My Princessa - Chapter 67: Chapter 67
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Hey dad...
I know you said no contact but I miss you and I miss home. Everything is different here the weather is colder and the food is not as good as the one I'm used to. l miss our pasta.
Nonna tries though ,she's trying her very best to bring it Italy here in Canada but it's still not the same and I'm not talking about the warmth outside but I'm also talking about the one that's in the house, it just doesn't feel like home. It's been six months but I despise it here.
I want to know how everyone is doing back home. l wake expecting Alex to tease me the whole day but I realise that he won't do it because he's not here. I even miss Leone's annoying self. It's crazy but I even missed the quietness that Leonardo has. I miss Elonzo calling me his little one.
As much as nonna tries to make me feel better. She isn't doing any better yourself. She cries herself to sleep because she misses nonno. I know she won't admit it because she's angry and disappointed but she's unhappy, sad and heartbroken.
I hate my therapist. I hate the pityin her eyes ,and the look she gives me every time I'm with her. I hate that she thinks she knows what I'm going through or that she thinks that she can see right through me because she can't.
The nightmares are back, I think it's because you aren't here to chase them away anymore. You said this was supposed to make me feel better but why do I feel worse.
My therapist says that I have unresolved trauma and grief, she says that it dates back from The Rossi family. She says that being with you didn't stop the trauma rather it suppressed it. Maybe she's right though. I got so happy with meeting you and my brothers that didn't have time to reflect on my past or make peace with it, maybe it's because I was young.
I sort of threw the whole abuse at the back of my mind thinking that maybe I had healed but I was just kidding myself. We talked about it though and instead of making me feel better it just made me feel worse. It made me feel weak and vulnerable and it made me realise that everyone who wants to hurt me they do so because I let them. I am too naive. I trust people easy and I give them all my trust without getting anything back.
I've also talked up on Selena rejecting me an l realise that in her own crazy stupid way she was trying to protect me. I didn't understand it back then when she said it but I understand it now.
I wish you're right here with me making me feel good with just your presence and love and giving me the right advice but you're not here and that just hurts me more, I just want to come back home. I thought maybe I could heal but I just feel worse. I feel like I'm opening up my own wounds.
Knowing you then I know you won't reply to this letter but I just wanted to know that I miss you guys and that I love you.
Yours
Daddy's Princessa...
Hey again....
It's been a year after my departure and six months after my last letter. I know you won't admit it but I know you've been waiting for this later for awhile now.
A lot of things have changed since my last letter. I think I'm getting used to the weather. In fact I think I like the cold now. Nonna is getting better, she's getting her smile back which is a plus. She recently made a friend with the neighbour next door, don't get me started about her, she's borderline crazy but they enjoy each other's company and I think they bring the best in other each other, which is exactly what nonna needs now.
I don't find Margarette my therapist annoying anymore . I consider her one of my friends now and she's a really good friend because she makes me smile and she just doesn't judge me about anything I say in therapy.
By the way I forgot to share the most exciting news ever I got accepted and in UBC, the University of British Columbia , l mean how exciting is that. Make no mistake though I had to work day and night to get in, I mean you know how difficult it is to get 93% on anything but because you have the most intelligent daughter ever so I was bound to be accepted.
I know you're thinking why would I want to do law considering that Rossi wasn't a good role model but I want to make a difference and I feel like getting into law would come in handy in making that difference. I want man like Dan to pay for everything they've done and continue doing to young and innocent girls out there. I want paedophiles to never see the light of day.
I know I always said that I didn't want to talk about that day but now I'm not afraid anymore and l have come to terms with what happened to me. I was raped. I raped by a man l once trusted. Sometimes I still feel his hands on me and I don't want another go to have to go through this. I want to make a difference even though I might help only a few.
I have been enjoying my new life but I still haven't made friends here. I miss Fallon, Mallory, Cora and Sergio.I didn't get to say goodbye to them. It makes me sick that l must have made them feel like they meant nothing to me and especially Fallon. Ps tell Alex to look after her for me.
I am determined to make a few changes to myself when I go to school this semester. I have been talking about living a normal life and now is that chance and I want to take it. I can't wait to make friends, go to parties,maybe get a boyfriend or create mischief.
Nonna says I'm boring because she doesn't scold me as did with the boys but I think that's just her way of saying that she misses the boys. She misses you too you know.
I ask her if she wants to come home but every day she declines and she says that she doesn't stay here only for me but because she wants to and that she needs to. She says that she also didn't make peace with her past.
This letter was just to say, hey stranger l still haven't forgotten you.
