My Home From Home - Chapter 34: Chapter 34

14 February 1921
Dear Diary,
I know it has been quite a while since I've last written you, and though in my last entry I felt as though I no longer needed you as my emotional crutch, seeing as I have Thomas to do so, I can't help but feel like perhaps I ought to start writing in here again.
Cal stayed with us for all of two weeks before he set off back for Ireland with a new found determination to fight for his love. I was prepared to support him any way I possibly could, and I even wrote to Matthew urging him to take Cal's side. And though I'm happy that Cal has gone to fight for his love, I can't help but miss him terribly now that he's gone. It was nice to have him around, but in a way I felt as though he provided a bittersweet reminder that a part of me did belong back in England; the aristocracy was my life during those times. But in a way he made me grateful of what I have; Cal had a title to inherit back home, I have no such obligation and am thus l free to roam the world as I am.
Callum changed so much in my life during his short stay here, and aside from widening my horizons of my world view, he also helped to step back into the roll of confidant he'd always taken. And though Thomas has been a dear confidant these past few months, one can't deny that it helped having Cal around to talk about perhaps the topic that muddled my mind most; my feelings for Thomas.
I love Thomas Wilson. I love him so much I wish to scream it from the rooftops. It wasn't long ago that I was sceptical of men loving men; I was never shown that it was possible. All my encounters were driven by lust and only lust; there was never any love in the equation. But when I look at Thomas I feel this indelible sensation of safety, security, and warmth within me.
At first I knew not what to call this feeling, was it simply comfort or something more? All my life I've only ever seen love between men and women, the relations between men and men were only seen as sexual deviances and sexual abominations; such is the world we live in where our sorts of 'love' isn't seen as love because we are raised in a society where it is deemed 'abnormal'.
But the more I think on it the more foolish I feel for not seeing it earlier. Whenever Thomas isn't around I long to see him and whenever he walks into a room I feel as though my heart could stop altogether. But a part of me fears that should I tell him how I feel, I might scare him away or pressure him into feeling the same way about me. Whilst another part of me fears that he'll feel the same way, only for us to be ripped apart once more when I return home to England. I know not what the future has in store for us, and though I know it to be terribly ill advised to dream so, a part of me wishes there was a world where I could live with Thomas as a family forever.
Love, Henry
A knock on Henry's door jolted him out of own his little world; his candlelight bathed face turning towards the door as a smile crept across his face. He laid the fountain pen down onto his desk and pushed himself up to standing; rushing towards his bed to pick up his dressing gown.
"No need to cover up, it's nothing I haven't seen." Henry blushed as he heard Thomas' voice coming through the door; Thomas had told him earlier that evening that they couldn't sleep together that night because he had an early day the next morning. Sure, it was a disappointment to Henry, but as an understanding adult he soon got over it.
"Cheeky." Henry opened the door with a smirk, earning him a naughty grin from the handsome taller blond. "Have you come to say goodnight, then?" Henry crossed his arms over his chest as he leant against the door frame.
"Not quite." Thomas had a glint in his eyes as though he knew something Henry didn't.
"Oh?" Henry cocked a brow at Thomas.
"I put the boys down for the night." Smirked Thomas, reaching over to rest his hand on Henry's waist. "There's something I needed help with if you're not too busy." He licked his his lips instinctually, earning him a half smile from Henry.
"Is there?" Henry cocked an eyebrow, biting his lower lip as his sapphire blue eyes darkened with desire.
"Blow out that candle and come back into the corridor." Instructed Thomas with a soft whisper; he had leant in so close, that his breath tickled Henry's lightly moistened lips.
The raven haired lad nodded docilely with a curious yet amused smile blossoming over his pouty pink lips. He walked back towards his bureau and blew out the candle, leaving him in the darkness with only the moonlight from the window to guide his way towards the corridor.
Thomas stretched out his hand through the doorway to Henry, flashing his dimples to him as Henry gently placed his soft un-worked hands into Thomas' larger ones, lightly calloused by work. Leading the raven haired lad into the corridor and shutting his bedroom door behind him, Thomas fished a silk necktie out of his dressing gown pocket and strung it over Henry's eyes; tying it securely as a blindfold as a smile tugged on the corners of his lips.
