No Turning Back - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Am I dead? I thought as I slowly came into consciousness. Darkness still covered my vision but I could clearly hear something going on around me. First, I heard a slight beeping beside me. It was pretty faint since I wasn't exactly completely consciousness. I also heard some footsteps at a farther distance as well as soft voices. I struggled to hold on to the sounds, trying to bring myself back into the real world. As the sounds got louder, I also began to feel some pain. My left side was burning as was my arm. I mentally gritted my teeth as I tried to ignore the fiery sensations. I started to pay more attention to my surroundings as I began to feel something warm and soft under me as well as what felt like a blanket on top of me. Where the hell was I?
Slowly, I began to pull my eyes open a little bit. My vision was still a bit fuzzy but I could make out a white wall overtop of me. I let my narrowed eyes wander around the room. I found that I was in some white room, in a bed, and there was a figure sitting in a chair near my bed. I blinked a couple times in order to clear up my vision. As it cleared, I saw that Jayden was the one in the chair. He was asleep, his head leaning back against the wall. My wounded stomach fluttered from the sight of him. I tried to say something but my throat was painfully dry. So, I started to reach out with my unwounded arm to lightly poke his cheek. He jumped awake, his green eyes looking around in surprise. When they landed on me, I saw relief fly through them. "Daniel," he said as he scooted the chair closer. He grabbed my hand in his and gave it a soft squeeze. "Thank God, you're alright. How are you feeling?"
"Mmm," I managed to get out with my dry throat. Jayden noticed my inability to speak and grabbed the glass of water that was sitting near my bed. He got up to sit down beside me on the bed. He then put one hand behind my head to support me as he put the glass to my lips. The water was cool, refreshing, soothing even as it glided down my throat. I wanted to gulp it down quickly as I usually did but I didn't have the strength to. So, I just took slow sips out of the cup. When I was finished, I cleared my throat and coughed a bit to make sure I could talk. "Jayden," I murmured as I looked up at him. "Where...where am I?"
"You're in the hospital," he said, his eyes crinkling together in confusion. "Where else do you think you'd be?"
"Where...where's Ashley? Is she...is she alright?"
"She's fine. Her injuries weren't as severe as yours. Daniel, you've been knocked out for the past two weeks."
"Two weeks," I exclaimed. I attempted to sit up but Jayden put his hand on my shoulder. The skin under his touch burned in a fiery pleasure. "Jayden, I can't stay in here. I need to go to school. I need to be at home with Zac and Ashley. Where is Zac? Is he alright too? Where are my parents? God, what the hell?"
"Just relax," Jayden said. "Your body needed the rest. The doctor said that you've been way too stressed out lately and the beating didn't help your body at all. He said you might need to be in for another week so that they can make sure you'll make a full recovery. Your rib is broken and so is your arm. Your face is still a bit bruised up too."
"Where are my siblings? Jayden, are they alright?"
"Yes. They're both just fine. I think that they're back at your house. Social Services called your aunt to watch over them."
"And my parents...?" Jayden's jaw tightened.
"They're in jail. They're going to be facing charges for child abuse so you probably won't see them for a while. I don't think social services are going to let them around your siblings either. Your aunt already said that she would move to take care of Ashley and Zac. Or at least until you're stable enough to take care of Zac. Don't worry about them. Everything's all figured out." I let out my worried breath.
"And you...what are you doing here? How did you get to the house? I'm confused..."
"Your little brother called me from your phone. He told-"
"Wait, he called you from my phone and you actually answered?"
"I'll get around to that. Anyway, he told me that you were in trouble so I called the police and I got over there as quick as I could. I was lucky that I got there when I did. The doctor said that you almost died back there."
"Why did you come? We broke up...you told me that there was no hope..."
"Just because we broke up doesn't mean that I don't still care about you. What happened has nothing to do with our relationship. It had to do with you and your safety." He put his hand on my face caressing my cheek softly. "I'm always going to care about if your well-being. That's never going to change." I smiled softly.
"I remember when you couldn't care less." His tiny smile came across his face, his eyes showing a bit of nostalgia.
"Me too," he murmured. His eyes softened even more as he looked over my bruised up body. "I'm really happy that you're alright, Daniel. For a moment there, they told me that you were going into a coma. Hell, they didn't even know if you were going to wake up. They just knew that you were roughed up pretty bad and your body wasn't in the greatest shape to handle it. It's actually a miracle that you're alive."
