No Turning Back - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

I fidgeted nervously after I knocked on Jayden's front door. It was Thursday night and I had just gotten to his house. Tonight, I was supposed to be spending the night and that made me nervous to no end. I mean, sure Jayden and I haven't been together long at all and he promised to take things slow but I was still a bit worried. All of the things I was doing with him were new to me in a way so I guess I did have somewhat of an excuse to worry about every single thing when it came to him. I think that I was afraid of doing something stupid and screwing up whatever relationship we were trying to build. I didn't want to lose him and I could tell that he didn't want to lose me either.
"Hey white boy," Jayden said as he opened the door. He was wearing a fitted red tank top, black and red plaid pajama pants and was barefoot. His curls were wet so I assumed that he had taken a shower before I'd gotten here. They were falling into his eyes and my fingers itched to push them back. His tiny smile was playing on his lips and I couldn't help but to blush as I noticed the smile had reached his emerald eyes.
"Hey Jayden," I said, smiling back at him. He moved aside so that I could walk into his house. Again, I was hit with the sweet smell of cinnamon that usually radiated off of his body and I felt some of the butterflies in my stomach flutter lightly.
"Hi Danny," I heard his little sisters say in unison as they appeared in the doorway of the living room. They were both dressed in what looked like pajamas, their dark curls waving over their shoulders. His youngest sister, Cecilia, ran up to me and hugged my legs. I chuckled and bent down so that I could really hug her. Adriana also joined in on the hug, their slender arms warming my body from the cold it was experiencing outside.
"If you two don't get off my boyfriend," Jayden said, annoyance lacing itself into his accented voice. I looked up to see that he was leaning against the stair's handles, a soft smirk on his face. His eyes were warm and I could tell that he was enjoying seeing me interact with his younger sisters. I think he just liked messing with them.
"Hey, we haven't seen him in a while," Cecilia said. "Are you gonna watch TV with us for a little while, Danny?"
"Sure," I told them.
"Let him get changed first then we'll be right down," Jayden told them. The girls looked to each other, shrugged and bounced back into the living room. I smiled as I turned back to Jayden.
"Boyfriend, huh," I teased. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed my duffel bag. I grabbed his waist before he could move, my smile growing. "I like the way you say that." Slight blush arose on his cheeks before he lightly stepped out of my grasp and began to ascend up the stairs.
"Come on, white boy," he said, ignoring my comment. I chuckled but followed him up the steps. He led me into his room and closed the door behind him. I looked around his room briefly as I made my way towards his bed. I turned towards him as I perched down on the edge of it. He was staring at me, his emerald eyes scrutinizing me slowly. "You gonna stay awhile," he asked, hinting that I still had my jacket on.
"I am but it's freezing out there. I'm still cold," I said. Jayden began to walk closer to me, a small smile arising on his lips.
"I can always warm you up if you want," he said softly, almost seductively. I blushed as he wrapped his arms around me. He had sat down beside me and now was crushing me up against him. He was warm as usual and I felt myself craving more of his warmth. I scooted closer to him, burying my face into his neck. He chuckled at my actions but squeezed me gently. "I can make you some hot tea or cocoa if you want something warm to drink. Maybe some of my grandma's tea will do you some good."
"Or you can just stay here and hold me." Jayden kissed my head.
"Don't worry. I'll be back. Besides, I have to let you change anyway. Cece is not going to forget that you promised to watch TV with her. I think she likes you more than I do."
"Mmm, think she'll give you some competition?"
"I wish she would." I laughed, shaking my head at him. He slowly let me go and got up to take a step towards the door. "I'll be right back. My mom isn't home and my grandma is asleep so I have to make sure my sisters stay put like I told them to. You can get changed and stuff. I'll knock before I come in." I nodded.
"Okay. Thanks." He shot me a small smile before walking out the room. I did as I was told and changed into an old Columbia tee and my black pajama pants. I ran my hands through my messy hair to make it look suitable. It wasn't long before Jayden knocked on the door. "I'm dressed," I told him. He opened the door, carrying two steaming hot mugs. He kicked the door closed behind him and set the cups down on his dresser.
"So, the girls are watching Frozen and I'm not watching that shit so we're gonna hide up here until it's time for them to go to sleep," he told me.
"Okay." Jayden grabbed the remote off his dresser and flicked on the TV. He then tossed the remote to me before grabbed the cups and making his way over to the bed. He handed me one of the mugs while I flipped through the channels aimlessly. No good movies or anything were on so I didn't really know what to put on. I just settled on some UFC stuff that was on some random channel and began sipping at my tea. Jayden and I sat in silence for about a half hour as we watched the matches. We were both comfortable and the silence wasn't awkward so we just let each other be. I knew we would have time to bug each other for the rest of the night. "So," I said as I turned to Jayden. One of the matches had just ended and I knew they were about to go through all the interview fluff so I figured it was a good time to break the silence. Jayden's eyes were trained on the TV, his mouth open a bit. When I spoke, he looked to me. His green eyes watched me for a moment before they looked back towards the television.
