Neighbor|Taekook - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

"That Kim Taehyung? Your neighbor?!"Yugyeom stood up and started pacing in front of the park bench where Jungkook was sitting, with his shoulders slumped.
"Yeah,"his head dropped down too.
"You like him?!"
"Yes."
"Like...really like him?"
"I really like him,"he repeated after him.
"What the hell Kook! Why?"Yugyeom brushed a strand of hair from his face frantically, keeping a distance from Jungkook.
"Why? How the fuck am I supposed to know?! Can you chose to like someone? I didn't choose to like him...it's just happened..."
"Wait a minute. Have you always been..."
"No, this is a completely new feeling for me. I've been freaking out about this for weeks!I wanted to tell someone...talk about it, but a reaction like yours is exactly what I've been worried about,"Jungkook felt like he was becoming smaller in front of his friend. He wanted to curl up and hide somewhere.
Why did I even bother telling him?
"What do you expect me to say?! Congratulations?"
"No..."he shook his head,"but it's hard to deal with it...so, maybe you could say something like..."
What do I want him to say? What do I want to hear? Something like "It's completely normal, there's nothing wrong with you, I'll support you..." Who am I kidding? He would never say that...
"You...actually, you don't have to say anything...Trust me, I've tried to not like him, I tried to run away, avoid him...even hate him...but I couldn't function like that,"he started sobbing uncontrollably, he knew that people in the park were looking at him, but he couldn't fight the tears any longer.
"Maybe you should've tried harder,"Yugyeom spit out without any empathy.
"Yugyeom, I tried to kill myself..."he choked out, looking up with teary eyes.
"What?! Wh...what did you say?"Yugyeom was completely freaking out, pacing in front of him like a wild animal.
"You heard me... I thought ending my life would've been better than living like this. I know what you think. You think that I'm a freak, gross, disgusting...and I get it, because that's exactly how I feel! I don't want to be like this, but I cannot be any other way or else I'll go crazy."
"How...how did you intend to do it?"
"The bridge..."
"Jesus...do...do your parents know? You should've gotten some counseling or something, I don't know...Oh my God..."
"They can never find out...it would be over for me, they would probably kick me out."
"Then why did you tell me..."
"Because you asked...and I like him, I really do...I can't lie to myself, I can't lie to you,"Jungkook buried his face in his hands, he couldn't take it anymore. He was embarrassed and the fact that he showed his vulnerable side to Yugyeom, only to be ridiculed was too much...it hurt too much.
Yugyeom sighed resigned, but he was still looking like he was about to have a mental breakdown. "So now you have a thing for all of the guys? Why would you make me sleep in your room?! To spy on me when I change? Or when I take a shower?"
"Please stop...I beg you...It's only my neighbor, no one else...no other guy."
That's...that's not true...
"I'll try and believe you this time, because otherwise,"he walked few paces away, only to walk back a second later,"Okay, okay, let me think this through...Are you actually serious about him? Like, do you imagine your future with him?"
"I do,"he replied.
"You know it will never work,"he pointed his finger at him, as if he was accusing Jungkook of crime.
"I know...that's why I'm trying my hardest to not think about it too much...It hurts...so much, I can't take it."
"It could...It's probably just a phase...Have you thought about that?"
Jungkook gritted his teeth in annoyance. He's really not getting it, is he? Or maybe he doesn't want to accept the reality...The reality where his bestie is into guys. He wiped away his tears and took a deep shaky breath.
"Yugyeom, I'm gay."
The word felt heavy in his mouth, but it rolled off the tongue so quickly. Just saying it out loud, not just to Yugyeom but also to himself, held so much meaning. He wasn't running away from his true self anymore. I have my label now...I guess this is what I am...gay...
"Didn't you have a girlfriend few months back?"it was almost like Jungkook's words passed through Yugyeom's ears without registering.
"I did."
"Hadn't you kissed her? Go on dates with her? Did you like her at all?"
"I did,"he repeated.
"So how can you say, that you are gay?"
"It didn't feel right. Being with hyung...it feels like the whole universe aligns..."
"It didn't feel right? Damn...I didn't know you were like this."
"Like what?"
"Fake."
Yugyeom said it with so much hate, that his whole face was reflecting that hate, blurring his usually handsome features.
"But...I'm not!"
"Back in Busan, there's one girl who, I feel like is still in love with you... She keeps talking about you even weeks after you had left. All this time...you were lying to her."
"I wasn't...I cared about her, I still do. She was so special to me, so don't you dare and say something like that, you know nothing about how I felt! Now she doesn't contacts me and she barely ever replies to me,"Jungkook raised his voice.
"You asshole, it's to make it easier for you! She thinks it's better this way...I wonder why she still cares so much about you. You don't deserve it...you don't deserve her...you never did."
