My Bubblegum King - Chapter 36: Chapter 36

I was so quiet on the plane. Diego didn't say anything and just made his presence known to me by glancing at me every minute. Sometimes, the minuets would go longer and when I turn to look at him, he'd quickly look away like he wasn't doing anything. I didn't comment on that. I didn't have the strength to. I couldn't ignore the piercing pain in my heart and stomach that was telling me that I was making the wrong decision. I should be on a plane alright but I should be on a plane heading back home, heading to Sebastian.
Sebastian.
Whenever I thought of him, whenever his name crossed my mind, my eyes stung with tears and I felt like sticking my hand right inside my heart and pulling it out. It hurt so bad, I don't think anything has hurt like this. Even when he was kidnapped, when I thought I'd never see him again, it didn't hurt this much.
I ended it.
I promised him forever, he promised me forever too. We were going to stick together no matter what. He was supposed to love me no matter what. I shouldn't have done what I did. I should have given him a better listening ear. I should have been more patient and more understanding. I shouldn't have hurt him the way I did. He deserves better. He deserves someone who wouldn't be selfish like me. Someone who would always put him first, someone who would flake and run at the first fight. Well, it's not really our first fight, we've had our share of fights but it has never gotten this bad. I was too stupid and weak for him.
But... if I want him to be with someone else so bad, if I truly thought I didn't deserve him, why did I feel so sick?
Trying to imagine what Sebastian must be going through now broke me even more. I would not have taken Diego's offer to travel and get an escape but I was scared. I was scared of going back to him. I was scared of meeting him so hurt. I was scared of what would happen when I go back. What if he was as upset at Ryder and doesn't want me back? I might survive this but I didn't wouldn't survive Sebastian pushing me away. And I heartlessly did just that to him?
Was I wrong for feeling so betrayed? I mean, I chose this school because of him. I didn't go far because I wanted to be close. I just thought if he was going to make such a huge decision to buy a property, he would let me know. It was our future he was deciding on after all... or so I thought. Did we grow so far apart that he couldn't talk to me about things like this anymore? Who exactly was I now?
"Freshman," Diego called but it sounded so distant, I didn't register it, still lost deep in my thoughts. He must have called twice but it's when he taps my thigh that I turn sharply to him, finally being aware. Even Diego is startled, "we're here, freshman."
"Oh," I exhaled sharply, blinking around the landed plane. "Right, thanks."
As soon as my feel landed on the island, I threw up. It was so embarrassing but luckily for me, I wasn't conscious enough to feel the impact of the embarrassment because seconds later, I hear my name being called and echoing in my ears and then my body gave up on me. Literally pulled a Zayn when in foreign lands... pathetic.
I opened my eyes in the hospital, I could hear the heart monitor beeping and I could see the IV in my hand and when I turned around, I saw Diego worriedly looking at me. When our eyes meet, his green ones super familiar and comforting, I realize those weren't the colors I wanted to be seeing. I wanted to see the ones in my dream from a minute ago. The electric blue ones that looked blank when looking at anybody else but when on me, it shone bright like electricity.
Diego gave me a small smile, "welcome back freshman."
I looked around me again, "I fainted?"
He nodded. "Dehydration. You've lost a lot of bloodily fluids. I was going to call your parents or anyone but you don't have your phone. I was this," he pinched his fingers together for emphasis. "Close to calling Jordy and telling her to call Ryder to call anybody. But then you and Ryder are not on good terms now and I didn't know how you'd feel about that, so I didn't."
I sighed, trying to get up. I was so thirsty. "Thank you for not calling." I coughed and he handed me a bottle of water.
"I have a flight ready for us to go right back," he said, making me raise my brows at him.
"But we just landed."
"Yes, but you are in no mood for a vacation."
I shook my head, "I'm in no mood for anywhere then. Let me just stay here for a few days, please?"
Diego stayed silent and watched me, then slowly nodded. "Fine. Curse the power you have over me."
I managed a small smile, "in situations like this. Bless that power."
He chuckled, "asshole."
I stayed in the hospital for the rest of the day before Diego took us to the resort he had planned. Saying the place was huge and beautiful was an understatement. We had the beach right in front of us and the rooms where glass walls so you could have your eyes constantly on the beach for twenty four hours. I had my own room and Diego had his, we had people cooking whatever we wanted and bringing us. The beach was quite and calm, exactly what I needed. Or what I thought I needed.