"You didn't tense up this time..." Thomas whispered into Henry's ear sending chills down the back of the dark haired young man's neck.
"Why would I?" Henry cocked his head towards the direction he could hear Thomas' voice from. "I trust you."
Thomas felt a warm fuzzy feeling overcome him as he heard those words cross Henry's pretty lips that resembled the petals of an English rose. He cupped Henry's face in his hand, his thumb gently caressing over his soft alabaster cheeks along the hem of the  silk blindfold.
He couldn't help but smile at how ironic all this was; only two years prior he'd first met Henry in a battlefield hospital tent and all he could see were his beautiful deep blue eyes;
though he knew not of his name, nor anything regarding him. And now I'm this moment he had Henry all to himself, he knew what made him smile, what made him fume, what made him cry; he knew every inch of his skin, where he liked to be touched, to be kissed. But the irony of it was that as he caressed his skin those very eyes that seared into his soul were hidden behind the blindfold.
With one hand interlocked with Henry's and the other confidently on the small of Henry's back, Thomas led the raven haired lad back down the hall. Tiptoeing in step with one another as they tried to be as quiet as possibly without waking either of the sleeping boys in the nursery; only the whining creaks of the old floorboards beneath their soles breaking the otherwise dead silence.
"Alright... We're here..." Thomas whispered as he led them into his dimly lit room. He shut the door behind them and positioned Henry just right, so that the first glimpse he got was absolutely perfect. Thomas slipped Henry's blindfold off from over his eyes, resting his head on the raven haired lad's shoulder so he could catch Henry's reaction to the surprise he'd prepared.
Henry's lashes fluttered for a millisecond as his eyes readjusted to their surroundings, a gasp escaping past his lightly parted lips as he glanced around at the room around him glowing with the flickering light of dozens of lit candles strategically placed about the room. As he caught glimpse of the bed he felt the corners of his lips tug into a smile, noticing the deep maroon rose petals meticulously placed upon the bed coverings to form a heart.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Harry." Thomas' breath tickled on the nape of his neck, making Henry moan softly; his strong arms engulfing Henry from behind as his lips placed gentle kisses down his neck and onto his collar bone. "I know it isn't much, but I thought I'd surprise you. I hope you like it." Said Thomas as he nuzzled Henry's jawline.
"I love it..." Replied Henry breathily, craning his neck towards Thomas with a guilty look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, b-but I didn't get you anything..." He admitted, lowering his gaze in shame.
"Hey." Thomas gently coerced Henry's chin back up to look him in the eyes; a calm dimpled smile over his and a sense of genuineness in his amber brown gaze. "Just us simply being together is enough of a gift for me." Henry blushed bright red as Thomas leant in and placed his lips lovingly over Henry's, kissing him tenderly as they relished their moments alone in each other's touch.
Thomas moved around to Henry's front, snaking his arms around the smaller lads waist as he pulled his body flush against his own. He pressed his forehead against Henry's lovingly; their hearts beating against one another as only their clothes served as barriers between their skin.
Henry moaned as Thomas captured his lips in his own and kissing him deeply, the passion between them so intense he felt liked he'd die. Thomas' strong arms coiled around Henry's narrow waist as though he was scared he'd disappear should he let go.
They slipped one another's dressing gowns off, hastily unbuttoning each other's pyjamas; one by one in a fit of passion they stripped each other down until they hadn't so much as a stitch of clothing on their person.
Thomas smirked into a kiss, playfully shoving Henry onto the bed and pinning him down with his arms above his bed. He buried his face in the nape of Henry's neck, Henry's slender body writhing as he felt Thomas' lips against his skin. He ran his hands through Thomas' fine blond hair as the handsome Constable placed kisses up his jawline and working his way to his lips.
"Harry..." Thomas gazed into Henry's eyes, a look of lust clear in his amber brown irises; his jaw tensed as he stared down at the beautiful alabaster skinned boy beneath him, his cheeks flushed and his lips lightly swollen from Thomas' relentless kisses. "Harry, I..." Thomas said again, as Henry felt his heart begin to beat rapidly as though it'd explode in his very chest; his eyes scanning over Thomas' chiseled handsome face, praying he'd see Thomas' tongue hit the roof of his mouth to form an "l" for his next word.