Jungkook was at loss of words.
"I want to go home,"Yugyeom glared at him and put his hands in his pockets.
"Okay,"Jungkook stood up, his wobbly legs barely supporting him as he began walking,"this conversation isn't going anywhere..."
"I don't want to go back to your place, I want to go back to Busan."
"Are you serious? You just arrived yesterday!"
"I don't care."
"Are you really that disgusted? Am I disgusting to you?"strong emotions were rushing through Jungkook, a mixture of sadness, anger and a regret.
Yugyeom just shrugged, not even looking at him.
"I thought...out of all people that you, Yugyeom...you...Nevermind..."
Yugyeom stopped abruptly and Jungkook who was following him almost bumped into his back. "Yuki...she was ashamed...she thought it's wrong to date me...Because you're my best friend...And I was ashamed too...I hated myself..."
Damn...it seems like I'm not the only one who makes their life complicated for no reason... Should I be mad at him? Or is he mad, because I'm not?
He glanced at Jungkook waiting for him to say something, but he remained quiet, so he started walking slowly again." You know you wouldn't be able to find a proper job. You'd be an outcast, no one would want to hire you. If someone finds out, you'd have no future."
"I'm aware of that,"Jungkook started to sense a change in Yugyeom's attitude, his temper cooling down in the fresh air and the pretty scenery of the lake in the park.
"Have you kissed him?"he broke the silence after a while.
Jungkook nodded, blushing slightly. Yugyeom seemed like he was trying his best to ward off an expression of disgust from his face.
"So...are you attracted to him physically?"
"I am."
"I guess...I could understand that...Just seeing him briefly yesterday...I understand that."
Everybody understands that...
"I like his personality too."
"Are you two in a relationship?"Yugyeom continued with the questions.
"Not really...I would say it's something like Some..."
"So he's not your boyfriend?"
I haven't thought about that...what is he? Just hearing Yugyeom say that word...I like it! Kim Taehyung, my boyfriend.
"I wouldn't say that."
"I remember talking to him at the party. He was talking about you, but I would've never imagined that you two..."
"I know..."
"Have you done it?"
"What?"
"You know...have you two had sex? Oh God, I'm having a horrible image in my mind right now,"he scrunched his nose.
"No we haven't...I...don't want to."
Yugyeom nodded approvingly and Jungkook couldn't help but feel uncomfortable discussing this awkward topic.
"What about you...and Yuki?"he asked anxiously.
His friend kept silent.
"I take it as a yes..."he pressed his lips together."You...you can do whatever you want to in your privacy...Just be good to her,"even though he had Taehyung now, he couldn't stop the pang of jealousy he was feeling.
Just imagining her with someone else...I still care about her...But if she's happy, I shouldn't mind...
"Do you...You don't like girls at all? Or have you ever liked them?"Yugyeom asked.
"I don't know...I haven't figured it out yet...I'm not interested in any girls here, but I mean...I still find some girls attractive..."
"Then you're not gay!"
Jungkook sighed,"I'm certain that I am...there's a possibility that I might like girls as well, but I prefer guys for sure. My feelings are so intense, I've never felt that way about any girl."
"What about me?"
"Huh?"
"Do you...like me?"
"Just as a friend, don't worry."
Yugyeom was visibly relieved.
"But, do you think I'm good looking?"
"You are."
A satisfied smile spread across his face, so different from the scowl on his face when he'd been spitting those hateful words at Jungkook earlier.
"I think...I could...or rather I should try and accept you the way you are...after all, I'm your friend...I shouldn't abandon you because of this..."it was Yugyeom who looked small now.
Why does it sound so forced? Is he pitying me?
"You are free to do whatever you want. If you don't want to be friends, I accept it...I've prepared myself for that..."
"What? Are you saying that you were willing to risk our friendship?"
Jungkook nodded, his heart hurt.
"Man...you really aren't joking..."
"What the fuck?! Of course I'm not joking! Why would I bawl my eyes out in front of you?! Seriously Gyeom, you're so dumb sometimes..."he showed him to the side.
"Hey! As far as our friendship goes, you're walking on thin ice buddy...If I was you, I'd be behaving nice."
"Sorry...But really, you can do whatever you want...If you're really uncomfortable, then there's no reason to be friends, just for the sake of a friendship with no bond.
"It will take me a while...My best friend is gay...that's a lot to digest."
"I know, it also took me a while."
"I can't get rid of the feeling like I was being lied to my whole life, though."
"I get that."
"But when I look at your face, well you're a complete flower boy...a pretty guy. I get why he likes you back. Anyway, I suppose it's kind of obvious...that you are what...or rather who you are...maybe I should've paid more attention..."
"Suddenly I'm not a tough Busan man?"
