Miracle - Chapter 35: Chapter 35

Once we made it to Ezra's lab, I felt a tiny bit better. I was mostly ignored by the other Nephilim scientists, which gave me hope that I wasn't unbearably noxious. The bike ride must have brought my heart rate down. Ezra wasn't saying much, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. This place was his comfort zone. If anything would keep his mind off what I'd done to him, it was work.
We stopped at Dr. Sarias' office, and together the two of them escorted me to a room that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. Rows of clear cylindrical glass chambers went from floor to ceiling, large enough for a person to stand in. But there weren't body parts or unconscious creatures suspended in liquid inside, or anything like that. These were just empty glass tubes, with different types of machinery mounted on and around them. Fans created a steady hum of white noise in the background.
Ezra asked me to get into one of the tubes. He had me take my track jacket off, but I got to keep my pants. After I was inside, he closed the rubber-edged door and stood back as Dr. Sarias pushed some buttons on the control panel.
There was a low whirring sound, and my skin prickled as the air around me stirred. "What's it doing?" I called through the glass.
Dr. Sarias glanced up. "We're getting some readings," he said at normal volume. I could hear him just fine, which meant I hadn't needed to shout.
"Pheromones?"
"Yes. Along with heart rate, core temperature, O-two saturation, cortisol levels, a few other things. The scan chamber collects data faster."
Then why hadn't he used it on my first day here? I was going to ask, but was distracted by his deepening frown as he watched the digital display.  "This can't be right," he muttered.
"What's not right?"
Dr. Sarias ignored me when I asked the question, but when Ezra came to look over his shoulder, he pointed. "Those prostaglandin readings are crazy, right?"
"Maybe. He was exercising earlier, it could have boosted output."
"By that much?"
"He's a male Eljo, there's a lot about their biology we don't know. Download the charts for analysis, but right now I need his androstenol levels. That looks like ten neg one, is that what you get?"
"Looks more like neg two to me. How about you take your shirt off?"
Both Ezra and I blinked. He had to be talking to Ezra, because I was already shirtless.
"Why?" Ezra asked.
"I want to see what it does to the numbers."
"Why would that make any difference?"
Dr. Sarias grinned and shouldered him. "'Cause the Eljo's into you, dumbass. He just about lit up the lab the other day while you were putting on a show for him. Shouldn't be tough to get him to do it again."
I felt my face flame. Though, I'm not sure which of us was more uncomfortable, me or Ezra. His features locked into stony detachment in an instant. The dark feeling that I'd been battling all day returned to the pit of my stomach.
Dr. Sarias chuckled. "Aw, look at the little guy. He's blushing all the way to his belly button."
"Stop, Bo."
The hard edge to Ezra's voice made my eyes start burning. It's not like I didn't deserve his anger, but the suffocating shame from last night was surging up faster than I could handle. I was brittle today. Exhausted, and weak. I had to get a grip or I was going to start crying in front of both of them.
"But it's working, look. His levels just spiked. What're you being such a prude for? Think of it as stripping for science."
I closed my eyes and swallowed, suddenly queasy. The insides of my eyelids felt like cayenne pepper. "Leave him alone!" Of course my voice had to crack in the middle of the demand, because what else would have made this moment truly complete?
"Enough," Ezra barked. There was a prolonged beep, and then a soft, short hiss. I felt something light and damp spritzing my skin from all sides. When my eyes opened, the glass chamber had filled with a puff of rosy mist.
Ezra was glowering at the control panel's display, while my vision was swimming. I really didn't feel good all of a sudden, my head was light and vertigo was screwing with the weight of my feet on the platform. Had they just sucked the oxygen out of here? Black stars were closing in around me. My guts were swaying.
Ezra was saying something, but the words were drowned out by the ringing in my ears. His gorgeous face was my only focal point in a swirling cosmos of nerves and longing. Then I felt my legs giving out.
"Fuck," I heard him growl, and the chamber door burst open. I flew out, right into his chest, so that my shoes never even touched the floor. His arms came up around me. "Connor? Connor, breathe."