"Really," I asked, dumbfounded. I hadn't exactly felt as if I was going to dying. In fact, I hadn't felt much of anything. I actually thought that I was just sleeping. Nothing more than that. I guess my body was more worn out than I thought it was.
"Yup. God works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?" Jayden gave my hand another soft squeeze. It was obvious that he was happy that I was alright. After his father's, brother's and grandmother's passing, I was sure that he was probably freaked out when he realized how badly I was hurt. We may not have been together but I was pretty sure that I still had some significance in his life. Our break up was still kind of fresh so my death probably would have hurt him more than he might have wanted to show. "Are you hungry? I bet you're hungry. I can go down to the cafeteria and get you something to eat if you want." I opened my mouth to speak but just as words were about to come out, my sister flounced into the room. She was wearing a purple trench coat over a pair of jeans and a pair of Uggs. Her chestnut hair was flowing over her shoulders, expressing her warm expression.
"Hey big brother," she said happily as she came towards my bed. She began to shrug off her coat as she did so, revealing a plain black tee shirt. There were some fading pink cuts on her arms and one on her face but they seemed to be healing. "I see you're awake," she asked as she came to my side. She kissed my cheek softly. "I'm happy you're going to be alright."
"Are you alright," I asked. She nodded.
"I'm fine." She looked to Jayden and smiled. "Thanks for watching him for me." Jayden had been staring at me, his grip on my hand tightening a bit. He turned his gaze towards my sister and his tiny smile formed upon his face.
"Sure," he replied. "I was going to go get some food for him. Do you want anything while I'm out?"
"Hmm, a milkshake?" He nodded before looking to me once more. Slowly, his hand let go of mine and I saw his eyes flash with a bit of pity at the sight of me. I looked down at the white sheet covering me. I didn't like the pitiful look in his eyes. Sure, he'd always been stronger than I am and thought I was a wimp but he'd never seen me in this type of condition before. Unless you count the panic attack I'd had the night he'd kissed me for the first time. But I wasn't as weak and helpless as I am now. I didn't want to look like that in his eyes now. Not when we were broken up and I was trying to pretend as if everything was okay.
Once Jayden left the room, Ashley continued talking to me. "So, are you guys getting back together or what?"
I shrugged. "Honestly, Ashley, I don't even know why he's here."
"Seriously," she asked with both of her eyebrows raised. "Daniel, dad couldn't have possibly hit your head that hard that you can't figure out why he's here."
I looked down. "You don't understand. Just days before all of this happened he told me that there was no hope for our relationship...not right now. We've barely spoken for an entire month and I'm just...I'm just surprised."
"Daniel, do you really think Jayden believes that there's no hope for you guys' relationship?"
"I don't know...when I tried to tell him how I felt about our breakup he told me that we weren't ever going to get back together. I think the only hope he believes in is that we might be able to be friends. But I doubt that." I glanced up at my sister to see she had tilted her head, her green eyes soft.
"Daniel, listen to me, Jayden cares about you – he loves you. He's only saying those things to push you away because he's afraid he's going to get hurt. You of all people should know how he is."
I shrugged. "I guess."
Ashley shook her head at me. "You're impossible, you know that?"
I forced a smile. "Isn't that what brothers do?"
"I guess so," she said as she smiled. "Aunt Tammy is staying with us now. Did Jayden tell you?" I nodded causing her to smile. Our Aunt Tammy was our mother's sister and practically the older version of Ashley. She was young, only about 28 years old, and still had a rebellious streak about her. She was our favorite aunt growing up since she was close enough in age to do all the fun stuff that our parents couldn't do with us. Ashley worshipped the feet she walked on so I could tell she was happy that our aunt had stepped in to help us out. "Obviously, we're going to be living a whole lot better," she said as she beamed.
"Yup," I murmured as I felt a strong wave of drowsiness suddenly come over me. I looked down at the IV stuck into my arm to see that there was some clear liquid flowing down from it.
"Looks like it's time for your daily dose of pain medicine," Ashley said as she noticed what I was looking at. "The doctor wanted to pump it into you since you were knocked out. They didn't want to risk you choking on the pills since your body wasn't responding."
"Hmm," I murmured as I leaned back against the bed. The drowsiness I was feeling was starting to become stronger as the medicine continued to pump itself into my veins. Ashley smiled down at me and ran a hand through my hair.
