Only Fools - Chapter 27: Chapter 27

"Aspen! Alex!" my grandmother exclaims as she opens the door for my brother and I and lets us inside, away from the harsh cold air and snow.
"She said my name first which means she loves me more," I whisper to Alex as I elbow him in the side.
"I love you both equally," our grandmother says decidedly as she leads us through her home to the gathering area where the rest of our family is located.
"How can she hear that well?" Alex hisses to me, trying to be even quieter than I was. And for a moment I don't think she heard him, but then she sends us both a wink before hurrying back off to the kitchen to continue preparing this evening's meal.
"Hello, Alex and Aspen. Come take a seat," our uncle invites us further into the living room to join the family that we only awkwardly see about once a year. As I glance around the decently sized room, I notice mostly familiar faces despite not being able to place names to all of them. Yet it hardly matters because as soon as Alex and I sit down, they launch back into their conversation about a relative I can't remember ever hearing about.
My dad's side of the family is rather large with his mom having ten siblings, most of whom I've never even met. My dad himself doesn't have any siblings, but my great aunts and uncles surely compensate for that. Here today are just two of the ten siblings with their spouses and children if they have any, them being the only siblings that currently live in state as the rest are dispersed throughout the country. My grandpa sits in his usual chair in the corner of the living room, staying silent except when he can throw in a corny joke. On the couch next to said chair sits one of my grandmother's sisters, Patty, with her husband who's name I don't remember and their younger twelve year old son Nick who clearly doesn't want to be here. Their older son is sitting on the chair across the room, eyes locked on his phone. All I know is that he's fourteen and his name begins with and R. Roger maybe? On the two folding chairs next to him that were set out sit the wife of my grandmother's other sibling, Lee Ann and her daughter Carol. The aforementioned sibling is sitting beside me on the couch, the uncle who in fact called us over to sit on the couch, Uncle Paul.
After a few minutes of glancing around the room with a faked "I'm engaged in this conversation" expression, I decide it's time for the famous "fake a phone notification so I can check my phone and then stay on it" move. So I furrow my eyebrows in confusion before tugging my phone out of my pocket and softening my expression as soon as I look at the screen. Quickly, I open my text messages and promptly text a couple people, inwardly betting on who will respond the quickest. Sadly enough, I end up losing my own bet.
Dustin: I just saw you yesterday
Dustin: Fuck off
Me: Wow. Love you too.
Dustin: Of course you do
Dustin: And you didn't actually need me right?
Dustin: You just wanted a quick cure to your boredom?
Me: No. I need you.
Dustin: Oh shit are you ok?
Me: I need you to cure my boredom.
Dustin: Fuck off
Me: Fuck you.
Dustin: We already agreed that wouldn't work
Me: Did we??
Dustin: Bye Aspen
I internally groan as my excuse to disengage in the family gathering has suddenly been ruined. And yet, somehow my knight in shining armor, as she's deemed herself, knows exactly when to swoop in to save the day.
Margot: Merry Christmas to you too dude
Margot: You bored or something?
Me: Wtf. Does everyone just always assume I only text them when I'm bored??
Margot: To be fair you do it a lot
Me: Oh shush. You love talking to me.
Margot: Eh
Me: You take that back!!
Margot: And not voice my true feelings?
Me: Meanie.
Margot: Good comeback
Me: Shut up.
Margot: Then who would you talk with to cure your boredom?
Me: Oh, I've got so many texts from people dying to talk to me right now. You wouldn't believe it.
Margot: Like who? A guidance counselor?
Me: Janis is more than just a guidance counselor. She's my friend and you know that.
Margot: You're so weird
Me: But you wouldn't have me any other way. ;)
Margot: ;)
Margot: Wait why are you bored? I thought you were at a family gathering or some shit
Me: Stalking much??
Margot: You told me, dumbass
Me: Twas a joke, smartass.
Margot: Whatever answer my question
Me: The family gathering is boring. They keep gossiping, but it's about family members that I've never heard of before. It therefore holds no interest to me.
Margot: I would invite you over here, but I doubt my family would be that much of an improvement
Me: If I can somehow break out of here then I'll be on my way.
Margot: You better start planning your escape plan then
Me: What?? Do you actually want to see me that badly, May??