Please say it. Henry thought to himself, pleading internally that Thomas would say exactly the words that were in Henry's very heart. Please say it so I can say it back."
Thomas clenched his jaw tensely, his Adam's apple rising and falling within his neck; he wanted to say it, he wanted to tell him how he felt... but he couldn't. He'd said those words time and time again inside his head, but whenever he tried to say it to Henry he found himself utterly unable to do so. So in that moment as both men internalised the same three words; I love you, neither could pluck up the courage to say it out of one common denominator... Fear. Fear of the future, fear of impending heartbreak.
Without finishing his thought Thomas crashed his lips back onto Henry's, kissing him with all the pent up lust and passion he felt bubbling within; but as he buried his face in Henry's neck, he couldn't see the raven haired lad in that moment. He couldn't see the shattered look in his sapphire blue eyes, he couldn't see his lips trembling as his heart cracked; thinking that the man he'd only recently realised that he loved, didn't love him back.
They crashed onto the bed after the deed, chests heaving and bodies laden with sweat as they caught their breath. Henry curled into Thomas' body as the taller blond drew the covers to shield their naked bodies from the draughty winter air seeping through the cracks of the windowsills. Thomas leapt out of bed and hastily put out every candle, leaving merely the moonlight streaming in through the windowpane as the only source of light. He turned back towards the bed, stopping in his tracks as he saw the knackered raven haired lad sleeping soundly as the moonbeam made his ivory fair skin glow.
Thomas simply smiled, stalking up towards the beautiful naked man as he stared down at him; somehow every day Thomas couldn't help but find Henry more and more breathtaking. He leant down and caressed Henry's cheek with his finger partially to touch his soft skin but mostly to ensure he wasn't awake; for he knew that what he was about to say he'd only have the courage to pass through his lips if he knew Henry was sound asleep. "I love you, Harry." Thomas whispered, placing a chaste kiss atop Henry's sweat matted black hair. "I love you."
He crawled into bed and sought refuge in the warmth of the bedcovers and the heat of his beloved, and thus the two lovers fell asleep; entangled in one another's arms and gently bathed in the moonlight beaming through the windowpane as the lust and longing that clouded their minds dissipated to leave no regrets, barring one. Both wishing they'd told each other just how much they loved them...
As the seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours, Henry felt partial consciousness descend on his body as he groaned with disgruntlement, glancing up towards the clock on the wall to see that it was a three in the morning. He tried to scoot out of bed but was stopped by a strong muscular arm wrapped around his waist.
"No." Thomas groaned, still partially asleep; his raspy morning voice being the bane of Henry's existence; he simply couldn't resist that voice. "Stay. Please?"
"I really ought to go." Whinged Henry.
"It's early and we're warm." Thomas grumbled, partially into the pillow and partially into Henry's messy dark brown bedhead. "I'll wake you up before it's too late, just stay a little longer."
"Alright, fine." Henry mumbled, still barely awake as he melted back into the warmth of Thomas' muscle bound body. "You locked the door, didn't you?" He asked Thomas, but found he'd already fallen asleep by that point.
It didn't take long for Henry to fall back asleep, though much to his and Thomas' misfortune neither of them were able to wake up early the next morning. Comfortable in each others' warm embrace, the hours passed without either of them realising as they slept soundly in each others' arms. They slumbered so deeply that they didn't even hear the little knock on the door, and they certainly didn't hear the door creak open nor the little footsteps enter Thomas' bedroom.
"Henwy..." Henry heard a little voice beckon, paired with a tiny finger poking at his cheek.
"Mhmm?" Henry groaned, blinking his eyes open partially as he fought the weight of his slumber on his eyelids. He caught glimpse of the blond toddler staring at him, shutting his eyes whilst his brain took a second to realise what was happening. Henry's eyes shot wide open as he gasped, grasping onto the covers to keep himself covered as he shot up to sitting. "Danny, love! G-good morning erm..." Henry forced a smile though on the brink of an anxious breakdown, slapping his hand behind him and onto the sleeping man to wake him up. "Tom,for God's sake wake up!" Henry whispered in distress.
