My Home From Home - Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Henry marched through the snow with his jaw clenching as he made his way back towards Main Street of Fir Creek; his mind was numb with a latent fieriness though he hadn't the slightest clue why. Thomas was nobody to him; he certainly wasn't his lover and pragmatically he wasn't even friend. He was more of an acquaintance he'd only just been acquainted with. Nonetheless Henry couldn't help but feel like Thomas was being dishonest in not telling him about courting the beautiful young Miss Emily, though when he cooled down he'd likely realise Thomas didn't owe him to divulge any part of his personal life to him. And why wouldn't he court Miss Emily? she was young, beautiful with bright blue eyes and golden blond hair, she was genuine and kind and though Henry wanted to hate her he simply couldn't.
"Ughhh!" Henry groaned loudly out of pure unadulterated frustration, kicking a clump of snow angrily with his Wellingtons. He let out a huff closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose with his gloved hand before taking a few steps and stopping dead in his tracks as he witnessed a small child in full winter garb staring at him wide eyed as though he had grown a second head. He watched the child take two steps backwards before taking off running in the other direction screaming like a bloody banshee along the way.
"Brilliant." Henry rolled his eyes, another child he'd have to treat later who likely would be terrified of him. "Bloody brilliant!"
He continued down the cleared and salted pavement, though rather than taking in the winter wonderland he found around him he was all too focused on other things. What was this emotion he'd felt? Was it anger, jealously, bitterness? And if so, why? Who was Thomas to him? All he'd ever made himself out to be was a friend. Or was it perhaps that Henry was angry with himself... For allowing himself to have these infatuations with the handsome young Constable; to allow himself to misconstrue friendship as something less innocent.
"Well hello there." Henry stopped dead in his tracks hearing a familiar smooth, almost intoxicating voice coming from behind him. Henry shut his eyes taking a moment to collect his thoughts, turning around to see none other than Thomas behind him on horseback; his scarlet coat covered with a warm woollen navy blue pea coat with gold buttons down the front and standard issue muskrat hat atop his head worn by all Mounties in the wintertime. He smiled brightly at Henry, his eyes glowing with excitement as Henry once again felt himself falling under the spell of those attractive dimples; but now he knew better.
"Hello." Henry said softly, flashing Thomas a tepid tight lipped smile as he watched the fair haired officer dismount off of his horse with a smile plastered across his handsome face.
"Uhh... Hi?" Thomas' gaze narrowed ever so slightly, noticing the very obvious cold shoulder Henry was giving him. "Just get back from that house call?"
"Yes." Henry replied curtly without, glancing away from the man's handsome face with only the slightest tinge of irritation in his demeanour
"Are you... okay?" Thomas asked directly with a perplexedly cocked brow, his deep amber eyes fixated on the pretty dark haired lad before who seemed starkly differing from his usual self; and even only having known him mere days this was clear to Thomas.
"Yes Constable, I'm quite alright, thank you." Henry replied coldly but politely, earning him yet another confused glare from the taller blond. "Now if you'll excuse me I have heaps to do today, goodbye." Henry turned on his heels and walked a few paces leaving Thomas alone to stare confusedly at the back of Henry's trapper hat, which was actually Thomas' trapper hat and though he found something terribly endearing about Henry wearing multiple items of Thomas' own clothing, in that moment it was the last thing on his mind.
"Hey, Henry!" Thomas jogged over towards the raven haired boy with Trooper in tow, thoughtless taking hold of Henry's arm and stopping him in his tracks. Henry glared up at him through the strands of dark brown hair that'd fallen into his sapphire blue eyes, glancing down at Thomas' hand on his arm before glaring back up at the gorgeous man in uniform. "Have I um... Done something to offend you?" Asked Thomas as he let go of Henry's arm. Henry glanced up at him as his icy blue eyes seemed to thaw at how oddly pained Thomas' eyes looked.
"No, no nothing of the sort." Henry shook his head with a sigh as he realised he really had no right to be upset with Thomas in this situation; in his mind, Henry and Thomas were dealt different cards and despite how much he wished they had the same situation, it was what it was. "I just have a lot to d-" Henry began, combing through the gambled mess that was his mind in hopes for finding some excuse for his prior nastiness; but just as he began to trail off a voice suddenly cut off his train of thought.
"Hello Constable!" A sweet woman's voice beckoned cheerily, "Hello Doctor!" She said with the exact same energy as both the blond and dark haired young men turned to see a beautiful young blond in a black fur coat and a tasteful dark brown hat atop her golden blond hair; it was Emily, just whom Henry needed to see in this moment.
"Oh for God's sake." Henry muttered under his breath with a subtle eye roll, turning towards the pretty blond and giving her a genuine looking forced grin. "Hello Emily! How are you doing today?" He said saccharinely, his voice an octave higher than normal.
