Miracle - Chapter 40: Chapter 40

"Have you made your decision?"
We were in Dr. Sarias' office, and both Ezra and Dr. Sarias were watching me so intently it was uncomfortable. I'm sure I was sweating. The Vicodin wasn't doing enough for the pain anymore, and my guts were engaged in a non-stop sequence of cramps that occasionally brought tears to my eyes. Ezra could feel it too, I'm sure, and his question held quiet gravity. He'd been talking up the importance of the hysterectomy all morning, all during breakfast and the bike ride here, all the way up the elevator. There was no doubt in my mind what he expected me to say.
But...
"I want to talk to Dr. Sarias first."
Ezra leaned back in his seat and indicated that I should go ahead.
"Um. In private?"
His brows went up. I gave him a pleading look, because I could tell he didn't like it. But I'd barely slept last night thinking about all of this. There were things I had to know, and I was pretty sure it wasn't stuff he would appreciate me asking about. Dr. Sarias would give it to me straight, and that was what I needed if I was going to consider removing organs from my body.
Ezra pushed his chair back. "I'll wait outside."
He was irritated, but didn't try to talk me out of it. He stepped out of the office as Dr. Sarias chuckled.
"I'm intrigued. Got some things you don't want daddy to hear?"
I ignored him, my attention on the office door. When I was sure it had closed all the way, I said, "One sec," and pulled my backpack into my lap. I took out a pack of tissues, folded one into a square, and slid it underneath my  smartwatch to block the sensors.
Dr. Sarias folded his arms and laughed again. "Clever little bastard, aren't you?"
Only when I was sure that Ezra couldn't eavesdrop did I turn to Dr. Sarias and ask, flatly, "Can I get pregnant?"
"Ahh. To answer that for certain we'd need to run months of tests. But I'd say it's a possibility."
"Okay." I licked my lips. "Let's say it could happen. Me and my sister had the same Bride treatment, before we were born. Does that mean I could have a Nephilim kid?"
"Isn't that the trillion dollar question?" Dr. Sarias laced his fingers behind his head. "In spite of all our great technology, our scientific advances, the Nephilim race has always hovered on the brink of extinction. The opportunity to learn what your body is capable of? You can't imagine what some people would be willing to do—or pay—for that."
"But if I can have Nephilim kids, it would just make me like every other Elioud out there, right?" That was what I'd been wrestling with most of the night. In the end, what would really be so special about that?
"Oh ho. You'd think so, wouldn't you? But it's a wonderfully complex prospect." He propped his feet up on the desk. "Let me give you a little Nephilim biology lesson, Connor. Do you know how the human sexes are determined, genetically?"
"Chromosomes. Women have two X chromosomes, men have an X and a Y. That's like, seventh-grade science class stuff."
"There are exceptions, but for the most part that's true. However, here's what you don't know. Nephilim have no Y chromosomes. Our DNA is only half human. The other half, the angelic half, mimics human genetics enough to be compatible, but fundamentally it's not human at all. Our differentiating chromosome is neither X, nor Y. In keeping with human nomenclature, we call it N."
A third type? "But Nephilim are all male, aren't they?"
"In utero, the N chromosome engages the same hormonal activity as the Y chromosome does. Nephilim are born with male genitalia, male reproductive systems. But we're not XY individuals. We're XN. Our gametes either carry an X or a N chromosome. When we reproduce with a human woman, our children are either XX, human females... or XN, Nephilim males.
"A woman who is not Elioud, however, is unable to give birth to an XN child. The genetic differences are so extreme that her body rejects the fetus as a toxin. Most of the time, she dies as well."
Hence the whole super-secret Elioud Biogenesis Bride project. That made sense, though I wanted to know more about how it worked. What exactly did their treatment do to girl babies before birth, that made Nephilim pregnancy safe for them? If daughters of Nephilim were born with part Nephilim DNA, why were they so often unable to carry Nephilim children? Why did the Bride treatment have to happen before birth to be effective?
But my curiosity was derailed by his next comments.
"Here's where it gets fun, Connor. You are a biological phenomenon. You have egg cells, as well as sperm. Your sperm's completely normal; some X, some Y. But what about your ovarian gametes? Are those X and Y as well? Because if they are, you have become the only source of Y ova in all of Creation.
"And if you are capable of pregnancy, you would have the potential of not just gifting a Nephilim with human daughters, but also human sons... children with an XY configuration. We believe our angelic traits are only passed down in coordination with N DNA. Could we prove it this way? Would those sons be Eljo, as our daughters are Elioud? Could we learn something from such a child that could help us solve the fertility problems faced by our Elioud-born girls?"
Whoa. Grace would sell her soul for that.
"If you are capable of birthing a child with an N chromosome, then yes, you could have Nephilim sons as well, and would be as valuable to us as any Elioud. But the most fascinating possibility?"
I saw where he was going. "What would a child with a YN configuration be like?"
