No Turning Back - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

"Do you have any other stations except country on this god damn radio," Jayden asked as he fiddled with the stereo in my car. He was sitting in the passenger seat wearing a fitted tee, worn jeans and sneakers. A pair of sunglasses was perched on top of his head in which he had been occasionally pulling them down to cover his eyes. We were taking a road trip down to my parents' old lake house where our family used to vacation at when I was younger. My aunt Tammy didn't really mind me going out there with Jayden by ourselves but it took a whole lot of convincing for his uncle to be okay with it. After Jayden's little suicide attempt, he had tightened the leash a lot on his nephew. He cut down my boyfriend's hours and confiscated anything sharp or deadly in the house. He also gave Jayden somewhat of a curfew even if he was only out with me. He wanted to make sure that he knew where Jayden was and when as well as that he was safe. It was a normal precaution although it annoyed the living hell out of Jayden. However, after a week or so, we got his uncle to agree. The older man did like me and trusted that I wouldn't let anything happen to his nephew. So, now we were driving down the road to spend a week at my lake house.
I was excited about the trip more because I got to spend the week alone with Jayden rather than because I got to go to my old favorite place after all these years. At first, Ashley and her boyfriend were going to go with us but they opted out since her boyfriend had a beach house of his own that he wanted to take her to. I will admit that although my big brother traits felt a bit iffy about letting her stay alone with her boyfriend for a couple weeks, I was happy that I got to have Jayden all to myself. The summer was flying by now that we were hanging out again. This week was actually the last week I had free before I had to pack and be on my way to Stanford. Jayden was going off to boot camp the day after I leave for college so in a way, this was kind of our last week together. I mean, sure hopefully we'd see each other on holidays – if Jayden was home – but it was more than likely that we would tie up all loose ends while we were here. Only God knew if we'd ever get the chance to if we didn't do it during this week.
"If I hear one more god damn Carrie Underwood or Brad Paisley song then I am going to scream," Jayden muttered as he left the radio on. I chuckled, glancing at him as he threw his head back against the seat. "Are we almost there?"
"Yea. Relax; you don't have that much longer of my country music to deal with."
"Why don't you sing something for me? Make it more interesting."
"I can't sing."
"Too damn bad. Entertain me."
I chuckled. "Alright but if I scar you then just remember that you asked for it."
"Yea, yea." I glanced at him again to see that he was staring at me, waiting for me to start singing as a new song began to blast from the radio. It happened to be "Roller Coaster" by Luke Bryan, a song that I knew and loved. This should be fun...
"And we spent that week wide open
Upside down beside the ocean
I didn't know where it was goin'
Just tryin' to keep my heart on the tracks," I started, glancing at Jayden again to see that a small smile was beginning to form on his lips. I continued singing, letting myself get comfortable. By the second verse, I was singing the lyrics loudly and proudly with a smile on my face. I heard Jayden chuckling at me as I sang. My hands beat softly on my steering wheel to the beat as the ending of the bridge came along. "And I should've known that kind of feelin'
Would last longer than that week did
Blown away and barely breathin'
When Sunday came and it was over
Now she's got me twisted,
Yeah, I'm still twisted
Like that old beach roller coaster."
I glanced at Jayden as I finished singing to see that he was smiling widely at me, his vibrant eyes bright with happiness. The next song to come on was "Who I Am With You" by Chris Young, another song I knew and loved. Actually, that very song reminded me of Jayden whenever I listened to it. The thought of it playing now as we rode down to a place where I knew we could freely be ourselves made my heart flutter in joy. I let myself sing the lyrics, smiling along as I did so. I noticed Jayden's smile grow as my voice filled the car. I reached out at a red light to grab his hand and give it a squeeze. If I wasn't mistaken, I was sure I'd seen him blush deeply. The sight made me smile wider. Him blushing was rarer than rare so I knew that that I was must've been doing something right.
