Only Fools - Chapter 25: Chapter 25

The sound of a car stopping in front of me vaguely registers in my mind. I tighten my coat around me as I take a shaky breath.
"You called for a knight in shining armor?" the driver asks jokingly as they make their way towards me. I sniffle a bit as I wipe my eyes with the palms of my hands before looking up at the girl.
"Hey, Margot," I greet her with an attempt at a small smile which I'm sure failed. Concern instantly overtakes Margot's face at my words.
"My house or yours?" she asks me, causing a confused expression to overtake my face.
"I'm staying with you tonight either way. So where are we going?"
"My house is fine. If that's alright with you, that is...." I trail off.
"Of course it is. Now get in the car. You look like you're freezing your ass off," Margot says before walking over to her car and opening the passenger side door for me. I say a small thank you as I get up from my spot on the bench and pull up the bottom of my dress so that it doesn't trail in the freshly fallen snow. As soon as I slide into the passenger seat, Margot closes the door behind me and proceeds to scurry around to get in, shivering the entire time because of the cold.
"Aspen. Are-"
"I'm sorry. Can we stay silent at least for the car ride?" I ask of her.
"Of course," Margot says before then complying with my request, the only sound soon to be heard is the crunching of the snow on the road as it meets the wheels of her car.
And so without trying to put too much thought into what happened tonight, I try to think back to what made me believe tonight would go any differently, the only other thing my brain will apparently justify thinking about right now.
Ivy flirted with me. She asked me out. She fucking came out as not straight to me.
....She tried to kiss me.
Did I seriously misread all of that completely? The flirting was no different than normal. Ivy flirts with people sometimes and I've learned to understand that. She often means to just be friendly and it comes off as more.
Her asking me out as a "date" for tonight was most likely just friendly. Date was probably meant to be received in quotation marks and I miscalculated the situation.
Ivy coming out could've been completely coincidental. She's my best friend and tells me anything and everything. It might not be anything past that.
But the kiss. Would she really have tried to kiss me if she didn't mean it? You try to kiss someone because there's emotion involved.
And yet.... she also kissed Jax. And she did that sober. He wasn't meant to just be a drunken mistake.
Tears burn in my eyes and I have to force the thoughts out of my head. As my fists clench in my lap, my sadness shifts into anger, something that I didn't want to happen. I don't want to be angry at Ivy. I never want to be angry with her if I can help it, especially over something like this. I realize that she can't control her feelings.
And yet my jaw stays clenched as my tears sting when they slowly fall from my eyes and down my face.
"Hey, Aspen. We're here," Margot says softly, probably having noticed the return of the tears in my eyes. I nod my head and proceed to get out of her car without saying anything, and hurry to open the front door so we can get away from the freezing weather. Margot quickly follows in behind me and closes the door carefully, most likely assuming that my family is asleep somewhere in the house. Though as I think about it, I have no clue where my family is at the moment. I know my dad told me his work schedule for the night but I was too excited for the gala to truly pay attention. Then there's a 50/50 chance that Alex is either at a friend's house or upstairs, and I quite honestly can't be bothered enough to figure it out.
As I shrug off my coat, I turn around to see Margot who's eyes suddenly widen.
"What?" I question her expression as I tuck the hair that had fallen into my face behind my ear.
"Nothing. You're just...." she trails off as she continues to stare at me.
"A mess?" I offer to finish her observation.
"Beautiful," she both corrects me and finally finishes what she was trying to say. My cheeks flush slightly at the compliment and I look down in an attempt to hide it.
"Yeah. Right. I'm sure the running makeup is what does it," I say sarcastically as I tug my heels off my feet before walking into the living room.
As I fall back onto the couch, I look back over at Margot who's standing in the doorway as if she's starstruck as she looks at me.
"Stop it, you dumbass, and get over here," I say with a small laugh that I manage to let out, patting the spot on the couch beside me. Margot pushes herself off from leaning on the doorframe before walking over and taking the spot where I was motioning her to sit at. Letting out a sigh, I rub my eyes before turning back to Margot to find her still staring at me.
"What the heck, dude?"
"What do you mean? I just want my friend to know she's beautiful and acknowledge it!" Margot defends herself.
