Only Fools - Chapter 42: Chapter 42

"No. Because in class, when she was explaining it, it made sense. Now...."
"It all just disappeared from your brain?" Margot finishes.
"You know me so well," I tease the girl sitting across from me at the table as I send her a wink.
"Back to derivatives," Margot announces with a small smile threatening to spill onto her lips. I let out a groan as I let my head fall down onto the opened notebook set in front of me.
"We're talking about natural logs," Margot reminds me, resulting in yet another groan as I shake my head, forehead in constant contact with the notebook paper.
"The formula you need to know is that the derivative of ln u equals u prime divided by u," Margot continues on despite my unwillingness to actually work.
"Where the fuck did the u come from....?" I ask slowly as I finally lift my head back up.
"It's just a variable. For the formula," Margot explains calmly as she continues to write down practice problems for me.
"And why do I have to do this?"
"It's part of the calculus curriculum,"
"But why are derivatives a thing?"
"Remember learning about limits?"
"No," I say in a rather deadpanned and completely honest tone. Margot lets out a sigh at my words.
"....you do know there's a final right?"
"Shit. Might as well fail me now," I say as I throw my hands up in exasperation.
"You have an A in the class, Aspen," Margot says flatly.
"Yeah. But I'm this close to slipping off the edge," I say as I mime just how little with my thumb and pointer finger, "and once that happens, then it's completely hopeless. F."
"How about we keep studying so you don't have to get to that point?" Margot offers.
"Or.... We could quit now and just make out," I provide a counter offer as I wiggle my eyebrows at her.
"What if math's a turn on for me?" Margot challenges me as she raises her eyebrows.
"Is reciting the multiplication table worth anything? I could probably go up to ten," I offer as I stand up and take a step over to her before setting myself down on her lap.
"Unfortunately, you would have to go up to twelve," Margot says as I adjust myself so that my legs are on either side of her, straddling her lap.
"Well, shit. But since I'm already here...." I say increasingly quiet with every word as I lean forward so that our noses are nearly touching. Margot smirks before raising her head up so that her lips almost graze my ear, sending chills down my spine.
"Since you're already here.... You'll have to use my notebook to write down the problems instead. It's closer," she whispers in the most seductive tone she can manage without breaking and ending up laughing.
I groan as I pull away from her and lean my back against the table, not quite ready to get off of her yet.
"Can we at least take a short break? No quitting. Just.... Break?" I bargain with my girlfriend as I attempt to give her my best puppy dog eyes.
"And do what?" she questions, her eyes darkening slightly.
"That train already left the station, dude,"
"And yet you're still sitting on my lap," Margot counters.
"Being on your lap means nothing. I'm on people's laps all the time,"
"That was an attempt to make me jealous," she points out.
"That was a fact," I respond as I jab my pointer finger at her chest.
"Alright. So you wouldn't mind me pointing out the fact that you're not the only girl that I've had sit on my lap?" Margot asks as she tilts her head, feigning innocence.
"Don't do that," I say as a pout forms on my lips, and a pit forms in my stomach.
"That was a fact," Margot says as she mimics the way I pointed to her just seconds ago.
"Fuck you," I say under my breath.
"I thought you said that train had passed?"
"You owe me ice cream now," I say with a huff as I force myself off of her lap.
"How do you figure?"
"The emotional distress you just caused me warrants it. Just feel lucky that I'm not in the mood to sue right now. You'd get your ass served to you on a silver platter,"
"Would I?" my girlfriend asks, amusement clear by her tone.
"Yes. Now get your ass up. This window of opportunity is only so large.... That's what she said," I crack up a little at my own joke as Margot pushes herself out of her chair.
"That barely made sense,"
"The 'barely' part is unimportant. It worked,"
"Barely,"
"Shh. You love my humor. You're practically wiggling on the floor laughing,"
"I think the correct phrase is rolling on the floor...."
"You see, I'd argue that it's actually more of a wiggling motion-"
"Ok. Let's go," Margot cracks as she interrupts my explanation.
"Fuck yeah!" I yell in response as I do a fist pump.
————
"This isn't where we normally go," I eye Margot suspiciously as she pulls into a parking spot at the very front of the shop.
"It just opened. Thought we'd try it," Margot says with a shrug.
"Suspicious," I state.
"How?"
"Just is," I say narrowing my eyes at her.
"Whatever, dumbass. Let's go in," she says with a small chuckle, not even allowing me to respond before she gets out of the car and begins walking, just assuming I'll follow her, which I do (pretty quickly).
