Only Fools - Chapter 39: Chapter 39

"Would he say that he's in L-O-V-E, 'cause if it was me then I...." my singing trails off as I hear a knock on the window of the passenger door of my car. The school parking lot is rather empty this early in the morning, so the knock startles me a little at first.
A smile slips onto my face as soon as I see Margot standing there, glaring pointedly at me as she stands out in the cold.
I guess One Direction can wait.
Distracted as I take in her appearance and how beautifully hundreds of snowflakes rest on her hair, it takes me a moment to actually turn the music down slightly and unlock the car to let her in.
"Oops?" I offer as she slips into the passenger seat with an eye roll.
"Oops? You couldn't have moved any faster?" Margot asks as she begins to brush any excess snow off of herself.
"I could've, but I was too busy staring at you," I admit boldly as a blush rises to my cheeks.
"Yeah? Maybe do that when I'm in the car next time?"
"Noted...." I trail off as I stare out the front window at the rather empty parking lot. Is she mad at me? Did I seriously already mess this up? I mean, I did make her wait out in the cold, even if it was accidental. I would probably be peeved too. Does she like me less now?
"Hey, I'm sorry for snapping. Vivian was a pain in the ass all morning, throwing a tantrum about not being able to find a fucking tiara to match her dress. I shouldn't have...." Margot trails off, but I know exactly what she means. She shouldn't have snapped at me in the first place.
I nod slowly, not trusting myself to know exactly what to say.
"So.... how are you doing?" Margot offers hesitantly.
"Is that a coded way of wanting to ask how my face is doing without feeling guilty about smacking it with a door?" I ask her with a small smile.
"I swear that was an accident,"
And just like that, we've fallen back into our usual rhythm.
"I should hope so," I tell her as I raise my eyebrows.
Margot just sighs as she shakes her head at me, though a small smile is threatening to spill onto her face.
"Because it's otherwise genuinely abusive or kinky. I don't think there's an in between. Or.... that's where accidental lies," I inform her as words fall out of my mouth without much second thought. Yet Margot just smiles at me anyways, despite being clearly confused by my assessment.
"I'm not sure I'll ever understand your brain," she tells me.
"Yeah, I'm sure other geniuses get that a lot," I say with a shrug.
"I think you mean other idiots,"
"I think you might be single if you keep that up," I quip back.
"Are you going to continue trying to keep me in line with veiled threats of breaking up with me?" Margot asks with a small laugh.
"It's worked so far," I respond with a shrug.
"And the day that it doesn't?" Margot tests me.
"Your loss," I say nonchalantly as I don't even turn to look at her, but instead turn my attention out the front window as an underclassman attempts to park properly with the small amount of snow on the ground and barely manages.
"My loss indeed," Margot says under her breath, causing for me to smile and glance quickly over at her. Her hair is flattened slightly from the snow melting on it, but she still manages to pull it off somehow. Her school uniform is messily pulled on. Her plaid skirt is wrinkled and worn in, ending just above her knees. A grey hoodie covers her Oxford top, that is, if she decided to follow the dress code and actually wear one today.
As I glance over at the time on my dash, she follows my gaze and lets out a sigh.
"We should probably go in?" she suggests, causing me to freeze in my spot. Margot reaches for the door, but stops as soon as she realizes that I'm not doing the same.
"I'm seriously sorry that I snapped at you, dude. I never should have done it and-"
"What are we, Margot?" I ask her, interrupting her slight rambling. A lopsided smile slips onto her face at my words before she tilts her head in confusion.
"What do you mean? You just want to hear me say it? You're my girlfriend, dumbass," Margot says, her smile fading to a smirk.
"Yeah, but...." I trail off as I glance up at the school building, not wanting to voice my thoughts out loud for fear they might hurt her.
"But in there?" she asks me, quickly matching my serious composure.
"But in there," I echo her.
"Whatever you want to be," she tells me. I break my eyes away from the school building to look at her, except she doesn't look back and instead keeps staring forward.
"Just.... give me time?" I request as I take her hand in mine and give it a reassuring squeeze.
"Whatever you need," Margot says before bringing the back of my hand to her lips and giving it a chaste kiss.
Despite her calm composure, my mind still floods itself with questions that all feel as though they need an immediate answer and thoughts that sit heavy, crowding at the forefront of my mind.
Does this mean we have to avoid each other? Because it shouldn't. We're still going to be best friends, right? We just won't.... hold hands in the hallway or do any of that.... coupley stuff. Shit. Is this what I really want?
It has to be. I can't take the risk that everything would still be fine if I did this. I can't even begin to think about the people that might look at me differently just because of this. Maybe I'll be able to handle it later. But not now. Besides, I haven't even come out to my father yet. How would I even begin to come out to the entire school?
