Only Fools - Chapter 41: Chapter 41

I've been to enough high school parties that I probably shouldn't be nervous for them anymore. They're all pretty similar anyways, especially after I've had a bit to drink. Maybe something notable happens that people can talk about the next day, but that only lasts until the next party happens and the next person gets wasted enough to do something much too stupid to even think of sober.
I've been to Ashley's house a few times before, all for cheer related reasons because I wouldn't even imagine entering the lair of that demon otherwise. This time isn't much different, a social obligation I'm bound to by being a part of the team. This one just involves more alcohol and more teenagers to drink said alcohol.
So maybe it's the fact that it's Ashley's party that makes me specifically nervous. Or maybe it's the general unknown that comes with every party. Or maybe it's a combination of a million other factors such as the number of people that are going to be there that expect me to be outgoing and friendly, and the decision on whether I'm actually going to drink or not tonight and how that could cost me either way.
Or maybe it's the fact that the girl sitting next to me is going to have to see me so organically within this situation and still like me afterwards, after seeing how fake I can truly be.
"Are you sure you actually want to go to this?" Margot asks me, successfully breaking me from my thoughts.
"I mean, Ashley invited us. So why not?"
"We don't like Ashley," Margot quickly offers as an excuse.
"That is correct, but Ashley isn't supposed to know that we don't like Ashley," I point out, almost trying to set a disclaimer out in the open now about how I'm going to act as soon as we step through those doors.
"That's too complicated. If you don't like someone then stay away from them. Then they can't bother you anymore,"
"And that, love, is why some people think you're polarizing,"
"Love?"
"I'm obsessed with a British boy band. You're gonna get that sometimes," I explain.
"Alright, love. Anyways, they can think what they want to think because at least I don't have to deal with this kind of situation," Margot says with a shrug.
"Free booze is free booze," I respond to her.
"And annoying people are annoying people," Margot mimics me.
"Yes. But the alcohol lessens their effect. It's a trick I learned,"
"I thought you were trying to stop drinking? Was that something I just made up?"
"It's funny you think I could hang out at Ashley's house sober,"
Margot gives me a look to which I let out a sigh and shake my head.
"Ivy was always the one who wanted me to stay sober," I remind her. Just mentioning Ivy puts a frown on my face that I quickly try to hide, knowing that I should probably be over her not being at the competition already.
"So she's the only one who can worry about you?" Margot questions me.
"No. I mean, she's not here now so-"
"Aspen. I don't want to make decisions for you because that's not my place. And while I'm proud of you for cutting back on drinking lately and support that, I'll also be there for you if you end up drinking because I'm planning on staying sober. Ok?"
As Margot finishes, I'm not exactly sure how to respond.
"Um, yeah. Ok," I manage to get out before I snap my attention back down to my hands. Margot doesn't say anything else as she turns off the car and gets out before walking around to open my door for me, successfully breaking me out of the slight trance I fell into due to her words.
"You getting out or what?" she asks me as she raises her eyebrows. I scoff at her words and shake my head.
"To think. I thought you were being sweet by opening the door for me,"
"To think. I thought I was being sweet by agreeing to come to this party with you,"
"Touché," I say as I use her extended hand to help pull myself out of the car. Our hands stay interlocked as we walk up to the door, but fall away from each other as soon as we walk inside.
"Aspen! You made it. And your friend, um, Madelyn," Ashley says in a sickly sweet voice as she opens the door.
"Margot," my girlfriend corrects in a tone that perfectly demonstrates how little fucks she gives.
"Right," Ashley says with a wavering smile.
"Yeah. Thanks for inviting me and congratulations to us on our win," I respond with a smile, trying to draw her attention away from Margot who looks about ready to pummel the girl.
"Yeah. It wasn't first place, but hey, maybe our team captain can lead us there next time," Ashley remarks with a laugh.
"I'll sure try," I reply, not at all missing the backhandedness of her comment, implying that blame for the team not placing first today rests on my shoulders.
"Well, I'm sure you have other people to greet, so we'll be on our way," I say to Ashley before she can say anything else that will genuinely result in her receiving a slap across the face.
"Yeah. I do. I'll see you later though?"
"Hopefully," Unfortunately.
I just smile and give Ashley a little wave before guiding Margot away from her.