"So," he repeated. I looked down to the tattoo on his shoulder. It was of a cross that had detailed vines that gracefully came around it and such. The tattoo was well proportioned on his arm and lowered down into his bicep a bit. I knew that he had another one on his chest and on near his waist. I wasn't exactly sure what they were though.
"I like your tattoo," I said lamely. Jayden looked down at his tattoo. "When did you get it?"
"On my birthday. My dad took me to get all my tattoos. He's into that sort of thing too. He has this cross too and in the same exact spot." Jayden pulled down his shirt, exposing his broad, nicely defined chest. He pointed to the black cursive ink that read "Maria" on it. "I have my mom's name right above my heart." He then pulled his pants down a little so that I could see the one on his waist. It was another cursive black ink that seemed to be in Spanish. "It says Blessed," he explained. "I want more but I'm gonna wait for a little while."
"Does it hurt when you get those?" He shrugged.
"It doesn't really hurt to me because I have a high pain tolerance but I will admit that it does burn a bit."
"So, do you think I could handle getting a tattoo?"
"Don't make me laugh. You'd probably cry like a little baby."
"Hey, I can take needles, ya know." He rolled his eyes.
"Humor me." I smiled but scooted closer to him. I put my lips to his ear and managed to lower my voice enough to whisper softly into it.
"The way you degrade my strength only makes me like you more. You know that don't you," I whispered softly. I heard his breath hitch a little bit as I impulsively kissed his earlobe tenderly. The small noise gave me the courage to go on and gently let my tongue probe out over his earlobe before sucking on it with my lips. A groan left his lips as I did so. "Someone likes that," I commented teasingly.
"Shut up," he said as he playfully pushed me away. He had put some force into the push so I did end up falling onto my back on his bed. He saw my position and before I could blink, he was on top of me. He smiled down at me, his face inches from mine. "You know, for a white boy, you do have some balls." I blushed deeply causing him to chuckle. "But, I don't think you want to play the seduction game with me because I will win."
"Oh really," I breathed. He nodded, leaning down a bit closer. I tilted my head upwards slightly to close the distance between our lips. As soon as our lips connected, my stomach filled with a warm fuzziness and I felt myself craving more of his sweet taste. Our lips moved slowly, gently, passionately against each other while our hands began to intertwine into each other's hair. His damp curls felt silky against my hands as they tangled themselves into them. I couldn't help but to tighten my grasp as he deepened the kiss, licking my lips erotically until they opened for entrance. He hummed into my mouth as our tongues began to battle, his body pressing harder against me. One of my arms wound around him and my hand crept under his shirt to touch his hot skin. We stayed like this for a long time, kissing and enjoying each other's warm embrace. We were only interrupted when Jayden's digital clock buzzed loudly.
"Dammit," he muttered against my lips. We were on our sides now, our legs tangled together, and our arms wrapped tight around each other. Somehow, we were beginning to slowly roll so that I would get a turn to be on top of him but we weren't quite there yet. We were about to be when his damned clock buzzed. He pecked my lips once more before turning to look over at his clock. "I'll be right back. I have to put the girls to sleep," he said as he carefully untangled himself from me.
"You deserve the big brother of the year award, you know that don't you," I teased. He rolled his eyes at me.
"Whatever white boy," he said before he walked out the room. I lay in his bed for a moment before I got up to look at the pictures that covered his bulletin board. Most of them were of him with his family and Bethany. Though, I saw a few that held people who I'd never seen before. In on photo, there was a younger Jayden with three older guys. Jayden had to be about 9 or 10 in the photo but he looked much the same, just with a younger face and a scrawny body. He was actually smiling widely at the camera, his green eyes bright with happiness. Standing beside him was another boy who looked to be a bit older than him – definitely in the early teenage years. He had the same dark hair as Jayden except his eyes were a bright caramel and was a bit wider. He also didn't look much like Jayden. As a matter of fact, none of the other men in the picture did. Both the younger boys looked alike with their dark hair, wide caramel colored eyes, and elegantly structured faces. The only difference was that one looked a bit older than the other two. The oldest man in the picture looked much like the other two boys and was dressed in a Marine uniform. As I looked more closely at the picture, I could see some sort of resemblance between Jayden and the other men. You could tell they were all related by the look in their eyes. I figured that Jayden wouldn't look like his father since he looked just like his mother but somehow, I could tell that the man was his father. His straight face was similar to the ones that Jayden always does as was the guarded eyes similar even with the small smile.
