollywood, people would have noticed if he'd failed to age like a normal human. "Are you teasing me right now?"
Ezra just put noodles in his mouth innocently. But then one of his eyebrows bobbed up and down. I burst out laughing and pushed him. "Hey!"
He swallowed and set his bowl down. "You're smiling again."
I was, wasn't I? But more than that, I was struck by the knowledge that he'd wanted to make me smile. That warmed me all the way to my toes, and now I couldn't stop grinning.
Ezra nodded at the computer monitor. "A Jedi has more power than a Nephilim. More like an angel."
"Speaking of which, in Elioud Studies Ms. Alorel said angels are capable of somnial psychogenic fertilization. Can they really do that?"
"Mm. Angels aren't bound by flesh and bone, so the laws of Creation—physics, biology—don't apply to them. They can possess a living creature's body and do just about anything they want to it. Heal it, curse it, wear it like a suit. They can make it pregnant if it has a female reproductive system. Though because of the delicate processes involved, it only works if the creature is human, and unconscious."
"Ugh. No wonder the girls in class were freaking out."
"Well, angelic lore is an unusual discussion topic for a first-year class."
I bit my lip. "I might have asked too many questions. Pretty sure I pissed the teacher off."
"You have a curious mind. Nothing wrong with that." He said it offhandedly, but my insides squirmed with pleasure anyway. Suddenly it didn't matter so much what Ms. Alorel thought of me. I bet she didn't have six doctorate degrees.
"Then can I ask you something?" I wasn't really paying attention to the movie. "What's dreamwalking?"
"Oh." Ezra rubbed the grizzle around his mouth, and all my brain could process was the perfection of those full lips, surrounded by handsome evening stubble. It only really grew on his upper lip and his lower chin, except for a narrow trail from the center of his bottom lip down. I wondered if it would feel as nice as it looked, if he were ever to...
He glanced over at me, and I tried to hide my wayward thoughts. "Is it, um, like your other abilities? Where you have to be touching the other person?"
"No. When a human dreams, their soul is manifesting its own plane of consciousness. It's not part of the material world, so it doesn't require physical contact for us to enter it."
"So a dream is like... a little psychic universe?"
"That's one way to put it."
"And you guys can just walk right in?"
"Figuratively. We're sending our consciousness to share someone else's psychic space. We can participate in the stories their mind is inventing, and add elements of our own. If the human is a lucid dreamer, we might even be able to share messages that they'll remember when they wake up."
I turned toward him on the sofa eagerly, and tucked my legs up under me. "You know, I've been dreaming about you since I was a kid."
He gave a tiny, self-conscious nod that sent a thrill down my spine.
"It was really you?"
"Probably not all the time." He paused. "Sometimes when I got there, I was already... there."
Huh. How could I know which ones had been the real him, then? I couldn't remember the details of most dreams anyway. But there'd been that one a while ago where there'd been two of Ezra, and then later, dozens of Tyler. Tyler couldn't dreamwalk, so my subconscious had to have been making that part up. But maybe not both Ezras? Only... oh. Oh, shit.
I'd been making out with Ezra Number One when Number Two showed up. If his consciousness had been there for real, he'd seen it, hadn't he? What I dreamed about doing with him.
Shit.
I glanced over to see that he was blushing just like I was. Agh, God, this was weird.
"I wasn't trying to intrude," he said quietly. "Sometimes it was the only way to check on you."
Stammering, I asked, "D—do you dreamwalk with other people? Besides me, I mean."
"I talk to my sisters when we haven't seen each other in a while. Before my mother passed, I used to visit her too."
"And... what about other humans?" Specifically, other Elioud. Ones of the potential Bride sort. Ms. Alorel had said dreamwalks were part of Nephilim courting, so...
He grunted. "Sometimes."
Not really the answer I was hoping for, but the acidity in his tone was unexpected.
Until I thought of something that chilled my blood.
"Tyler said he'd been having nightmares. About snakes."
Ezra grunted again, and propped a foot on the coffee table. His gaze was trained on the movie that I was pretty sure neither of us was watching.
"You did that?"
No response, but the shifting light from the screen was reflecting cold and sharp in his eyes.
"Jesus. I'd thought it was strange. All the other stuff Tyler did to me, his conscience never bothered him a bit. But the snake nightmares weren't guilt. You... you literally drove him crazy."
"He almost killed you," Ezra said tightly.