I know you said no contact but I miss you and I miss home. Everything is different here the weather is colder and the food is not as good as the one I'm used to. l miss our pasta.
Nonna tries though ,she's trying her very best to bring it Italy here in Canada but it's still not the same and I'm not talking about the warmth outside but I'm also talking about the one that's in the house, it just doesn't feel like home. It's been six months but I despise it here.
I want to know how everyone is doing back home. l wake expecting Alex to tease me the whole day but I realise that he won't do it because he's not here. I even miss Leone's annoying self. It's crazy but I even missed the quietness that Leonardo has. I miss Elonzo calling me his little one.
As much as nonna tries to make me feel better. She isn't doing any better yourself. She cries herself to sleep because she misses nonno. I know she won't admit it because she's angry and disappointed but she's unhappy, sad and heartbroken.
I hate my therapist. I hate the pityin her eyes ,and the look she gives me every time I'm with her. I hate that she thinks she knows what I'm going through or that she thinks that she can see right through me because she can't.
The nightmares are back, I think it's because you aren't here to chase them away anymore. You said this was supposed to make me feel better but why do I feel worse.
My therapist says that I have unresolved trauma and grief, she says that it dates back from The Rossi family. She says that being with you didn't stop the trauma rather it suppressed it. Maybe she's right though. I got so happy with meeting you and my brothers that didn't have time to reflect on my past or make peace with it, maybe it's because I was young.
I sort of threw the whole abuse at the back of my mind thinking that maybe I had healed but I was just kidding myself. We talked about it though and instead of making me feel better it just made me feel worse. It made me feel weak and vulnerable and it made me realise that everyone who wants to hurt me they do so because I let them. I am too naive. I trust people easy and I give them all my trust without getting anything back.
I've also talked up on Selena rejecting me an l realise that in her own crazy stupid way she was trying to protect me. I didn't understand it back then when she said it but I understand it now.
I wish you're right here with me making me feel good with just your presence and love and giving me the right advice but you're not here and that just hurts me more, I just want to come back home. I thought maybe I could heal but I just feel worse. I feel like I'm opening up my own wounds.
Knowing you then I know you won't reply to this letter but I just wanted to know that I miss you guys and that I love you.
Yours
Daddy's Princessa...
Hey again....
It's been a year after my departure and six months after my last letter. I know you won't admit it but I know you've been waiting for this later for awhile now.
A lot of things have changed since my last letter. I think I'm getting used to the weather. In fact I think I like the cold now. Nonna is getting better, she's getting her smile back which is a plus. She recently made a friend with the neighbour next door, don't get me started about her, she's borderline crazy but they enjoy each other's company and I think they bring the best in other each other, which is exactly what nonna needs now.
I don't find Margarette my therapist annoying anymore . I consider her one of my friends now and she's a really good friend because she makes me smile and she just doesn't judge me about anything I say in therapy.
By the way I forgot to share the most exciting news ever I got accepted and in UBC, the University of British Columbia , l mean how exciting is that. Make no mistake though I had to work day and night to get in, I mean you know how difficult it is to get 93% on anything but because you have the most intelligent daughter ever so I was bound to be accepted.
I know you're thinking why would I want to do law considering that Rossi wasn't a good role model but I want to make a difference and I feel like getting into law would come in handy in making that difference. I want man like Dan to pay for everything they've done and continue doing to young and innocent girls out there. I want paedophiles to never see the light of day.
I know I always said that I didn't want to talk about that day but now I'm not afraid anymore and l have come to terms with what happened to me. I was raped. I raped by a man l once trusted. Sometimes I still feel his hands on me and I don't want another go to have to go through this. I want to make a difference even though I might help only a few.
I have been enjoying my new life but I still haven't made friends here. I miss Fallon, Mallory, Cora and Sergio.I didn't get to say goodbye to them. It makes me sick that l must have made them feel like they meant nothing to me and especially Fallon. Ps tell Alex to look after her for me.
I am determined to make a few changes to myself when I go to school this semester. I have been talking about living a normal life and now is that chance and I want to take it. I can't wait to make friends, go to parties,maybe get a boyfriend or create mischief.
Nonna says I'm boring because she doesn't scold me as did with the boys but I think that's just her way of saying that she misses the boys. She misses you too you know.
I ask her if she wants to come home but every day she declines and she says that she doesn't stay here only for me but because she wants to and that she needs to. She says that she also didn't make peace with her past.
This letter was just to say, hey stranger l still haven't forgotten you.
End of My Princessa Chapter 67. Continue reading Chapter 68 or return to My Princessa book page.