"That picture is ancient," I heard Jayden say from behind me. I flinched slightly as I turned my head to look at him. He was standing close to me but enough so that I wouldn't have noticed his presence. "That had to be at least 9 years ago."
"Are these your brothers? And the man is your father?" Jayden nodded. He pointed over my shoulder towards the first boy.
"That's Javier," he moved his finger to the other boy, "and that's Miguel."
"They could've been twins."
"I know right. Some people were surprised when they found out they were two years apart. They look just like my dad, don't they?" I nodded.
"They seemed like nice guys."
"Yea they were nice to me but not to a lot of other people. I kind of act like Miguel in the way I deal with my sisters. He always took care of me but acted as if I was annoying or a pain in his ass. I will admit that I tried to be at times." I chuckled, shaking my head. I turned my whole body around to see that his eyes were a bit sad. "If he were still here, I bet he'd be teasing me about you all the time."
"You miss him, don't you," I said slowly. He nodded.
"I don't get to see Javier much anymore. He doesn't really talk whenever I go. He's kind of drowned himself in his misery and helplessness. I only go around the holidays so that I can stay for a while and just blab about everything. He's not the same anymore though. But, my dad is going to be coming home in a couple of weeks for Thanksgiving and he's going to stay up until after Christmas. You'll get to meet him and stuff." His eyes had lit up at the topic of his father and a small smile had arisen on his lips.
"Does he know about you," I asked. He nodded.
"My whole family does. They don't care much, surprisingly. They just care about my happiness."
"I wish my family could be like that." Jayden's hand traveled down my arm to grab my hand and give it a soft squeeze. His eyes were giving me a small, sympathetic smile and I could tell that he was mentally reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. He pulled me close to him and kissed my lips.
"I'll always be here for you if you need me," he promised. "If your parents try to do something stupid when you tell them then don't hesitate to come to me no matter what the circumstances, okay? I promise that I'll take care of you." I smiled at him.
"I think you're trying to win a nomination for boyfriend of the year award," I teased. He smirked.
"Is it working though," he played along, pulling me even closer against him. He leaned in to give me a sweet, soft kiss. "Because if it is then I will be more than happy to keep on going with some more of my great boyfriend traits."
"Mmm, and what are some of those traits?"
"I think I can show you better than I can tell you," Jayden whispered before pressing his lips back onto mine. I melted into his arms as we kissed, our lips moving in perfect sync with each other. He led me back to his bed as we did so and he let me be on top as our kisses deepened. The rest of the night went by amazingly well. After we were partially done kissing each other's faces off, Jayden turned on a horror movie that we watched peacefully with some ice cream and soda. Once the movie was over, Jayden decided it would be funny to initiate a wrestling match with me. He pushed me off the bed first and then waited for me to retaliate by beating him with a pillow. It was fun though, messing around with him. After a while, we did get tired and we slept in his bed together. We both laid on our sides, Jayden pressed up behind me and his arms wrapped tightly around my torso. I was surprised at how quickly I fell asleep in his embrace as well as how safe I felt.
We both had a hard time moving the next morning but Jayden forced himself up when he heard his mom's boyfriend yelling. I wanted to go and help but he told me to stay put. He threw his little sisters into the room with me and told me to make sure I didn't let them go anywhere. He was enraged suddenly, his eyes practically turning from green to red in anger. I didn't notice why until I saw a huge bruise forming on Adriana's cheeks as well as one on Cecilia's shoulder. They both sat on my lap and cried as I waited for Jayden to come back. I could hear yelling and banging going on downstairs and I felt my stomach burn in fear. "Where's Jayden," Cecilia asked weakly as she picked her head up from my chest. "Jayden should've been back by now. Danny, tell him to come back. Tell him that we're okay," she whimpered as she looked up at me with her tear ridden eyes. I bit my lip to fight back the tears I felt brimming behind my own at the sight of her and her sister. They were so little, so innocent... I wondered what exactly happened that made him hurt them. I mean, they didn't seem as if they were the type of kids to purposely piss adults off. Sure, they may get on Jayden's nerve but he's their big brother so that's their job. So, why did this man feel the need to hit them?
"I wish I could," I told her as I ran a hand through her hair. She whimpered and buried her face into my chest. "Are you alright," I asked Adriana who was resting her head on my leg. Her green eyes were distant and she seemed to be in a whole other world inside her head. She looked up at me when she noticed I was talking to her.
"Yea," she murmured. "This happens a lot. Mr. Nicolas hits us, then Jayden hits him and then they all fight. Sometimes Mr. Nicolas hits our mommy or our grandma and it's worse than it is right now. Jayden is scary when he's angry."