I could only stare at him. Had he really used his powers to torment Tyler, in revenge for the rattlesnake bites? Or was he hoping to scare Tyler into staying away from me? When Ezra finally looked over, a hint of defiance smoldering in his black eyes, I gulped.
My stoic guardian angel had a seriously dark side.
"But I should have known he was too weak and stupid to get the point. I should have realized he was going to go after you again. I should have..." He broke off, clenching his jaw.
I leaned forward and touched his forearm, which was tense like a rock. "You saved me, though. That's what matters."
"I was almost too late. That repugnant little bastard beat the shit out of you all over again. If I'd been even a half second later, he would have done worse." He closed his eyes, pulling away from my hand.
I wasn't going to let him get away with that. I moved in closer, lifted his big, heavy arm, and shouldered up against his side. Ezra flinched, tried to shift out of the way without touching my back. I had him cornered against the arm of the sofa, so that was pretty much impossible. He had no choice but to let me curl into him, holding his arm straight out over me like he was afraid to do anything else with it.
"Connor—"
"You saved me," I repeated fiercely, and hugged his massive torso with my face pressed to his shirt. You stopped him. That's. What. Matters. I felt his ribs inflate. After a moment he started petting my hair, keeping his elbow elevated so it didn't touch my back.
I tipped my chin up to look at him.
And I lost the ability to breathe.
Ezra was gazing down at me, while I was cuddled onto his chest. Our noses were maybe two inches apart. His jet black eyes were flitting over my face, as if he was baffled that I'd want to be this close to him. Those plush lips could easily be touching mine in another second. He was utterly, breathtakingly beautiful.
My pulse sputtered as agitatedly as R2-D2's chirping in the background. My mouth opened up a little, like my body was reminding me I needed air, but I couldn't comply. I fucking wanted him. Oh, God, I wanted him so much.
Irony of ironies, the movie was playing its trash compactor scene. The space between me and Ezra was closing as fatefully as the walls of the Death Star's garbage masher. My heart was beating hard enough that my eardrums were echoey. I tilted my head so that our noses bypassed each other.
And for one incredible, oxygen-deprived minute, I felt Ezra's mouth on mine. Gentle. Deliciously soft, and warm. As my mind went blank and my insides quivered with longing, he pulled back with our foreheads pressed together and exhaled against my lips. Then he kissed me again, short and sweet, on the end of my nose. He used his hand in my hair to tip my face down, and gave me a peck between the eyebrows.
Next thing I knew, I was being levitated a little bit, and floated backwards.
"Hey!"
"Your healing's been set back enough today," he said, and turned me so I was facing the opposite end of the sofa. He lowered me onto my stomach, with my upper body resting against the sofa's padded arm. I tried to straighten up in protest, and he lifted me back into the air. "Nope. You're going to lie there just like that. Be good now, and watch the movie."
He lowered me down again, and I didn't really have the guts to argue. My heart was too busy trying to decide if it was overjoyed or crestfallen at what had just happened.
I laid my ear against the arm of the sofa as my lungs opened up, and a spurt of belated adrenaline left me feeling restless and dizzy. I mean, at least Ezra was fond of me, right? There was no doubt that I was something precious to him.
But I was precious like a younger sibling. Or hell, a cute dog.
Ezra had tortured Tyler for hurting me. He'd killed Tyler—and Felix, too—for trying to rape me. He'd risked his life, his angelic abilities, and fuck, even his family jewels, to protect me. He'd spent every damn day of the last fifteen years staring at pictures of me on his desk and slaving away in his lab in an effort to undo my Eljo-ness. But none of it meant he liked me in the way I wanted him to.
I sighed. Blinked at the computer monitor, where Obi-Wan and Darth Vader were just starting their lightsaber duel. Obi-Wan was about to die to save Luke and Leia, Vader's twins, who didn't know yet that they were siblings or that the bad guy was their father. I loved this scene. I'd always felt a lot of parallels between Luke and Leia, and me and Maddy. And I guess Ezra was kind of my Obi-Wan. Age difference and all.
Wonder what Star Wars would have been like if Luke was crushing on Obi-Wan the whole time.
When the movie was over Ezra floated me to the bathroom, and when I was done in there he floated me the three feet across the hall to the bedroom. He helped me out of my track jacket and school t-shirt, and before I could stop him he was back on one knee in front of me, pulling my pants down and holding out sweats for me to step into.
Jesus fucking Christ. I could barely keep my knees from shaking.