"I'm really glad you're okay, Danny," she whispered before leaning down to kiss my forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too," I replied softly. The last thing I saw was Ashley's pretty face smiling down at me as my eyes dropped back down into the darkness.
X
The next time I recovered from the darkness, I noticed that the room looked a little bit dimmer. I guessed that it was either late afternoon or early night since the sun surely would've had to do something with how bright the white of the room looked the first time I woke up. I looked around quickly, searching the room for a sign of my sister. I didn't find her in the spot where she was when I feel asleep. On impulse, I shot up into a sitting position and felt my left side burn fiercely in response. "Whoa there," I heard Jayden say as I hissed in pain. I looked over to where his voice had come from to see he had stood up from his seat in the chair to lean over my bed. He put his hands on my shoulders and lightly guided me back to lie down. "Take it easy there," he told me.
"Where did Ashley go," I asked. I then raised an eyebrow. "And why are you still here?"
"Do you want me to leave," he countered quickly, raising an eyebrow. "Because I can if that's what you want."
"No," I unintentionally exclaimed. "Don't go. I'm just...we broke up..."
He shrugged. "Okay. What does that have to do with anything?"
I blinked, staring at him in confusion. "You wouldn't talk to me for a month," I reminded him. "Then you told me that we weren't ever going to get back together. How don't you understand my confusion?"
"As I said earlier: just because we broke up doesn't mean that I don't still care about you. Can you get nothing through that thick skull of yours?"
"No, I can't," I replied, deciding to be a smart ass. He narrowed his eyes at me, his green orbs flashing with annoyance. For a moment, I was reminded of all the times I would get smart with him and then he would either pop me in my head or push me off of whatever I was sitting on. I could see that he was debating whether or not to punch me in my throat as well as wondering if he would be able to get away with it since I was already injured. Another injury wouldn't hurt, would it? I pictured the thought flashing through his mind.
"Whatever," he muttered as he rolled his eyes. He looked towards a white take-out box that was sitting on the drawer thing next to my bed. "I brought you some food. It's General Tso's chicken with lo mein and an egg roll. Your favorite," he said as he grabbed the box and held it out to me. I hesitated, staring at him strangely before taking the box from him.
"Thank you," I said as I opened the box. Immediately, I was greeted by the sweet smell of the Chinese food and I felt my mouth water. I hadn't exactly realized I'd been starving due to everything going on around me. But now, I couldn't help but to pay attention to my growling stomach. After Jayden handed me a fork, I immediately dug into the food. I would have eaten it faster if it hadn't had been for my wounded, useless arm but I still managed to inhale it. Jayden watched me eat, his eyes soft. I wondered mildly why he was still here but I guess I should've been grateful that he was. Somehow his presence made me feel ten times better.
"Do you wanna watch a movie," he asked when I finished eating. He took the empty box away from me, set it on the table and reached over me to grab the little moveable TV screen.
"Um, I was actually hoping we could talk..." I replied as I fiddled with the cap of the bottle of water he'd given me.
"Okay. What do you wanna talk about?"
"Why did you answer my brother's call off of my phone, first off?"
"I just felt as if I should answer it. I thought that it might've been important." He shrugged. "It's a good thing I did answer it. Isn't that all that matters?"
"Yea I guess so." I looked down. "Did Ashley tell you what happened...or why my parents lashed out me per to say?"
"Yes...she did. Something about you professing your acknowledgement and acceptance of your sexuality. Honestly, it's about damn time, white boy."
"Jayden, do you have any idea of why I did that?"
"Maybe because you finally decided to stop being a little pussy and wanted to take control of your life." I rolled my eyes.
"No. I did it for you...I did it for us..." I slowly raised my eyes to see that his mouth had tightened into a firm line. "I just wanted to make things better."
"Dammit, Daniel, what the hell is wrong with you," he snapped at me. I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Excuse me?"
"Why are you always doing something to please other people? I didn't want you to come out the closet on my account. I was hoping you'd do that for your own sake. God, you're such a stupid little bitch."
"You don't...you don't like what I did for you?"
"No, dammit. I didn't want you to do it for me. After we broke up, I was hoping you would do it for yourself. You needed to come to terms with that on your own but it seems that you can't do anything without having someone else's reasoning for it."
"Why are you so upset," I asked, starting to feel a bit of irritation prickling beneath my skin. "I almost got beaten to death by my own father just because I cared that much about restoring our relationship. Does that not mean anything to you?"
"Yes, it does but I told you before that we're not getting back together. Not now. Not ever."