"He's just trying to protect you."
"I know but it's still scary. At least you're here to protect us now too, right Danny." I blinked once, a bit surprised at her statement. I didn't have time to answer her before Jayden yanked his room door open. He slammed it shut, causing the girls to flinch, before running a hand through his hair as he muttered something angrily in Spanish. He didn't look at his sisters and me as he walked over to one of his drawers and began to pull out some of their clothes. He then opened a door that led to a small bathroom.
"Get dressed, you two," he commanded his sisters softly. They reluctantly got off of me and headed into the small room just as Jayden told them to. He shut the door behind them before walking to his dresser again and pulling out clothes for himself. I got up and walked up behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his back. "I'm sorry about that," he whispered, his voice hard.
"It's alright. Are you hurt," I said as I turned him around. He didn't have any bruises on his face or his arms from what I could see in plainly but I still made an effort to look closely in case I missed anything.
"I'm fine," he said. He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer. He pecked my lips. "You should get dressed. We're all gonna head out soon." I nodded before kissing his lips once more. We got dressed facing away from each other, both in tees and jeans before his sister came out the bathroom, dressed in warm play outfits. Cecilia bounced to my side as I was putting on my jacket and grabbed my hand when I was finished. She didn't let go of me until I had to put her in the back seat of my car. I asked Jayden where he wanted to go but he just waved me off. I took that as an anywhere and began to drive aimlessly. I ended up at the old park I used to go to and the girls darted out of the car to play around despite the chilly weather. The park was big but from where I parked the car, Jayden and I could see them wherever they went.
"You sure you're alright," I asked as I grabbed Jayden's hand. His other one was on his face, covering his closed eyes. His jaw was tight and I could feel the anger radiating off of his body. I wished that I could make him feel better but I didn't know how – or if there even was a way. Kissing him earlier didn't do anything so I doubted anything else I had up my sleeve would.
"I'm fine," Jayden repeated. His hand squeezed mine softly. "Just don't tell anyone about what happened, okay?"
"Okay." He sighed, rubbing his eyelids against his hand.
"I didn't want our weekend to start off like this. I wanted us to have fun and just relax and you could see more of where I came from. I guess you got more of the latter than what I expected."
"Have you ever tried calling the police or social services or anyone that could try to help?"
"Yea but with whomever I call my mom just tries to cover up the damage anyway. She knows that if social services found out about what's going on then they'd take Cece and Anna away. She doesn't want that. I would move out and take them with me if I could since I'm legal but I don't have the resources to take care of them. I've considered moving in with my uncle but he's too busy to take care of kids. It would be too much. And my dad is out of the question. As I said before: he can tolerate us but he can't take care of us. Honestly, I think I'm more worried about next year than I am about now."
"Because you're going away...right," I asked slowly. He nodded.
"And I might not come back," he murmured. A thick silence rang over us after his words. Before, when he first told me about entering into the Marines, it hadn't bothered me. But that was because I didn't see him the way I did now. Hell, I'll admit that I hadn't really thought that he might die. But now that we're so close and I'm starting to care so much for him...the thought of him dying scared the living daylights out of me.
"You shouldn't think that way," I told him. "You're gonna come home." He shrugged, keeping his eyes closed. I leaned over to kiss his cheek. "For them you will...and for me. Promise that you will." Jayden opened his eyes and looked to me, his emerald orbs weary.
"Okay," he said half-heartedly.
"Jayden," I said firmly.
"Daniel," he said just as firmly. "What if I don't wanna come home?" He shook his head. "Just like you don't want what's expected of you, maybe I don't want what's expected of me either. Maybe I want to die out there. Maybe I don't want to ever come back to this hell hole. Maybe I wanna die with a bullet through my heart."
"Jayden, stop, you're talking crazy. You're in a bad mood, I understand but just don't...don't talk that way. Please." His eyes analyzed me carefully before they looked towards his sister who were giggling as they ran around the play house. "You're going to have something to come home to next year, I promise."
"Have fun keeping that promise," he murmured. I sighed, seeing that I was getting absolutely nowhere with him. I slowly crawled over the thing separating the seats and curled up into his lap. Jayden seemed surprised by this but wrapped his arms around me and held me close. Somehow, in that moment, I felt his anger and dark thoughts fade away. His body relaxed and his eyes began to clear of whatever darkness had overwhelmed them. Suddenly, I realized that the cure to Jayden's anger wasn't verbal encouragement or talking it out or any of that. Instead, all he needed was the silence assurance that someone cared – that someone was going to be there for him. In that moment, I made an oath to myself that I would always be there for him. Just as he was going to be a soldier for the nation, I was going to be a soldier exclusively for him.