Only Fools - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

"Hurry up, Alex," I shout from the front door, earning a disappointed sigh from my father who stands beside me. I suddenly hear a crash from upstairs, causing my dad to wince as I let out a small laugh while wishing I could've seen the fall for myself. After a few minutes, Alex finally comes jogging down the stairs, out of breath from having to rush so much.
"Happy?" he asks me sarcastically and I just shrug.
"You were the one bitching about not getting to see me yesterday. I didn't ask for this," I explain to him.
"Aspen, language," my dad gives me a disappointed glare.
"Yeah, Ass. Watch your language," my brother says, using his ever endearing nickname for me and causing for my dad to give him a glare too.
"What? It's a nickname, dad. She calls me Al," Alex defends himself.
"Yes. Because that is so much worse. How do you ever cope?" I say, my words practically dripping with sarcasm.
"And we're off to a good start for today," our dad says with a sigh as he walks out the front door, most likely already desiring to be as far away from us as possible.
"Look what you did, shithead," Alex says, motioning to our father.
"Yeah. That's my fault," I say, employing sarcasm yet again.
"That's what I said...."
With an eye roll, I smack my brother upside the head before walking outside and claiming the front seat of the car as my own.
As soon as Alex sees me in the front seat, I can tell that he wants to start yet another argument but upon seeing dad, holds his tongue, not wanting to annoy him even further when today is supposed to be a peaceful family dinner. And as my dad pulls out of the driveway and we begin the drive to the restaurant we all decided to go to, I let my mind wander to what happened last night, or, what almost happened last night.
The one image that keeps flashing through my mind is the look on Ivy's face when I pulled away, specifically the disappointment that it held. Had she genuinely wanted to kiss me? Or was it just the alcohol talking?
And that's the key to my questioning, did the alcohol bring out something she was already feeling or did it fabricate something out of her love for me as a friend? I can't help but wish that it was the former.
While I haven't heard from Ivy yet today, I also can't help but hope that I will soon and she'll remember everything. That she'll remember everything and feel the same way. Because all I know is that my hope for us has increased since last night and that easily brings a smile to my face.
"Are you alright, kiddo?" my dad asks me, noticing the seemingly unprompted smile that was brought to my face.
"Yeah. I guess I'm just excited to spend time with you guys," I attempt to explain my smile.
"Liar," Alex grumbles from the back. I roll my eyes at him and we all fall into a comfortable silence that lasts the duration of the rest of the car ride to the restaurant.
It's then only after ordering our food that conversation picks up again.
"How's college life treating you, son?" my dad opens the dialogue.
"Come on dad, we just discussed grades at Thanksgiving. Do we have to-"
"I mean, I just asked about college life in general. Which would include football, parties, friends.... but we can talk about grades again if you'd really like to, Alex. I'm sure there's stuff to discuss," our father says with a smirk. Alex's worry almost instantly vanishes at the clarification and his confident air returns.
"Party-wise, I'm great. I mean, I'm out almost every...." Alex trails off as he notices my dad raising one eyebrow.
"Almost every night that I'm not studying," Alex finishes, clearly yet smoothly lying given that my dad and I simply know the boy well enough.
"How's cheer going, Aspen?" my dad turns to me, having to catch up on what both Alex and I are up to currently due to his seemingly never ending work days. Luckily, until the snow starts and he has to plow it, he'll probably be working less. And yet with how cold it's been getting recently, I doubt that will be for long.
"Yeah. Have they been dropping you on your head a lot recently?" Alex asks me as if he's actually trying to be funny. Our dad sends Alex a glare, but I can tell that he finds amusement in the question.
"At least I don't have a fear of heights," I say with a shrug before taking a sip of my water. Alex just opens and closes his mouth, not sure how to respond.
"She got you there, son," dad says with a laugh. Alex just rolls his eyes as our dad pulls out his phone, most likely to answer an email about work which then prompts Alex and I to follow in suit.
We all don't put our phones down until the food arrives at the table and our dad chides us for taking them out in the first place which Alex and I don't respond to.
"Remember the first time we came here?" Alex starts the conversation with a laugh.
