No Turning Back - Chapter 28: Chapter 28

I groaned as I heard my ringtone sound loudly in my ear. I was lying in my bed, trying to sleep in. We had off from school today for whatever reason. I wasn't quite sure but I didn't really care. It meant that I could sleep in which was the only thing that really mattered. My phone had been ringing nonstop since Saturday afternoon. Of course all of them were from Jayden but I couldn't bring myself to see what he wanted. I still wasn't really in the mood to talk to him. It was obvious that he really wanted to talk to me though. But about what was my question. What could possibly be so important that he had to blow up my phone every five seconds? Then again, the mending of our relationship was pretty important. Maybe he wanted to talk since he did know that I returned back home last night. But that doesn't explain why he was calling me when he knew that I was still up in California.
Eventually, the song stopped and my room fell silent again. I relaxed against my pillow for a moment before I heard my phone go off again. I sighed but hauled myself to sit up. He hadn't called me this time but instead texted me. I grabbed my iPhone from off my nightstand and opened up my iMessage. I felt my eyebrows crinkle together as I read over the dozens of texts that Jayden had sent me. I had started from the beginning and then slowly made my way down.
Hey.
Look, I know you're mad but we can work this out.
Daniel, I know you can hear your phone buzzing.
Okay, fine. Ignore me.
Just call me whenever you're ready to talk.
Can you please call me?
I'm being serious now. I really need to talk to you.
Daniel please call me.
Are you busy?
Can you please spare me at least five minutes? This isn't about our argument anymore. I need to hear your voice.
Daniel, where are you?
I know you're there.
Please call me.
Daniel...?
I need you...
Can you come over when you get home?
Are you home yet?
Please answer me. I know you're upset but please, I really need you right now.
Dammit, why aren't you answering you phone? Just call me back.
Hey, I tried calling you but you're probably asleep so just come over when you get a chance. Please just put aside whatever negative feelings you feel for me right now. I seriously need you right now. So, please just come over. I'll be waiting for you.
I stared down at his message, my heart feeling a bit heavy. He needed me but I was ignoring him. Hell knows what was going on but yet he chose to call me to lean on. I felt so bad. Quickly, I hopped out of bed and threw on some clothes. It was only late morning so my parents were out at work, my sister was asleep, and Zac was at daycare. I wrote my sister a note to tell her where I was going before rushing out the house to my car. I tried to call Jayden but he didn't pick up the phone. Of course that would be the case though. He could call me all he wanted but when I needed to get his attention, he didn't want to answer. It's probably payback for what I did to him. Whatever. I would be seeing him soon enough.
When I finally got his house, I felt my stomach twist a bit. Although everything seemed normal on the outside, I had a feeling that something was wrong. The atmosphere lingering around his house was one of despair and anger. I could only imagine what had transpired while I was gone. As I walked up to the door, I tried to look around to see if I could see anything that might hint to why Jayden seemed so vulnerable. I was looking for a broken window or something tangible that I could link to what might have made him upset. That's if he was upset. He could be angry too. But then there might be a hole in the wall somewhere that I could detect. "Hello Daniel," his mother said as she opened the door after I knocked softly. I immediately noticed the bruise forming around her eye as well as her hollow face. She looked tired, her vibrant green eyes dull. "Come in, come in."
"Are you alright, Mrs. Delgado," I asked as I walked in. I noticed the eerie silence in the house and I felt my stomach quiver. His house was never actually silent except at night. Usually his sisters would be playing around and their laughter could be heard or his mother's voice as she sang in the kitchen or even his grandmother as she yelled at the soap operas she had on the television. It was strange now, hearing absolute silence. His mother shuffled me into the living room where his sisters were sitting on the couch, both of them staring at the floor with watery eyes.
"Yes, Daniel, I'm fine. Thank you for asking," she told me. "Can I get you anything? Some water or tea or soda or-"
"No thank you." She nodded. Cecilia looked up at me when she noticed my presence. Her green eyes were filled with a sadness that a child should never have. It was as if she'd lost her best friend or her favorite teddy bear or something. I bent down as she got up from her seat and ran to me. I caught her in my arms as she wrapped her small arms around my neck and buried her face into my shoulder. "Cece," I murmured as I began to stroke her hair. "What's wrong?" She shook her head, not removing her face from my shoulder.
"What's not wrong," Adriana said as she looked up at me. Tears were still falling from her eyes while the same numbness that her mother held in her green orbs were forming in hers. She shook her head. "Everything's always wrong," she murmured.
"Anna, please... We have a guest," her mother told her warily.
"Jayden's not going to come out of his room," Adriana replied back quickly. Her eyes were on me now. "It might be better if you just leave him alone." I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it. I didn't know what to say to a ten year old about her brother who was my boyfriend. She knew him much better than I did and if she said that he probably wasn't going to come out of his room – even for me – then I should probably trust it.
