No Turning Back - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

When I told Jayden to call me when he wasn't busy, I thought I meant that I wanted him to call me period. It's been a month since graduation and I haven't heard from my boyfriend or seen him since then. I've tried to call him multiple times but he hasn't been answering. I stopped by his uncle's apartment too but each time, Alex told me that he wasn't home. I even went by his uncle's building where he worked to see if he was there but he wasn't. Hell, his uncle wasn't there either. I couldn't help but to worry about him since he had apparently fallen off of the grid. A part of me worried that he may be avoiding me because maybe he found some new boyfriend and he didn't want me around anymore. But a part of me felt stupid for even thinking that. Jayden loved me. He wouldn't just leave me in the dust without giving me a proper farewell.
I picked up my cell phone and once again dialed his number. Today was his birthday so I was hoping that he would at least let me talk to him for the sake of it. I'd brought him a new gold watch as well as some cologne that he liked. I wanted to deliver the gifts to him on his actual birthday so that I could see him. It had been such a long while since I'd gotten to look into his beautiful green eyes. I longed to see them again.
"Hello," I heard his accented voice say. I felt myself perk up at the sound of his voice.
"Jayden, hey," I said.
"Who's this?"
"It's Daniel...your boyfriend."
"Daniel...? Do I know a Daniel?"
"Jayden, stop fucking with me." He chuckled deeply on the other end.
"You were about to flip shit, weren't you white boy?" I sighed.
"You're a terrible person, you know that."
"True but I don't hear you complaining about it when we're together now do I?" I blushed softly. "So, what's up?"
"Happy birthday," I told him. "You're the big nineteen today."
"Oh...yea..." I crinkled my eyebrows together in confusion.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Jayden replied quickly, his voice turning into the hard state that it always gets in whenever I ask him that question. "I just...I forgot that it was my birthday."
"Your uncle didn't wake you up screaming about how old you're getting like he usually does?" Jayden hesitated for a moment on the other end.
"He's not exactly happy with me right now... Do you wanna come over? I miss you." My stomach fluttered with joy at the sound of his last sentence.
"Sure. I'll be over in about an hour, okay?"
"I'll be waiting," he said simply before hanging up. Unconsciously, a smile came upon my lips. My energy started to go up a bit, my giddiness starting to fill my body. I quickly got up out of my bed and hopped into the shower. I made sure to make sure that I used my good body wash as well as put on my good cologne. I dressed in a nice blue cotton button up shirt that had some tattoo designs on it. Jayden had gotten it for me for...something. I don't remember. I just remember that he had given it to me and then told me that it brought out my eyes. I paired the shirt with a pair of jeans and sneakers. After running a brush through my hair, I hurried out the door.
The drive to Jayden's uncle's house was pretty peaceful and not very long since I didn't have to go all the way across town like I used to have to do when he used to live with his mom. My mind flashed back to that terrible night when his family was killed. I couldn't get the image of him breaking down out of my mind. The Jayden I knew would rather die than cry in front of me so I knew that he was really broken by the events that went down that night. While he may have been out of whack for the next couple of weeks after that, I don't think that he was going to be okay. Sure, he let his ice wall go back up and tried to bottle in whatever he was feeling inside but I saw past that. He still wasn't okay. He was just too full of pride to show it.
"Hey Jayden," I said as he opened the door. He was dressed in a fitted tank top that expressed his muscular arms and sweatpants. He was barefoot and his curls seemed much shorter than the last time I'd seen him. His vibrant green eyes were going over my outfit, amusement filling them.
"Hey white boy," he replied. He reached out to grab my hand and pull me inside. He shut the door behind me and locked it. I felt his arms wrap around my waist from behind as I looked around the apartment curiously. While it still looked the same, there was something a bit different about it. I couldn't really put my finger on it though. Something just felt...off. "I missed you," Jayden whispered in my ear, his accent strong. I blushed deeply, a small smile coming upon my face.
"I missed you too," I murmured back. "I've been trying to call you but you haven't been answering my calls."
"I'm sorry about that. My phone has been acting up lately." I turned around in his arms and held his gift out to him. "Daniel, I didn't want any gifts," he whined.
"That's too bad." He rolled his eyes but took the gift bag out of my hand. He set it down on the kitchen table as he began to lead me down to his room. "You're not going to open it," I asked him.