Margot: Consider yourself officially invited to Christmas dinner at my house if you can escape your current dining arrangements
Me: Wow. I'm honored.
Margot: As you should be.
"Alex. How are things going in college?"
My ears suddenly perk up at the mentioning of my brother's name.
"Oh. Things are going fine," he says, slightly caught off guard by the conversation topic as he tucks his phone into his pocket and turns to face the person who prompted the question, Uncle Paul.
"That's good. What are you studying again?"
As Uncle Paul keeps the conversation going, I sink slightly more into the couch, realizing the way they're awkwardly talking over me given my current seat on the couch between them.
"Nursing," Alex answers him.
"Really?" our uncle responds, seemingly shocked by the answer.
"Yeah....?"
"I just didn't think you were the type. I mean. Wait. You're still playing football right?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, nursing is a woman's job isn't it?" our uncle asks, clearly having no idea as to the trigger he just pulled.
"The field is predominantly made up of women, but that doesn't mean that men can't go into nursing,"
"Yes. But why not just study become a doctor or something then if you have an interest in medicine? It surely pays more and it's far more respectable for a man than-"
"Paul," Lee Ann calls her husbands name across the room in a tone that is clearly meant to be heard as a warning. And so he quickly closes his mouth and backs down, luckily enough for him because if I know my brother well enough then he was just getting ready to go off on him.
"Wait. Wasn't you two's mother a nurse?" Uncle Paul speaks up yet again after a minute or two. Alex stays staring down, still clearly mad, so I just nod my head in response.
"You know, I never liked that woman. Something about her always rubbed me the wrong way. And I guess my intuition was right," Uncle Paul says with a chuckle. My mind goes blank at the statement and I feel Alex tense up beside me.
"Ok. What the hell?" Alex jumps up from his seat on the couch beside me and spins around to face Paul.
"Sorry. I didn't think you were going to get emotional over her still," Uncle Paul says with a shrug.
"She's our fucking mother. I don't care what she's done or hasn't done. You have no right. So stop talking about a situation that you know nothing about," Alex says in a surprisingly calm tone despite how clearly angry he is.
"All he's saying is that she walked out on her family and now it seems like you're following in her footsteps, sweetie," Lee Ann rushes in to cover for her husband.
"Really? Is that what it looks like? I can't just take interest in nursing because I genuinely want to help people?" Alex spins around to ask her.
"I think you're taking this the wrong way, boy. They aren't trying to be rude or nothing. They're voicing how they see the situation. That's all," Aunt Patty finally chimes in with her two cents while her husband looks like he clearly wished she didn't. Our grandpa who hasn't said a word the whole time sits sleeping in his chair, most likely having fallen asleep because of the family gossip conversation where he couldn't chime in with the amount of jokes needed to keep him awake.
"No. I really don't think I am. I think that 'the situation' is none of your business and if you can try to keep your noses the fuck out of it then it would be greatly appreciated,"
"No need for that kind of language, son. We just-" Uncle Paul begins to speak again though he's quickly cut off.
"No. Shut the fuck up," Alex then turns to me and his eyes soften because of how mine are glazed over, "let's go, Aspen."
Nodding, I stand up from my spot on the couch and follow Alex to the kitchen, not even once looking back at our relatives.
"Hey, grandma," Alex says, forcing on a small smile as our grandmother comes into view, clearly putting hard work into preparing the dinner.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" she asks him, setting down all that she was doing so that she can give both of us hugs.
"I think we're going to head out. But it was great to see you, grandma," Alex explains to her as she pulls away from her hug with me.
"I'm so sorry. Did they say something to you two? I would be in there to monitor everything but-"
"But you shouldn't have to because they're all adults and you should be able to prepare your amazing dinner in peace," Alex finishes, causing a sad smile to break out across our grandmother's face.
"Are you sure you two have to go?" our grandmother asks us.
"Sorry, grandma," I finally speak up, causing her sad eyes to turn to me.
"Oh. It's not your fault. I know that. I just wish I could've gotten more time with the two of you. And I know your grandpa misses you too,"
"Well, how about we talk with our dad and we can try to come visit soon with him so that you can see all three of us?" Alex offers, which immediately puts a smile on grandmother's face.
"That would be lovely, dear," she tells him before her eyes wide. Alex and I give her a confused look but she just waves us off.