He pulled the sweats up to my waist, and for a second—and I mean, just the tiniest instant—it felt like he was staring at my crotch. Which was all it took for a fresh surge of arousal to rack my body. My memory flooded with other dream images. Ones where he was lying next to me in the Swan's guest bed, with his hand inside my underwear.
That definitely couldn't have been the real him.
But with his face right in front of my groin like this, I wanted to believe it had been. More than that, I desperately wanted an encore.
He levitated me before he'd even finished standing up, and sent me drifting over the bed. I was laid on my stomach, and he re-checked the state of my burns, gave me more pills, and flipped the light out.
"Ezra?"
"Hm?"
I had to know. "While you were on the run, and I was staying at the Swan's house. Did you, um... did you ever dreamwalk with me, back then?"
He stood silhouetted in the bedroom doorway without speaking. He was backlit and I couldn't see his face, which made me a little braver. "Well, did you?"
He was quiet a long time. And then he simply said, "Goodnight, Connor."
The door closed, and I was left in the dark.
🧬🧬🧬
Over the next week, things at school improved. Mostly because on Tuesday morning, Ezra gave me a tablet of my own to take with me. I wasn't sure what made him think of it, whether he'd been sliding into my head yesterday during class or what—but it was a game changer.
Though it wasn't the same model as the ones the students had, it didn't take me long to figure out how to download copies of Maddy's textbooks, lecture notes and assignments. When I had a question in class, I tried the school's internet first. The Nephilim had a search engine called NANO that was like Google on steroids. It indexed more than the regular internet, including results from the dark web and Nephilim-only servers. If I couldn't find the information on my own, I gave my question to Maddy and she asked it for me. We both benefited from that arrangement, since it made her seem like an attentive student and I got the answers I wanted.
Even better, I was able to log into the campus' massive digital library using Maddy's student number. That gave me access to literally millions of books, including Nephilim texts that weren't available in any human libraries. Nephilim history, sociology, psychiatry... Sciences and technology a good century or two ahead of the human world... Even poetry and fiction, all at my fingertips. I could download anything I wanted.
I was never going to be without something to read again.
During second period Reproductive Health, I passed the time on a leather-upholstered bench in the hall, a little ways down from Maddy's classroom. I worked on assignments I wouldn't be allowed to turn in, surfed the internet exploring topics that had come up in class, and read. It was actually kind of blissful.
Maddy's homeroom teacher, Ms. Alorel, had presented me with a plastic sign that said Boy in the Restroom. It could be stuck and unstuck to any surface I wanted, like an endlessly reusable Post-It note. She instructed me to put it on the door of any bathroom I was using. I guess there had been more than a few complaints, and while I was sure the gesture was meant for the convenience and comfort of the girls, in truth it was nicer for me too. I learned to make restroom trips during class periods—that way I wasn't monopolizing one during breaks when they were in high demand.
Ezra had to work late every night the rest of the week, which was a disappointment. He still came to pick me up from school each day. But after we got back to the apartment and he fixed whatever boil-and-serve thing he'd picked for dinner, he asked me to go to my room so he could focus on the vials, Petri dishes, flasks, microscope, and centrifuge he set up on the breakfast bar. It meant we didn't get to have another movie night. Honestly, I would have loved to just sit and watch him work, but he wouldn't let me. I got shooed to my room night after night, where I sat in bed and read. I usually didn't see him again for the rest of the evening, unless I ventured out to use the bathroom.
Eventually he'd pause in his work, come to change my bandages, and tell me to go to bed. But after a few days, he was only covering a couple spots that had deeper damage. The rest was pretty much healed up. The new skin was bright pink, so the diagonal stripes across my back were plainly visible. I could see them if I twisted around in the bathroom mirror, and it looked kind of like I'd laid down on a barbecue grill. They were peeling in places, which made them itchy, and felt kind of like a sunburn. Not super comfortable, but it was enough that I didn't have to take pain medication anymore.
Things were going okay up until Friday. I had settled myself onto the hall bench to wait out second period. I must have gotten overly absorbed in the Nephilim biology book I was reading, because I leaned against the wall too heavily and felt a sharp pain slash over my left shoulder blade.
It was enough to make me hiss a little. I went to the restroom and took my shirt off, but couldn't see anything because it was under one of the remaining bandages. I couldn't reach it on my own. It didn't hurt that bad now, so I was tempted to ignore it until I got home. But then I thought about what Ezra would say when he found out. What if he decided not to let me come to school anymore?
