No Turning Back - Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Victory used to be sweet. The cheers from the bleachers and the bear hugs from my teammates used to be the best thing in the world. I used to like being handed the trophy and then being held up for the world to see. I used to love to see the confetti fly down from above us like snow. I used to love the feeling I got as I felt as if I'd achieved something. I used to bask in everyone's praises and then party until I passed out. We always had off the Monday after the homecoming game so that we all could recover from our major hangovers. Usually I would spend that day passed out in my bed. This year, though, I felt totally different about everything.
When I scored the winning touchdown, I didn't feel the happy high I usually felt. Instead, I felt...bored. When everyone began cheering and my teammates tackled me into hugs, I felt annoyed. When I got handed the trophy before being tossed in the air, I put on the fake smile but I still didn't feel anything. I knew that I would the same when I tried to party. For some reason, everything just felt so wrong. While my body was there, my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I didn't know why but it felt as if something was missing. I scanned the bleachers curiously to see all the usual fans and students but I didn't see the face that I realized I was looking for. I didn't get to dwell much on it before I got put down and Melanie tackled me into a hug. Not too long after she let go, Mia jumped on me and planted a big kiss on my lips. Everyone around us cheered even more. Their screams didn't affect me though. It didn't make my emptiness go away.
"You were so great out there," Mia said as she hopped off of me. I looked down at her and smiled. She looked cute in one of my old jerseys and my number painted on her cheek. "I am so proud of you," she said as she grabbed me into a hug. I chuckled under her embrace but returned the hug.
"Thanks babe." She tugged on my hand as she pulled out of the hug. "Where are we going," I asked as she towed me towards the parking lot. I noticed she was making a beeline for my car. I raised an eyebrow as I looked down at her and waited for a response.
"Everyone is going to Luces Baila to celebrate so I thought we could go. It'll be fun, don't you think?"
"Yea. Okay. Let's go." I opened the passenger door for her and let her get into the car. I then jogged over to the driver's side and drove into the line of cars to get out the parking lot. It didn't take us long to get to the huge building nor did it take long for everyone else. By the time we got into the restaurant, everyone from our school was there. Of course, they were all drinking but that was expected. Our parents always let the place we were going to know that we were allowed to drink. I don't understand why they did that but they did. I'd never actually paid much mind to it before. Normally, I just went along with the whole festivities. But now that I think about it: weren't parents supposed to be trying to prevent their kids from drinking instead of reinforcing it? "I have to go change," I told Mia before heading into the bathroom. I was still in my football stuff and I needed to get out of it badly. I went into a stall and quickly stripped down. Then I dug through my bag to pull out a clean white tee, a pair of jeans and some sneakers. Once I had put those on and packed away my football stuff, I walked out of the stall. I looked in the mirror and frowned. I looked a mess. There was still dirt on my face plus my hair looked like a bird's nest. I grabbed a couple of paper towels, wet them, and began to clean my face up. While I was doing this, Jayden walked into the bathroom. He was clothed in his usual black waiter uniform with his hair messy and the usual annoyed scowl on his face. He glanced at me and the scowl faded a bit.
"Hey," I greeted him.
"Hi," he said simply as he walked past me. I watched him as he grabbed a couple paper towels and began to wipe his hands. I then noticed that his hands were wet with brown liquid. I'm guessing that someone spilled beer on him or something.
"You weren't at the game," I blurted out. He nodded.
"Yea. My uncle said that I could work." I raised an eyebrow.
"You didn't originally have to work, did you?"
"Nope." I shook my head. "I heard that our team won anyway. I already saw that coming so there was really no need to go."
"I guess." Jayden finished wiping his hands and his emerald eyes looked to me. I noticed that I was staring at him and quickly looked away. Blush slowly crept up my cheeks as I felt his eyes boring a hole into the side of my face. "Um, I should get back out there."