I thought Diego would pressure me to come out and have fun but he didn't do that. He gave me my space and only insisted that I eat everyday and took a walk with him in the sands. I didn't have to talk either and as much as he could, he did the talking but most times we stayed in comfortable silence. He took me to my hospital checkups and soon enough I was healthy and feeling strong again, mentally though I was a mess. I had dreams or maybe nightmares consisting of Sebastian and Ryder. It had to be nightmares since I always woke up crying and sometimes having a fit.
"Tell me about them?" Diego asked during one of our beach walks. We've been at on the island for three days now.
I scoffed, "why would you want to hear about something like that?" I gestured around us, the water calmly moved and the sun was setting so it cast an orange glow around. "This scenery is for love and smiles, not tears and self heartbreak."
"Come on," he nudged me. "I don't care if the story meets the mood. I just want to know what's bothering you."
I looked at my feet, even though I had flops on, I still managed to get stand in my toes. "You already know what's bothering me." Then I sighed. "Well, I always repeat the part when I screamed at Sebastian and told him it was over. And then I see Ryder but she's not actually Ry, she's like a zombie and she comes at me, telling me I am stupid and crazy and she wants to eat me and give me a beating." I sigh again, running my hands through my hair, my eyes were already welling up in tears. "And sometimes I don't see Ry and instead I see Seb and h-he's hurt and he's chained u-up a-and h-he is, you know, being to-tur- tortured an-d..."
"Hey hey freshman," Diego took hold of my hands, turning me around so we were facing each other. "It's okay, I don't want to hear more. It's okay."
"I'm his torturer Diego," I sobbed out loudly, the sound coming out my chest out of its own will as my body shook. "I'm the one holding him hostage!"
Diego's pulled me close to him, enclosing me in a tight hug and running his fingers through my hair as I cried. He kept muttering things to me and rubbing my back to get me to stop and calm down. I didn't know why I was like this. My head screamed, "it isn't that deep, he just wants a bar!" And my heart screamed, "no! It's not just about the bar!" I didn't think I was this fragile and had this much tears in my body. It's like I wasn't myself anymore. Just a sack full of tears.
That was where the walk ended and Diego gave me a piggyback back to the resort and over to my room. I felt bad, I was ruining his vacation. And the next day, I made a mental note to be happy.
"Hey," I knocked on Diego's room and opened the door myself before he could say anything.
He was getting dressed and he turned to me with wide worried eyes, "are you okay?"
I rolled my eyes, "yup. Wanna go swimming?"
He looked around the room like there was a possibility I was talking to another person. "Wait, you want to go out, during day time?"
I smiled, "yes. Let's go out."
He smirked, pulling his t-shirt over his head. "You didn't knock."
I looked him over, "yeah, no need. There's nothing I haven't seen before."
"Aha ha ha, very funny," he laughed and I joined him too.
The beach was filled with people when we got out, all having fun in groups, either a couple or bunch of friends. There were also a lot of activity around and many things to see and eat.
"Whoa, is this what you see everyday?" I asked, looking around us.
"Yup, I made friends with a couple people and we surf and play games everyday. There a spa around and you can go zip lining, there a boat for a ride on the other side and at nights, there's at least five casinos around."
"Whoa!"
"You know how to surf, right?"
I looked at him and shook my head. "Nope. And no, you're using this vacation to teach me."
Diego had his fun laughing at me for not knowing how to surf. We joined the group in the water, took a swim and played water games with them. I was laughing and smiling and I don't know if anybody could tell I was forcing it. I didn't want to take alcohol though, I didn't want to lose the little grip I had on my sanity.
We played beach dodgeball and I lasted just two minutes in the game before I was disqualified and I stayed out, watching Diego play and looking around the beach and then I spot someone familiar. He was standing on the rocks and stones close to the water and taking pictures. From the distance I shouldn't have recognized him but there was no way in this life that those long curls and black stud earrings would be unfamiliar to me.
My mouth hanged open as I ran to him, too happy to see a familiar face. "Spencer?"
The guy turned away from his camera and to me and it was indeed Spencer. His eyes go wide and I bet he thought he was dreaming just like I thought I was. "Pax?"