"I'll open it later," he promised. "Right now, I just want to worry about you." I blushed softly but continued on into his room. He shut the door behind us as I kicked my shoes off and sat down on his bed. I crossed my legs under me and watched as Jayden walked over to his iPod dock that sat on his desk. He fiddled with his iPod for a moment before the soft sound of "Somebody's Heartbreak" by Hunter Hayes began to fill the room. I smiled as the memory of us relaxing in my room after we had just officially gotten together flashed through my mind. That time seemed like it'd been years before instead of just months. We had grown so much in such a short amount of time. Just in September, we were mortal enemies and now here in July, we're lovers. It's a miracle how far we've come.
Jayden lay down beside me, propping himself up on his elbow as he stared up at me with his emerald eyes. His mouth was set into a line, his eyes anxious. I was confused for a moment before I noticed something on his arm. There on his forearm lay a long, fatal looking scar that ran up the middle of his wrist. I felt my stomach flutter in shock as I tried to match up where I'd seen a scar like that before. I thought back through the movies and shows I've seen, determined to figure out where I'd seen something similar. Suddenly, it struck me. One day I'd been watching Gossip Girl with my sister and the one girl's brother had the scar because... Holy shit.
"Jayden, what the hell," I exclaimed. Jayden stared up at me, his face blank. His eyes analyzed my facial expression as it began to fill with worry and fear. "What the hell were you thinking? Why would you even try to do something like that?"
"Like what," Jayden asked, tilting his head. I tightened my jaw, grinding my teeth together as I thought of what he had been trying to do. I never thought he'd resort to that. I mean, I knew that bottling everything in wasn't good for him but I never knew he would take it that far. But then again, maybe I should have known. He's shown me the scars before. He's shown me the evidence that he'd thought about it before. So, why was I so surprised?
"Why would you try to kill yourself?"
"Why not," he responded quickly.
"Why not," I asked him, feeling a bit of anger run through my veins. "Why not? Goddammit, Jayden, there is more to life than just death and pain! I know that you may not know that but there is! There's happiness in this world. I promise that there is but you've just got to hold onto it. You just can't keep giving up on yourself."
"Is that what you think I'm doing? Giving up on myself?"
"If you're trying to kill yourself then yes, you are."
He shook his head. "Alright, fine, I'll admit that I was going to give up. I was going to lay there and bleed to death. I was tired of living and dealing with all of this shit that God keeps throwing at me. There, I admitted it. But I'm alive, Daniel. Does that not mean anything to you?"
"It does but the fact that you even went that far as to actually attempt to commit suicide is upsetting. I thought you were stronger than that."
"Daniel, I was never strong," he murmured as he looked down. "I wasn't strong when my brother died. I didn't go to his funeral. Nor did I go to my father's or my other brother's or even my grandmother's. I didn't go to my mother or my sister's funerals. I was too much of a coward to go to any of theirs. I don't deal with my feelings, Daniel, I run from them; I hide from them. But of course I think you understand that feeling." He lay his head down on the pillow, his arms wrapping around my waist.
"I'm guessing your uncle found you?"
He nodded. "Yup. He found me, sent me to the hospital, and they put me on antidepressants. They also made it mandatory that I talk to a stupid shrink."
"And has the medicine and the therapist worked?"
"Hell no. If anything, they just make me feel worse about everything. I...I wanted to call you but I knew you were going to be pissed at me for doing what I did so I just ignored your calls."
"Hey, just because I'm pissed doesn't mean that I'm not going to be here for you, Jayden."
"I know," he murmured. "I'm sorry..."
I sighed as I lay down next to him. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me. "It's alright," I told him. "You're alive now...that's all that matters now. But promise me something?"
"What's that?"
"If I ask you if you're alright and you're not then please...please tell me. Let me help you."
He nodded. "Okay...I promise." We lay there, not speaking as his music filled the silence in the room. I didn't really think as I lay there beside him, holding him in my arms. I just tried to cherish the moment. He was with me and he was safe and I loved him. Those three things were the only thoughts that I let run through my mind. They were the only thoughts that I wanted to run through my mind. "So, you're my boyfriend now," Jayden said as he lightly untangled his arms from around me. He propped himself up onto his elbow again, a teasing smile coming upon his lips. I blushed deeply. I had forgotten I'd said that earlier. I don't think I even meant to say it...it kind of just came out that way.
"Um...I...I don't know," I murmured. "I just guessed since we were um...you know..."
Jayden smiled wider, leaning down to kiss my lips lightly. "I like the sound of that," he whispered before his lips captured mine again. My stomach fluttered with butterflies as he continued to kiss me, his soft lips moving gently with mine.
"So, does this mean we're back together?" I asked against his lips.
"What do you think?"
"I wanna say yes..."
Jayden chuckled. "It's more of a hell yes." I smiled before he crushed his lips down onto mine once more.