"Stay down here with us for a little while," Cecilia murmured into my shoulder. "Please Danny." I sighed. I couldn't exactly say no to Cecilia. She was like my little daughter at times. She was always clinging to me when I came around and refused to leave my side. Once, she made me play house with her and I was her father. She enjoyed the game as I carried her around the house and took care of her. When I had to leave, she told me that she wished that her father could be more like me. Then she said that she wished she could be my daughter. With that, she had given me a hug and was on her merry way into the living room. I never forgot when she told me that. Somehow, it made me feel a little bit better about myself since I'd always wanted kids later on in life. I was always afraid that I'd be like my own father and not really be the best father figure in the world. But, her small comment gave me some confidence for the future as well as what I was doing to keep her and her sister happy.
So, I stayed downstairs with the girls for about an hour before the two little ones fell asleep on the floor. Their mother had watched as I attempted to make the two of them feel a little bit better. I noticed a small smile form on her face as I joked around with them and tried to play a couple of games. Even now as I looked up at her, there was a small smile on her face. I returned the smile as I got up off of the floor. "Is there...is there anything I can do," I asked. She shook her head.
"I think you've done half of your part," she said as she nodded towards her sleeping daughters. "Have fun with the one upstairs though. He's...he's having a rough time."
"Mrs. Delgado, what exactly happened? Why are you all so upset?"
"Well there's this for starters," she said as she motioned towards the bruise on her face. "But yesterday around noon...a man came by the house. He um...he was one of the Marines men. He, uh, he was a good friend of Mateo's and he was a good friend of ours and he was the one chosen to deliver the news..."
"The news," I asked a bit clueless. She nodded.
"Mateo was shot to death a couple days ago," she murmured. "He was out on patrol in the Middle East and there was a child and it turned out to be a trap and...he died." She shook her head. "But not even five minutes after the man finished his story we got a call from the prison and um...well, they told us that my son committed suicide on the same day Mateo died." A lone tear fell from her eye as her voice began to crack. "They said they thought that he didn't have the resources to do anything to himself but...he used his belt and he found a way to..." She paused, putting a hand to her lips. "My mother...she never dealt with the death of loved ones. She's...she was like Jayden in that way. So, I think all of the news was too much so she...she passed out. She'd always had a bad heart so when the doctor's announced it as a heart attack, I wasn't too surprised. I just didn't think she'd die in that exact moment. Our visitor tried to help but it was too late." She wiped at her eyes as more tears fell down her face. "Jayden hasn't come out of his room since the man gave him his father's bloody dog tag. He ran up there and hasn't come out since."
"Mrs. Delgado, I'm so sorry," I told her.
"It's not your fault," she murmured. "Just make sure my baby boy is alright, will you." I nodded. I kneeled down to give her a soft hug before I walked upstairs to Jayden's room. His door was closed, as expected, but when I tried to open it I noticed that it was locked as well. I knocked softly on his door.
"Jayden? Jayden, hey, it's me." Silence greeted me in return. I sighed as I knocked again. "Jayden, open the door." He didn't answer me again. I began to bang on the door a bit harder. "Juan Cristian Delgado," I yelled his Spanish name. "Open the door." Again, silence greeted me. "Dammit, Jayden, open this door," I yelled. I banged harder on his door. "Let me in! Please, Jayden, just...just let me in. Let me help you." I jiggled at the doorknob once more before pulling a small bobby pin out of my pocket. Ashley and I used to sneak around all the time so I did know how to pick the lock on doors. I got down on my knees and picked the lock on his door. Once it was unlocked, I slowly opened the door and walked into the room. All of his curtains were pulled shut so that no light could enter his room. I squinted my eyes as they adjusted to the darkness. I looked around the room to see Jayden sitting on the floor near his dresser. His hand was clutched into a fist in front of his chest, his hard eyes boring a hole into the floor. His long legs were curled up into him, his chin resting down on his knees. "Jayden," I murmured. His vibrant eyes didn't look to me as I came towards him. "Jayden, look at me." He ignored me again, his hard eyes not moving from their trained sight on the floor. Honestly, he was starting to scare me. I'd never seen him like this before. Sure, I'd see him angry but that was different. Right now, I wasn't sure if he was angry or if he was sad. Or maybe it was a mixture of both.
I sat down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. I called his name again, moving my fingers to caress his cheek. My touch jolted him out of his trance and his emerald orbs looked towards me. "You came," he murmured.
"Of course I did," I told him softly. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me. He shrunk in my grasp, curling up into me. "Of course I did," I repeated into his hair. "I'll always be here when you need me. I'm sorry. I...I should have been here sooner. I was just being an ass and-"
"You're here now," he whispered into my chest. "That's all that matters." I sighed into his curls and tightened my grasp on him.
"Do you wanna talk about it," I asked him.
"What is there to talk about," he asked bitterly. "Three important people in my life died back-to-back. There's nothing more that can be said about that." I kissed his head before starting to let him go. He let me pull him up and lead him to his bed. He lay down with me and I wrapped my arms around him once more.
"I meant did you want to talk about how you're feeling?"
"Not really," he murmured. "I just want to lay here and come to terms with it. There's no point in doing anything else."
"You're not angry or sad?"
"Of course I am but expressing it is only going to hurt me. God doesn't care if I cry and shout and tell Him that I hate Him. Technically, He is the one to blame but He's not going to do anything about what happened so why bother."
"I'm sorry, Jayden. I really am."