After another half hour or so, we finally arrived at my parents' old lake house. The house was moderately sized with its wooden exterior and room filled interior. Around the house were some thin woods and a lake about a half a mile away. There used to be a lot of other families who came down here but they stopped coming around the time that we did. As all of us kids grew out of the excitement of coming down here and our parents started being too busy to find to take us down here. I think I was the only kid who actually missed coming down here. So, that gave me the impression that Jayden and I were more than likely the only ones down here.
We unloaded the car quickly with our few bags and I led Jayden through the house up to my old bedroom. The house itself was pretty big on the inside due to its big rooms. Literally, the living room was huge with the white carpet, brown furniture, huge flat screen TV, and other small decorations. Also, the kitchen was pretty big as was the dining room, the back patio, and all of the rooms upstairs. My room that I used to stay in was pretty big and was still decorated with pictures of my younger self and all of my friends that I'd met down here. Jayden immediately took interest in the pictures, looking over the pictures that were pinned on the bulletin board. I walked up beside him to look at the pictures as well. The first one that caught my attention was of Melanie and I. We had to be about seven or eight in the picture. We were standing next to the lake in our play clothes, smiling widely at the camera. I hadn't noticed how little I'd been back then...or how messy my hair used to be.
"You were a funny looking kid," Jayden teased. "Your head was too damn big for your scrawny body."
"Hey at least I grew into mine," I teased back. I glanced at him to see he had raised an eyebrow at me.
"Don't make me kick your ass. We just got here."
I shrugged. "As if you're going to do anything anyway."
Jayden chuckled, turning so that he could face me completely. I turned towards him as well, letting my teasing smile continue to bloom on my lips. "Is that really what you think," he asked.
"Maybe."
Jayden raised his hands as he began to crack his knuckles. "You're about to get it now, white boy," he said as a devious smirk began to come upon his lips. I glanced down at his hands before turning and quickly running out the room. I wasn't stupid. I knew that he was going to come after me when I first teased him back but the sign of him cracking his knuckles meant that I was really about to get it. "Hey, get back here punk," Jayden yelled as I heard his footsteps come after me. I let out a laugh as I ran down the steps to the living room. Jayden hopped over the banister to catch up with me. He chased me around the house for a minute or two before he finally grabbed my waist and tackled me down on the living room floor. I laughed as he began to throw light punches at me and ruffled my hair. I managed to roll over from under him and wrapped my arm around his neck to pull him down so that I could rub my fist into his head. Eventually, we ended up rolling around on the floor, laughing and trying to pin the other down. For once, Jayden actually let me pin him down onto the ground.
"Wow, actually letting me win for a change?" I asked as I stared down at him.
He shrugged. "I decided to be a good boyfriend for once."
"That's new," I teased. "You sure those meds aren't screwing around with your head?"
"If they are then can I stop taking them," he asked quickly. I chuckled but shook my head. "Dammit," he muttered. I chuckled again but leaned down to kiss his lips.
"Come on, let's go get ourselves settled." I got off of him and helped pull him up. We went back upstairs and unloaded our clothes into the drawers before heading back downstairs. Jayden went to lay on the couch while I disappeared into the kitchen to make something for lunch. We'd brought food with us so that we wouldn't have to order out every night. Plus, I knew how to cook and I wanted to show Jayden some of my skills. I was sure he was going to be impressed. I decided to make some cheese and jalapeño stuffed cheeseburgers with some French fries and mango fizzy juice. When I was done, I walked out to get my boyfriend to see that he had fallen asleep on the couch. On the television was some cop movie that I guessed he was watching before he fell asleep. I didn't want to wake him up but I knew that I had to if I wanted to get some food in his stomach. Jayden was a boy that knew how to sleep. If I let him, he could sleep through a whole day.
"Jayden," I said as I shook his shoulder lightly.
"Hmm, give me another five minutes," he murmured.
"Come on, dinner's ready."
He opened his eyes a bit to look up at me. "You cooked," he asked.
I nodded. "Yup. Come on, I think you'll like it."