"You might want to work on looking less like you're going to punch her any second if you intend on staying here for the next couple hours," I whisper to Margot as we weave through the crowds of people.
"She's such a bitch,"
"So you smile to her face and talk shit behind her back," I say with a shrug. Margot gives me a look to which I shake my head.
"No. Don't give me that. She talks shit to my face and behind my back. Believe me when I say I'm the lesser of two evils,"
"I just wasn't expecting you to say that," Margot explains with a shrug.
"You act like I'm innocent or something," I scoff as Margot and I find a wall to lean against side by side.
"Says the girl who still sleeps with a stuffed goose,"
"Says the girl who's probably jealous of that stuffed goose,"
"And if I am?"
As her words register in my mind, my cheeks immediately go pink as a result, leaving me trying to find my words as I chuckle nervously.
"Can I, uh, get back to you in, uh, three to five business days on that one?" I manage to get out as I try not to look at the girl standing beside me.
However, as I continue to look down, Margot turns to face me and leans in so that she closes most of the distance between us, her lips nearly touching my ear, resulting for a chill to run down my spine.
"And if I wanted same day delivery? What kind of.... payment would you accept?" Margot whispers, causing my stomach to flip.
"I'm gonna go find Tori and Naomi now," I say awkwardly after clearing my throat before I push myself off of the wall and begin to walk away, "But my luck is that they'll be making out in a bathroom somewhere."
"They together or something?" Margot asks me as she begins to follow in tow.
"I.... am not sure...." I reply before I finally spot one of the two leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping on the Coke in her hand.
"A rare sight. Tori Torres not drinking at a party," I declare as I approach the dark haired girl who just gives me a confused look before her eyes widen in some type of realization.
"Oh. Yeah. You weren't at Matt's party! Anyways, I got extremely wasted and Nao basically banned me from drinking for a while," Tori explains with a shrug.
"Damn. What did you do?" I ask her incredulously.
"According to Naomi, I 'stole my keys from her and drove around the block'.... Which, in my defense, I did so without any issues," Tori attempts to defend actions.
"Wow," I simply say, thoroughly shocked by her statement as worried thoughts begin to seep into my mind.
"Yep," Tori says before taking another drink of her Coke.
"And you're actually listening to her?" I check, displaying my shock (and hope) as I nod my head over to the Coke can in her hand.
"Fuck no," Tori says as she lets out a bitter laugh, "I dumped the pop out half way and mixed it with alcohol when Naomi wasn't paying attention."
"Ok. Give me one good reason I shouldn't tell her you did that," I counter.
"Come on! You're not the mom friend! You're supposed to support me on this!" Tori whines, clearly already slightly tipsy.
"And? You thought it was ok to drive drunk. Maybe she's right,"
"It's only a little bit of vodka!" Tori exclaims as she motions to her cup.
"Excuse me?" Naomi's voice resounds from behind me. As I whip around, I come to face the blonde girl who has her eyes locked on Tori with a glare that's challenging her to repeat what she just said.
"Nothing. Just enjoying this can of pop...." Tori says slowly as she looks down at the drink in her hand.
"Mhm," Naomi replies before holding her hand out expectantly. With a sigh, Tori hands it over before sending Nao a glare.
"You can glare at me all you want as long as you don't have alcohol in your hands," Naomi tells her with a shrug.
"You're not my mom," Tori huffs as she crosses her arms over her chest.
"Yeah. And I'm also not telling your mom that you got behind the wheel drunk. So me worrying like this is the price you pay," Naomi quips back. As Tori rolls her eyes at her, I quietly tap Margot's shoulder before slipping my hand into hers and pulling her away, with realization from their fight hitting me and with the knowledge that Naomi is better equipped to handle the situation anyways.
"Are you ok?" Margot whispers to me as I lead her into an empty hallway.
"Was I that bad?" I ask as I look back helplessly in the direction we just came from.
"Does it really matter?" Margot asks me softly.
"Just. I didn't realize...."
"What?" she asks as she runs a hand gently through my hair.
"Naomi looked so sad...." I trail off as my eyes begin to well with tears of guilt, though the tears never actually escape because, in the back of my mind, I'm still aware of where I'm at.
Margot just lets out a sigh as she pulls me into a hug.
"I'm happy I'm done with that," I say quietly into Margot's shoulder.