"Sorry. I just almost forgot. I wanted to make your dad a plate to take home. I haven't made the corn yet, but everything else is mostly done...." our grandmother trials off as she grabs a plate and wanders around the kitchen, stopping intermittently to add portions of food to the plate before she finally wraps it in tin foil and hands it to Alex.
"I'm sure he'll be super happy to see this when he gets home. He was pretty sad he couldn't be here today,"
"It's alright. I understand his work schedule is rather crazy. Besides, I doubt your aunts and uncles could've held back much longer even if he was here. Don't worry, they're going to get some words from me tonight,"
"Thanks, grandma," Alex says with a small laugh before giving her another quick hug and walking towards the back door that sits on the landing between the kitchen and the basement.
"Love you, grandma," I say as I pull her in for another quick hug and then follow Alex to the door.
And after saying goodbye one more time, and her promising yet again to try and talk some sense into those in the living room, Alex and I walk out of our grandmother's house and back to his car where we both seem to finally let out the breath that we didn't know we were holding in.
My mind drifts back to the topic of my mom as we sit here. It's been years. Maybe it is time to drop this whole thing. And yet it seems nearly impossible to without certain answers. Yet those might be answers we never get.
"So.... do you want me to drop you off at Ivy's now?" Alex breaks the silence as he starts the car. Our grandmother always hosts a pretty early dinner and almost every year I crash Ivy's family's dinner too. Though this year is surely different.
"No. But there's a different address you can drop me off at,"
Me: I think I'll take you up on that offer now.
————
"Margot! Someone's here to see you!" the little girl in front of me shouts as soon as she opens the door to see me. She seems to be dressed up as Cinderella with her dramatic blue gown and blonde hair pinned up into a high bun.
"Vivian! What have we told you about not opening the door, especially for strangers?" I hear Margot's voice resound throughout the house. And the little girl who can't be more than seven or eight giggles to herself before she bolts away from the door, leaving me facing a decently pissed off Margot.
"So I'm just a stranger to you now?" I tease the girl a little bit, which successfully puts a small smile on her face.
"I didn't think you were actually going to take me up on my offer," she tells me.
"But I'm sure you're happy that I did," I say with a smirk.
"Eh," Margot says with a shrug before beckoning me inside and closing the door behind me. As I glance around the hallways we pass through, I can't help but notice the lack of any pictures of Margot despite the decent number of pictures on the walls. Most are of the little girl I saw, but I don't have much time to look at any before we emerge into the kitchen to find a woman vigorously cooking. And leaned up against one of the kitchen counters is a man, clearly trying to ignore and distract the woman from her cooking. Yet you can somehow tell that such a thing is normal for them and couldn't possibly miss the love shown in their eyes for each other.
However, as they spin around to face me, something else clicks in my brain and I suddenly realize how Margot hasn't talked about her family before. Every person in this house that I've seen looks starkly different from Margot. The only similarity between them is brown eyes. They all have blonde hair to some degree, though the man's is clearly peppered with its fair share of grey, matched with extremely pale complexions. This clearly contrasts with Margot's dark curls and skin. Which leaves me with one question: where are her parents?
"Eve, Dean," Margot calls the two adults name, and they almost instantly turn their attention to her. A smile breaks out on the woman's face as soon as her eyes land on me.
"Hi. You must be Aspen. I'm Everly, but you can call me Eve. And this is my husband Dean. Our daughter Vivian's around here somewhere getting into who knows what," Eve says as she wipes her hands off in a dish towel before pulling me into a rather unexpected hug.
"Hi. It's nice to meet you," I tell the both of them.
"Well, I'm just about finished in here. You girls can go take a seat in the dining room if you'd like," Eve says as she turns back to the cooking she was previously trying to focus on. Margot nods in response before grabbing my wrist and leading me to the dining room.
Once we sit down, I badly want to ask her the one question that's stuck in my brain yet I'm not entirely sure if it's the right time or even my place to do so.
"So, you actually came...." Margot trails off.
"I think you said that already,"
"I just don't know what else exactly to say...."
"Has my presence rendered Margot May speechless?" I ask, feigning shock.
"You know it," Margot responds with a wink which makes me smile.
"Ok. Girls. Food's ready. You can come prepare your plates," Eve calls from the kitchen, earning an excited scream from Vivian to resound from somewhere in the house.