I was engulfed in the wonderful lemony clove smell of him, and it broke me. I barely had any strength, but struggled anyway. The only sounds that would come out of my mouth were sobs. Let go! Let go, you can't be this close, what if I set you off again? I can't control it, I don't—
"Calm down. Shh, it's okay."
"What the hell?" Dr. Sarias asked. "What's happening?"
Ezra turned us to the side, so that his broad shoulders were blocking his friend's view of me. "We need a minute, Bo."
"Yeah, I can see that." A couple beeps, and I heard footsteps toward the door. "I'll be in my office. But remember, I need him to do another urine panel. The last one was contaminated."
The doors hissed open and closed, and I pushed against Ezra's chest. I was still trying to get enough air, but I couldn't concentrate while he was hugging me. I was truly an asshole, because in spite of how scared I was, the feel of him holding me was everything. "Put me down!" This time I managed to say it aloud.
He only pulled me closer. "It's fine. The formula's working, just relax."
Is that what they'd sprayed me with? I sucked in a breath that shuddered too deeply into my lungs, coughed a little, and went limp. He'd better be telling the truth, because I didn't have energy to keep fighting.
His voice rumbled in my ear. "That's it."
Don't leave me. Damn, thoughts were so much harder to hold back than words.
He didn't say anything else for a long time, just held me and let me listen to the soothing beat of his heart, and the whirring of the fans overhead. Once I wasn't crying anymore, he moved one hand to stroke my hair.
"I'm sorry, Connor. For what happened yesterday."
I took a trembling breath. "Me too."
"I had no choice, I couldn't stay while I was... like that." He swept my ponytail over my shoulder toward him. Strands of my hair slid through his fingers. "I don't deserve your feelings for me, much less the gift you offered me last night."
My blood flushed hot, mostly at the gentle reverence of his words. Why was he making my clumsy attempt at seduction sound like something... sacred? I thought sex isn't a big deal to you guys.
"But it is to you," he said softly.
I had to look up at him. His dark eyes, full of regret, passed over my face. His thumb found my cheekbone, smoothing away the residue of my tears. "I won't take anything else from you, Connor. I've already wronged you more than I can ever atone for. I'm trying, but everything I do makes things worse."
The sadness and frustration in his words made my stomach twist. "That's not true!"
"No?" He shifted me in his arms so that he could hold my wrist up, with the watch in between us. The outer ring was pulsing between green, yellow and blue. "Your blood sugar is low, and so is your blood pressure. You haven't had enough sleep. Your muscles are so full of lactic acid that you'll be hurting tomorrow. In the past twenty-four hours, you've spent a cumulative five hundred and forty-seven minutes crying."
I stared, dumbfounded. You've been counting?
Ezra inhaled, like talking that much all at once had winded him, and turned his gaze grimly to the watch's glowing face. The ring colors faded into each other, one after the next. There were shadows under his eyes, like he hadn't slept any more than I had. And watching his face, I was pretty sure he was mentally listing all the other crap we'd been through in the last few months, and adding those to his list of sins.
But all I could think was that he'd sent me his heartbeat when I couldn't sleep. He'd stayed up all night on the phone with me, to make sure my mother's one night stand didn't turn into a nightmare. He'd brawled with an entire pheromone-mad crowd in the arcade parking lot. Ridden hundreds of miles to watch over me on a date, then stayed to console me when I got dumped. Risked everything he had to save my life in the middle of the desert. Spent ten years petitioning his government to let him bring me here. He'd saved me from Tyler, then gotten the Swan to hide me while he was on trial for murder and treason. Hell, Ezra had always shown more concern for my happiness and well-being than my own mother. And when he wasn't busy doing all that, he was slaving away here with his microscopes and test tubes, seeking a cure for the genetic alterations that his people had spent centuries perfecting.
Yet he thought he didn't deserve my feelings? Even if he could never love me back, there wasn't a single person I had more reason to fall for.