"I am too," she responds as she hugs me tighter. As I pull away from her, I give her a half hearted smile which she returns.
However, as I suddenly hear footsteps approaching, I change it to look like one that's more real as a basketball player I've talked to a couple times before walks by, giving me a nod and returned smile as he passes.
As I turn back to Margot, I instantly take in the look on her face, her eyebrows furrowed together as her lips draw into a pout, a cross between confusion and concern. I tilt my head at her to question it, but she just shakes her head in dismissal.
"Shouldn't the team captain be out there celebrating her win?" Margot asks me as she gives me a playful nudge. I roll my eyes at her but lead her out of the hallway nonetheless, plastering a smile onto my face as soon as the rest of the party comes into view.
After socializing for a while, I fall back onto the couch, throughly exhausted. My cheeks ache from smiling. Margot sits down beside me seconds later and gives me a half hearted smile in an attempt to remind me that she's at least trying to understand.
"You didn't have to stay with me that whole time," I say quietly as I stare straight ahead into the crowds of people and watch as mostly nervous teens try to act like they're actually having the time of their lives. It's all a show.
"I know," Margot responds.
"I was just talking to a bunch of people I either barely know or don't actually like," I shrug.
"I know," Margot repeats herself before looking at me with a smile while I can't, for the life of me, figure out what exactly she's smiling about.
"Shit," Margot hisses quietly as the smile instantly vanishes from her face.
Before I can even ask her what's up, she grabs my hand and tugs me off of the couch and through crowds of people until we end up in the nearest bathroom. I nearly scoff as soon as she closes and locks the door behind us.
"The bathroom is just your go to place in times of high school party crisis?" I joke as I reference one of our first interactions with each other. Margot rolls her eyes at my comment, but the smile that's attempting to break out onto her face in undeniable.
"I'm pretty sure you pulled this move first," Margot recalls, trying to play along but I can read her well enough to know that whatever went wrong out in the living room is still bothering her.
"What's up?" I ask her as I squeeze her hand that's still connected to mine.
"Sorry. It was so dumb,"
"Shut up. You always tell me not to apologize about my feelings, which means it's illegal for you too. Fucking hypocrite,"
My words put a small smile on my girlfriend's face before she shakes her head and it vanishes again. Her hand falls away from mine.
"My ex girlfriend is here and.... we didn't end on the best of terms," Margot explains to me ever so bluntly.
"What?" I ask, completely caught off guard by the statement. And despite how casually Margot phrased it, it causes for my heart to get caught in my throat as I'm reminded of how short of a time Margot and I have actually known each other. There's so much I still don't know about the girl standing in front of me and the fact both excites me and terrifies me because it seems like everything she tells me only makes me like her more, and yet with each reason she gives me to like her more, I'm simultaneously plagued with another reason for why she shouldn't like me, for why I don't deserve her.
"We dated end of sophomore year and beginning of junior year, and there isn't much of a story to it besides it didn't work out. I broke up with her because I thought we drifted away. When I was with her, I just didn't get the same feeling of attraction that I had before, and I didn't want to lead her on," Margot says with a shrug.
I don't say anything out loud, but Margot's words terrify me. I'd heard of people breaking up for similar reasons. Hell, 60% of those stories were told by Tori alone. However, something about the story coming out of Margot's mouth makes it so much more real and so much more possible for it to happen to me.
I guess that's the scariest part of starting to like someone so much. They aren't required to always like you back.
"So are we just hunkering down here?" I ask her as I force a lopsided smile onto my face.
"You don't have to stay with me," Margot tells me in a tone much time serious for my liking.
"And pass up the opportunity to spend such quality time with my girlfriend?" I exclaim as a real smile slips onto my face, wanting nothing more than to put one on Margot's too.
"Oh yeah. This cramped bathroom is a great place to spend quality time together," Margot says sarcastically, the stress from the near encounter still slightly affecting her.
"That's so crazy because that was exactly what I was thinking! It's like we could finish each other's...."
"Sentences?" Margot offers.
"I was going for sandwiches, but that could work to," I joke, finally managing to put a genuine smile on my girlfriend's face as she rolls her eyes at me.
"Frozen reference?"
"It appalls me that you even have to double check," I say with a dramatic gasp as my hand flies over my chest.
"Dumbass," Margot scoffs.