A small bell at the top of the door rings as we step inside, and the hum of the ice cream coolers instantly greets my ears. My eyes widen as they land upon all of the colorful flavors of ice cream displayed in front of me, and a smile slips onto my face before I can even try to prevent it.
"So I made a good choice?" Margot asks me, and I just know there's smirk on her face even if I don't pull my eyes off of the ice cream in order to see it.
"Shut up," I say quietly as I continue to take in all the flavors, suddenly becoming slightly overwhelmed by the decisions.
"Hello, how can I help you today?" a hesitant yet friendly voice resounds from behind the counter, one that I recognize but can't quite place.
Aviator glasses. Jet black hair. Blue eyes. Freckles.
Fuck. This is gonna be embarrassing if she remembers me and I don't remember her.
However, "Margot, hi!" is the next thing out of her mouth, leaving me standing there in pure confusion as I turn around to look at my girlfriend.
"You work here?" Margot clearly just says the first thing that comes to mind, giving me enough time to glance at her name tag. Nick. Fuck. Margot, help me out here.
"I, uh, just started actually," Nick says with a sheepish smile.
"Well, you remember Aspen," Margot brings me into the topic as she motions my way. I nearly glare at her. What would she remember me from? Fucking useless girlfriend.... At least she's pretty.
But then it clicks. Old friend who had a crush on her Nick. Nick from the cheer competition Nick. Crisis averted.
"Yeah. The cheerleader friend, right?" Nick recalls.
Girlfriend, I correct. But only in my mind.
"Yeah.... Hi, nice to see you again," I offer awkwardly as I begin to shift my weight from one foot to the other as my eyes try to meet hers, but end up finding the menu behind her instead.
"Nice to see you again too," Nick returns as she seems to have the same problem completely meeting my eyes, "So, what can I get for you two?"
"Just a scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cup," Margot orders. I openly cringe at her order as I shake my head.
"No. Because, respectfully, they have all these flavor options, and you decide that you're going to get the same basic flavor you always get," I snap out of any anxiety being around Nick was providing, realizing my obligation to give Margot a hard time for this.
"Because I like it," Margot states.
"That's too bad. Because you're actually not allowed to get chocolate ice cream past...." I take a moment to check the time on my phone, "8:57pm."
"That time exactly?" Margot asks, slightly amused.
"Yes, and crazily enough, it's 8:58pm right now, so you just missed it," I tell her as I attempt to simulate a tone filled with regret.
"And I'm sure Nick will confirm that," Margot tries to challenge me.
"Of course she will," I say as I turn to look at Nick, the expression on my face just daring her to not back me up. See what happens.
"She's right. No chocolate ice cream after 8:57pm," Nick states as she wiggles her pointer finger in the air, her words oddly spaced out.
"I've known you for years and yet you side with the girl you just met," Margot narrows her eyes at the old friend in front of her.
"Did you see the crazy eyes she gave me?" Nick exclaims as she laughs nervously.
"I have no clue what she's talking about," I tell my girlfriend as I keep the straightest face possible.
"I'm sure," Margot says with a scoff.
"Fine. The rule can be broken, but Margot, I just want you to know that I was only trying to protect you,"
"From what?"
"Yourself," I say dramatically as I quickly turn away from her before turning to look at Nick, "Anyways, I'll take a scoop of the blue raspberry in a.... ooh a waffle bowl."
"That's one of my favorite flavors!" Nick tells me as she taps away on the register.
"Wow, Margot. Someone with taste," I notify my girlfriend. Nick just smiles at me before she moves away to prepare the ice cream that we ordered.
"I'm the one buying your ice cream, so I suggest you shut up," Margot says to me as she raises her eyebrows.
"Shit. I take it all back. Chocolate ice cream isn't basic at all. I have no clue what I was talking about. Did I mention how exquisite you look today, ravishing one could even say,"
"I can't win with you," Margot groans.
"I have no clue what you mean by that," I say before reaching out and giving her hand a quick squeeze then letting it drop back down by her side.
"Alright. Your total is $5.51," Nick notifies us as she hands us our ice cream. Margot silently pays for the both of us before I lead us to a table in the corner of the store.
As soon as I sit down, I take a bite of my ice cream and let out a moan as my taste buds practically rejoice before my eyes fall on Margot who's sitting across from me with her eyebrows raised and a smirk on her lips.
"No," I simply say as my brain computes what she's smirking at.
Margot just shakes her head before she leans closer to me until her lips are practically brushing against my ear.
"You act as if I haven't made that exact sound come out of your mouth,"
As she pulls away, I just offer her a deadpanned stare.