"I'm doing splendid, Doctor. Hope you are as well." Responded Emily with a cheery cadence to her charming voice; though Henry otherwise found her to be a lovely girl, in this moment he wasn't terribly keen on socialising with her.
"Glad to hear that, Emily. I'm doing well, thank you. But I really must be off, I've got loads to do today back at the surgery. Good day, Emily." Henry said convincingly with a cordial nod, walking towards Trooper and lovingly stroking the horse's head as he neighed softly. "Good day, Trooper." He said with a soft sigh before turning towards Thomas and locking eyes with him; his sapphire blue eyes perceivably colder than priorly noted. "Good day, Constable." And with that he swiftly turned on his heels and walked away.
"I-" Thomas raised a hand to get a word in, but before he could do so, Henry had already left, now yards away from Thomas and Emily. Thomas sighed disappointedly as he lowered his hand back down to his side, turning towards Emily and giving her a tight lipped smile.
"Is everything alright?" Emily asked with a smile, leaning forward a bit to look into Thomas' downcast amber eyes.
"Dunno." Shrugged Thomas, "He seemed upset... But with me..."
"Well, have you done something to upset him?" Emily asked curiously, cocking an eyebrow at the handsome blond man. "Have you asked him yet?" She whispered lowly, her aquamarine eyes brightening at the thought.
"God no!" Thomas scoffed at the mere idea, shooting her a playful glare as though she'd just said the most outlandish thing in the world. "Besides I don't even know if it's him, nothing he says adds up truly. Besides, I could only see his eyes. And with the morphine, I might've imagined all of it..." Emily rolled her eyes playfully as they both continued on their way. "It's probably just my mind wishing it was him."
"Well, I still think you should ask, it couldn't hurt..." She shot the fair-haired young Constable a knowing glance as took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He knew she was right, but he still couldn't bring himself to listen...
Henry managed to push all these thoughts of Thomas into the back, dark corners of his mind as he focused on his patients for the rest of the day; he knew there was a lot of overthinking to do on the matter, but that would have to wait. He had duties to fulfil and they came first. At dinner the awkwardness only augmented as Thomas obviously tried his best to speak to Henry but to no avail. Henry was polite, but he limited his answers to the bare minimum to insure he kept himself from letting his unrequited feelings get in the way of his acquaintanceship with the devastatingly beautiful Constable.
15 October 1920
Dear Diary,
One can't help but feel conflicted at a time like this; I'm not angry at Thomas, per say; just a bit gutted really. if anything I should think I'm far more cross with myself rather than anyone else. Here I was mistaking Thomas' warm and welcoming hospitality with something less platonic; all the while he was courting the beautiful and kindhearted Ms Emily. And why shouldn't' he court her? He's a strapping young lad of only twenty seven, and Ms Emily is a beautiful, sweet, kind, hardworking, caring...girl.
She's a girl; a girl whom he could marry, openly court, openly love. One can't help but wonder if perhaps that was what irks me so; is it not jealousy of Emily for having the man whose body is etched in my mind, whose touch that I've never experienced in real life as all but colonised my senses. Whose smile makes me weak in the knees. No, that can't be it; for one carries no such qualm with the pretty young girl, in fact I'm rather happy for her, for him, for Danny and Alfie who'd undoubtedly be in good hands.
Perhaps it is as simple as merely being jealous of what they can have that one simply can't. I know what you're likely thinking; 'but Henry, you can have that! You can marry a girl, you can live a "normal' life".' But is that truly what one desires? To marry a girl whom I'm not truly attracted to? And forget one's own feelings, imagine putting a girl through that? An utterly ghastly prospect; to be saddled to a man who will never truly love you in a passionate, intimate, romantic way and that too through no fault of his own.
No, that simply wouldn't do. Perhaps that might work for Adrien and many other men of my persuasion whom I've encountered; manly men who could walk down the aisle with a beautiful young well-born girl but be intimate with men on the side. And though one can't fault them for striving for normalcy; blending into the crowd like everyone else, but perhaps normalcy isn't what I wish for...
As for Thomas, perhaps I am being unreasonable with him; actually I'm is quite aware that I'm is being awfully unreasonable, but I can't help but find it natural to feel the way I do. I'd got my hopes up for something only for it to all come crashing down. And for that I've nobody to blame but myself. But time alone will tell how things go; for now I simply must find it in me to not show my disappointment from the handsome young, spoken for Constable Wilson... I only pray I find the strength...