"Well, I don't feel very beautiful right now," I say quietly with an amount of truth I was slightly afraid to get into. Because it was the truest response I could've given. I didn't feel beautiful. Going into the night, I had thought I was. Ivy proved that as soon as I stepped into her car. And yet she took that away later in the night. How could I truly be all that beautiful when Ivy was so easily able to fully turn away from me to talk to Jaxon. Beauty was something that you wanted to stay focused on. She lost focus on me as soon as he walked into the room.
And I stopped feeling as beautiful as I had before.
Then suddenly, I feel Margot wrap her arms around me and pull me into a tight hug. It's then that I realize I had started crying again. And so I just let myself continue as Margot rubs circles on my back and holds me tight until I calm down.
As I pull away from the hug, Margot tucks the hair that fell loose back behind my ears and then uses the pads of her thumbs to gently wipe the remaining tears I had on my face. I wish I could smile at the gesture, but I just can't bring myself to do so.
"Why don't you go upstairs and change into something more comfortable," Margot offers softly. I nod my head in response and get up from the couch before something clicks.
"We should probably both head to my room. My dad is probably at work right now and depending on how late he gets home, he might just crash on the couch so we better...." I trail off as I take in a shaky breath. Margot just nods in understanding.
"Did you want me to get you any kind of food or anything?" Margot offers me, making my heart warm a bit at the thoughtfulness.
"I'm fine. I really don't think I could eat anything right now,"
My stomach is hollow in a way that almost matches how I'm feeling, making the whole thing have a strange type of balance.
Margot nods and awkwardly stays sitting for a moment as she glances around my living room.
"I could use your company though," I say bashfully as I wring my hands together, looking down at the ground. When I look back up at Margot, she's smiling at me as she gets up from the couch and grabs my hand to give it a reassuring squeeze as if to say: "of course I'll be there for you".
She goes to release my hand, but I just hold onto hers tighter.
So we walk upstairs like that, me gripping Margot's hand as tightly as I can while at the same time making sure I'm not hurting her in any way. As we round the corner into the hallway, steps away from walking into my room, the door to Alex's room creaks open and out walks my half awake brother, most likely deeming it time for his late night snack.
However, as Alex spots the two of us, he stops dead in his tracks and it's not even a second later that his eyes noticeably narrow in on our connected hands. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and I just respond by rolling my eyes at him before shaking my head in order to deem his suggestion as incorrect.
But the corners of his mouth upturn slightly as he shrugs and then continues to make his way downstairs, probably simply not caring enough to give the two of us anymore of his attention.
"What was that?" Margot asks me as soon as the door to my room is shut behind us.
"That was my brother Alex," I explain to her as I walk over to rummage for clothes in my closet.
"I didn't know you had a brother," Margot says quietly almost as if it was just supposed to be a reflection to herself.
"Maybe we don't actually know all that much about each other," I say loud enough so that she can hear. And yet I'm not sure if she actually did hear me as no response comes afterwards. So I assume that if she did hear me that this is just a silent agreement.
"Um, yeah.... I'm gonna go change. I'll be right back," I tell Margot as I gather the clothes I've decided on wearing into my arms. Margot just nods as she takes a seat on the edge of my bed and begins to tap her feet on the ground below her.
As I enter the bathroom, I walk straight over to the mirror and truly can't understand why Margot would have made a comment that I looked beautiful. My makeup is smeared down my face because of the tears that were shed . As a result of the snow, my hair looks like an absolute mess as it's predominantly straight with a few random pieces that form and slight wave and a frizz that I was convinced had been controlled just earlier today. I surely don't look beautiful. I more closely am anything but. I said I was a mess, and I was correct.
So with a sigh, I change out of the red dress and tug on the sweats I grabbed before quickly washing my face of the makeup that had been previously smeared all over it.
After I wipe my face off with a small towel, I glance back into the mirror and frown. I can't do anything about my eyes that are red and puffy from the tears, but I quickly throw my hair up into a messy bun to correct that situation.
That will just have to do.
As I emerge from the bathroom, Margot is sitting in the same spot she was when I left her, still tapping her feet on the floor as if in deep thought. But she looks up as soon as she notices me approaching her and there's a glint in her eyes that I can't quite explain, though I have a feeling that I'll figure out an explanation soon enough.