"No," I say with a frown as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Oh yeah. You were too young," Alex says with a shrug.
"I'm only a year younger than you, idiot," I tell him with an eye roll. Alex just shrugs before he decides to continue his story.
"Aspen wouldn't stop carrying her goose stuffed animal around, and I, being the helpful older brother that I am, aided her in getting rid of it," Alex says with a smirk.
"This event scarred me, Alex!"
"I thought you said you didn't remember it!"
"I didn't remember that it happened here!"
"Oh goodness, Alex. Are you talking about the time that you tried to flush her stuffed animal down the toilet?" our dad asks, clearly exasperated.
"No. That was later when she definitely should have grown out of it," Alex responds.
"You're never too old for stuffed animals," I defend myself.
"Oh, you still have it, don't you?" Alex asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
"If I did, then she would be currently hidden now that you're home,"
"I'm gonna find that goose,"
"You're going to have to grow up sometime," our dad jumps into the conversation yet again.
"Yeah, Aspen," my brother chides me.
"I was talking about you, Alex," our day clarifies.
"She's the one who still has stuffed animals!"
"And yet you're the immature one here," dad fires back, making me smile.
"Well, to finish my story, this was the place where I pretended the goose was a hot dog and doused it in ketchup and mustard," Alex says with a shrug.
"Gracey is still stained from the experience," I say regretfully.
"Gracey?" Alex questions me with a laugh, "you make bullying you too easy sometimes, Ass."
"Bullying?" our dad inquires.
"Sibling banter," Alex redefines. I roll my eyes at him before taking another bite of my food.
"Oh! Then remember that one time that we went out to eat and that one guy didn't notice mom was with us so he bought her a meal? So then she didn't sit with us the entire time because she didn't know what else to do," Alex asks with a smile even though the memory only brings a frown to dad and I's face. And knowing Alex won't change the story, I do.
"Or remember that time Alex shot water out of his nose in front of the cute waitress?" I ask with a laugh which luckily brings a smile to my dad's face.
"I thought we agreed we'd never speak of that," Alex asks darkly.
"I don't remember any such agreement," I say with an innocent shrug before continuing to eat my meal.
And so we continue to trade stories as we finish our meals, from the time that Alex got hit on by one of the waiters two years ago who then ended up becoming one of his best friends to the time our dad accidentally hit Alex in the head with a bottle of ketchup.
"I'm so proud of you two," our dad suddenly says out of no where after he finishes paying for the food.
"Thanks dad. We-" I begin but never get to finish.
"If your mother was here, she'd be proud too," he continues decidedly.
"She's not dead. She le-" Alex starts to say before I shoot him a glare.
"What?" he mouths to me, clearly confused.
"Just let it drop," I mouth back, accompanied by hand motions to get my point across. Alex sighs but doesn't say anything else. That is, until he starts shaking his head.
"Mom left, dad," he starts again.
"I know, Alex," he says solemnly.
"Then why-"
"She's not here now is she, Alex?"
"No, but if she was so proud of us, she never would've left," Alex grumbles.
"You don't know that," I sneer at him.
At the same time our dad says, "that's not true."
"Well none of us have spoken to her since she left. So how are we actually supposed to know what's true anymore?" Alex points out. Our dad looks down at his hands at Alex's words.
"What. Have you spoken to her?" Alex snaps at him slightly.
"I mean, I've tried but...." he trails off. I give my dad's shoulder a squeeze and Alex's expression instantly softens.
"Shit. I'm sorry, dad," he says.
"No. It's fine. Let's just change the topic. Sorry I brought it up," our dad says with a small cough before he puts a smile on his face.
"Actually, I'll be back in one minute, I'm just going to use the restroom before we go," our dad says before getting up, leaving my brother and I at the table alone.
We both look down at the table, not sure what to say at the moment and it's then that I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, my saving grace.
Ivy: Hey I just saw your text.
Ivy: I am extremely hung over as you predicted.
Ivy: But I don't remember anything from last night.
Ivy: I really hope I didn't cause you too much trouble.