Love, Henry
Henry slipped the blotting paper between the pages before shutting the diary and pushing his chair backwards to stand up. He raised his arms over his head to stretch them out, letting out a frustrated groan as he slouched down disappointedly; heartbreak wasn't something Henry had ever felt before,  for in all his twenty-seven years on the Lord's green earth, he never once felt the precursor of heartbreak. Love.
He grudgingly shuffled over towards the hearth in his bedroom, briefly extending his hands to warm them up as he did battle with his inner self-destructive alter-ego telling him to just sleep with the fire going. Thankfully, his overactive imagination provided him with a mental image of himself dying in a fire and he realised how ghastly that idea could be; taking the poker and shovel by the hearth and completely extinguishing the fire. He had left a hot water bottle in his bed to warm it, which usually sufficed during the wet, yet relatively mild winters he'd experienced in the South East of England, but Canadian winters were proving to be something different entirely; and winter hadn't even 'officially' begun.
Slipping off his dressing gown and taking refuge between the warmed sheets, Henry shuffled slightly as his head hit the pillow to get comfortable. But sleep wasn't meant to descend on him that night; instead, he tossed and turned restlessly, his mind racing anywhere and everywhere. After hours of restless torment, when he'd finally felt himself gradually descend into a deep slumber like an autumn leaf slowly floating down to the earth, he was woken up by a sound. The sound of a baby, crying.
Henry huffed as he heard little Alfie crying from the other side of the house; it was faint through the walls, but it seemed to reverberate. He stayed in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as the crying went on, if anything it seemed to be getting louder. Grabbing the pillow next to him, he slammed it over his head and screamed miserably into it before propping himself up  as the crying seemed to continue.  His exhausted eyes darting briefly to check the clock on his bedside table seeing the moonlight from the window bathing the clock that read two-thirty in the morning.
"For God's sake." Henry threw the covers off of his legs, swinging them over the side of the mattress to slip his slippers on before haphazardly putting on his dressing gown over his navy blue satin pyjamas; making his way into the corridor and down towards the nursery where the cries were coming from. He could tell the light in the room was switched on.
Henry crept up towards the doorway, turning the corner to see Thomas inside wearing a dark blue  set of pyjamas. The buttons were undone just enough for Henry to see his defined inner chest with the manly hint of hair that drove him absolutely mad; he was holding little Alfie in his arms, rocking him gently and pacing about the nursery and humming as the wee baby in his arms wailed like a banshee.
Henry silently stalked up to the man who was clearly too busy trying to silence his crying baby to notice Henry was even there. He crossed his arms over the chest as he stood behind the handsome man, mentally kicking himself for feeling his heart throb as his lustful eyes glanced the man up and down from Thomas' broad shoulders to his narrow waist.
Thomas stopped as he paced, turning around and flinching as he saw Henry standing silently glaring blankly at him with a slight tinge of irritation and sleep deprivation clear in his dull sapphire blue eyes surrounded by prominent dark bags under them that juxtaposed his fair alabaster skin.
"Ah! I mean...Ummm. Hi." Thomas recovered from the initial fright he got seeing Henry suddenly materialise out of nowhere.
"Give him to me." Henry said bluntly, extending his hands towards the still wailing baby in the handsome blond's arms; Thomas glanced at him up and down, his slender body sheathed over by the satin pyjamas that perfectly fit his slender build; but his initial infatuation soon washed away as he registered the look of tired aggravation in his unamused frigid glare. But in his momentary departure from reality Thomas was temporarily lost on the fact that the adorable baby boy in his arms was screaming at the top of his lungs.
"For God's sake, give him to me!" Henry rolled his eyes irritatedly before reaching over and taking little baby out of Thomas' arms and into his own. Thomas blinked off his confusion, watching Henry take Alfie into his hands as he continued crying; the charmingly pretty dark haired doctor smiling lovingly as he talked to the little baby. "Alright, Come here, you." Henry drawled sweetly, gently bouncing the baby in his arm in hopes of calming the crying. "Shhh.. Shh.. What's wrong, love? Don't cry..."
"Shhh.... Shh..." Henry placed a with a playful pout as the little baby gasped in between sobs, "It's alright, love, don't cry..." Henry kissed little Alfie on his soft baby hair as he glanced down lovingly over him, noticing him calming down slightly with each passing moment he rocked him. Thomas smiled as he stared blankly at him, his eyes glazed over as he watched the charming raven haired lad being so good with his baby.
"He's been fussier than usual all day, and now I can't get him to stop crying." Thomas said softly, feeling a wrenching sensation deep within his chest as he watched Henry's warm eyes freeze over again; he didn't seem cross like before, just distant and more closed off than he was for the week he'd known him. "I'm sorry if he woke you."