....We're still going to be best friends, right?
"You're getting to be as cheesy as me," I say with an eye roll as I try to ignore my racing thoughts.
"So you admit you're cheesy?"
"I was never trying to hide it, babe," I say with a overdramatized wink.
"Hmm. Well maybe you should," Margot suggests. I let out a dramatic gasp which just prompts an eye roll from her before she gets out of the car and begins to walk towards the school building. However, I don't let her get far before I run after her and grab her arm in order to stop her in her tracks.
"Yeah?" she asks as she quirks an eyebrow at me.
"We're still best friends though?" I double check with her, my worries finally spilling to surface.
"What?"
"I said we're-"
"No, I know what you said. I was just shocked you had to ask such a stupid question, Miss Academic Scholarship," Margot says before she turns back around and continues to walk towards the school building.
"So is that a yes or...." I attempt to confirm.
"It's a yes, dumbass," Margot calls back to me, not even bothering to turn around. A small smile slips onto my face as I watch her enter the school, disappearing from my line of vision.
I really lucked out with her.
The thought sends a chill down my spine because that thought is accompanied by another: the simple realization about how dire it is that I don't lose her.
As I follow Margot into the school and quickly catch up so that I'm only a few paces behind her, I can't help but wonder if this is one of those situations where the wrong choice feels like the right choice or the right choice feels like the wrong choice. If it is, I can't tell exactly which one.
As I trail behind Margot, it takes nearly everything in me to not run up beside her and grab her hand so that I can swing our arms back and forth as we walk in a cheesy manner that I just know would tick her off. Except she'd get over it quickly and end up sending a smile my way that just says: "I can't believe I made the conscious choice to put up with you." And I would respond by making a face at her, likely sticking out my tongue, as if to say: "You dug your grave, now lay in it."
Yet, as I walk through the hall, smiling at my acquaintances and smiling back at anyone who smiles at me, all doubts over my decision and what the alternative could've been disperse. I may not know all these kids well, but I wouldn't want them to stop sending smiles my way. I definitely wouldn't want to receive a frown or a look of disgust in its place.
So, when I eventually catch up to Margot, falling into step beside her, I don't grab her hand. I play the part of best friend instead. When she looks over at me, I send her a smile that I try to convince myself is real. I wanted this and she cares enough about me to go along with it, for my sake. The only issue is that I can't seem to tell if I'm letting her do this because I need it or simply because I want it, if there's a difference at all.
"You have a lot of friends," Margot points out as she notices me send small smiles to various people as we walk by. It breaks me out of my thoughts, given that the smiling is just something I was doing subconsciously. It nearly takes me a moment to come up with the reply that I know she's expecting.
"What can I say? You should be so blessed to have gotten to spend this time with me, given that I have so many other options,"
"So you're saying that I'm a special case to have received this time?" Margot asks me with a smirk.
"Well, you're actually more of a charity case. I take those on sometimes,"
"Aren't you ever the philanthropist,"
"Margot, please. It's still early. No big words before 10am, at least," I shake my head.
"Alright, Miss Academic Scholarship. You know, I'm starting to really doubt that placement test. Did they accidentally give you the copy with all the answers written on it?" Margot asks me.
"Believe it or not, Margot, some of us are just naturally gifted," I tell her with a shrug.
"Ok. So you definitely cheated,"
"Fuck you. I did not cheat,"
"I know. Messing with you is just part of my job requirement,"
"Really? I didn't see that in the terms and conditions,"
"It was in super fine print,"
I just roll my eyes at the girl before shaking my head. It's then that we both come to a stop in front of the doorway to our first hour.
"Margot, if this doesn't work for you, let me know,"
"What?"
"If this whole best friends here thing doesn't work.... let me know," I repeat myself.
"Why? You aiming to hire the best divorce attorney if it doesn't?" she asks me, raising an eyebrow.
"I can't have you walking away with all the money," I tell her with a shrug before moving to go inside. I'm stopped, however, as she grabs my arm and tugs me back around.
"I'll let you know. But right now, things might just need to be this way for you. I get it," Margot tells me as she lowers her voice to a more hushed tone.
As we enter the room, I just keep repeating those words over and over in my head in attempt to fully convince myself they're true. This is what I need right now.
————
"Ok. Bring it in," Coach Meghan yells at us as we all are still breathing heavily, trying to catch our breath after performing our hardest round.
