Natasha Romanoff - Fluff One Shots - Chapter 23: Chapter 23

"Shall I draw you?" I asked my cat, Toby, in a hushed tone, tilting my head to the side slightly.
He gave a small, just as quiet, meow in response as I stared at him, lightly tapping my pencil on the sketch pad I had put in front of me.
Toby and I were quite the duo in this place. I hadn't been an Avenger for very long, only around three or four months now and I kept to myself really. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't antisocial at all and everyone here considered me a friend just as much as I considered them one too. As a matter of fact I had lots of friends here, really close ones too. Like Tony and Bruce. Or Wanda, who was the first friend I ever made here.
Carol and Peter are my best friends. We all have the same interests, same humour, same everything really.
But all that said, I spent the most time with my cat Toby. My abilities, as you might call them, are pretty close to telepathy I suppose. That's the easiest way to explain it. It's important to know this because these powers mean I can technically communicate with Toby. Well, not exactly. But I know exactly what he is thinking. Mentally he responds to everything I say, even though to others it just comes out as a meow, or even just a look, I know what he's saying. He understands me and I understand him. The team don't actually know that I can do this, although, it makes a lot of sense. They just haven't put 2 and 2 together quite yet.
I almost liked that they didn't know. Having this secret bond with this little furry guy that loves me has it's perks. Especially when it comes to disclosing feelings or secrets. I know Toby has my back. You know... because he can't exactly tell anybody.
"Cool. Maybe lay just there and I'll sketch you okay Tobes."
I was sat at the dining room table in the compound sort of on my own, under the dim, warm lights that sit above the table. Right ahead of me I have a good view of the living room where a few people sit watching a movie. There's Clint, Steve, Maria and Natasha. I can't tell what they're watching but that's because my attention was all on her.
Natasha.
Like any childish love story it all began when we met. Undoubtedly she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Everything about her was perfect and on top of all of that she's a very sweet and likeable person.
Having developed these feelings so early on, interactions with her became hard in a way. I would never avoid them. God no. But I would be a much more nervous version of myself around her. Naturally I was already a shy individual as it is. But in the awkward sort of way, you know. But she was always so confident and understanding when talking to me. She'd always prompt the conversation out of silence when we first started talking to one another.
She would always ask about me and what things I like. Shows, books, movies, music, hobbies, anything. She'd ask about Toby and what he's like and where he likes to be rubbed. I like talking to her.
But I would never act on any of my feelings. It was just such an overwhelming thought. She was so pretty and confident and loved by everyone. There's no chance. And I have come to terms with that.
I stared at her as she watched the movie intently. It doesn't mean she still isn't the prettiest girl I know. Sometimes I do wish I was more outgoing and actually had the balls to make some sort of move.
I heard Toby huff, realising I'd been staring too long and got back to my drawing.
"Oh, sorry buddy." I apologised quietly.
As I absentmindedly began shading his features I looked back up at her. You know... Valentine's Day is coming up. Maybe I could test the waters. Maybe do something for her. Get her a gift or a card, or maybe write her a letter. Anonymously of course. Maybe that could be my way of getting in. I should do it.
... The Next Day ...
I sat laid down on the sofa in the secluded upstairs library. With a pen and notebook in hand, resting against my thigh as I had one leg propped up by my other knee, I began to ramble. To Toby of course, who was laid on my shoulder looking at the notepad too.
"What should I do Toby? What's not too over the top, yet enough to do the job? Something subtle but meaningful... oh and something that doesn't scream 'me', you know?" I pondered looking at him in my peripheral.
"Meow."
"No chocolates are too plain and not actually very romantic. God T I thought you were better than that." I rolled my eyes. Chewing on the pen slightly I tried to think.
"I should write something at least. What do we think, card or letter?" I turned to him.
"Meow."
"Letter it is. The more romantic of the two I'd have to agree." I hummed. "Flowers, I'm thinking flowers, what do you think? Everyone loves flowers right?"
"Meow."
"Very true, they'd have to be good ones if I want it to be meaningful. Are roses to cliché or no?"
"Meow."
"What about a big bunch of them though?"
"Meow."
"Well, you know what, I don't care, I'm sticking with roses, I like that idea."
"Meow."
"That wasn't very nice of you to say... I mean think... I mean... ugh, you know what I mean." I huffed.
I wrote all my ideas down in my notepad. Even jotting down and brief idea of what I would say in my letter, but I was stuck.
"Okay so we're going for flowers but what about the letter. What do I even say?" I went on rambling. "Do I say like 'I like you' or is that too much, or maybe something like 'I'd like to get to know you better'... no no no that's dumb. Or how about a simple 'you're pretty'... no that's not it. Maybe ask her on a date? No that's too quick. Or what about a poem, could poetry work? Argh but I can't write poetry. A song? What about a song? Hmm, I can write songs either. Why is it so hard Toby?"
He didn't say anything.
"Thanks for being helpful." I sighed. "You know what, I'm just gonna do it. I'll tell her that I think that she's pretty. No. Very pretty. And that I like her and I would love to take her on a date. But, you know, only if she wants to. Sound good?"
He purred in response.
"I'm glad we could finally agree."
I put my pen and notebook on the table beside me and let my eyes fall shut, Toby curling up next to my head.
... Next Day (The Night Before Valentine's Day) ...