"It's quite alright." Henry cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I couldn't sleep to begin with." He said blankly before turning his attention back the wee lad in his arms. "And clearly, neither could this little lad, could you, love?" Henry's voice took a saccharine tone as his eyes scanned over the still fussy baby in his arms, noting his hands constantly going into his mouth more than usual, sometimes tugging at his own ears as more drool streamed out the sides of his little mouth than Henry had noted priorly. "And is it any wonder..." Henry's eyes brightened with a look of sudden enlightenment, as he thought to lower the little boy's lips slightly by pulling down on the skin of his chin with his thumb; revelling his swollen raised gums. "He's teething."
"He has a fever, is that normal?" Thomas asked a follow up question.
"Yes, especially when teething starts, the pain from the teeth coming in." Henry said emotionlessly as he kissed Alfie's forehead before laying the baby down in his crib, the residual sobs coming from his wee lungs. "Have you got a teething ring? I thought I'd seen one in his nappy bag..."
"Oh yes! One second." Thomas rushed over towards the nappy bag, opening it up and pushing through it to find a silver ornate cross embossed with plastic teething ring attached meant for the baby to nibble on to aid in the pain and help the teeth emerge through the gums.
"Thank you." Sang Henry halfheartedly as Thomas handed him the ring with a look of disappointment in his eyes, watching as the handsome dark haired boy didn't so much as look at him. Henry gently put the the ring in Alfie's little pink hand, watching with a smile as the baby grabbed onto it instinctively; Henry didn't know why but he loved how babies always grabbed onto thing, he found it terribly precious. "And bob's your uncle." Henry said turned to Thomas with a tight lipped smile to let him know the job was done. "That should tide him over, though it won't stop entirely until his teeth come in. Can't blame the poor lad either, I remember when my molars grew in I nearly murdered my entire family."
"Hey..." Thomas called softly, prompting Henry to glance up at him with the blankest expression he could muster. "Thank you."
"It's not a problem at all." Henry glanced back down at the baby, his raven black fringe falling down into his face as Thomas fought the urge to move it himself. "I'm a doctor, it's my duty."
"Not just that." Thomas continued, as Henry glanced up to him again, once again his eyes cold like eyes. "You've been really helpful with Danny and Alfie. Lord knows I needed the help. But it's very kind of you to help me especially when I know you're busy getting accustomed to being in a new town; I greatly appreciate it."
"I enjoy it, truly." Henry's voice softened as he glanced down at the baby chewing away at the teething ring restlessly in the crib. His face contorted for a split second, glancing momentarily behind his shoulder as he dark straight hair fell down into his face. "Where's Danny?" He noticed the little children's bed in the corner where Danny slept was empty, though the sheets were clearly disturbed.
"I sent him off to sleep in my bed, I figured at least one of us should sleep through the crying." The corners of Thomas' lips perked up ever so slightly. "Hey um... Can I ask you something?" Thomas asked wearily, earning him a hum of affirmation from the dark haired boy. "Are you alright? You've seemed a bit... different today.." Thomas phrased that carefully so as to not offend Henry.
"Yes..." Henry lied with a smile, though his tired eyes didn't convince Thomas; but as Henry glanced into Thomas' very evidently pained eyes he knew he was the one who was being terribly unfair. Thomas was a dream that was unattainable to begin with, like so many boys like Henry who pine for boys who aren't of their 'sort' he had a dream and from that dream awoke cold and alone, splashed with the icy water that is reality...
"Yes, I-I'm fine." Henry shook his head of any ill will he felt and smiled genuinely to the point where even his sapphire eyes warmed up visibly. "Just had a bit of a day, is all."
"Well I hope tomorrow's better for you." Thomas smiled back at him noting the slight shift in Henry's demeanour for the better.
"Thank you, I could use that." Henry whispered softly as he turned around to take his leave; he took a few steps only to stop dead in his tracks and turn towards the handsome blond knowing he needed to do. "And, Thomas." Beckoned Henry as Thomas' amber brown gaze raised to meet his. "I'm sorry if I seemed a bit cold earlier, I've just... I've been struggling today. I do hope you'll forgive me..."
"No worries." Thomas nodded. "You know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you. I know we've only just met, but I feel like we could be really good friends." He offered hopefully as Henry felt this strange sensation of butterflies in his stomach.
"Friends... Thank you, I-I'll remember that..." Henry muttered, his eyes a muddled mess of admiration mixed with confusion; he'd never been offered to speak about his emotions with anyone, nor would he dream of doing so. He was raised in an environment where displays of emotions was seen as a terribly foreign concept, but he so many emotions inside him in that moment that he thought he'd explode. "Good night, Thomas." He said softly, a slight smile blossoming gradually over his lips like a snow flower peeking through the pristine white powder.
"Good night, Henry." Thomas replied with a polite smile as he watched Henry make his way out the door and into the corridor...