Or die for.
I don't know how much of my internal monologue he overheard—I was too tired to control the intent of my thoughts—but he cleared his throat. "Let's get you something to eat."
He swept an arm under my legs, cradling me to his chest like a newborn, and carried me out of the glass-tubes room, down the hall to the elevator.
"You can put me down," I said hesitantly as the elevator doors closed us in. He acted like he hadn't heard, but I wasn't sure if he was pretending or just lost in thought. Either way, I was tired and my nearness didn't seem to be bothering him. If he was inclined to hold me, I'd go along with it.
The next room was half the size of the first. There were two sets of triple bunk beds lining one wall, with humming refrigerators and a counter with a sink on the opposite side. Rectangular tables were surrounded by folding chairs in the middle. Ezra carried me to the tiered beds, and set me on one of the middle bunks.
He went to one refrigerator and started pulling things out, while I looked around. The bunks were equipped with hard, flat pillows and metallic thermal blankets. The floor was vinyl laminate, like in the labs, and while the tables had stains and scratches in their plastic surfaces, for the most part the room was clean. An old-fashioned coat stand stood near the bunks, and somebody's lab coat was hanging there.
"Is this your break room?"
"Yes." Ezra was busy building a sandwich on the counter, and he didn't turn around.
"You guys sleep here?"
"Sometimes."
Then, was this where he'd spent last night? I shifted on the mattress. It was stiff and a little lumpy, but probably okay for a scientist napping between checks on an active experiment. For an Eljo it wasn't the safest place to crash, with Nephilim coming and going at all hours. But better to take my chances with a bunch of strangers than be torturing Ezra in his own home on the daily.
I scooted to the end of the bunk I was on, grabbed hold of the bed frame, and climbed the ladder. This top one would be best. When I laid down I wasn't visible from most angles in the room. And if I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend I was back home, with Maddy snoring away contentedly beneath me. It might not be so bad.
"What are you doing?" Ezra asked, and I leaned over the bunk to see him setting a plated sandwich on one of the tables.
"Can I have this one?"
"What do you mean?"
"This bed. It's the most out of the way. Do you think anyone will mind?"
He straightened up, a frown creasing his forehead. "You're not staying here, Connor."
"Oh." Maybe they really would be keeping me in a cage.
"Come eat before you pass out again," he said, so I climbed down and took a seat in front of the enormous sandwich. Warm white fabric settled around my shoulders. He'd covered me in his lab coat, which still held his body heat. I realized I'd been shivering, still being half-naked and all.
He rubbed my upper arms a few times, which reminded me that he was right, I was sore. I got my arms in the cavernous sleeves and he rolled them up for me, and did up several of the top buttons. Then he pointed at the sandwich.
I ate it. It was turkey and cheese, with all the fixings except tomatoes—he knew I hated them. He sat down next to me and pulled out a tablet, though I suspected he was paying more attention to me than the screen. He kept pushing a glass of milk toward me between bites.
I'm not sure I felt better with my stomach full. I was less jittery, and my guts had a digestive mission so they weren't churning quite so badly. But now I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I eyed the bunks with longing as I took a swallow of milk. "Can you take me to Dr. Sarias?"
"Why?"
"He wants another urine panel, right? Maybe after I give him the first sample, you guys can show me where I'll be sleeping." At this point I'd actually be content with a kennel. Or hell, a cushion under someone's desk. I just wanted to curl up and be unconscious for a good long time.
"Connor." Ezra set his tablet down. "You're coming home with me tonight."
That was a terrible idea. I shook my head. "You said it yourself, you can't be around me."
"Only because I was—!" He stopped himself and sighed. "Listen, last night was my fault. I should have started a batch of formula as soon as I brought you home. But with everything you'd been through, I... I wasn't thinking."
And then, without warning, he leaned over and got really close. His face was suddenly inches from mine. My heart started flip-flopping like a fish on a boat deck and I gaped, wide-eyed, trying to remember how to swallow. Or, you know, breathe.