"If I get sick then I'm kicking your ass," he mumbled. I chuckled but helped him up from his position. Jayden did actually like my cooking just like I'd hoped he would. He was actually surprised when he took a bite of the burger and found the spicy taste to it. While he absolutely adored spicy stuff due to his heritage, I wasn't really much for it but I decided to put some in there to make him happy. He devoured both of the cheeseburgers I'd made him as well as the French fries. Once we were finished eating, we went back out into the living to watch a movie. While Jayden got some blankets together and lay them out on the floor, I went through the DVD's we'd left at the house and picked out Training Day to watch. Jayden had never seen it before so I figured that we might as well watch it. It had been one of my favorite movies when I was younger for some reason. I wasn't exactly sure why. I think I just liked the action and such. Jayden liked the movie. He managed to stay awake through the whole thing before falling asleep in my arms on the couch. I didn't want to wake him up again so I just stayed there with him and went to sleep as well.
The next couple of days were very relaxing. We had been on smile hikes through the woods, visited the lake, played around in the house, and made out...a lot. We went up to the town nearby to go out to dinner for two of those nights and we walked around afterwards, talking about little stupid things. Most of the time we would talk about the memories of when we were younger or the memories of when we'd first gotten together. Jayden even brought up the time that he punched my face in. We both laughed at the memory now although back then it was a bit more of serious matter. Hell, we laughed at half the things that had happened back when we thought we hated each other. It was all so silly now.
On Thursday night, we were in my room trying to make a fort out of blankets. We both weren't sure why we were even trying though. My guess was that we were just bored and needed something strange to entertain ourselves with. I had been staring at Jayden who was busy trying to make a knot to connect the blankets and them have them hang off the bed post. His eyebrows were crinkled together slightly in concentration, his mouth set into a tight line. His green eyes glowed under the flashlight's gleam. He was dressed in only his pajama pants so his six pack and biceps were shining in all their glory. He was so beautiful.
"What are you staring at, white boy," he asked, glancing up at me.
"Nothing," I murmured. Jayden raised his eyes back up to me.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I was just...I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"Us..."
He raised an eyebrow as he stopped trying to tie the knot. "What about us?"
"...Jayden, do you remember what you said back when I was in the hospital? About how we weren't going to work because...because we don't fit into each other's futures?"
He bit his lip, looking down at the quasi knot that lay in his lap. "I was hoping you forgot about that," he murmured. "Why were you thinking about that?"
"Because the future isn't so far away anymore. We're both leaving next week and then...then only God knows what happens after that."
"Daniel, don't think about what I said okay? I was just trying to justify our breakup because I didn't want to be broken up. I was trying to think of a way to let myself know that I was better without you. What I said...it's not true."
"Yes it is," I replied quickly. "I don't want to ruin the rest of this week for us but what you said is exactly true. I'll be in California and you'll be somewhere far away. I'll be worrying about school and you'll be worrying about not getting killed. It's...it's not going to work...is it?"
"Nope," he murmured sadly. He glanced up at me with his emeralds. "No matter how hard we try..."
"I'm sorry for bringing it up... I didn't mean to ruin the mood."
He shook his head. "We were going to have to face that fact eventually. We might as well face it now while things are good instead of letting it screw us up. Besides, we've still got three days to make the most of our time."
"But...what happens after that?"
"Then we say goodbye," he whispered. I felt my stomach tingle in the worst way as he said that. After we'd gotten back together, I'd tried to put the thought of us ever breaking up again out my mind. I was too afraid of the thought of losing him again. But we couldn't get around this. There was no long distance relationship for us here. We were going to be more than millions of miles away from each other most likely and I doubt there was a way we could make this work. Some other couple may be able to but I doubt that we could. We were too close and not being able to fulfill our desire to be with each other would just mess us up. We may start resenting each other for our choices and I didn't want that. I didn't want to resent Jayden because he wanted to join the Marines. I wanted to support him the best I could. Sadly, that support meant having to let him go...for good this time. "Hey," I heard Jayden say. I blinked back into the present to see he had crawled up in front of me. His hand went to my cheek, wiping away a tear that I hadn't noticed had fallen. "Don't think about it. Just worry about right now. Worry about being here with me...alone. Please. Can you do that for me, Daniel?"
"Yes," I murmured. His lips tugged at the ends as he leaned forward to capture my lips in a sweet, longing kiss.