"Don't be." We lay there in silence for a couple hours. I just held him as he clutched on to what I figured was his father's dog tag. I could feel the anger and sadness radiating off his body but not in a bad way. I could actually feel it fade away as the hours went by. Eventually, it was all gone and he was fully relaxed in my arms. As we lay there, I found myself not caring about his past or what he had done to Mia or even what he had thought of me in the beginning. All I was worried about was comforting him and making sure that he would be alright. I had to admit that I cared about him more than I thought I did and a part of me didn't care about anything else except that one simple fact.
"How are you feeling," I asked him.
"I'm okay," he replied simply. He picked his head up so that he could look me in the eyes. "Thank you for coming over. I know that you probably didn't want to but it means a lot to me that you did." He paused for a moment. "Look, Daniel, I was stupid and an asshole back when I was younger. I was selfish and inconsiderate and...I was a terrible person. I wish that I could say that I regret doing what I did to Mia but I don't. I know that's probably not what you want to hear but I don't know what else you want me to say about it. Back then, that's who I was and I accept that. But, I am sorry for my intentions when we first started associating with each other. I want you to know that I've changed though. I don't see you as just a game anymore. I don't even want to play games at all anymore. I just...I just want to be with you. I love you and I don't want to hurt you or be away from you or any of that. I'm sorry if I hurt you...I hope...I hope you can forgive me."
"I forgive you," I told him. "I should be the one apologizing. I overreacted. I mean, you were young when everything happened and you didn't really know me when we first started talking. It doesn't have to matter. I'm sorry that I tried to make it seem like it should."
"Don't apologize like that," Jayden said as he propped himself up on his elbow. "You sound like a bitch." I bit my lip so that I wouldn't smile since his facial expression was so serious as he looked down at me.
"I see someone's feeling better." He shrugged.
"I guess." His emeralds looked down as he opened his fist. In his palm was a dog tag with his father's name engraved into it. I could see some of the dry clusters of blood on it but since it was dark I couldn't exactly see all of it. There was a slight dent in it, signaling that it was probably hit when he had gotten shot. "It's so surreal," Jayden murmured. "He was barely around to begin with but now that he's actually gone...it doesn't feel real." He shook his head. "I had just visited my brother last week. He seemed fine – almost content even. He told me that things were going to look up for him – everything was going to be better soon. I should have figured he was going to kill himself when he was talking to me as if he was saying goodbye. He kept telling me to take care of the girls, not to die out there in the Marines, to make something of myself. I should have known," his voice dropped lower. I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I never thought that he'd do that. He always got so angry with me whenever I cut myself. He despised the thought of suicide. He thought that dying by the command of God was the right way. If only I knew what caused him to change his mind." He blinked and I saw a lone tear fall down from his eye. I reached up to wipe it away but he sat up fully, turning his face away from me. I'd never seen him cry before so seeing him now made my heart hurt. At least he was starting to talk about how he felt. Maybe that would help get some of his emotions out. "We all expected my grandmother to die soon since she was getting pretty old and her mind was starting to go out. We just didn't expect for it to be so sudden...so random... My mother's just grateful that she didn't have any suffering. It was quick, painless. I guess that's a good thing. But, I'm just confused as to why she had to die when we'd already lost two of our own already. Hell, I'm confused as to why God keeps killing off my family. I thought He was a loving God. I thought that He cared about His children. I didn't think that He would let so many bad things happen in such little time to people. I'm not surprised if He decides to kill me off next. He might as well give my mother some more grief while He's at it."
"Jayden, don't talk like that," I told him. "You're not going to die."
"You're right," he murmured. "He's probably gonna kill off the girls and leave me alone. Take them out of their misery and leave the rest on me."
"Jayden, stop. Please. You're talking crazy again. Just try to think positive, okay?" He looked to me, his watery green eyes filled with anger and envy.
"You're lucky," he whispered. "You've never lost anyone close to you. You've never had to see the horrors of street wars and domestic violence and all of the other shit that all of the kids down here have seen. I bet you don't even know what the hard drugs look like. You probably don't understand how lucky you are."
"Don't worry," I told him as I sat up to lean against his headboard. "All the bad things you've witnessed here will go away soon."
"Yea and then I move on to the bigger horrors of war. What fun," he said emotionlessly. I sighed.
"You don't have to go into the Marines, ya know. You can always go to college, get a degree in something you love or want to do, then you can get a house, get married, and adopt a couple kids."
"Oh I'm not going to adopt," Jayden said, a ghost of his tiny smile beginning to appear on his lips. "Bethany and I are going to have a child. Not the physical way but the science way. I don't remember what it's called but yea. She doesn't want anything to do with boys or marriage but she does want a child and I want a child so we're going to have one together." I smiled.
"Well, see, you've already got one part of your future planned out." He shrugged, the ghostly smile disappearing.
"Yea..." I kissed his cheek.
"Everything will be alright. I promise." Jayden's arm wound around me, pulling me close against him.
"I'll take your word for it...but just so that you know if everything isn't alright I'm going to break your face since you broke your promise." I chuckled.
"Yup, someone is definitely feeling a little bit better."