"Oh shit," Eve says as we enter the kitchen.
"What's up, Everly?" Margot asks as she grabs a plate and I follow her lead rather promptly, rather unsure about the whole situation. In fact, the whole thing is making my hands shake slightly but I try to ignore it, I try to focus on Margot instead rather than the anxious thoughts that threaten to cloud my mind.
"Oh, it's nothing. I just almost dropped one of my nice plates," Eve says with a small laugh.
After everyone grabs their food and takes their seats, the conversation begins. Margot is sitting on my left while Vivian sits on my right. Everly and Dean sit side by side across the table from us.
"So, Aspen. You're the friend that Margot has been tutoring, correct?" Eve asks me as we all dig into our meals.
"Um, yeah. That's me," I say with a small laugh.
"So you talk about me?" I whisper to Margot, causing her to blush slightly.
"I rant on occasion, I guess," Margot whispers back which brings a true smile to my face.
"Oh my gosh! Stop whispering, you two," Vivian exclaims dramatically from beside me, resulting in everyone at the table to erupt into laughter.
"What the heck!" Vivian exclaims, slightly offended that everyone laughed at her outburst.
"It's nothing, Viv. Now Aspen, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?" Everly asks politely before shoveling another spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.
"Well.... there isn't too much to know. I'm captain of the cheer team at school. I have an older brother named Alex who's a freshman at college, got in on a football scholarship. Um...." I trail off, not exactly sure what to tell them.
"Oh. She's totally selling herself short," Margot says with an eyeroll and playful smile.
"Oh. You think you could do better?" I challenge her.
"Easily,"
"Fine. Do it then,"
Margot smirks at me before clearing her throat.
"Aspen Grayson may struggle in calculus, but she was smart enough to earn a full ride scholarship to our high school.  She also claims to be a popcorn expert, but I'm not too sure about that-"
"I am,"
"Pfft. Sure,"
"Popcorn expert?" Dean finally chimes in.
"Um. Yeah...." I trail off, scratching the back of my neck.
"And a full ride scholarship? That's pretty impressive, Aspen. Maybe some of your smarts can rub off on Margot," Eve says with a laugh.
"Oh. I'm pretty sure Margot's the smart one here. I'm not sure I'd be able to even pass calculus without her," I say with a nervous laugh.
And so the conversation changes. Margot's family begins to talk about other topics: pop culture, family updates, and more. I pipe up when I can, but mostly just eat my dinner, anxious thoughts seemingly preventing me from participating too much.
"You girls can go and hang out in Margot's room if you'd like. Vivian is going to help me clean up everything in here," Eve says after everyone seems to have finished up their meals. Margot nods in response before grabbing my wrist and pulling me up from my chair and tugging me back through the hallway and up the staircase that was to the right of the front door and into her room.
Margot's room isn't what I expected it to be like, and yet at the same time it makes total sense. Her walls are painted a dark blue color, the ceiling filled with glow in the dark stars. Her bed is against the wall in the corner of her room and the room itself is generally neat outside of the one corner of her room in which she keeps her art supplies. That corner has half finished paintings and drawings strewn all around with paint splatters randomly scattered about, forming some type of beautiful mess.
"So, you didn't text me or anything yesterday," Margot says as she walks over to take a seat on her bed. I wander over to the art corner, trying to comprehend how she can create such beautiful things.
"These are amazing," I tell her.
"They're not finished," she simply responds. I turn around to face her before nodding and eventually taking a seat on her bed next to her.
"Are you going to respond to me?" she asks me.
"I.... sorry. I didn't really need to. I kind of went over Dustin's house and...."
"You could have texted me," Margot tells me.
"I know. But you had to deal with me the other night. And I didn't want to-"
"Maybe I wanted you to," Margot says under her breath.
"What?" I ask her, not sure if I totally heard what she said.
"Nothing. Just.... I'm always here for you. So don't.... you know. I'm here," Margot says. I just nod in response, not totally sure what else to say.
"Um. I got you something. You know, for Christmas," Margot says as she gets up from her seat on the bed and walks across her room to grab a small gift bag before handing it to me.