I break into a laugh, my most genuine one in the week. He didn't look so different, he looked more tanned and has a nose piercing, a small stud on the side of his right nostril. "You got a piercing?"
His hand go up to touch his nose, "yeah..." he drawled. Then he laughed. "Out of the whim decision, I'd most probably take it out though. Get another one in my brows maybe and carry it for two days before taking it out again." He nodded, more to himself than me. "Trying new things."
"Yup, that's so like you," I said and then we close the distance between us with a hug. I was so happy to see him. My brother back home was hopelessly in love with his person. Spencer was family.
"What the fuck are you doing on an island? Are you with Sebastian?" He asked looking around. "Or family?" Then he shook his head. "Nah, Percy didn't post he was traveling."
I smiled, "still follow him online?"
"Of course," he looked back down at his camera, his face getting red. "I'd always follow Percy. Even though he doesn't want me to."
I tapped him to make him look at me. "He wants you to."
"Yeah, I know," then he smiled. "Okay where is Sebastian? He'd kill me for keeping you."
I swallowed, shaking my head. "I'm not with Seb."
"Oh."
Spencer and I stuck together. I introduced him to Diego and turned out he was just on the island for two days and was going back to Seattle later today. I don't really tell him the full details of my fight with Sebastian but he gets the gist that all wasn't well. He didn't ask me though and we just took pictures together and he thought me a thing or two about his camera and showed me pictures of places he has travelled to so far. He still had school of course, but managed to be everywhere at once.
"How do you cope?" The question left my mouth before I could tell about it. Spencer and I were sitting on a beach rock, our feet nearly touching the water.
"Huh?" He turned to me.
I inhaled deeply. "H-how did Percy break up with you and you didn't hate him? How do you still love him after he did that?"
Spencer looked away and dipped his toes in the water, playing with it. "Right now, I don't think there's any version of me in the universe that can ever not love Percy." He sighed, bringing his camera up to his eyes and taking pictures of our legs. "When he told me, I was angry. Angry at Janis, angry at the baby for coming and angry at him for not trusting to be there for him and with him during the whole process. But then I thought about it and I kinda understand. It's not that he chose the baby over me, it's more of what he has to do. What he can do. It's not a matter of choosing one over the other, it's a matter of doing what right for everyone at the moment. And not many people make right choices. I have school and therapy. Adding a baby to all that, I'd lose my mind eventually. He wants to give me hundred percent and the fact that he can't now, doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I also want to give him a hundred percent and I can't now, not mentally or physically. We both have to stay away to get ready for each other. I'm always going to be here and all I can do is hope he's always going to be there too."
"What if he's not? What if he falls for someone else?"
Spencer smiled, "that probability is there and even when we are together, it's still there."
"No, being together makes that harder."
"True but love isn't something physical, is it? If he falls someone then I know it wasn't that love and I dodged a bullet. And if I fall for someone else, at least I'd know I gave it my all. But I can't, not when I wake up every morning thinking of him and go to bed every night thinking of him." Spencer sighed. "Pax, it's okay to be scared of falling for someone else. Just love with all your heart and have no regrets. Love doesn't have to be perfect. At the end of the day, there's only one person you want to see when you wake up every morning. For me, that would always be Percy. Even if all I can do for him is support him from a distance."
I looked at my feet in the water; love isn't physical, is it?
I saw Spencer off and when I returned back to the beach, it was dark and they were shooting fireworks in the sky. My head was the most calm it has ever been and my eyes clearer than ever. Somewhere, someone was playing Sam Smith song, Young.
"Hey freshman," Diego approached me and I turned to him. He looked so handsome, it was like he came out one of the fireworks in the sky. He looked me over and handed me a bottle and clicked our glasses. His eyes remained on me as he took a gulp of his drink.
I took a sip of mine too. "Thanks Simba."
He cocked his head and looked me over again, "are you okay?"
I nodded, "I'm the most okay I've been."
He smiled, "good."
We just stand there looking at each other and he takes a step closer to me and I look up at him. Diego's hand go up to my hair and my eyes close when his warm skin makes contact with my cold one. He came a little closer again and I wait for my heart to start pounding but it doesn't. My eyes open and I meet his dark green ones. He looked so vulnerable and calm and scared.
My mind saw Diego leaning down to my lips before my eyes did. I felt his breathe on my skin and his nose touch mine and just before his lips meet mine...
I close my eyes and my head turned.