"Smartass," I return as I tilt my head so that our eyes lock.
Margot's eyes trail down to my lips, and I barely have time to open my mouth to say anything else before she takes a step forward and crashes her lips onto mine, sending me back into the wall behind me. Her hands find their way to cup my cheeks before slowly sliding down the side of my face and neck until she pulls them away from me and instead presses them onto the wall on either side of me.
I deepen the kiss as I tangle my fingers in her hair, pulling her closer to me so that our bodies are flush against each other. The kiss is eager as we each make moves to pull each other closer, attempts to make the kiss last longer. Eventually, my fingers fall away from her hair and trail down so that my hands wrap around her waist before I flip her around, pushing her back into the wall and causing for her to let out a moan in the process that makes my stomach flip.
I smile into the kiss before I begin to trail soft kisses down her neck. A sigh escapes her lips. However, it's quickly ended once someone pounds on the bathroom door, making my stomach drop as I quickly pull away from her.
After staring at the door for a few moments, I let out a short sigh before turning my focus back to Margot, whose swollen lips and messed up hair is one of the most attractive things I've ever seen.
"Well. That was one way to spend quality time together," I state, still slightly out of breath and a little bit flushed.
"Wasn't too bad," Margot adds with a smirk as she flips us back around so that my back is against the wall. I roll my eyes and flip the girl in front of me off which only makes her smile wider.
Almost instantly, I smile back at her as butterflies erupt in my stomach. I hope that her smile always makes me feel this way.
If I was an artist then I can't imagine how much time I would devote to getting her smile just right. I'd have to perfect the way that her smile lines crease into her skin to then greet her actual lips which I don't think I could possibly say enough about. The swollen lips that I love kissing so much stretch out into the most beautiful shape as they're accompanied by teeth that are nearly straight, but not quite so as the front two curve inwards just slightly. You wouldn't even notice such a thing unless you payed close attention.
However, before I can obsess anymore over the stunning girl in front of me, a knock resounds yet again on the bathroom door.
"Is it so bad that I don't want to go back out there?" I inquire quietly as I lean forward and bury my face in Margot's neck. She chuckles softly as her arms wrap around me and give me a reassuring squeeze.
And yet, before my girlfriend can respond, a knock pounds on the bathroom door yet again, causing us to groan as we break fully apart from each other and then finally exit the small bathroom so that some drunk teen can run in, hardly even paying attention to the two of us at all.
"Aspen! Margot!" Naomi's voice resounds from further down the hallway. My head snaps up to see her and Tori walking towards us. Naomi glances between Margot and I for a moment before a smirk appears on her face that I can't help but roll my eyes at.
"Aspen, you can see yourself out," Tori waves me off in an over dramatic British accent.
"Excuse me?" I demand as I raise my eyebrows at the two of them. Naomi smacks Tori upside the head which elicits a small yelp from the girl.
"Sorry about her. She just.... Says what she wants," Naomi explains with a pointed glare at Tori, "We just wanted to steal Margot for a little bit to get to know her better."
"You good with that?" I ask Margot softly.
"Yeah. Of course," she states, her sentence stopping slightly short at the end as if she was going to add on another word but decided against it last minute.
"I will just.... Wait in the living room then. See you in two shakes of a lamb's tail?" I say as my eyes flicker between my two best friends and my girlfriend. Margot rolls her eyes as Naomi and Tori nod in response which prompts me to turn on my heel and begin to walk away, but not without sending a look back to them after just a couple steps to find all three of them with smiles on their faces.
Margot turns around in the moment to catch my stare, but it only lasts a second as she gives me a nod of affirmation before turning her focus back to my two best friends as they walk away together.
"Aspen! Play never have I ever with us!" Ashley calls out to me, as soon as I step foot into the living room, from her spot on the couch surrounded by several other members of the cheer team.
I look around myself anxiously, searching for something, anything, to get me out of playing this damn game. But after a few seconds, I give up and just accept defeat as I plaster a small smile onto my face and walk over to where the group is seated.
There are six girls in total, including me, and only two of them are people that I could genuinely enjoy playing this game with. So I sit on the floor in between those two girls, my front spot Britney and a junior on the team who's actually pretty chill, Willow. Ashley stays on the couch directly across from me, accompanied by her two closest friends that are nearly as bad as she is, Gabby and Kirsten.