"You see, I gave you the chance to make that happen earlier, but now the ice cream's doing it instead," I tell her after taking another bite. I raise my eyebrows at her before slowly licking off the back of the spoon. Margot just stares at me in disbelief, not even having touched her ice cream yet.
"Maybe we should invite Nick over here. Seems like a slow day," I offer innocently as I watch the girl pace behind the counter as she stares at her feet.
"What game are you playing?" Margot narrows her eyes at me.
"Nick looks bored so I'm inviting her over? I wasn't aware that was a game,"
Margot just shrugs in response before she finally begins to eat her ice cream.
"Hey, Nick. Come sit with us," I call over to the girl with a small friendly smile.
"Oh, um, sure," Nick says happily before she steps out from behind the counter to join us, "it's, well, it's always pretty slow in the winter."
"Crazy that people wouldn't want something cold to eat during the coldest time of the year," I say sarcastically in response as I shake my head.
"Crazy!" Nick agrees with a smile as she jokingly rolls her eyes as if to prove my point even further.
"So, Nick, tell me about yourself," I jump to what I truly want to hear, resulting in confused looks from both Margot and Nick.
"Me?" Nick double checks.
"Yeah. Tell me about yourself," I repeat before taking another bite of my ice cream. Nick laughs nervously as her eyes roam around the small ice cream shop.
"Oh! Well, let's see.... shoot what do you want to know?" Nick asks quietly as she seemingly can't decide on a response.
"Interests? Background? What makes you.... you?" I offer to her, earning another confused look from Margot. Though, I'm not entirely sure the original confusion Margot displayed had ever truly been wiped from her face.
"Well, I've lived here my whole life, so nothing interesting there.... I have two younger siblings who are absolute freaks, not in a weird way. They're just annoying," Nick laughs to herself, "I absolutely love cartoons and definitely think Megamind is like the best movie ever-"
"It's so good!" I interrupt her, too excited about our shared interest in the kid's animated film.
"Literally iconic," Nick says as she nods her head resolutely.
"Ok. That settles it. We're best friends now," I declare before taking another bite of my ice cream.
"Of course we are," Nick confirms with a smile.
"Alright. Well, what else can you tell me about yourself, new best friend?"
"Well, I'm the head of the GSA at my school.... My girlfriend helps me run it. She was- I was at the competition to support her.... I think I told you that," Nick reveals, her eyes brightening slightly as she mentions her girlfriend.
"Yeah. What was her name?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation flowing.
"Jasmine," Nick says with a smile, "We've been together for over a year now."
"Wow. And you haven't gotten tired of each other yet?" I joke, clearly recognizing how whipped she is for the girl. Nick laughs softly at my question before shaking her head.
"Now I can't speak for her, but I think I'm pretty lucky to have found her," Nick gushes.
"Mar-"
Margot is pretty lucky to have found me. The sentence never fully escapes my lips. I glance over at my girlfriend to find her already looking my way, knowing full well what just happened.
"What?" Nick asks, clearly confused as to why I stopped so suddenly.
"Sorry. I totally lost where that sentence was going," I lie easily with a chuckle as I shift in my seat.
"That happens to me all the time!" Nick relates to me, not even noticing any change in demeanor.
"Hey, Nick. Remember that time-" Margot takes over the conversation for me as I allow myself to zone out, not even hearing the rest of Margot's sentence but instead just vaguely comprehending the drone of their voices beside me.
What the fuck is wrong with me? This girl is literally gay herself. She runs the GSA with her girlfriend. She won't care that I like girls. Fuck, she'd probably take that as an opportunity to talk more about her girlfriend so we could "trade stories".
I glance over at Margot who's wearing a small smile on her face as her eyes remain set on her old friend who's rather animatedly telling a story.
She's such a good listener. It's one of my favorite things about her.
I have a lot of favorite things about her already, not that I've been actively taking note of them or anything. Yet it would be a crime to say how much I like the way she listens and not recognize how amazing it is when she talks about something she's passionate about. One of my favorite things is the way she talks about her art. A smile always reaches her lips whether consciously or not. She used to not be able to reach my eyes, always looking at the floor or the piece she was working on, clearly too humble for her own good. Now, when she talks about it, she almost always allows her gaze to reach my eyes.
That's probably my favorite part of her talking about her art. Her eyes get really wide, and after a few seconds, she just can't keep them locked on mine anymore because they get too distracted as she jumps from idea to idea and from concept to concept. Her eyes always find their way back to mine though, a sort of check up. Then I get to see how wide they are again and how they're filled with excitement and.... pride.