Everything was ready. I had bought her some red roses and I wrote the letter in my best handwriting and sealed it in an envelope with her name on it. I had decided that it would be stupid to do this anonymously. If she were to say yes, she'd need to know who she was saying yes to, so I spent the whole night practicing how I would walk up to her tomorrow when I gave her the stuff. Of all the practice runs, not once did I get it right. My voice was shaking and I messed up my words time and time again. And I was only talking to my reflection, not even Natasha. Oh this is going to be a disaster. But anything for love right. Anything for her.
As I hid the flowers and the letter in the shelf in my wardrobe I walked out of my room and down to the kitchen. It was around 11 at night so most people were in their rooms by now. I turned the corner into the kitchen and to my surprise, Carol and Maria were sat at the island, talking.
"Hey guys." I greeted, grabbing a glass to get myself some water.
"Hey Y/N." Carol replied. "I have something to tell you."
"Spill." I said sipping my water whilst leaning over the counter on the opposite to the two of them.
"I'm gonna ask Valk to be my girlfriend tomorrow."
"Holy Shit, you're kidding!"
"Nope. Kinda nervous I can't lie, but, we've been spending time together for a while now so I think she'll say yes." She grinned.
"I'm so happy for you." I said giving her a smile. "Do you have any plans tomorrow." I said towards Maria.
"I may have a little thing up my sleeve." She smirks, sipping her tea.
"Oohhh, who's the lucky one?" Carol asks.
"Yeah tell us." I follow up.
"No sorry guys. My plans are secret." She nods, tapping her mug. "I've been eyeing this one for a while now."
"Well I hope you get the outcome you want." I smile and say genuinely.
"Yeah but if you do, don't go doing any of that PDA stuff around me or I'll tell Nick." Carol jokingly threatens.
"Understood." She says, raising her hands. "What about you anyways, Y/N?"
"Yeah do you have someone you wanna cuff tomorrow?" Carol adds.
I thought about answering honestly, but I don't.
"Nahh. Not really my thing."
"Oh come on that's not true." Carol says.
"No I'm serious, I never really do Valentine's Day." I lie through my teeth. "I usually just sit and watch movies with Toby.
"But this is your first Valentine's Day in the compound! You're telling my you don't have your eye on anyone?"
I don't reply and Carol knows exactly what that means.
"I KNEW IT!" She jumps up. "Who is it? Tell me everything. Is it Wanda? Wait no, it's Bucky. No, is it Steve?" She says excitedly as she hugs me from behind.
"No, no, and no. And besides I'm not telling you." I say taking another sip of my water.
"Oh come on Y/N, tell us." Maria adds.
"You can wait and see guys." I pick up my glass and leave Carols grasp. "Goodnight guys." I say as I walk back to my room, laughing when I hear a faint 'boo' from Carol.
... Valentine's Day ...
Todays the day. The big day. I'm so nervous I can hardly breathe.
I woke up a little later than usual, around 11am, so by now most people would have had their romantic breakfasts and done most of their gift giving. It's a shame because I'd really like to see who got gifts and whatnot but it doesn't matter.
I shower making sure to use my favourite body wash. Brushing my teeth excitedly and putting on my favourite outfit. The perfect mix of comfortable but cute. I spray my favourite perfume, maybe a little too much, I begin to choke a little, but anything for her.
I give myself one final look in the mirror, happy with how everything looks and grab her gifts from the wardrobe.
"How do I look?" I say to Toby who is sitting on the edge of my bed, and has been watching me run around like a mad woman trying to get ready this morning.
"Meow."
"Thanks buddy. Wish me luck!" I say as I spin on my heels and head down to the living room, taking the stairs.
I make it to the right floor and in the distance I hear all sorts of chatter. Some cheering, some laughter, some 'awweee'ing. It only makes my heart beat faster thinking about Natasha. I look down at my hands, holding the bunch of roses and the envelope with 'Natasha' written neatly on it and notice the sheer amount of shaking Im doing. But I don't turn back. Anything for her.
As I nearly reach the living room, I see the scene in front of me. Tony, Pepper, Carol, Valk, Bruce, Clint, Laura, Wanda and Vision all staring in awe, smiling, laughing, clapping and something in front of them. But what. As I near closer to the room, I see exactly what the fuss is about.
I feel my heart practically yanked from my chest and splat straight onto the floor. My stomach drops beneath the floor and my hands almost drop the things I was holding.
There stood Natasha holding a huge teddy bear and a card, staring thankfully at Maria who stood next to her, helping her hold the bear.
"Thank you, Maria, this is so sweet of you." I hear Natasha thank.
"What can I say, you're the hottest girl I know." She responds smugly.
My vision goes blurry as I cant even bear to witness any more of this. I turn quickly, heading back where I came from and sprinting up the stairs back to my room.
I should have known. How was I ever going to get a chance with Natasha Romanoff. The prettiest,
most adoring, most talented, most loveable human being I've ever met. I had the audacity to believe that I actually had a chance with her for a minute. That she would actually like me back and give me the time of day.
She deserves to be happy. Even if her happiness is not with me, but Maria instead. That's all that I want. Her to be happy.
I ran into my room, tears flooding, landing face first onto my bed and buried my head in my pillow. I couldn't even fight the feelings. It was awful of me to even lead myself on like that. She didn't break my heart. I broke my own. It's my fault. But I'm glad she's happy. I'm glad she's happy.
I turned over and stared at the ceiling. Toby jumped up onto the bed and laid on my lap looking at me. I sniffled. Sitting up to stroke his head.
"Hey Toby." I smiled sadly, through the tears. "Want me to draw you again?"