"Alright. I'm sure everyone knows the rules. We go around and make a "never have I ever" statement. If you have, take a drink. If you have never, you're spared for that round," Ashley says wickedly, "And let's all make sure we tell the truth because we're all friends here."
Ashley turns to lock eyes with me for a moment before she turns her attention back to Gabby who's sitting beside her, whispering something in her ear.
But I barely pay attention to the two of them as my brain is repeating what Ashley said over and over again, fully realizing that if I play this, there's no way I'm staying sober tonight.
When Ashley places a cup filled with the alcohol of her choice in front of me and everyone else sitting in the misshapen circle, my mind is made over what I'm going to do.
"Actually, I'm not sure if I'm gonna play this one," I confess, trying to make my words sound as if they're dripping with regret. Most of the group just shrugs as they nod in response, not caring all that much one way or the other, but as soon as my eyes lock on Ashley, I know she's going to give me shit for it.
"Got something to hide, Grayson?" Ashley challenges me with an evil glint in her eyes.
"No. I just...." I trail off, not exactly sure which excuse would work best when it comes to Ashley. So much of the shit I've done in the past would contradict any excuse and she wouldn't hesitate to bring that up. I could tell her the truth about not wanting to drink, but she would just use how much I drank in the past as an excuse to rope me in and play the same party persona I have been for years. Then she would more pointedly claim that I have something to hide. Which wouldn't bother me normally, but I do technically have something to hide. So I just let out a sigh and stay where I'm at.
"Good. I guess we're all playing," Ashley says clapping her hands together, "Aspen will start."
"Never have I ever dyed my hair," I offer, a quick and easy one to get out of the way. Ashley and Britney easily take a drink from their cups.
"Never have I ever kissed anyone," Willow says shyly from beside me, and I take a drink without hesitation along with everyone else playing. This prompt has been something I've been drinking for even before I had my first kiss.
The alcohol isn't anything heavy like vodka, but it still causes for there to be a pit in my stomach from the simple fact that I allowed myself to consume it.
It's something fruity, a sort of seltzer that only makes sense for Ashley to prefer. I can almost feel it hit the bottom of my stomach, and I can't help but to think that drinking like this wouldn't have been a big deal before. And I guess that was the problem.
"Never have I ever thrown up on someone," Kirsten offers with a giggle, clearly already tipsy. I honestly take a drink this time, remembering full well the incident in junior year that Naomi and I now opt to not talk about.
"Never have I ever dated more than one person at the same time," Gabby says, causing for Ashley to slap her on the shoulder before taking a drink. I just roll my eyes.
"Never have I ever had a crush on my best friend," Ashley says with a smirk as her eyes flicker over to me. A chill runs down my spine, but I try not to let it show as I silently take a drink along with Willow, whose cheeks are tinged pink beside me.
"Seriously, guys?" Kirsten asks us with a laugh, always having been the girl that loves knowing who has a crush on who just for the fun of it.
I shrug in response.
"You guys know I went to homecoming with Dustin," I say with an attempt at a shy smile, hoping that me saying something will help make sure Willow can stay silent.
"Oh my goodness! And I saw him at the competition today!" Kirsten says excitedly as if she's piecing together a long unsolved crime.
"Yeah, well, I used to like him. But I'm pretty sure we decided that we'd be better off as friends," I tell her as I cast my gaze downwards into the cup held in the palm of my hand. I can practically see all of Kirsten's interest die once I look back at her, only truly invested in current and future relationships rather than ones that have ended.
We all go silent for a few moments before Britney clears her throat to turn everyone's attention back to her so that we can begin the game again.
We continue on for a while, and Ashley shockingly doesn't say anything that would be considered too intrusive or fixated on me specifically. I, however, do end up going through two more entire drinks as I take sips for most of the things that I've actually done. And some of the things that they need to think I've done.
For me, this game has never been about truth as much as it's been about saving my ass. I learned it my very first time playing it. Whatever's said in the game doesn't stay specifically in the game. Certain questions need to be answered certain ways, so I do that despite usually feeling like a piece of shit for doing so when I know others are playing far more honestly.
By the time it's Ashley's turn yet again, the evil glint has returned to her eyes, and I'm far more tipsy than I have been for the past few rounds.