"Okay," he said simply. I glanced at him to see that he was still staring at me. "Wait," he said. I hadn't even moved yet but he'd called me. I turned to face him, raising an eyebrow in confusion. He shook his head at me before snatching my damp paper towels out my hand. I froze as he came closer to me, his cinnamon scent coming into my nose. His free hand pushed my hair back away from my face before I felt him dab the washcloth on my forehead. His glowing eyes didn't meet mine as he wiped my face gently with the washcloth. Instead, they were concentrated on whatever spot he was cleaning. It was only when he was finished that his eyes looked into mine. Even though, I was already frozen, I felt myself being paralyzed under his intense gaze. The ghost smile returned upon his lips. "You're blushing," he stated. What? I quickly backed away from him and looked in the mirror. Indeed, my cheeks were a bright red. Damn, I looked like a fucking tomato! Jayden chuckled at my shocked face causing me to look over at him. "Go out there," he said as he pushed my arm. "Go enjoy yourself." I nodded before hurrying out the bathroom. I glanced back once to see a soft look on Jayden's face – something that scared me. For once, he looked...content. Maybe even happy, a little bit. But why?
"Are you alright," I heard Melanie ask when I approached her at a table. There was a can of beer in her hand and she pushed the other that was on the table towards me. "You look like you've seen a ghost or something."
"I'm fine," I said with a sigh as I set my bag down. I picked up the beer can and practically downed half of it in one gulp. Melanie raised an eyebrow.
"Are you sure you're alright?" I nodded.
"Yea. I just really need a drink." I downed the other half of the can. "Where did you get this? I think I need some more." Melanie pointed towards the back of the club where there were huge coolers.
"Grab me another one while you're back there," she said as she took another sip of hers. I nodded before making my way through the dancing bodies to get to the coolers. I then noticed how dark it was in the restaurant as well as the neon flashing lights and the loud dance music. Where the hell is my head that I hadn't been noticing this sooner? I shook my head and continued to the cooler. I grabbed a couple of cold beers before heading back to the table. Mia and the dark haired guy that Melanie likes – Damien his name is – were at the table with Melanie now. Mia smiled happily at the sight of me as I approached the table. Melanie and her new beau looked towards me as well. Damien didn't look too bad. He was a handsome guy with sharp features, dark blue eyes, and a tall, muscular body. He immediately shook my hand and introduced himself politely as if I were her father or something. I raised an eyebrow at him before shooting a confused look to Melanie. She merely shrugged and took another sip of her drink. The rest of the night was more a blur than anything else. I remember drinking a lot of beer and getting drunk. I remember taking Mia home and having sex with her. I remember holding her close when we were finished and feeling guilty since I still didn't feel anything. Honestly, I just felt emptier and a bit angry. I was starting to become annoyed with myself. Why the hell was I changing? I didn't want to change. I liked the person I was. I didn't like the person I was becoming.
I awoke the next morning with a raging headache and sore hips. My curtains were closed – thank God – so I wasn't blinded by the sunlight. That didn't mean the dim light didn't still hurt my eyes. I immediately squeezed them shut not too long after I opened them. I rolled onto my side and reached my arm out to grab Mia's small body. I heard her whimper in her sleep as I pulled her against me. "Good morning," I murmured.
"Good morning," she replied as she turned onto her other side to face me. I cracked my eyes open a bit to see Mia staring at me with wide, innocent blue eyes. "How's your hangover?"
"Terrible," I muttered. "I feel like shit." Mia gave me an empathetic smile as he small hands began to caress my face.
"Maybe you should go back to sleep."
"I wish I could but I'm pretty sure I'm wide awake now."
"Do you want me to get you anything?"
"No. Stay here. You're warm." Mia smiled as I pulled her closer against her. It was true that her exposed body was warm but it only soothed my external body. Internally, I was still pretty damn cold. "Talk to me," I murmured. I heard her giggle.
"About what?"
"Anything really. Tell me about your life. I wanna hear more."