He tapped his index finger to his lips, then pointed at me. "You got it, smartypants. Yes, that's the real mystery. Would a YN fetus be viable? Theoretically, a YN child would still be half-human, half-angel. But there is no known human or Nephilim without an X chromosome. What would we end up with? Something like a human? Something more like an angel? A super-being? A monster?"
Shit. This was so much bigger than I'd realized. No wonder Ezra was so determined that I have the hysterectomy. He knew that the scientists of EBG—hell, probably the entire Nephilim race—would never be able to pass up an opportunity like this. And even in the human world it would be the same. They'd want to know to know if a YY child was possible.
But the Nephilim wouldn't kill me, at least not until they'd been able to harvest every single ovum from my body. Ezra had said the cells were best when they were fresh, so it was a good bet they'd keep me alive as long as possible, use me as an egg factory, probably try to clone every part of me that they could. They definitely wouldn't let me live with Ezra anymore. Or let him have control over what they did to me. He was right, they'd come up with something to take me away.
"Before you jump to any rash decisions, though," Dr. Sarias said, "I want you to know that I've also been thinking about this. Ezrael wants your condition to remain secret, as I'm sure you understand. I've come up with a series of experiments that would tell us which of your hormone readings are linked to your ovarian system. Once we isolate those, we'd be able to deliver reports to the higher-ups that only reveal your Eljo statistics, nothing more. I'm confident we can give them enough juicy info about your Eljo features alone to convince them to classify your project, meaning Ez and I would have exclusive access to you. We would have to approve any other researchers who wanted to work with you directly."
He paused. "If you're interested, I could also run a few of the other tests I was talking about in the meantime. Find out if you're even capable of pregnancy. Determine if you really have Y egg cells."
"You think Ezra would let us do that?"
"It's your body, kid. Shouldn't it be your choice? Besides, I won't tell him if you don't."
I gave him a mistrustful scowl, and he shrugged. "Think about the value of that knowledge. What if we find no Y egg cells? What if you can't carry a pregnancy to term? We could learn those facts before any other researchers got their hands on you. If your secret were discovered, you'd be less interesting. In far less danger."
He had a point.
"Or what if you really are capable of birthing Nephilim children? By that definition, you wouldn't be Eljo anymore. You'd be—"
"Elioud." Just like Maddy and her friends.
"Yup. And we worship our Elioud, Connor. Depending on what we find, maybe you could apply for legal Elioud status someday. There are a lot of rights and privileges that go along with that, you know. You could go to school. Have control of your own life. The execution provision of the Council's proxy order would still stand, but Elioud Biogenesis would have to release you as a test subject. On that front, at least, you'd be untouchable."
I'd be free.
"That's why I told Ezra I wasn't removing your second reproductive system unless you ask for it. He's pissed, but a decision like this should be yours. You're the one who stands to lose—or gain—the most, either way."
"Do you think..." I gulped. "If I'm Elioud, would I be allowed to, uh... get married? Like, to a Nephilim?" The U.S. had only come around to recognizing same-sex marriage in the last few years. Who knew if the Nephilim would even consider it, seeing as there'd never been a male Elioud before.
But Dr. Sarias just smirked. "I think there'd be Nephilim lining up all over the world for the chance to be your Groom."
There was only one I cared about.
"We'd have to be extremely careful, Connor. I may not agree with Ez on everything, but he's right about the risks. I think we have a chance of keeping this quiet if the three of us keep our mouths shut, but there's no guarantee. Your test results get into the wrong hands, some other scientist gets curious, and..."
"I get it." Maddy was the only other person who knew, but she would take a secret like this to the grave for me. "If I didn't have the hysterectomy today... we still could do it later, right?"
"Of course."
I nodded slowly, chewing my lip.
"Want me to call Ezra back in?"
He wasn't going to be happy. "Yeah."
As Ezra returned and resumed his seat next to me, I braced myself for a fight. He didn't say anything, but once he was sitting down he leaned over and pulled the tissue out from under my watch. I tried not to flush, because he was the one who'd said I could do that when I wanted privacy. His face was impassive, so I couldn't tell if he meant the action as reproach.
"Ezra, I... Uh. I just want you guys to fix me up today. So that I'm not sick anymore. But I don't want anything taken out."
Tendons in his neck sharpened, and he cast a dark look at Dr. Sarias. Dr. Sarias put his hands up.
"Listen, he made up his own mind."
"I understand the dangers," I said quickly. "I'm not stupid. I know what you want me to do, but everything's happening too fast."
Ezra didn't respond, though some tiny shifts in his facial muscles made me suspect he was going to refuse. "You said I could make the decision!"
He inclined his head the tiniest bit.
"And last night, you said I was a miracle."
Dr. Sarias gave an amused snort. Ezra paid no attention, though I could feel my ears warming. The memory of his mouth on mine was suddenly making it hard to concentrate. Well, and the increasingly sharp pains in my belly weren't helping either. I put a hand over my stomach.