"Never have I ever.... kissed a girl,"
Her words cause for me to freeze completely as my heart begins to pound against my chest. Ashley just continues to stare at me, her eyes flicking between mine and the cup in my hand. Holy fuck.
Does she actually know?
Questions over what exactly Ashley knows about me keep me trapped inside my own head.
And as I remain frozen, not daring to move, each second silently crushes me. Even if Margot's not here at the moment, each second that I don't take the drink and tell the truth is another second that I'm completely denying our relationship. And yet this is still the action I need to take right now, something I know so clearly, even when intoxicated, just because of the sight of the girl sitting across from me.
Her knowing this about me would be the quickest route to change everything. Her knowing this about me would guarantee that the entire school knows too, and there is no way she would ever spread it as a positive thing.
"No one?" Ashley asks as she glances around the group, her eyes stopping on me for a second longer than everyone else. Everyone else just shrugs or shakes their heads in response, most likely telling the truth.
"Alright. Well-"
"Aspen!"
I almost burst into tears when I hear her voice, so overwhelmed by the past few minutes.
"Mary!" Ashley says in fake excitement as soon as she sees Margot standing behind me.
"It's Margot," my girlfriend says bluntly as she helps me off of the ground. I wobble slightly, but she manages to hold me steady in the process.
"You should play with us! It was just getting good," Ashley insists.
"I'm good. Aspen and I were just going to head out,"
"Together?" Ashley asks us in mocked innocence.
"Yeah. Is there a rule against driving your best friend home?" Margot inquires with a quirked eyebrow. Ashley just huffs quietly before shaking her head.
"See you at school then, Aspen," Ashley says in a friendly tone that is far out of character.
"Yeah.... See you there," I respond before I let Margot's arm that she slipped around my shoulders guide me out of the house that I'm beginning to regret ever having gone in.
"I'm sorry you had to see me like that," I blurt out as soon as we both get into the car.
"I've seen you tipsy before, Aspen," Margot states as she pulls away from the curb and begins the drive.
"No. Well, yes, that too. But I'm sorry you had to see me so.... fake," I explain as I cringe slightly at my words.
"What do you mean?" she asks softly.
"You saw me around them. I'm not myself, and I know it. I mean. I fucking hate them, but still act like they're my friends....? Who does that?"
"A person who needs to maintain peace as the captain of the cheer team," Margot offers.
"That isn't an excuse I did it before then," I say as I throw my hands up in exasperation.
"Well, I couldn't in a million years do what you do,"
"Because you're a better person I guess," I scoff as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Brutal honesty hurts people too," Margot says quietly. I go silent for a minute, turning what she said over and over in my mind. After what she told me today, I know exactly what she's referring to, but part of me still wishes that I could be that brutally honest and unapologetic. Or at least, be that way around everyone and not just the people I feel somewhat safe with.
"So I guess we're just two extremes. I'm a liar and you're.... fucking Pinocchio or something," I declare.
"Again.... Maybe admitting to being such a liar to the person you're in a relationship with.... Not a good thing,"
"You wouldn't break up with me," I say confidently, the alcohol clearly taking some sort of effect.
"Why wouldn't I?" Margot challenges me.
"I don't know. You just wouldn't,"
"If this was a test, you would not get full points for that answer," Margot chides me.
"If you were grading it then I would," I say under my breath but just loud enough for her to hear me.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know what it means," I say with a dramatic wink.
"Aspen. I-"
"Shh. Draw four card,"
"That your new thing?" Margot chuckles.
"I declare the new topic to be.... countdown until we can make out again. Starting now with five minutes on the clock,"
"Because we're five minutes away from your house," Margot says in a deadpanned tone.
"As soon as this car is parked, I'm diving into the backseat," I tell her confidently.
"Dumbass," my girlfriend says as she shakes her head at me. And for whatever reason, just that moment causes for my eyes to lock on her and genuinely take in how gorgeous she is. Her eyes are locked on the road ahead, completing the mundane task of driving and yet she still manages to take my breath away. And as much as I wanted to keep the uglier parts of myself hidden away from her, when I'm around her it's too easy to let them rise to the surface. And she way she looks at me still hasn't changed. This girl is so beautiful inside and out and I am so fucking lucky to have her.
"Smartass," I say in response, a smile breaking onto my face.