"Um, okay. Well, I was born in Texas. My dad was an old fashioned cowboy in a way. He owned this big steakhouse in my hometown and it was always busy. Everyone loved him since he was so nice and jolly all the time. But then, when the cancer began to strike, he stopped being so nice and jolly. He started to be mean and bitter and not my daddy anymore. He even hit me a couple times. That was when the social services took me away and made me stay with my grandparents. My mom was never really around. She left not too long after I was born. She was younger than my dad and she couldn't deal with a baby so she just left us both hanging. I don't remember her but apparently, I look like her." She rubbed her nose against my chest. "Then I moved her to Chicago and things were better I guess. I told you about how I became friends with Bethany and Jayden and everything."
"I'm still confused as to what the falling out was," I murmured into her hair. I heard Mia take a shaky breath. I held her tighter in an attempt to comfort her and silently tell her that it was alright to talk about it.
"I won't lie to you, Danny. I did some terrible things to the both of them. They have every right to hate me. I won't deny that." She paused for a moment before she continued on with what she was saying. "Things were easier for the three of us when we were younger. We were all just better at being friends for some reason. Maybe because things are simpler at that age. There's no worries or stress or drama. There's just pure bliss. But then high school hits and everything changes. I wish that I could go into true detail of what really happened but I doubt Bethany and Jayden want anything personal about their lives being revealed. Anyway, the main point of it is that Bethany and I both fell in love with Jayden. We both wanted him and we both fought over him in ways that weren't right. As it turned out, he wasn't interested in either of us. His heart was somewhere else. So, that was a bust. Yet, somehow there was more to our fight than just him. So, I went to high heights to really crush them. It was awful. I was awful. I wish I could take it back but I can't...ya know."
"I understand," I told her. She kissed my chest before turning her head to look at my digital clock. "What time is it," I asked.
"A little after one in the afternoon. I should go."
"Do you have to?" She smiled but nodded. I reluctantly let her go and got up to get dressed with her. Once we were both decent, I walked her downstairs to the front door. I kissed her goodbye before letting her out the door. I ignored my empty heart and took notice to my empty stomach. I was starving. No wonder I felt like shit. I wandered into the kitchen to see Ashley standing over the sink, puking lightly. "Oh my God, Ashley," I yelled as I ran over to her. I held her long hair up as she groaned. "Are you alright?"
"Yea," she said weakly. "It's just a stomach bug, that's all."
"I found the medicine for you," I heard a familiar deep voice say. I turned around to see Jayden standing there. He was dressed in a tee shirt and ripped jeans – his usual attire. He was holding a bottle of ibuprofen in his hand.
"Thanks Jay," Ashley said weakly. I raised an eyebrow at her. Since when were they on a nickname basis? Jayden came towards her as he popped open the bottle. He shook some into his hand and held it out to her. Ashley took them and popped them back into her mouth. She swallowed them dryly before putting her hands on her stomach. "Sorry for making you come all the way over here and I end up sick."
"It's fine. We can always study another time."
"Come on, baby sis," I said as I picked Ashley up into my arms. "Let's get you into bed." I walked past Jayden and made a beeline for the stairs. Ashley fell asleep in my arms, the medicine already working itself into her system. I lay her in her bed and pulled the covers over her. Once she looked comfortable, I headed back downstairs. Jayden was standing at the foot of the steps, looking up with a concerned look on his face.
"Is she alright," he asked.
"I don't know. She's been acting really strange for a while now."
"Oh," Jayden said simply. "Well, tell her that she has my well wishes." He made a turn towards the door but I reached out and grabbed his arm. Jayden seemed surprised at my move as he looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. I felt myself blush as I quickly pulled my hand away. His skin was warm, soft, smooth, and I could feel his muscles bulging. I kind of wanted to touch him again. Wait what? No, no, Daniel. That's a weird thought. No more weird thoughts.
"Uh, you can stay if you want. I was about to make some pancakes or something. Maybe we can...hang out."
"We're not friends," Jayden replied coldly.
"I know," I said quickly. "But I just wanted to be nice. I guess I forgot that I can't be nice to you." Jayden narrowed his eyes at me.