"That would mean there's a reason for me being like this, wouldn't it? That, like, God made me this way on purpose." I still wasn't sure I believed in God. But as an intersex Eljo sitting in a room with two half-angels, I couldn't exactly rule anything out at this point. "If that's true, how can you just undo it without knowing anything about why, or what I'm supposed to be doing, or whatever?"
Ezra's jaw flexed.
"I'm just... ungh! Asking for a little more time." Apparently my body had decided it was done waiting. Something inside knotted up hard, making me groan.
Ezra flinched too. He stood up. "Bo, is the OR ready?"
I craned my neck looking up at him, still ready to argue. "But are you guys going to—?"
"You can keep the uterus. For now."
I floated up out of the chair. Ezra carried me, with Dr. Sarias leading the way, to another room where I had to change into a hospital gown and lay down on a gurney. Ezra put an IV in my hand.
🧬🧬🧬
I was waking up from the very best sleep I'd had in all my life.
No, seriously, it was the absolute best. Heavy, blissful, completely brain-silent. So comfortable. So peaceful. I wondered foggily if that was what being dead felt like. If so, death might be something to look forward to someday. I really, really didn't want to be awake yet.
Until I heard Ezra's voice. "The catheter was a good idea."
"Told you so. Now your boy can have nice bloody cycles every month, just like nature intended."
"Maybe I should pull him out of school."
"Why? It's the best place to hide him, everybody there cycles too. No one's going to notice a few extra sanitary pads in the trash. Just don't let him wear white pants, he'll be fine."
"Bo, this isn't a joke. No one can find out about this."
"Yeah, you were clear on that yesterday. If we stick to the plan, you've got nothing to worry about. I already pulled the tissue samples we need while he was under. You do your part, we'll get him classified faster than you can say seraphim."
"You're certain the redactions won't raise questions?"
"Of course. You have got to loosen up a little, buddy. All this obsessing is bad for your blood pressure, you know. Not to mention mine."
"I can't lose him, Bo. He's..." A pause. "He's everything to me."
"Don't I know it. You've had literally no life since the day this little bugger was born. You've got no lovers, no hobbies, no friends besides yours truly. And it's not like you and I ever hang out outside of work. I'm still waiting for you to take me up on that invite for Superbowl Sunday, one of these years."
"I don't see the point of football."
"It's a game, man. It's fun. Do you even know what fun is? When's the last time you had fun?"
"I have fun."
"Finding connections between DNA markers and Eljo pheromone production doesn't count. Everything is about this kid, with you! I'll say it again, you need a Bride. Maybe you should spend less time worrying about your pet project, and start thinking about which of the BHPA third years is likely to give you the most babies."
"I can't get married until Connor's safe."
"Well, unless you want to watch the Council drown him, you better at least pretend to be courting."
Ezra grunted.
"Trust me, a Bride would put it all in perspective. You have no idea." Ezra didn't reply, and the next thing Dr. Sarias said was, "Ooh, look, his vitals are picking up. I think he's coming around."
I felt someone take my hand, and struggled to open my eyelids. It was hard, because they were reluctant. I found myself trying to raise my eyebrows in order to hoist them up, and groaned with the effort.
"Easy," Ezra said quietly. "Take your time."
"Thirsty," I mumbled.
"No water 'til we know how your system's handling the anesthesia," said Dr. Sarias. "Vomiting would be bad after all the rearranging of your insides that we just did."
Ezra squeezed my hand. "I'll bring you some ice chips soon."
With my mouth so dry, praying was easier than talking. Am I okay?
"The surgery went well. The bleeding will continue for a few days. We'll keep you on pain meds and antibiotics for a while."
"You'll have to keep an eye out for infection," Dr. Sarias added with academic enthusiasm. "What we've done is completely experimental. The uterus can now drain into the rectum, but we don't know if feces could back up into the cervical passage and cause problems. We'll do regular physicals to check, but for now my advice is to stay hydrated, eat lots of fiber, and avoid Taco Bell."
I finally got my eyes to cooperate, and Ezra's face came into focus. I'm sorry for being so mean. I know you're trying to protect me.
"You never have to apologize to me, Connor."
Thank you. For letting me decide.
He stroked my hair. "I've robbed you of so many choices. I don't want to do it anymore."
His Adam's apple bobbed as he scanned my face. "But Connor, the day you were born, I took a vow before God and all the Watchers that I was going to take care of you. In the end, I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe."
With great effort, I managed to lift my IV-taped hand so I could touch the backs of my fingers to his stubbled cheek. Yeah, well, I'm promising you the same thing. We're going to take care of each other, from now on. I held his eyes, my chest rising and falling with a little more energy. The effects of the anesthesia were wearing off.
I didn't know what possible reason God might've had for making me like this, but one thing I was absolutely sure of. If anyone was going to become the Bride of Ezrael Mekas...
It was going to be me.