"W-w-what w-what's wrong?!" Thomas gasped, sitting up as he blinked the sleep and confusions off of his tired eyes; his face washing over with pure horror as he caught glimpse of Danny staring with a normal expression at two men caught in bed together in a rather compromising situation. "D-Danny, kiddo! Ummm.. Hi!"
"Daddy, my tummy huwts..." Danny's lips trembled as he rubbed his stomach, a general look of malaise on his face.
"O-okay bud, um..." Thomas glanced around in a daze, clearly at a loss for what to do. "Why don't you wait out in the hall, I'll be out in a minute. Okay, kiddo?" He smiled at the little boy to hide how stressed and he was.
"Okie daddy." Drawled Danny, stalking out of the room as Thomas hastily wrapped the top sheet over his body and ran to shut the door and lock it behind him. He sighed with temporary relief, glancing over only to see Henry staring at him wide-eyed with horror practically dripping over his face.
"Maybe he didn't notice?" Thomas face contorted as he grimaced at the thought.
"Didn't notice!?" Henry scoffed. "Didn't notice!? Are you mad!? Tom, w-what are we going to do!? He's a child! Children talk so bloody much! He's going to tell someone and we're going to go to jail!" Henry began to hyperventilate as his eyes pooled with anxious tears.
"Hey. Hey. Shh." Thomas rushed towards Henry and knelt before him, cupping his face in his hand. "Look at me." He requested gently, watching the raven haired man raise his teary blue eyes to lock gazes with him. "Calm down, It's going to be okay. Let's um... let's just tell him." Thomas said hopefully though judging by Henrys furrowed brows this was likely a bad shout. "Let's tell him the truth... about us."
"Have you lost the plot!?" Henry's eyes widened with shock as he leapt from the bed and began scrambling about the room, scavenging for his strewn about clothes.
"Just hear me out, eh!" Reasoned Thomas. "What if we tell him about us, he'a a kid! Kids aren't inherently bigoted, they're taught that from a young age so they become indoctrinated. If we get him used to the idea of us now, he'll be more open minded to different types of people in the future. You yourself said you were taught your class prejudices from a young age."
"Don't be daft, classism isn't illegal! What we do is! Besides, he's just a child, how are we meant to tell a three year old that we, two consenting adult men, are in a relationship. And also, don't tell anyone because if you do we'll likely end up in prison because it's BLOODY ILLEGAL. What sort of example would that be setting!?" Henry whispered yelled angrily, catching himself as he took a deep breath and let out a heavy huff; he ran his hand over his messy bed-head to look somewhat presentable as he reached for the door handle to go tend to a poorly little Danny.
"Danny, love?" Henry mustered a soft smile as he glanced down at the confused little toddler who stared up at him. "Does your tummy hurt?" Danny rubbed his stomach and nodded with a sad frown on his precious face. "Alright well let's have a look and I'll see what I can do."
Henry scooped the blond three-year old into his arms giving him a kiss on the cheek as he carried him on his hip back to the nursery to lay him back in bed. He hiked Danny's pyjama top up to reveal his abdomen, lightly palpating along either sides of his torso with his index and middle fingers to confirm his suspicions; it was gas.
"Looks like you've got a bit of gas, love. But not to worry, I've got just the thing to help you." Henry knelt on his hunches and ruffled Danny's hair; the discomfort in Danny's innocent blue eyes shattering Henry's heart from within. "Tom?" Henry called out over his shoulder, jumping slightly to see Thomas standing silently behind him. "Oh, heavens I didn't see you there. Erm, could you watch Danny for a bit, I need to pop down to the clinic to fetch a bottle of gripe water."
"Yeah no, for sure." Thomas nodded, sitting himself down at the head of Danny's bed and leaning down to kiss his little boy on the forehead.
Henry walked out of the room and rushed down the stairs towards the clinic; turning the keys to the dispensary cabinet and rummaging through the vials of medicines to find a bottle of gripe water. Grabbing the bottle and swinging by the kitchen to fetch a spoon, he ran back upstairs as hastily as he could.