"You don't have to be...Just be whatever feels right...if you like guys, that's it. You aren't Kook to me anymore...you're Kookie from now on,"Yugyeom smiled and patted Jungkook's back.
"I'm still the same person."
"But somehow, I see you differently. More delicate? And pretty..."
"Oh my God...what's up with everyone calling me pretty?"Jungkook rolled his eyes.
"You are...and you hear it from someone who definitely isn't gay."
"You may never know...I caught the gay virus just recently...it may happen to you too,"he rubbed his hands all over his coat.
"Stop it!"
"Oh no, I think you're infected now,"Jungkook teased him.
"Aish! I told you to stop!"he was trying to sound annoyed, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him, twitching upwards into a smile. "Just...be careful...Is this Kim Taehyung a good person?"
"I think so."
"Do you know him well?"
"Uhh...not that well actually...He doesn't want to talk about certain things...and his personality changes sometimes."
"Don't get your heart broken by him,"Yugyeom wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.
"I won't...at least I hope."
As he was saying it, he couldn't shake off some strange ominous feeling of what was coming in the near future...
"Anyway, do you still want to go back to Busan?"
"Nah, you look like you're about to crumble to the ground. There needs to be someone to support you."
"Yugyeom, you really don't have to do this..."
"For you to be able to open up like this...It takes a lot of courage...I should try and follow your example...be a little bit more courageous. And even though this is far from my comfort zone, it's the right thing to do. After all, isn't it what friends do?"
Jungkook was about to cry again, his lips began shaking, his eyes dwelling up. He suddenly hugged Yugyeom tightly.
"Jungkookie, you know I care about you...I'm sorry for saying those things...I didn't mean to hurt you...But you have to understand, it's all just new and strange to me,"
Now, Jungkook was definitely crying again."It's okay...you're still here...that's what matters to me."
"Of course I'm here, you're my hyung after all..."
"It has taken you so long to realize?"Jungkook laughed.
"I guess so..."
"About time!"
"I love my huyng,"Yugyeom hugged him tight.
"Ah, stop it..."
"Promise me one thing, Jungkookie."
"What is it?"
"Don't ever try to commit a suicide again...please. I would be so devastated...to lose you,"his voice broke and he blinked away the tears.
"I won't do it, I promise."
"Back then, did you at least write me a goodbye note?"
"No...I didn't plan it."
"So you'd leave without saying goodbye?"
Jungkook just shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh God...suddenly, it doesn't matter that you're gay. All that matters is that you're here, alive,"Yugyeom squeezed Jungkook in a bear hug.
"Hey, I won't be alive for much longer if you crush all of my bones,"he tried to free himself from the hug.
"Sorry, Jungkookie...I'm just so happy to have you as a friend."
"A best friend,"Jungkook smiled.
As it was getting darker they started walking back to Jungkook's place, trying to plan something do for the evening. When they got back, Jungkook's mom prepared some candied sweet potato as a snack for them, along with some coffee.
His mom got joined by his dad and all four of them sat down in the living room and started chatting. His parents were mainly interested about what's new in Busan and how well Yugyeom is doing in school, mostly just to compare his results with Jungkook's not so good grades. Jungkook was just silently listening to his parents' unnecessary complaining.
After finishing their coffee, both boys moved to Jungkook's room, leaving the parents in the living room.
"Sorry about that...you know how mom is like,"Jungkook sighed closing the door behind him.
"She knows something,"Yugyeom sat down on the bed.
"What do you mean?"
"I think she knows."
"Knows what?"
"About your little secret..."
A surge of horror overcame him as he processed Yugyeom's words. "That's impossible,"he breathed out.
"She just knows something, I can tell. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised...moms and their instinct, that shit should never be underestimated."
She did tell me that time to focus on myself, my studies and not anyone else...Could it be that she knew something?
Jungkook kept looking at him with his eyes wide open, his mind reeling.
"Do you realize what it means?"Yugyeom continued. "She seems fine with it, so maybe you should open up to her as well. Maybe it would make things easier for you."
"She would most likely tell dad...and I don't think he'd be supportive."
"I don't know man...but you can make sure, that your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone."
"Not even Yuki?"
"Nope, you should tell her first."
"Are you out of your mind? I'd be too embarrassed... besides it would make her feel horrible. She'd think that I didn't like her at all, or that I turned gay because of her."
Yugyeom chuckled,"you're right, maybe she doesn't have to know..."
"I'm really glad that I got to tell you everything. It really took a load off my mind,"Jungkook splayed on his couch, feeling tired from the emotionally exhausting afternoon in the park. "So, have you decided on what you want to do in the evening?"
"Yes."
"I'm listening, what's the plan?"
"I want to meet your boyfriend."