"And why the hell not? Found someone else to replace me already?"
"So what if I did," he asked, his eyes flashing with a challenge. I shook my head at him.
"You didn't. If you did then you wouldn't be sitting here at my bedside caring for me. I doubt a new boyfriend would like if you spent the last two weeks caring for your ex. It just doesn't work that way." Jayden's jaw tightened, his eyes hardening as he stared at me. I sighed, reaching out to grab his hand. He pulled it away before I could even touch it, causing a painful sting to cross my heart. "I don't know what you want from me, Jayden. I don't know what you want me to say or what you want me to do to make everything better. Why won't you just let me make it all better?"
"Because," he said simply. "I don't think there is any making it better."
"You're wrong, Jayden, we can turn this all around. We can act like we never broke up. We can go back to normal. We can-"
"No, Daniel, we can't."
"Why not? Give me one good, solid reason of why we can't possibly be together again. Just give me one and I'll drop the subject for good. I promise."
"Because we're not going to work," he said solemnly. "Daniel, ever since we've broken up I've been thinking a lot about you and our relationship and what would've happened to us if we would've stayed together. Sadly, what I came up with wasn't good. I mean, let's face it: where do we fit in each other's lives once we get out of high school? You're going off to Stanford in California and I'm going God knows where when I get shipped off with the Marines. While you're in medical school, I'm probably either going to be fighting or be dead. Believe it or not but our worlds are way too different and trying to make our relationship work between all of it would only hurt us in the end. I know that I may sound crazy and over analytical to you but I know that I'm right and you know deep down inside that I'm right. We were never going to work..."
I opened my mouth to speak but I didn't know what to say. On the one hand, he was right. Despite the reason we originally broke up, we would have broken up eventually due to the fact that we wouldn't be able to fit into each other's worlds. He was going to be a Marine, fighting for his country. I was going to be a doctor, saving lives in a city. How the hell was that going to work between my busy hours and his traveling? On the other hand, though, he wasn't right. If we really cared about each other then we would have found a way to make time for each other. I would take some time out of my day when he would come home and he could write me whenever he could. There were possibilities but he was too blinded by the negative vibes to see it. Maybe there was more to our break up than just me being afraid of coming out the closet. Maybe Jayden was preventing his heartbreak early. He was getting it over with before it could get too messy.
"We can be friends...if you want," he said. "I miss you...I miss your companionship. It was nice having someone other than Bethany and my fighting buddies to talk to. I was hoping that-"
"Get out," I said suddenly, feeling a foreign bitterness spread across my body. The sight of him was starting to make me angry for some reason. Hell, I think I'd been feeling angry since I'd woken up from whatever hole I'd fallen into. Why I was so infuriated, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I hated being around him at that moment. I hated hearing him talk about us being friends and not working out and all of that other bullshit he was spitting to me. I hated the fact that he wouldn't be with me because he was afraid of getting his heart broken. I doubt he'd ever felt anything like it so that's why he was trying to avoid it. And he thought I was the one being a pussy...
"Excuse me," Jayden asked as he raised an eyebrow. His eyes flashed with disbelief as my mouth curled into a scowl.
"I said get the fuck out."
"If I were you, I think you'd better remember who you're talking to. I'll break your other arm if that's what you want." I glared at him. Jayden stared at me for a moment, his green eyes scrutinizing me carefully. It was if he trying to read into my soul. The thought of him seeing through to whatever I was feeling made me feel even angrier for some reason. I didn't want him into my emotions. I didn't want him to see whatever change was taking in place in me. I didn't want him to see the despicable, tormented, angry person that I was on the inside. I didn't want him to see the person who I'd managed to hide for so long... "You've finally broken free," he murmured softly, almost as if he was in awe. "It's about damn time."
"Leave," I said firmly. He held up his hands.
"Alright, white boy. I'm going. Just remember what I said about us being friends. I'm here if you need me. I know how you feel."
"Like hell you do."
"Trust me," he said sincerely. "I do." With that, he got up from his seat and walked towards the door. He stopped after he put his hand on the handle. He turned around to look back at me, his green eyes pitiful. "I'm sorry for whatever resentment is taking over your body. Just don't...don't let it win. You're a good guy, Daniel. Don't let all of this mess that up." He then shot me a sorrowful smile before he opened the door and left, leaving me alone to drown in the new fiery pit of emotions that were similar to that of Satan's own personal torture pit.