"As you all know, this is your last week of practices before competition. Now, we already competed in the Catholic school leagues and did well, but this time you will be competing against more teams and I'd be lying if I told you that the competition wasn't going to be tough. But, you girls have worked so hard this season and if you come to practices for the rest of this week with the same attitude you brought today, then I don't see any reason why we shouldn't do well this weekend. Now, I don't know if your team captain has anything else to say...."
Coach Meghan and I make eye contact and my eyes widen slightly, not having prepared to say anything to my team but knowing I have a slight obligation to do so now. I clear my throat softly before looking around at my teammates hesitantly.
"As Coach already mentioned, we've been working towards this all season. We know these rounds backwards and forwards. I'm confident in this team and you guys should be too. So let's work hard for the rest of this week so we can leave it all out on the mat this weekend. Yeah?"
A chorus of "yeah"s echoes around me, causing for a small smile to slip onto my face.
"Wildcats on three! One, two, three!" I hear Tori yell from beside me.
"WILDCATS!" the team yells, the name of our school's mascot echoes around the gym before we all break into smiles due to clear excitement over what this week may bring. And after our coach gives final information about the competition and what exactly practice tomorrow will entail, we break off to go to the locker rooms, all exhausted from today but looking forward to putting that hard work into use this weekend.
"Hey, Cap. Wait up," Tori yells after me, causing me to stall for a moment which allows her to fall into step beside me.
"What's up?" I ask her, though I know predicting Tori's next move is nearly always an impossible thing to do.
"I just. I'm glad that you seem happier,"
"What?" I ask her, genuinely thrown off by her statement.
"I just noticed you were pretty out of it recently. And I don't know why, or.... I don't know what changed to make you feel better. But you seem better now. Maybe.... well, try to keep it that way?"
I nod slowly at Tori's words, still not entirely sure what to make of them. I could tell that she sensed something was off with me since everything went down with Ivy, but I wasn't completely sure until now.
"Thanks, Tor," I small smile slips onto my face as the reason why I've been so happy enters my mind, "I will surely try to keep it that way."
"Good. Because you being sad just worries Naomi, and I thought our goal was to annoy the girl,"
"Yeah.... how do you think she puts up with us again?" I ask Tori jokingly.
"I know you don't know this, but I give really good make up sex," Tori says with a wink before beginning to walk away.
"Tori.... I swear to god. I can't even tell if you're joking anymore. Dude!"
But Tori just keeps walking away, not even turning around to acknowledge me again.
"What was that about?" Naomi whispers to me as soon as Tori gets far enough away to be out of earshot.
"She, um, she said that she was happy I seemed happier," I tell Naomi.
"She was worried about you, Aspen,"
"What?"
"I know we both play like that girl's invincible. I mean, she practically is, but she was worried. As soon as we left your house for the dance, she asked me if I knew what was wrong with you,"
I stay silent, not exactly sure how to respond to Naomi's words.
"I didn't tell her anything, if that's what you're worried about-"
"No. I.... I just," I let out a sigh before shaking my head.
"Are you still worried about telling her?" Naomi asks me.
"Are you?" I counter, memories replaying of the times Nao convinced me my other best friend couldn't handle a secret.
"I don't think so. We.... I may have misjudged her a bit. Well, I think she can be trusted and I know she cares, but it's still your decision completely on whether you actually want to tell her and what exactly you want to tell her,"
I nod firmly at Naomi's words as we stand outside the locker room doors, not wanting to go in because it would mean the end of our conversation.
"You do seem happier though...." Naomi points out, changing the course of the conversation. I smile softly at her words as memories of Margot flash through my mind.
"I am happier," I confirm to her.
"Because she makes you happy," Naomi states.
"She's my girlfriend," I say quietly to my friend, realizing only after I say it out loud that it was the first time I was doing so, telling another person. Naomi smiles at my words before nodding.
"Good. I think you're good for each other. Don't overthink it," Naomi tells me before she turns on her heel to walk into the locker room.
"Naomi. Wait,"
The girl stops in her tracks as she turns to look at me, worry evident by her expression.
"Thank you," I tell her sincerely.
"I'm not sure what you're thanking me for," Naomi says with an air of finality before continuing to walk away. With a sigh, I follow after her into the locker room and pull my phone out of my cheer bag as soon as I stop in front of it, a habit that I've never cared enough to break.
Margot: Viv and I are going to get ice cream. Wanna meet us up there?
Me: Send the address.
Just like that, a smile spreads onto my face and Naomi's words echo in my mind. Don't overthink it.
————
"You made it!" Vivian yells excitedly as I step into the ice cream parlor. She then suddenly tackles me in a hug that I hesitantly return before the little girl pulls away but still decides to stand close beside me.
"You made it," Margot says with a smirk as she trails behind her cousin.