Maybe I ought to go to the infirmary.
The building had campus maps posted on every floor. I had to go downstairs and walk to the east end of the hall, and there was the door, with an inset green stained-glass window, marked Health Clinic. Inside I found a small waiting area with leather wingback chairs, and an antique-looking mahogany desk with a clear glass computer monitor sitting on it. The brunette Elioud nurse sitting there glanced up when I came in.
"Madison, dear, is something wrong? You're not due for your next evaluation until—" A double take, and her eyes widened. "Oh. You're not Maddy."
"I'm her twin," I said, probably unnecessarily.
"Yes, I heard you were... visiting. What brings you here?"
"I think something happened to my back," I said. "I felt something, but I can't see what it is."
"Your back?" she repeated, like it was the strangest complaint anyone had ever brought to her.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And you want me to look at it?"
Well, not really, but she was the only person in school who it might be appropriate to ask.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine." There were heavy velvet drapes behind her chair, and she got up and yanked them apart. Past them, I could see a white-papered exam table, trays of medical tools, and a ceramic sink. Now that looked more like the school clinic setup I was used to.
"Go in and take your shirt off."
She closed the drapes behind me. I took off my track jacket and the t-shirt underneath, and for lack of anything better to do, planted my butt up on the exam table with my burn-striped back facing the drapes.
Instead of coming in to examine me, though, I heard the nurse speaking to someone out there.
"Oh, Grace, you're here again?"
"Please let me redo the test, Ms. Kokabas."
"You know you can't. It's too late in your cycle, you're no longer ovulating. You'll have to wait until next month."
"But those measurements were wrong. I didn't drink enough water that day, so—"
"Dear heart, it doesn't matter how much you drink. The tests are still accurate."
"That one wasn't. It couldn't be."
"I'm sorry, but as I said yesterday, it doesn't do any good to panic. We have to wait and see what next month brings."
"Easy for you to say! You're not the one everyone's calling an Eljo."
"Grace, honey—"
"I can't be Eljo, Ms. Kokabas, I can't. My father will cast me out, I... You don't know what it's like! Everyone here's just itching to see me get expelled. My dorm has a betting pool about whether I'll make it to Ruby."
"Oh, that's unacceptable. I'll have a talk with the Directress."
"I don't care what they do, I just need to know how to fix this. I have to improve my fertility scores before they kick me out."
"Are you following the diet and exercise plan I gave you?"
"Yes! I'm taking all the supplements, I do the yoga poses every day. It's not working!" Grace sounded like she was hyperventilating. I felt sorry for her. "There's got to be something else!"
"I'm afraid not. I know you're scared, but try to think positively. You've heard of Florence Zavebas? She was believed to be Eljo, but went on to have five sons."
"Only because she made it to graduation! At this rate I won't. You have to help me!"
I made the mistake of shifting my weight on the exam table, which caused the paper to rustle. The curtain rings screeched as the drapes were thrown apart.
"Who's back there?!"
I turned over my shoulder to see Grace staring at me. Today she had her black hair in two spiky knots, with at least six silvery, dangly earrings marching up the outer edge of each ear, and lipstick so dark it was nearly purple. Our eyes met for a second, and then she was staring at my back. So was Ms. Kokabas, the nurse. As if neither of them had seen the results of a laser flogging before.
"You," Grace said spitefully, like the sight of me put a bad taste in her mouth.
"Uh, hi, Grace."
"That's enough," Ms. Kokabas sputtered, pulling the drapes closed. "Grace Sarias, shame on you. We don't invade others' privacy."
"He invaded mine first!"
"I did not," I protested through the thick curtains. "I was here before you."
"Hiding back there like a creep! Ugh! Ms. Kokabas, he heard everything, you have to do something. He doesn't even belong here."
"That's up to the Directress," the nurse replied. "But I'm sure he's not going to repeat anything to anyone. Will you, young man?"
Grace snarled, and I heard the infirmary door slam shut. The drapes opened and Ms. Kokabas came over to the exam table, shaking her head.
"Listen, Connor, I know you don't understand how sensitive things are for Grace right now, but..."
"I won't say anything," I assured her quickly. "I'm Eljo too, you know."
Her brows lifted a bit, and she eyed my back. "This is quite... it's really out of my league. I could call the Enoch's Peak hospital, they're better equipped to—"
"The burns are mostly healed," I said, "but I think I did something to my left shoulder. I can't get the bandage off to look."