The formula was still working, right? Was this a test?
Oh, shit. His sensual, full lips were right there. He was looking straight into my eyes.
He was trying to prove he could handle it. If I wanted to mend things, now was my chance. All I needed to do was hold still. Though my innards were quaking with effort... Jesus, did he have to be so goddamn beautiful?
He backed off, and a spray bottle appeared in front of my eyes. My bewildered brain took way too long to figure out he'd pulled it from the pocket of his lab coat, which I was currently wearing.
"I'll make sure we don't run out," he said earnestly, holding out the formula. "Everything will be fine."
I must have still looked dazed, because he set the spray down next to my plate and patted my head. "I'm not letting anyone else look after you. You're mine."
I gave a long, slow blink.
"God, you're exhausted. Bo can wait, I'm taking you home to bed."
I was levitated from the chair and back into his arms.
🧬🧬🧬
In the morning, the first thing to greet me when I woke up was the bottle of formula on the nightstand. I reached for it, which made me catch my breath and whine a little. My arms, chest, and shoulders were crazy sore. I forced my hand and fingers to operate the spray bottle. Neck first, then torso and groin. I sprayed my wrists too.
I got the bottle back onto the nightstand with considerable discomfort, and tried wriggling into a sitting position without using the muscles that hurt. That was apparently impossible, and I was grimacing the whole way up.
But then I sat on the edge of the mattress and looked around the room, filled with relief.
I was still in Ezra's house. He wasn't going to kick me out. Nothing in my life made sense right now, but at least I hadn't lost this.
A knock at the door, followed by Ezra calling from the hall. "Connor, ready for school?"
Oh, yeah... I hadn't lost school, either. A grin broke over my face. "Five minutes!"
When I emerged from the bedroom in my Brides of Heaven tracksuit, I found painkillers waiting for me in a little cup in the bathroom, the same way he'd set medicine out for me while my burns were healing. I took the pills and brushed my teeth, then headed for the kitchen.
Ezra looked up from the breakfast bar, where he was working on a bowl of sugar cereal he hadn't bothered to put milk in. "How are you feeling?"
I got up on the barstool next to him, moving carefully and trying not to make weird faces as my upper body flashed with pain. "Good."
"I doubt that." He poured cereal into a second bowl for me. "Bo's going to have to wait a couple days to do his stress tests if he wants accurate results." He watched me crunch away at a mouthful of cereal. "You've never been into working out before."
There was something new in his voice. Curiosity? I swallowed quickly. "Well, actually, if you have time... I was hoping for a favor."
"Oh?"
I got my phone out, and pulled up the document Grace had sent me. "There's this girl at school. She's kind of in trouble." I handed the phone over.
Scrolling with his thumb, he grunted. "She's a first year?"
"Uh-huh."
"She's not not going to make it. With stats like these, I'm surprised they even enrolled her."
Oh, man, that wasn't going to go over well. "Isn't there anything she can do? You know, to like... score better?"
"All the hard work in the world won't change genetics."
"But you're trying to change mine," I pointed out. "Didn't you invent some kind of vaccine for Nephilim pregnancies? Why can't there be something like that?"
"It's not a vaccine, it's a drug. And it can't be used until the pregnancy reaches its fourth month. See this graph? It measures the uterine lining, post-ovulation. For a human blastocyst to implant, that lining has to be six to eight millimeters thick. But for a Nephilim, it's almost twice that. This chart here tracks the hormone levels needed to achieve that thickness. Your friend could conceive a human child, but a Nephilim wouldn't have much chance. Even if one did manage to implant, it's unlikely to survive to the embryonic stage." He scrolled through the document again. "Your friend is Elioud-born?"
"I... can't say." Nor could I explain that Grace wasn't exactly a friend.
"This is typical of what we see in women with Elioud mothers. Last year my research group traced the cause to a protein in Elioud amniotic fluid. We think that's what weakens eventual hormone production in mature female offspring. We're nowhere close to a solution, though."