"Yeah. I did," I say with a small smile. As Margot leans back against the counter, we lock eyes and it suddenly feels like I can breathe again despite not remembering there ever being a struggle before.
"I got superman ice cream!" Vivian tells me excitedly as she breaks Margot and me out of our trance.
"I wasn't sure what you wanted, but I can always have them add something to the order if you wanted anything," Margot offers, but I shake my head in response.
"I'm good," I respond to her offer, though it's mostly a habit at this point from all the times I haven't wanted to seem overbearing or greedy.
"She comes to an ice cream shop.... and then doesn't get ice cream...." Margot teases me with a smirk on her lips.
"Oh f-," I glance down at Vivian who's staring back up at me with wide eyes, "Oh, for sure. I am just silly like that...."
"Silly Aspen," Vivian says with a giggle before Margot is called over to pay for the ice cream and Viv's attention is immediately refocused on obtaining her ultra important superman ice cream.
Before we even sit down at a small booth in the furthest corner of the shop, Vivian is already shoveling ice cream into her mouth, complaining every few seconds of a brain freeze which neither Margot nor I decide to show pity for.
"Dude. If you're gonna eat that fast then you're gonna get a brain freeze. I don't know what to tell you," Margot says before she takes another bite of her ice cream, plain chocolate, a decision that I'm seriously judging her for.
"You're one to talk," I jump into the conversation as I address the girl sitting beside me.
"What?" Margot asks, whipping her head to look at me.
"You probably have no problem eating slow. You got one of the most boring options you could've chosen,"
"Chocolate is a classic," Margot tries to defend herself.
"Classic is just another word for boring,"
Margot just lets out a sigh as she shakes her head.
"I'm not even sure why I choose to argue with you,"
"Because I'm always right," I say in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.
"Because you're so off that you create your own playing field," Margot counters.
"A playing field in which I always win. I see no issue here," I say with a shrug.
"You're insufferable,"
"Is that what first attracted you to me?" I ask innocently as I bat my eyelashes at her.
"Actually, it was your big as-"
"Child!" I say loudly so that I interrupt her, glancing over at Vivian who's so immersed in her ice cream that she's hardly paying attention to us.
"Your big aspirations and dreams in life. Geez, Aspen. What did you think I was going to say?" Margot asks me, amusement twinkling in her eyes.
"And you call me insufferable," I say with a huff.
"That's because you are," Margot points out.
"Margot. I need a napkin," Vivian says innocently from across the table as she holds out her sticky hands to show how they've been somehow covered in ice cream, despite her alleged use a spoon. Margot lets out a sigh as she stares at her hands with an air of disappointment before she gets up and walks across the shop to grab the napkins for her cousin. As soon as she turns around and begins to walk away, a mischievous smile spreads onto my face. I shush Vivian who's looking at me curiously before I grab Margot's ice cream and shovel a spoonful into my mouth.
Vivian almost instantly breaks my orders and bursts into giggles before I can even swallow the ice cream. It's the giggles that cause a look of confusion to be plastered on Margot's face as she slides back into the booth next to me and hands the napkins to Vivian.
"She took a bite of my ice cream. Didn't she, Viv?" Margot asks, completely nonchalant about the entire ordeal. Vivian nods eagerly with a smile on her face.
"Snitch," I hiss to her, despite also finding amusement in the little girl's honesty.
"Princesses don't lie," Vivian says resolutely as she vigorously wipes her hands off with the napkins she had just been given.
"Besides, I know you, Aspen. She didn't even have to answer for me to have figured it out," Margot tells me before she takes a bite of her ice cream.
"I'm not that predictable," I pout, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Oh. But you are. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you the one that said chocolate ice cream was boring?" Margot asks me, a smile threatening to break out on her lips.
"I did say that. But I never said it wasn't good," I explain to her with a shrug. Margot lets out a chuckle as she shakes her head at me. It's then that I feel her hand rest on top of mine. With a small smile, I turn my hand over so that I can lace my fingers with hers, causing my heart to flutter a bit.
"So Vivian, how was your day?" I ask the little girl who's shoveling the last drops of melted ice cream into her mouth. Her eyes widen in excitement at my question.
"Please don't get her started," Margot mumbles under her breath, but it's too late. I can only laugh softly at Margot's quiet groan as Vivian launches into a over dramatic story about how she became the supreme ruler of the playground at day care.
It only hits me in the middle of the story how much I want to stay in this moment. It's peaceful as I lean into Margot's side while she makes her best attempts to eat her ice cream with her non dominant hand, not wanting to let go of mine which she's holding under the table, while she slowly traces circles on the back of my hand with her thumb.