"Oh. You didn't have to. I mean, I didn't get you anything. And-"
"Shut up and open your gift," Margot says with a smile before she sits back down beside me. Hesitantly, I pull the item out of the gift bag, only to find a set of measuring cups. So I hold them up to Margot with a raised eyebrow.
"So next time we bake together I won't need to double check your measurements. All you'll have to do is read the ingredients instructions and fill these to the top," Margot says with a shrug.
"Next time we back together?" I question her. She just winks in response which causes me to shake my head before placing the measuring cups back in the gift bag.
"Well, thank you," I tell her. She nods before looking down at her hands.
"So, um. Your family seems nice," I tell her, kind of hoping to find more about the girl.
"Yeah. My aunt and uncle are pretty chill," Margot says with a shrug.
"Your aunt and uncle?" I ask her.
"What? Did you think those two Caucasians produced this black girl?" she asked me with a laugh.
"I just wasn't sure what to think, I guess," I say with a shrug. Is she more like me than I thought? A strange sense of hope erupts into my chest, although I'm slightly disgusted by it.
"Yeah. My mom and dad had to move away about a year back because of a job offer so I stayed here so that I could finish school," Margot says with a shrug.
"Oh," I say, trying to hide my disappointment. For some reason, I wanted her to be like me. It sounds sick as my thoughts continue, sick to want the girl beside me to have been similarly ruined. And yet for some reason I can't stop the disappointment ripping through my body, and I hate myself for it.
"So I guess I somewhat can understand your situation with your mother. I know it's totally different, but I haven't talked to my parents in months. I surely do miss them although Eve, Dean, and Viv surely do make it more bearable,"
And maybe my mother will always be a sore spot for me. Or maybe that sore spot was too amplified by my uncle's words earlier. But something in me snaps.
"I didn't get a fucking choice," I hiss as tears well in my eyes. Margot opens her mouth like she's going to say something, but then quickly closes it again, rethinking her response.
"I woke up one day, on my fucking birthday, and she was gone. She took all of her stuff and just left us. Left me,"
As soon as these words escape my lips, Margot wraps her arms around me and pulls me into her chest. I try to steady my breathing as I rest my chin on her shoulder. I try to calm myself down and stop myself from crying. I try to focus on Margot. That helps.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly, and I just shake my head, obviously knowing that she meant no harm.
"I woke up, and all traces of her were gone. I felt like I was in a different house.... It still feels that way sometimes," I say quietly, as tears now slowly roll down my cheeks.
Margot doesn't talk, but she continues to hold me tight even though I'm just leaning limply against her.
"My dad tries to hide it, but he works all the time now, and I know that part of the reason is that we need the money, but the other reason is one that he would never say out loud. He doesn't want to see me. And I don't blame him. I look so much like her. And shit, one glance at me and all these memories probably come rushing back to him about the times before she fucking walked out on us. She not only took my mother away from me, but she took my dad away too, and I'm absolutely powerless to do anything about that,"
I go silent for a moment, allowing myself to catch my breath as tears stream down my face. I pull away from Margot and actually look at her. I can see the pity painted all over her face, but for once, I don't care. I just take it for what it is: sympathy towards my situation because she cares. Tears begin to well in her brown eyes as she rubs circles on my back as a type of reassurance.
"I want to hate her. I want to say that I don't miss her and I'm better off without her. I'm sure that would all just be me lying to myself though, and I'm not sure how much better that would end up being.... I want to forget that she was ever part of my life and just move on. I don't want for her to continue to be the "missing piece". I want my family to just feel.... whole again,"
I let out a sob and bury my face into Margot's shoulder as I wrap my arms around her, not wanting to let go.
"It's ok, Aspen. I'm here,"
And that response is honestly the best that she could've given. She isn't saying that she's sorry out of pity, because what is she supposed to even be sorry for? It's not her fault that my mom walked out of my life with practically no explanation. She doesn't say that I'll be alright, maybe because this isn't something that I can just brush off. It's not like I fell down and scraped my knee, and I doubt this pain would ever go away as quickly as that would. And maybe that's something others like my uncle may never fully understand.
She simply tells me that she's here and I'm grateful for that. Maybe she will leave me one day, I mean, I seem to have a streak going with that, but at least she's here now. And as much as I would fucking hate for her to go, right now, she says that she's going to stay, and I'm going to simply focus on that.