NIRELLE - Chapter 39: Chapter 39

LUCIEN
"Don't you think you are being too mean to her?"
I scoff and turn to Theo, who pushes a fork into his mouth and begins to chew so loudly without turning his face away from me. He knows how passionate I am about etiquette, especially at the table. "You think this is my fault?"
"Whose fault is it then? Mine?" Theo asked with a head tilt. "I was not the one she called a jerk," he said and then pushed another forkful into his mouth, chewing loudly.
I want to ignore him, but I know he would keep talking about it until dinner was over. "Wait, I believe the word she used is 'difficult jerk,'" he adds and then lets out a loud laugh. "You've been living together for only four days, and you've managed to show her how much of a jerk you are. Women are different, and that means you need to handle them differently."
"I am not a jerk, and you know it," I respond, feeling my jaws square tightly.
"I don't know, seems pretty solid at knowing when someone is being a jerk." I drop my cutlery on the table and face him squarely.
"What about today was jerk-like?" I can't believe I am asking. I do not mind being called a jerk; in fact, I have heard it countless times from the staff who have worked here and ended up being fired. What I do not like is being called a jerk by her.
"You impose rules on her?"
"Rules are meant for society to..." I trail off as he waves his hands in the air as if he were chasing an insect away.
"Not in the same way for your wife."
"You know, we aren't a couple in that regard."
"Then you don't mind that she called you a jerk," he said and then returned to his meal.
We weren't a couple in that regard, but why did it bother me that she called me a jerk and that she must be steaming in anger in her room now? I sigh and try to shake it off, but it hovers over me like a cloud, not leaving, no matter how much I try to change my thoughts.
"I know you are disturbed," Theo said as he got ready to leave the table. He had stopped talking about it earlier, and I wished he would continue and maybe give me a little advice. He was better with women than I am. I had only been in a relationship for a week before I had to go into hiding, and since then, I had forgotten what the dynamics of relationships were supposed to look like.
"So let me give you a little advice." He stopped and looked at my face to see if I was really listening before he continued. "She must be hungry since she did not have anything to eat, so go up and give her something to eat, and while you are there, make sure you apologise," he says, standing up and walking out, adding in a singsong voice. "Apologise genuinely."
I sat there with my thoughts for a while, and I decided to follow Theo's advice. I asked the staff to prepare a tray so she could have her dinner upstairs. As I turn into the hallway leading to her room, I see her walking up to me, and I try to call out to her, but she turns on her heels and runs as if she had perceived some kind of danger.
I am confused, as that was not the reaction I was expecting from her. I stand by her door and knock. "?" I call as I turn the handle of the door to see that she had locked it from inside.
"What do you want?" Her voice is low, but I can hear it since she seems to be standing just by the door. "Go away, I don't want to see or talk to you, jerk," she murmurs in annoyance.
"I am here to apologise and to give you something to eat; you did not have anything at all," I say, and I hear her sigh softly.
"I don't think any of that is your business," she says back, her voice firmer and louder this time. "Just leave," she adds.
"Look, I am a stickler for rules," I begin, and she snorts. I can't see her, but I imagine her rolling her eyes as well. "I think rules were made to be followed, and that includes dining rules."
"You know what I think? from now on you should have your meals alone so your rules can be followed to the letter, while I would have my meals alone or with Theo."
I almost scream in disagreement. I had not noticed it, but it seemed like I had grown accustomed to it in such a short while; the table felt a bit hollow when she left earlier. Theo was having a lucky streak these days, which allowed him to be home in time for dinner. Before she came, he had been working longer shifts, and that had meant I had to sit on that long table all by myself and eat. Some nights I felt sad, but then it was the life I had chosen.
"This is my house; you cant do that."
"Why did you bring me here?" she asked, and I heard the door click open before she was standing there. I look down at her, and she presses her hand to both her waist, looking up at me. "Did you need a woman who would be locked up with you?" Her words hurt, but I try not to show it.
", you know that is not true."
"Then if it is not, I will be eating alone from now." She pulls the tray from me so that I do not have time to react, and before I know it, the door is shut in my face. "Good night, Mr. Vexley," she calls from the other side.
I stare at the door, the silence gnawing at my chest. My hands curl into fists at my sides—not from anger, but from the feeling I refuse to name. She shut the door in my face. And I stood there like an idiot.
She should be the one crawling back. Not me.
But why does this feel like losing?