"Your favorite superhero is SpiderMan," Margot states as if it's absolute fact.
"What?" I ask her.
"Your favorite superhero is SpiderMan and for some reason you think that I could be Harry Osborn-"
"You could be! You're-"
"You're in this school on an academic scholarship but can't seem to wrap your head around calculus yet.... and thank god for that. You work at a book store even though you're a popular cheerleader, and plan what you're going to say over the phone before you even make the call. You go to parties every weekend, but are the most rule abiding student there is. Your birthday is October 28th and you love horror movies. You fell in an oven when you were in seventh grade and are one of the worst bakers I've ever met but I truly say that in the most endearing way because it's adorable. But.... you're the only true popcorn expert I've ever met so maybe that makes up for it. You've never seen Star Wars and love One Direction. I just found out you have a brother named Alex and you won't fucking give me back my sweatshirt ever apparently,"
Margot looks pointedly at her sweatshirt on my body that I had just put on minutes before as she finishes her small speech. A smile slips onto my face for the first time in a while tonight at the display of how much she actually cares.
"Am I supposed to list stuff back, because I think we're both aware of how shit my memory is," I say as I'm still in slight shock from all she was just able to remember.
"If you think you can top me," Margot says with a shrug.
"Oh. Is that a challenge?"
"If you want to accept it," Margot says looking around my room in a rather nonchalant manner.
"Well you had a few minutes to prepare," I try to excuse myself.
"Who says I needed it?" Margot asks rather cockily.
"Fine. You somehow don't believe SpiderMan is an amazing superhero-"
"Because-"
"No interruptions while I win this, please. You love rock music, specifically The Rolling Stones and are trying to 'improve my music taste' even though no such thing is needed. You somehow understand calculus and I think your absolutely some sort of witch for it, but am also thankful because we wouldn't have met otherwise. You hate the color orange but still haven't told me your favorite color-"
"Blue,"
"Shush. Your favorite color is blue and you are convinced that you aren't just a rule follower but I believe otherwise. You want to take a shot off of Orlando Bloom's stomach and...." I clear my throat before glancing back over at the girl and continuing.
"Your birthday is May 6th, your favorite food is sushi, and your favorite movie is Ocean's 11. You think you're going to die from a slip and fall in the shower and your best friend dislikes me for some reason but you're convinced that he'll warm up to me eventually. You love to make art and think you aren't good enough to do it for a living but I swear to god that you're way more talented than you believe,"
As I finish, I look over at the girl and she's smiling at me.
"Maybe call it a tie?" she offers.
"Oh, no way. I definitely won that," I defend my answers. Margot rolls her eyes at me but then pats the spot on my bed next to her. I let out a sigh before quickly hanging up the dress that I had been holding and then hurrying over to fall back on my bed beside her.
As we lay down side by side staring at the ceiling, I try to stay present and not let my thoughts drift to what happened earlier today. And though I can't rid myself of the thoughts completely, I at least want to stop crying about it.
"Did you want to talk about it?" Margot whispers over to me, almost as if uncertain if it's the right thing to ask at this point.
"I'm sorry," is the only response I can justify. If I told Margot, all I would get is pity from her that would probably just send me spiraling again. And if it isn't pity, she'll think I'm weird for falling for my best friend. She'll judge me for it or secretly be disgusted by me, hoping and praying I don't somehow fall for her next. She'll leave just when I'm getting used to her showing up for me.
However, there's also a small part of me that wants to tell her. There's a small part of me that wants to trust her and realizes she'll be nothing but supportive. And yet all the other voices outweigh that small part of me.
"It's alright. You don't have to tell me. Just know I'll be here if you ever want to," Margot tells me softly. I nod in response as I sniffle, partially wishing that I could be brave enough to tell her now.
"When I was younger-"
"What are you doing?" I ask her as I turn to look at her clearly confused, but she just smiles.
"When I was younger, my parents bought me a mini blue electric motorcycle because my dad had a motorcycle at the time and I wanted to be just like him. I would ride it around outside back and forth on the sidewalk of our street. And then my parents decided to brag to our neighbors about how good I was at riding the motorcycle. So they came out to watch and I ran it directly into their fence. That was the last time I rode it," Margot tells me. I slap my hand over my mouth to hold in a laugh.
