Neighbor|Taekook - Chapter 26: Chapter 26

His back was pressed against the railing, his chest facing the wast darkness of the river far below him. His feet could barely fit on the narrow ledge, the front of his shoes free hanging in the air. He had a good grip on the railing behind him, but his hands started to sweat. He was trying to calm down his breathing, closing his eyes, but that only made him more dizzy.
I have nothing going for me in this life...I haven't achieved anything...Will people even care? Will they be sad? Anyone? My parents...if they knew my secret, they would understand...In my entire lifetime, I haven't managed to make almost any friends...Yugyeom...His broken heart started to hurt more. He won't have to travel here next week...but I wonder what is new in his life...No matter what, he's always been my friend...such a good friend...he'll get over it, he's strong. Yuki? She has probably already forgotten about me...she most likely has someone new. He couldn't help, but feel hurt by that thought. Jimin-hyung, Yoongi-hyung and...Taehyungie-hyung...He's...I can't say he's responsible for this. I'm responsible, but maybe he would feel like it's his fault...Maybe he'd feel like he'd pushed me too far. No, he will understand, it's my decision. I told him clearly, how I feel about us, even though it broke my heart...and probably his too.
A subtle breezed ruffled his hair, he took a deep breath, trying to still his racing heart. Instead he started to panic even more, his hands shaking. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. This is how my life ends...all alone here...I'm so scared. The only person he was thinking about now, was his mom. He was no longer a child, he no longer needed her to open her arms for him, every time he was hurt. But at this moment, he was so terrified, he wanted her to hug him and wipe the tears away with her handkerchief. She's in Busan now..pletely unaware of what I'm about to do... I'm sorry mom...I wish I could see Busan one last time. See the beaches, see the seagulls gliding through the sky so freely.
He blinked away the tears, which were making his vision blurry, he could barely breathe, all choked up. Looking into the distance, he saw the Namsan Tower, all lit up and majestic.
It was only few weeks ago... If I knew back then how all of this will end up, I wouldn't have gone with him there, that's for sure. All of this could've been so easily avoided...if only...I rejected him... A gust of wind hit his body from the side and he swayed, losing the grip on the railing a little bit. He wrapped his sweating hands again around the cold metal, his knuckles white. His breathing became more even, his heartbeat calmer. A strange feeling of peace overcame him. He accepted, what he was about to do. His silent humming was barely heard, as he continued staring at the tower up on the Namsan Park.
It was a fun night back then, no on has bothered to do anything like that just for my birthday. He made me feel so special, I was so happy...I guess, this is a perfect last thought to have...He closed his eyes tightly, picturing Taehyung's face. His kind eyes, rimmed with long eyelashes, his soft brown hair, his golden skin, his smile.
My beautiful Taehyung, I'm so sorry...live well without me, don't be too sad...Large tears were flowing down his cheeks like a waterfall, joining the waters of Han River. Find someone, who will make you happy...it cannot be me, I don't want to be responsible for all that hardship...I'm just a coward. He imagined Taehyung's large hands reaching out for him, hoping it would make everything easier. However, his hands weren't pulling him back onto the bridge, but down towards the darkness. That is the paradise, that is where I'll be happy, everything will be fine once I go there... I just need to...His fingers were cramping, he loosened the grip a bit, shuffling his feet closer to the edge. I just need to let go...
He stopped humming his melody. I just have one regret...but, my life has never been perfect, so it's fine...He willed his fingers to uncurl.
Another strong gust of wind hit him, but this time straight into his chest, pushing his body back. Something warm brushed over his hands. He grabbed the railing again and quickly twisted his head to see what it was. For a second, he was looking at...Myself? Huh?
He blinked quickly. Was that my own shadow? A faint whistle reached his ears. Am I going crazy? He looked left and right, but there was no one on the bridge.
The sense of calm was gone, he started to panic again, his knees almost buckling. I'm too drunk...I'm not thinking clearly...Why am I here? He started hyperventilating, feeling terrified again. I told him, that I will always stand by his side...no matter what...And look at me now...I'm nothing, but a coward...I promised him, that I will prepare something special for his birthday...if I end my life this night, that promise will forever stay unfulfilled. He hesitated, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. The alcohol is making my mind foggy...that's what I'd originally wanted, but not anymore.
Suddenly, his stomach twisted painfully and growled. He ignored it. Then it happened again. Ugh, I'm so hungry...for how long have I been standing here? He sighed and looked into the distance again. Namsan tower was still there, unchanged. He gave me that cupcake there...it was so delicious...I can't die hungry...that would be my second regret...Maybe, I can go and buy a cupcake somewhere...then I'll come back to finish this. A cupcake sounds like an appropriate last meal...
His mind was telling him to move, but his body wasn't listening how matter how hard he tried. His whole body was cold and stiff, no longer warmed by the soju. What does it matter? I can die hungry. I have always been indecisive...It's time to change that...The decision was made, when my legs took me to this bridge. It was meant to happen...
He turned his head back to the bridge one last time, his eyes searching for a CCTV. Is anyone watching right now? He focused his teary eyes up to look at a dark lens. I guess, this is where I can leave a message for my family. He couldn't gesture anything, one single move of his hand and he knew he'd slip right down. He wanted to shout something, some last message to the camera, but the words got stuck at the back of his throat. I'm sorry...
"Hyung,"he whispered looking deeply into that pitch black lens. He couldn't say more, he choked and his vision got blurry from the tears.
He turned back, looking into the emptiness of the river below him.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
He held his breath, but quickly forced his lungs to exhale all of the oxygen.
Then, he jumped.
His hands finally letting go of that cold metal railing.
And there was nothing, no more worries, just freedom,
"Don't even think about it!"
The voice scared him, he flinched and a terrified scream escaped his mouth. He lost his balance, flailing his arms around in the empty air, with nothing to hold on. Strong arms were holding him tightly from behind. He quickly grabbed the arms crossed over his chest, digging his nails in, he was too scared to open his eyes.
"Stop moving, or else we're both going down!"
Jungkook's panic didn't cease, there was no air in his lungs, and he was so shocked, he couldn't breathe. The arms pulled him over to the safety. He dropped on top of his savior with a loud thump, the last bits of oxygen knocked out of him. His lungs finally expanded and he took a ragged breath.
"Ouch!"
"Asshole, I was about to climb back!"Jungkook shouted frustrated splayed on top of him, desperately gasping for air.
"Are you drunk?"
"No!"he grunted.
Rough hands pushed him off,"you smell of alcohol."
Jungkook ended up on the ground, his eyes still closed. He managed to get on all-fours, slowly opening his eyes, keeping his head down. All he could see was a concrete sidewalk of the bridge. It's not water...He ran his hand over the rough texture. This is not water, I'm alive! I'm really alive! A tiny droplet appeared on the gray concrete, followed by another one. It was getting soaked in Jungkook's tears. There's air in my lungs, I'm not at the bottom of the river, I'm not dead! Is this real?!
Shakily, he stood up, panting, brushing the dirt and gravel from his knees. He looked up, to see if all of this is just an illusion.
A tall, beautiful man was looking at him, concerned. He looked completely out of place.
Huh? How did he appear here out of nowhere? I'm pretty sure I was the only one on the bridge. Could it be... He swayed at the thought, the world spinning around him. His ears were ringing, his heart beating fast.
Jungkook looked at the stranger, with only one question burning on his lips.
"Am I dead?"