"Alright, love. This should do the trick." Henry gave Danny a reassuring smile as he unscrewed the top to the bottle and set it down on the bedside table. "Alright, open up for me." He poured a spoonful of the medicine and hovered it close to Danny's lips as the toddler opened his mouth wide to take the spoonful. "I know, it tastes a bit funny, doesn't it?" The young doctor gave Danny an empathetic smile as the little lad swallowed the liquid and shuddered from the taste. "But I promise it'll help you feel better." He said as he sat down at the head of Danny's bed, just opposite to Thomas with Danny in between them.
"Henwy?" Danny asked as Henry curled his arm around him and kissed him paternally atop his soft messy blond hair.
"Yes, dear?" Replied Henry as calmly as he could muster, feeling his heart beat through his chest as he feared the worst.
"Did you have a sweepover with daddy?" Danny turned his head towards Henry, looking up at the raven haired lad with his innocent brown eyes.
"Erm..." Henry's mind went blank, his horrified blue eyes shooting straight towards Thomas who looked equally as dumbstruck. "We... erm... were..."
"You see, kiddo." Thomas chuckled uncomfortably, giving Henry a reassuring nod that didn't exactly reassure him. "When two grown adults really like one another, they sometimes spend the night together because they like spending time with each other." Henry grimaced at Thomas, wondering where in God's name this was going and more importantly, why? "And this is because Henry and I... like each other?"
"Are you sure about this?" Henry whispered to Thomas, feeling conflicted deep within his bones; it didn't feel like this was the wrong thing to do, but he didn't trust this gut feeling.
"So, Danny. You know how all your friends have a mommy and daddy?" Thomas pulled Danny into his lap and bounced him on his knee. "Well the mommy and daddy in a family really like each other and in that way, Henry and I really like each other, just like a mommy would like a daddy. And normally when two grown adults like a mommy and a daddy would like each other, theres isn't a problem. But when two grown men like Henry and I like each other... It's bad, which is why you can't tell anyone about what you saw, okay buddy?"
"Why?" Danny asked curiously, batting his big brown eyes at Thomas and Henry.
"Erm..." Henry cut in. "The thing is, love. There are some places where it's perfectly alright for two men to like each other, but unfortunately here where we live, it's not alright. We're still a bit behind the times, I suppose. So you'll have to keep this our little family secret, otherwise your Daddy and I could get into big, big trouble."
"Oh." Danny blinked blankly. "Okay." He said with a shrug that made Henry smile; how innocent Danny was, how refreshingly free he was of hatred and societally instilled prejudices. "Does this mean Henwy is family, now?"
"I suppose it does, love." Henry hitched a sob in the back of his throat, his lip quivering as the overcoming sensation of emotions overwhelmed him; he held Danny close, glancing up to see Thomas' eyes glassing over with tears as he observed his little boy accepting perhaps the love of his life as his own family.
Thomas scooted in towards them and they sat cuddling as a happy family, two paternal figures and their cherished little son; a family that at the time, nobody beyond those walls would neither understand nor accept. They relished their moment together, though this glimmer of time would only be short-lived as they were jolted from their little utopian dream by the sound of the doorbell ringing furiously.
"Who could that be, at this hour?!" Henry glanced towards the clock to see that it was only five in the morning on a Saturday.
"Dunno, Perhaps we ought to go see, it might be important." Thomas mirrored Henry's mildly concerned confusion.
"I daresay it might do" Nodded henry before turning to Danny with a loving beam. "Danny love, you rest right here. Daddy and I will be back, alright?" Henry tucked him under the covers as the little boy simply followed Henry's instructions docilely.
Taking their leave from the little toddler, both men rushed downstairs, exchanging bewildered glances as the doorbell ringing continued, albeit more frantically and with knocking and banging on top of it all. Realising the ruckus was was coming from the door to the police station they ran into the constabulary to see two figures in the darkness standing across the glass door.
Thomas hastily unlocked the door and opened it up to reveal Mr and Mrs Bates with frantic and manic looks in their eyes; fear and dread across their faces.
"Mr and Mrs Bates? Good morning." Thomas smiled to hide his confusion. "Is everything alright, is something the matter?"
"Our Timmy!" Cried out Mrs Bates as she buried her face in her husbands coat as he tried to console her as best he can. "He's run away!"