Even if they were, it wouldn't help Grace, who was already stuck with the condition. Ezra started to hand my phone back, and I pushed it toward him. "But there's got to be something you can do." He was a genius, after all.
Ezra set the phone down on the counter and gave me a sidelong glance. "Connor, are you... I mean, if you like this girl, maybe it's for the best. If she's diagnosed as Eljo... you could court her."
I dropped my spoon into the cereal bowl and tried not to choke. Court Grace?! I'd rather face off with Tyler's rattlesnake again. "Ezra, I'm gay! G-A-Y, gay. As in, not into girls."
"I know, but sexuality can be fluid for some people."
"Not me," I insisted, my cheeks burning. "Why would you say that?"
"I just..." His black lashes lowered as he glanced at the circles on my watch, which were fading between green and yellow. "Human males sometimes use displays of strength to attract a mate. If you were exercising to impress her, then..."
"You're fucking kidding, right? No one is gonna be impressed, watching me lift weights."
"Then why?"
"Maybe I'm just tired of being the one everybody pushes around," I snapped, feeling some of yesterday's irritability coming back. I wasn't even sure why I was annoyed, except I didn't really know myself why it had seemed like a good idea. Now I was painfully sore, I had to face Grace today with none of the answers she was looking for, and to top it off Ezra seemed to be hoping I was into someone else. Had my love confession burdened him that much?
"Connor..."
I snatched up my phone. "We're gonna be late."
The formula had to be working, because Ezra seemed perfectly fine while I held on from the back of his bike. This morning I'd been relieved to have things back to normal. I was still living with Ezra, still going to school to spend the day with my sister. I'd gotten so damn lucky, and now I was unhappy about it? What was wrong with me?
No sooner had the school gates closed, with Ezra's motorcycle whirring out of sight, than Grace appeared out of nowhere to grab me. "Finally, I've been waiting forever!"
"Ow, let go. My arms hurt."
She gripped tighter, making me whimper. "You better have asked him this time, or I'm gonna make your face hurt."
"I did, okay? Let go!"
She released me roughly and licked her lips—which were bright blue, like the streak of color in her hair. "What did he say?"
Shit, shit, she was going to kill me. She was looking particularly menacing today, with her uniform shirt tied in a knot under her boobs, and her navy and green plaid skirt hanging so low on her hips I couldn't tell what was keeping it from falling off. She had fishnet stockings under it, but they were covered to just below the knee by the school's uniform socks.
The clear focal point of this literal naughty-schoolgirl look was a belly button ring with three dangling, red, teardrop-shaped rhinestones that looked unmistakably like blood.
"For someone who's so worried about getting expelled, you sure do like to break the rules," I blurted out.
"How's that any of your business? Quit stalling and tell me what Mekas said. You showed him my report, right?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"Your hormone levels are low because you're Elioud-born. He says it's because of a protein in Elioud amniotic fluid, but he doesn't know how to fix it."
She blew out a breath, thinking. "Which hormones?"
"He didn't say, but they're on the report. He says your uterine lining can't get thick enough to hold onto a Nephilim baby."
I shuffled back a step while she was digesting that, preparing to run. She chewed her lip, then narrowed her eyes at me. She was wearing colored contacts—blood red, to match her belly jewelry. They were creepy, and clashed weirdly with the blue lipstick.
"Okay. Meet me at the gym at lunch."
"Huh? Why?"
"So I can teach you the leg sweep you wanted to learn. Duh."
"But I didn't even help you."
"Oh, we're just getting started. You've already given me more than any of the damn school nurses ever have. I'm sending you on another info gathering mission after school. In the meantime, though..." She lunged and threw an arm around my shoulders, making me wince. I think it amused her, because she grinned, tugged me into a headlock, and smacked her blue lips to my cheek. "Buckle up, Eljo boy.  We're gonna turn you into such a tough little motherfucker, nobody's gonna want to mess with you."
Great. That's just... great.