"Don't forget again," he said darkly before he turned towards the door.
"Jayden," I said before he could move. He turned his head to look at me, his emerald eyes showing annoyance. "I'm sorry for whatever made you feel the way you feel about me or white people or whatever your deal is. But, I'm just trying to be nice. I get that you're guarded but I'm not trying to hurt you. I just...I wanna help."
"Humor me," Jayden muttered. I shook my head, holding up my hands.
"Alright, alright. I'm giving up. Just don't say that I didn't try."
"I don't need your help," Jayden snapped. "Whatever help you think that you can possibly give will not do shit, alright? You don't know a thing about my life nor what I go through on a daily basis. You will never know and you will never understand. So stop trying. Alright?"
"How would you know if you never even tried to confide in me? Why does it have to be like this? Why do you always insist on trying to push me away? I am not Mia. I won't do whatever she did to you." Jayden's eyes widened slightly at the sound of my last couple of statements.
"What did she tell you?"
"Nothing. She just told me that she did some really bad things that she thinks deserved the hate or dislike that you and Bethany harbor for her. She regrets it if that helps anything." Jayden scoffed.
"Humor me," he repeated. Again he turned and attempted to make a break for the door but I spoke again.
"I wanna be friends, okay? There, I admitted it. I'm tired of fighting with you and trying to get you to see past whatever biased idea of me that you have." He turned again, his eyebrows crinkling in a look that I couldn't describe. "Look, I'm not saying that we have to be best friends but it'd be nice if we could be cordial sometimes. You can still take your jabs at me if you want but I'm just really tired of skirting around you. Yesterday, at the library, that was sort of fun. I've never had real guy friends before so I thought that maybe we had potential at being good friends or something."
"And where the hell is all this coming from," he asked.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I really don't." Jayden sighed as he shook his head. His emerald eyes examined me carefully as his mind seemed to try to make up a decision.
"Alright," he said. "We can try to be friends. Okay?"
"Okay. Cool." I nodded my head towards the kitchen. "Now that that's settled, how about some pancakes?" Jayden nodded and followed me into the kitchen. He helped me make some pancakes from scratch and I almost near killed myself with a flying pancake. Jayden laughed at me when I did and I again I was reminded of how nice the sound was. I also realized the longing I felt to hear it again. Damn, what the hell was going on with me?
Once we were done in the kitchen, we went up to my room. Jayden curiously looked around as I searched around for my chemistry notebook. He had opted to get some more work for the project done while we were hanging out. He had used the last two words with air quotations and a roll of his eyes. I could tell that he wasn't exactly warming up to the idea but at least he was cooperating. "Your room is really big," I heard him murmur from the other side of the room. I looked over my shoulder to see him standing in the middle of my room, his emerald eyes scanning everything. I could see the envy in his eyes as well as a lost look. Sometimes I forgot that he came from a lower status than me. I wondered exactly how low. I wasn't exactly familiar with the south side of town and I didn't plan to become familiar. All I knew was that things were pretty rough down there.
"Yea," I said simply. I didn't know what else to say. It wasn't exactly a compliment. He was just stating a fact. My room was pretty big. I grabbed my chemistry notebook as Jayden sat down on my bed. He was looking over the pictures of my nightstand that mostly consisted of me and Melanie. I walked over to sit down next to him. "So," I said to break the awkward silence.
"You have a nice life," he said. He glanced at me, his mouth turning in an unsure gesture. I had almost forgotten about what he said yesterday about him not liking to talk in English much since it wasn't his first language.
"I guess," I said with a shrug.
"You do," he said sharply. "Don't ever think you don't." He snatched my notebook from out of my hand and went silent again. This time, I let the silence be as we began to work on our project. We may have been quiet but I couldn't help but feel as if we were taking baby steps towards a friendship. I also couldn't help but mentally smile at the thought of being around him more. I could tell that our small friendship was going to be good – or at least I was secretly hoping that it would.