"Oh." She loosened the tape and peeled the square of gauze back. "I see. It looks like the scab cracked. Wait a minute and I'll get some antiseptic."
She dabbed some cold gel over the spot and put a new bandage on. "Do you need a painkiller?"
"No, ma'am, thank you." I still had some in my backpack.
I got my shirt back on, and pulled my phone out of my pants pocket because it was buzzing. Maddy had texted.
Where are you? I'm headed to third period, you coming?
On the way, I replied, and hopped off the table. "Thanks, Ms. Kokabas."
The nurse, back at her computer, nodded and waved me out the door. When I got to the staircase, though, a hand clamped over my wrist and another one over my mouth. I gave a muffled shout as I was yanked backward, into a tight, dark space. I heard a door slam, shutting out the light, and then an overhead fixture switched on. I spun around to see Grace, arms crossed over her chest, blocking the way out of... where were we, anyway? A janitorial closet, by the looks of things. There were plywood shelves on either side of us loaded with buckets, sponges, and bottles of cleaning supplies.
Grace was glaring at me, and I put my hands up. "Look, I'm not going to say anything to anybody. I swear. It's none of my business."
"I'm gonna make it your business," she snapped.
"Huh?"
"I heard what the Directress said at the judgment rites. Ezrael Mekas can cure Eljo infertility."
Oh, man. That wasn't exactly the point of his current project. "Um..."
"I want to work with him," Grace said. "I'll be a test subject, or whatever. I'll try any experimental medicine he's got. Hell, he can do surgery, I don't care. You're going to tell him that."
"Look, I don't think he—"
"You're going to get him to help me, or else."
"Or else what?" She didn't have a ready answer. "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life as an Elioud Biogenesis lab rat, and die in an execution tank. Just what are you going to do to me that's worse than that?"
She tossed her head. "Maybe I won't do it to you. Maybe I'll do it to Maddy."
"You're threatening my sister? I thought she was your friend."
"Eljo don't have friends!" Grace shouted, her eyes welling up with tears. She grabbed the front of my track jacket and shook me, never mind that she was one of the few people my own age who was shorter than I was. It took her less than half a second to hook her foot around the back of my ankle and slam me to the floor. I was lucky my skull didn't hit the hardwood, but that was only because my tender back took the brunt of the fall. Grace tumbled down on top of me, pinning me to the floor with her leg tangled expertly through mine so I wouldn't be able to shove her off.
"I don't care what it takes, you asshole," she hissed. "I'll make Maddy's life a living hell if I have to. I need your sponsor to cure me, it's the only chance I've got."
"It's not for infertility," I wheezed. I was definitely going to need that pain pill.
"What?"
"The cure Ezra's working on. It's not for infertility, it's for making us normal again. So we can live as regular people, without driving men crazy with our pheromones." Even as I said it, I was uncomfortably aware that there was a very riled up Elioud lying on top of me. Soon she realized it too, looking down and wrinkling her nose.
"Oh shit, ew! That's disgusting."
I cringed right back. "You're telling me."
She wriggled off of me and I scooted away, trying to create more slack in the crotch of my track pants to hide my unwanted erection. She averted her gaze, still grimacing. I took the opportunity to flex the muscles of my back, especially my left shoulder, which was stinging pretty good after its harsh introduction to the floor.
Grace glanced sideways and bit her lip. "You okay?"
"Not sure," I grunted.
"I forgot about your, uh... your burns. Sorry."
"If you were going to apologize, you could have just not knocked me down to begin with." Luckily, my backpack had dropped to the side and we hadn't fallen on it. I opened it and pulled out the tablet Ezra gave me, checking to make sure it wasn't damaged. Breathing in relief, I fished deeper and pulled out the plastic baggie of painkillers. "You have any water?"
She shook her head. "I can go get you some."
"Never mind, there's a water cooler in the hall." I looked up to see her watching me guiltily. I sighed. "You could have just asked nicely, you know. I would have helped you without all the threats and bodyslamming."
She blinked, and stammered. "You... does that mean...?"
"I'll talk to Ezra."
"But I thought you said his cure won't help me."
"It probably won't. And it's not finished yet, he's not even sure he can do it. I know he works on a lot of things for the institute, though. Maybe he knows of something else that would work for you."
Her eyes lit with hope.
"Now will you let me out of here? I'm late for chem class."