She deserves to have someone talk about her like she talks about her art. She deserves for me to be able to tell someone how amazing she is and to describe the way her eyes light up. It shouldn't just remain in my head. Yes, I can tell Naomi, but she's only one person. I should be able to share this with more than one person.
She deserves for me to be able to tell anyone.... but hopefully one more person will do for now.
"Margot's my girlfriend actually," I blurt out awkwardly to Nick before I can stop myself. As soon as the words leave my lips, a part of me wants to take them back. Margot's eyes widen as she turns to look at me, but they're only filled with shock, a clear difference from what they look like when she talks about her art. Nick abruptly stops talking, making me feel guilty because I didn't realize she was still in the middle of a story.
As silence hangs in the air, the part of me that wishes I didn't speak up begins to grow. But then, Nick begins to smile. Margot's eyes tell a different story as pride starts to join the expression of shock.
"Really?" Nick asks, her voice raising with excitement as she glances back and forth between the two of us. I go completely still, that is until Margot's hand reaches mine under the table and pulls it into her lap. As she gives my hand a squeeze, I let out a sigh and nod in response.
"Yeah. It's still kind of new but...." I trail off, not sure how to end the sentence. It doesn't matter though, given that Nick is seemingly thoroughly delighted either way.
"You guys are so cute. We have to go on a double date sometime," Nick offers excitedly as she claps her hands together.
"Yeah. For sure," I say hesitantly as I smile at her.
"Well, Margot can give you my number or she can just text me whenever. This is so exciting!"
"Yeah. For sure," I repeat myself, given that I'm still not sure exactly how to respond to all of this.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Margot asks me quietly as she gives my hand another squeeze.
"Oh, um, yeah," I say as I look down at the table.
"Sorry, we were studying before this so...."
"No need to explain. I actually have a job I need to get back to, believe it or not," Nick says as she waves her hand in a dismissing motion.
"Talk to you later?" Margot offers as we all get up from our seats.
"Yes! Definitely. Bye, guys," Nick says as she resumes her position behind the counter.
"Bye," I say quietly as Margot offers a silent wave in response.
I stare straight down at my feet as we exit the small ice cream shop and walk back to the car. Everything went well and I still have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me.
I try to focus on the sound of our steps crunching in the snow and the feeling of the cold winter air whipping against my cheeks. I try to get myself back into a better mood so that I can actually enjoy the time I'm spending with my girlfriend.
And yet we both sit in silence for the first six minutes of the car ride.
"Is now I good time to tell you I've never seen Megamind?" Margot asks me, finally breaking the silence.
"No. You're fucking with me," I say quietly as I continue to stare out the window, my tone of voice not completely matching the words leaving my lips.
"Nope. I don't even have the slightest clue on what it's about,"
"No,"
"Yeah," Margot confirms before smiling over at me.
"Shit. What kind of childhood did you have?" I ask, feeling slightly better as I begin to joke around with the girl, glad that she can always make me feel.... normal again.
"A good one.... I thought," she defends herself with a shrug.
"No. Because you're like an actually ok person. How did you do that without such a staple for childhood development?" I question her, getting back into our usual rhythm.
"Perseverance?" Margot offers.
I stop for a moment as if I'm debating her answer.
"Must've been," I confirm with a solemn nod, biting my lip to prevent the smile that's threatening to slip out.
"You know...." Margot trails off as she sighs.
"What?"
"It's dumb," Margot dismisses.
"Nope. Don't pull that shit with me. Say what you were gonna say,"
Margot lets out another sigh before she shakes her head.
"I thought you were trying to make me jealous in there at first," she finishes.
"What do you mean?" I inquire as my eyebrows furrow together.
"You just kind of started grilling her,"
"And it's so bad that I wanted to get to know her?"
"It's just...."
"I was trying to make a new friend, Margot," I calmly state as I soften my tone.
"You get me to take you out for ice cream and it seemed like you were planning on sitting there and talking to a girl the entire time that just wasn't me," Margot expresses as she keeps her eyes focused on the road ahead.
"I wasn't,"
"Ok,"
"Ok?"
"Ok. You say you weren't, so I believe you. I'm the one who read it weird, which I figured I did but.... there was still part of me that was insecure maybe?" Margot reveals hesitantly.
"Fuck," I mutter quietly as I shake my head.
"What?" Margot asks me as she quickly shoots me a confused look.
"It's just.... She really is super great, Margot,"
"What do you-"
"She is literally one of the sweetest people I've ever met. She's beautiful. She's smart,"
"You're all of those things," Margot insists softly.
