NIRELLE - Chapter 53: Chapter 53

A few days have passed, and everything seems too quiet, almost too calm. Breakfast is done with Lucien avoiding my eyes as much as possible, and Theo has not been home. Lucien had said he was working on a project that would require him to spend a few more weeks with a crazy schedule. It makes me think of him; if he were going to work like Theo, then it meant he would have been so busy with work I wouldn't have gotten to see him.
I wonder if it would have been a good thing or if the pain in my heart at the thought of it was real. "What are you doing today?" Luucien finally broke the wall between us, at least that was the way I saw it, given how avoidant he had been towards me.
"Aside from trying to lie down and see how many hours I can do that for?" I stop for a second and send him a smile. "Nothing," I finish.
He does not look that pleased with my response because he frowns, but it does not linger on his face longer than a second. "Want to do something on your bucket list?"
His question hangs in the air because I do not know what I am supposed to say, and it feels weird. I stare at him, and he snaps his fingers in my face. "Well?"
"I don't know; are you going to do it with me, or are you going to run away midway this time?" I ask, recounting the basement experience.
"We can start with the movie we could not watch the last time," he suggests, and my mouth hangs open. I shake my head gently because I had been brave enough to go down there once, but I don't think I'd be brave enough to go down there again.
"Why? Didn't you want to see a movie? We did not get to see it the other time, so I was thinking we could..."
"There are other things on the list that we could do." I cut him off. I can't tell him that the reason I am trying to run away is that I do not want to walk down to the basement again. I don't know if I can act brave.
"Are you sure? I mean, I am free today."
"How are you free? I thought Theo took up a new project, and you would be swamped with work."
"He did, but we are already nearing the end of it, and it means I am free now," he says as if it is not a big deal. "So what do you want to do if you don't want to watch movies?"
I open my mouth to speak, but then a thought strikes me. "Why are you so eager to tick off items on my list with me? Is there something you aren't telling me?"
His face morphs into an unreadable expression before he begins to look sideways as if he were checking to see if anyone was going to walk in on our conversation. I raised my eyebrows and looked around with him before our eyes met. I looked away because even though I could not understand the feeling that it gave me, I did not like it.
"You wanted to do them, and I am being questioned for being supportive? Does that make sense?" he asked, and I shook my head. I should be glad, but why should I be glad?
"You don't have to do it if you do not want to," I say, waving my hand in the air. I am stupid for saying it, but I don't want him to be pressured to spend time with me. Even though I was the one who asked that he do everything on the list with me, I was not sure anymore if it was a good idea.
"You are trying to get out of this?" he asked, and I shook my head. How did he catch on so quickly? I had been bored out of my mind. I really do not understand the concept of continuously scrolling social media, but that is all I have been doing for days now. I wanted to do something different, but for some reason, even though he was offering, it felt weird to me.
"I am not." My tone was sharp and defensive, and I could tell he had caught on.
"I just wanted to be of help." His voice was soft, but I could see that he was just trying to defend himself as well. "If you don't want me to help, then you can just say so. I know how to back off when I'm not needed."
"It's not that," I say. I am about to tell him about the basement, but I figured that it is better than telling him I can't be alone with him for hours in the basement.
"Then?" he drags out, and I blink rapidly, feeling my eyelashes gently touch my face.
"I do not like basements," I say simply. Do I need to explain the reason I do not like it? I am not an expert at conversations, so I do not know how this is supposed to go.
"Oh, I see," he nods gently as if he were contemplating something. He wanted to ask more, but it seemed like he stopped himself before he could, leaving the awkwardness on the table lingering. Why did it hurt that he did not ask me where my irrational fears came from? Why did he just let it be? If he had confessed a fear to me, I am sure I would want to know why it happened. Maybe I had gotten too comfortable with him, so comfortable that I thought he was, too.
"Should we just watch it in the living room? I mean, the screen down here is not as big as the one in the basement, but I think it should suffice."
His suggestion is brilliant, and I know there is no hope for me out of this, so I nod, and I see a flash of a smile across his face before I can register that it is a smile.
"Are you saying that you are going to present for all of the movie today?"
"Yes," he nods as if he could predict the future. I want to take his word for it, but somewhere deep in my heart, I am not sure. Maybe when the intro is still on, he might get called in for a meeting or something such as that. I do not want to make it a big deal since he offered.
I smiled and then nodded. "You can go change into something more comfortable." He pointed to the robe I still had on me, and it made me flush. I had been hurried downstairs for breakfast with Lucien, and I had not had time to put on anything, so I just threw the robe on.
"I will set up the living room." Before I could say anything, he was out of his chair and out of the room. A lot of things were confusing, but the only thing I was worried about was why he was bringing up watching a movie out of the blue.