As I read her last text, any smile that had formed when I saw her name appear on my screen fades away, and the thought that she honestly doesn't remember anything is what causes the frown.
"What's wrong, sis?" Alex asks me, clearly concerned by the sudden shift in my mood.
"I'm fine," I say, though even I can acknowledge that I don't even sound fine.
"You're not," he states with a frown. I just shake my head at him, not even sure how I could explain it.
"Aspen...."
I don't want to lie to him, but I also don't know how to tell him the truth.
"Just stop, Alex," I snap at my brother whose eyes almost instantly widen in shock.
"Sorry for caring," he says under his breath which causes my hard expression to melt into one of guilt.
"Alex. I-"
It's then that I look over to see my dad walking back to the table.
"I'll tell you later," I decide just as the words fall from my mouth. Alex nods in response before we both put smiles on our faces for our dad.
————
"Hey, dad? You can head inside. Aspen and I will be there in a minute," Alex says from the back seat, prompting confused looks from both my dad and me. But our dad just shrugs nonetheless and gets out of the car before promptly heading inside the house. The next thing I know, Alex jumps into the driver's seat and then turns to look at me, concern clearly etched onto his face.
"What the hell?" I ask him.
"What was wrong?" he questions me, clearly still bothered by me not telling him earlier.
"You're still on that?"
"Yes, I'm still on that. What's wrong?"
"I'm fine, Alex,"
"No. We're not playing that game,"
"We were literally just telling story after story at dinner about how you used to torment me. Why do you care now?"
"I've always cared, Aspen. I'm your older brother!"
"Didn't seem like it," I grumble.
"Well, you know what? I'm trying now! That must count for something," Alex says, clearly annoyed.
"And if I don't want to tell you?" I snap at him.
It's then that he finally stops and we both go silent.
"You don't have to if you don't want to, Ass. I just want to help if I can. That's an older brother's job right? Torment their sister but still be there for them?" Alex says quietly, causing any guard I had against him to quickly drop.
"I...." I trail off, not entirely sure I want to go through with telling him. Alex doesn't speak, waiting for me to decide what to say next.
"You see, it's silly because I know you won't care," I say with a small laugh as my eyes tear up slightly. Alex shoots me a confused look, but clearly doesn't want to interrupt me. And so I take a deep breath and try again.
"The text was from the person I've had a crush on for years now...." I trail off yet again, not exactly knowing how to explain it.
"Oh, I'll break his nose if you get hurt," Alex threatens.
"I'm pretty sure it's indecent to punch a girl," I say with a small laugh, some of the tears that were welling in my eyes finally escaping. Alex's expression softens as he processes what he just heard.
"What?" he asks quietly.
"I like girls," I say, just loud enough for him to hear as I look down at my lap.
"Oh shit. You're right. I couldn't punch her then. Or could I? I want equal rights and shit, but.... I'm not sure how that correlates exactly and I don't wanna disrespect y'all somehow...." Alex says, clearly only focused on his fighting opportunities. I look back up at him, confused.
"What? We both like chicks, cool. Did you think I'd care or something?"
"No," I say, laughing at the dramatic reaction I didn't intend to have.
"Then stop being a crybaby. Geez, Ass. Pull it together," Alex jokes around as he gets out of the car. He then walks around to my side and opens the door before pulling me into a hug.
"I swear to god, if you tell anyone we hugged, I will hit you. You're like the exception because we're siblings, I think," he says in the hug, causing for me to laugh as I wipe away the tears that had fallen.
And once we pull away, he gives me a reassuring smile before we begin to walk up to the front door. However, just before we get there, Alex turns around to look at me.
"Hold up. Does dad know?" he questions me, to which I shake my head in response.
"Oh. Sick. Ok. My lips are sealed then," he says as he makes the motion as if to zip up his lips and throw away the key.
"And let's hope they stay that way," I mutter understand my breath, earning a glare from my brother.
"Hey, Alex? Thanks," I say as he grabs the door handle.
"Yeah. Whatever. I've gotta start looking for that stuffed goose, so if you'd just stay out of my way for a while...."
I roll my eyes, but can't help but smile. Nothing had to change.