"I send mixed signals that make you think I'm trying to make you jealous and play with your emotions. I start random fights in the middle of the ice cream shop over fucking flavors just for the fun of it,"
"You keep things interesting,"
"I made you feel insecure," I deadpan as I stare over at her.
"I'm gonna have insecurities with or without you. I'm human,"
"But I made you feel that way!" I emphasize.
"And what? Nick wouldn't?" Margot challenges.
"She's so fucking sweet, Mar,"
"Yeah? Did you know that in middle school, she was the first person I showed what I thought was my best painting at the time, and she told me it was ok? Or that the year after that I got an awful haircut and she teased me about it until Raider snapped and told her to shut the fuck up? Or that she's just naturally smarter than me and would say she did bad on a test before casually telling me about the grade that was clearly higher than mine?"
I stay silent as I continue to stare at Margot.
"You tease me for choosing what I already know to be a basic flavor of ice cream," Margot states.
"Which is annoying," I huff as I cross my hands over my chest.
"Which is slightly annoying, but I put up with it because I like you so much," Margot admits with a sly smile.
"I just.... Don't completely understand why I'm with you when you could've been with her?" I reveal hesitantly to the girl next to me. Margot let's out a sigh as she lets the question hang in the air for a few moments.
"I'm not even sure I can put into words why exactly I want to be with you, but I do know you're one of my favorite people to be around. You're funny and smart as hell.... Just not in calculus or, well, common sense-"
"Ha ha," I interrupt as I give the girl a glare.
"You're mad because I'm right,"
"Whatever. Tell me everything else that's amazing about me,"
"That was it actually. Not a long list,"
"Liar. You were gonna keep going," I hold her to the topic.
"Well, then I'd have to say humility for sure," Margot says before chuckling softly, "And.... You're fucking ambitious when you want to be, not to mention one of the most beautiful girls.... You say she's great, but she can't begin to compare to you in my mind," Margot finishes. I stare at Margot for a few moments as butterflies erupt in my stomach.
"Ditto," I conclude unceremoniously, needing to lighten the mood and allow myself time to genuinely form a respond given that she nearly rendered me speechless, not an easy feat.
"Get out," Margot demands as she bites her lip, likely trying to stop herself from smiling.
"The car is still moving," I reply.
"Tuck and roll," she shrugs.
"But I thought you liked me 'so much'? I thought I was one of the most beautiful girls? You wouldn't want me to jump out of this moving vehicle and hurt my pretty!"
Margot just responds by pressing the button to unlock the car door.
"Margot, you said you're insecure, but as One Direction would say, I 'don't know what for'. I could actually carry on with the song because you definitely turn heads when you walk through the door,"
"Moving speech," Margot says sarcastically.
"Shut the fuck up and let me finish. I'm not good at saying sappy stuff out loud because I'd much rather just joke about it, but you make me want to be. I mean, you always have a way of making me feel like myself. Every time we talk, it just feels so natural. I don't have to try with you, and it's one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. You're smart in every way, math and common sense included. And you seriously do turn heads when you walk through the door. You turn my head every time at least because each time I look at you I feel like I can find something different to appreciate. I can barely collect my thoughts right now because you give me butterflies like you wouldn't believe and-"
I'm cut off as the car makes a sharp turn into an empty parking lot before it stops completely so that Margot can actually turn to face me.
"That was pretty damn sappy," she states as she reaches out a cups my cheek in her hand before pulling us closer together.
"Yeah? Well, you went there first," I point out.
"If I have to remind you why I like you again, just tell me. Stop comparing yourself to others that could never even measure up to you,"
"And if you're insecure, tell me. I'll just play 'What Makes You Beautiful' next time. It should get the point across," I add with a smirk.
My girlfriend just rolls her eyes at me before pulling me in for a kiss and officially pushing any other thoughts out of my brain as I can only focus on her lips on mine. But as I begin to smile in the kiss, a smile appears on her face as well.
So we're left with our foreheads pressed together, just smiling like fucking idiots.
"I'm fucking proud of you, Aspen," Margot whispers to me.
"Why? Is my kissing improving? I already assumed I was kind of a master so-"
"You told Nick about us,"
"I mean, she was kind of easy though. She's gay herself and, well, runs the fucking GSA at her school. Which, it's probably important to mention she goes to a different school...." I ramble on.
"It doesn't matter. Even if you think you know for sure someone is going to accept you, coming out to them can be scary. You're trying,"
"Yeah, but-"
Margot cuts me off as she presses another kiss to my lips which I instantly melt into, never quite able to get used to the sensation of her lips on mine. I hope it always feels like this.