"You can laugh, dude," Margot tells me as she glances over at me with a smile.
"I just. How did your parents ever sign you up for drivers ed after that?" I ask her as I allow myself to laugh at the story. Margot slaps my arm at the question which only makes me laugh more as I slap her arm in return. She glares at me in response but that's all, and the attention seeking bitch within me causes for me to slap her arm again. And again. And again-
And suddenly Margot grabs my wrist and flips over so that she's on top of me, her knees on either side of my body and her hands pressing my wrists down into the mattress.
"You gonna do that again?" she challenges me. I'm never one to back down from a challenge, yet as I try to move my hand to slap her arm again, my wrist stays pinned against the mattress, and Margot just raises an eyebrow. I let out a defeated sigh and roll my eyes, prompting Margot to roll back over so that she's back to where she was, laying by my side.
"You still think we don't know each other?" Margot asks me after a few moments and as I look over at her, she's staring straight up at the ceiling.
"I'm not sure...." I trail off.
"Fine. Then what do you want to know?" she asks me.
"Really?"
"Why not?"
"Why don't you like One Direction?" I ask her, causing her to let out a small laugh that nearly sounds forced.
"You're going in with the really serious ones first, aren't you?" Margot jokes, seemingly avoiding my question.
"I think you should just answer it," I tell her. She chuckles at my seriousness before shaking her head.
"Well, I don't exactly dislike them...." Margot trails off.
"Wait-"
"Hey, hey, hey. But you can't tell anyone. It'll ruin my reputation,"
"Oh yeah. I bet it will," I respond with a scoff.
"Anything else?" she asks me.
"Um...."
"You're taking too long. Most embarrassing childhood story,"
"Hey!" I exclaim to which Margot just shrugs, clearly waiting for my response.
"Fine. You already know about the oven so.... The day I got my driver's license my dad forced me to drive home and instead of pulling forward, I backed into a pole and dented the back bumper so we had to get a new one...."
Margot almost instantly breaks out into laughter.
"What the fuck dude? It was so embarrassing! And I had just told the security guards there that I had gotten my license and they congratulated me.... and watched the entire thing happen!"
This only makes Margot laugh harder.
"Fine. We're done talking then," I say, crossing my arms.
"No. I let you laugh at my motorcycle story. So I think I should be allowed to laugh at your driving story," Margot justifies herself. I roll my eyes and refuse to look her way.
"Damn, and you were shocked my parents signed me up for driver's ed," Margot says under her breath though she clearly intends for me to hear it as she looks over at me after the words escape her lips. I gasp at her statement.
"And I thought we were friends," I say, placing my hand over my chest.
"Really? I thought we were lovers," Margot says sarcastically then with a gasp as if filled with betrayal.
"In your dreams," I tell her. She hums in response, clearly signaling an end to that topic before she decides to speak again.
"Are you feeling any better?" she asks me, clearly genuinely concerned. But it's then that the memories of the night come rushing back.
I try to refocus on the girl next to me who is always there for me when I need her most, who I'm beginning to consider one of my closest friends. But as I look over at her and a small smile graces my face, I get rid of it almost as soon as it appears. The guilt from all these smiles, all this laughing, finally begins to truly eat at me.
I shouldn't be so easily able to cast what happened with Ivy out of my mind right now. I truly cared about her, liked her, maybe even loved her. It shouldn't be that easy for me to smile right now. I suddenly feel heartless and fake. And I drive the image of Jaxon and Ivy kissing back into my mind because I shouldn't have been able to cast it out that easily if I truly cared about her. And I did.
Tears begin to fill my eyes yet again and I can't help but let out a small sob.
"Oh shit, Aspen. I'm sorry," Margot says as she pulls me closer to her so that my head can rest on her chest as her arms wrap around my torso.
"I-"
"Shh. Just let it out. You don't have to say anything," Margot tells me as if she can read my mind. All I was going to do was make useless excuses, waste my breath. I'm not brave enough to tell her everything yet and there's not much else to say. Though there is one thing I can think of....
"Thank you," I whisper to her.
"Any time," she whispers back.
So I just stay there, her fingers running through my hair, until I eventually drift off to sleep.