NIRELLE - Chapter 17: Chapter 17

"You know you still owe me an answer for what I asked you on the first day I came here," I say when I am ready to leave the room. I look at his face and can tell he is still uncomfortable talking about this. "Is it uncomfortable?" I ask, wondering how I got so bold with everything, especially in front of this man whom they call merciless.
"No... of course it is not," he stuttered, the words, and I know that he is uncomfortable.
"There is no need to lie." I wrap the book in both hands as I walk closer to him. "If you are uncomfortable, just say it."
"If I do, then would you stop bringing it up?" his question makes me stop in my tracks.
"Only if we reach an agreement," I say, biting the corner of my lips. "Well, it's not an agreement, more of a plea from me. I can't have sex; I can never have it," I say, hoping he can understand my plight and maybe reason with me. I won't lie; I could never understand the need for men to always be needy in that aspect of their life, but I have had enough of it that I do not want any more of it again in my life.
"And what if I want it?" I never knew that a few words strung together could change the temperature of the room so much.
"Then you'd find a way to get it," I say. I wonder why I was confident, maybe because I thought there was nothing to lose for me. I see something flicker in his eyes—disbelief? Anger? Maybe hurt? But I don't flinch. I’ve been through worse.
"Are you suggesting that I cheat on you?" The words were no longer awkward, and his eyes were no longer avoiding mine as he talked. "You are my wife, and you've been here barely a few hours, and you already think it's okay if I cheat on you?" he asks, and I can't help but nod.
"Why don't you like it?"
"Who says I do not like it?" I feel like his question might open up things I did not even know I felt in me. How could I tell him that I had been abused my entire life by my father and then occasionally by my drunk brother?
"Why else would you be trying to avoid it? From what I've heard, many girls would jump at the opportunity."
"Well, not for you," I say, taking another step toward him. I see him take a false step back, and I know it is safe if I do not try to move toward him again.
"What does that mean?" he does not seem too pleased to hear that. Men and ego! It's the same for them all, regardless of age or person. "What do you mean by that?" his voice was urgent; he wanted to know, and he wanted to know fast.
"You do not have the best reputation out there," I say, and he drops the file in his hand and walks over to me. "What are you doing?" I say as I feel every step he takes towards me as an invasion of my personal space. "Stop!" I scream. I can't believe I had screamed, but that was the only mode of defence I had.
I saw an expression of guilt cross his face; it was almost untraceable, but it was there. "No need to scream." his voice was low, and it made me feel bad.
"I am sorry, I just..." How do I explain to him that I was deeply traumatised, and since I did not really know anything about him, I was sure in my head that he was walking to me to forcefully take off my clothes and have his way with me there? He had not shown any signs of doing this, but my mind kept on painting the picture, so it is hard to shake it off.
"It's okay." he turns and goes back behind the table where he had been standing. "I think I still need a few more days to know what I am going to do about your request."
"Can you just accept it? I came in here at your request and I know I do not have the power that you do to request fo things but I really want this one thing," I say and then an idea pops into my mind, one I am sure I might not like but it would never be like the hatred I have for sex.
"I don't know..."
I am trembling, but I still say it—“I’ll do anything. Anything you ask of me. Just not that.”
His look is enough to scare me, but this is how I know how to protect myself. I was afraid that he would be a monster, but his being a normal man did not change what I wanted. "Are you sure?" his voice carried concern as if he was afraid of what might be at the end of the deal.
"How bad can it be? You can't ask me to kill and hide a body, can you?" I ask jokingly. There had been rumours that he killed people if they offended him. He barely looked like a man who knew the right way to hold a knife. How could he hurt anyone?
"You don't know." His voice is shrill and sends waves of fear down my spinal cord. "I can ask for anything; I mean, this is an open check, and you are just giving it to me."
"You can have it, as long as I do not have to ever have sex," I say. He looks at me, wondering what was so bad about sex that I was running away from it.
"Okay, then you have a deal."
I want to thank him, but he stops me with a wave of his hand. "Don't thank me because you'd not like my request," I gulp.
"I thought you'd think on it first," I say as I realise he was going to ask me now. I keep chanting that it can't be that bad in my head, but I can't seem to believe it.
"I have already thought of it." He paused and sat on the edge of the table so he was facing me squarely.
"You are going to help me bring down Enoch Thamore."
"My father?"