Played like a Guitar - Chapter 14: Chapter 14

After stepping foot outside, we were greeted anew by the burning sun rays, perfect for the occasion and a pre-summer tan as a bonus for those who weren't fully dressed like we were. Following its path, the Tiber's flow brought the city to life in an effortless and majestic way, and the symbolic stone pines graced the sidewalks with their unique umbrella shape. Jamie's conscious remained in the museum, however, as his mind was still clouded and preoccupied with everything we've encountered inside. He's more of an over-thinker than I was initially led to believe but who am I to judge him out of all people. Must have been quite the experience, an artist himself, to have been exposed to so many brilliant and bizarre ideas expressed various shapes and sizes, all packed in one place.
"Sorry, I'm still a bit overwhelmed from the museum. The paintings left a huge mark on me, especially the grave one. Do you know that feeling when you finish reading an incredible book, or watching an outstanding movie? It moves you so deeply, you can't stop reflecting on it." - he explained enthusiastically, and I nodded in agreement. "Also, I promise I'll do my best to stay focused, it's the very least I could do for the time and effort you've spared into making this short visit an absolute blast. By the way, do consider studying tourism in case sociology doesn't work out. Just saying." - he smirked.
Oh, I'm fully aware of that feeling O'Dea. I didn't mind the silence, really. It was the time limit combined with the pressure of leaving a great impression on him that bothered me most. In fact, I wouldn't mind walking besides him for hours without saying a word, but since our encounters tend to happen on a yearly basis, I'd rather speak up instead and milk every second for its worth. After a good twenty minute walk, I caught a glimpse of a place Leo wanted to show me for a long time now but never had the chance to. A famous zoo, designed to make the animals as comfortable as possible, all while attempting to make the cages authentic to their preferred natural settings. He claimed it was the ideal place for animal lovers like myself, and since his parents worked there as vets, he had access to it even after closing hours. I'm not sure if it's Jamie's cup of tea though...and I did kind of promise Leo I'd go with him.
"Look over there, a zoo! I haven't been to one in ages. Wanna check it out?" - the adult twelve-year-old boy asked. Just my luck, great. I turned my phone on, checking the time, hoping it would be closed by now. Before I could convince him to go elsewhere, he jogged towards the entrance to ask the security guard about the closing hours, gesturing me to come over once he received a positive answer.
"Jamie, we don't have..." – but he ran over to my side and grabbed me by the hand, forcing me to the entrance. Feeling his warm and gentle touch again (firm and sweaty grip but who cares) made my brain evaporate. What was the problem again? Never mind.
Although the entrance fees were overpriced, I was blown away by the well-deserved attention and care the animals were treated with. Cages were blocked so visitors couldn't disturb or feed them, with each containing sets of speakers playing wildlife sounds alongside grass patches, trees, sand, or ponds depending on the species. With these ideal conditions, they could easily host animals from all corners of the world, from penguins, bears, hyenas, to crocodiles, pandas, and kangaroos. That explained the ticket price, I suppose, and why Leo's family was rolling in money.
But still, a zoo is far from a natural habitat. A cage is a cage, and I felt remorse every time I would visit one. They spent most, if not their entire lives, trapped behind bars, unaware of how vast and dynamic life could've been had they not been captured or born there. Spending years in one small area, walking around aimlessly, waiting for lunch time. Their only purpose was to be observed by us filthy humans for the sake of their short-lived entertainment. We move on with our lives, but the animals stay there indefinitely in most cases.
Regardless, the diverse creatures seemed content within these walls: well nourished, groomed and taken care of by the employees. The birds had enough space to spread their magnificent wings and fly around, the safari animals had small ponds and tree shades to cool off from the artificial heat. The more hyperactive species like the monkeys and hyenas were given plenty of obstacles, toys, branches and swings to keep them (and the visitors) entertained.
We stopped in front of the main attraction: a huge lion cage, with cute little cubs playing with each other fiercely while their parents watched over them peacefully. The precise reason why I wanted to avoid this place came true, feeling my heart beat through my chest, tears popping out steadily. Memories of an older zoo resurfaced from when I was younger, bringing back the haunting image of a dangerously skinny lion, trapped alone inside a cage only twice its size. Children were throwing food and litter inside the tiny space, people took pictures with flash and made fun of it, while flies and mosquitoes feasted on what little blood and flesh the lion had left. Easily mistaken as dead, the so-called king of the jungle laid on its side, not even twitching or blinking to hint that it was alive. Like a moth getting trapped inside a cobweb, it lost all hope and desire to live. It regretted being born in the first place, wondering why all these people were staring at it all day, where they went outside those mystical doors once they got bored and what on Earth did it do to deserve it. That blank face will forever stay carved inside my mind, bringing tears to my eyes whenever I'd remember it, this time included. Watching the energetic cubs wander around, climbing trees and chasing each other in contrast to the poor lion filled my heart with grief. How could it not? They were all victims of circumstance, their lives predetermined by human decisions.
"Noah, what happened?" - he noticed me holding one hand over my mouth, failing to control the sobs and tears. It took me a while to calm down, but he pulled me in for a hug, placing my head against his shoulder, cuddling my hair at a slow pace. We sat down on a nearby bench so I could cry my heart out comfortably. Once I collected myself, I explained my sudden reaction and why zoos negatively impacted me despite my true love for wildlife. His compassionate look and genuine empathy eased up some of the pain and frustration I felt.
"It's just so unfair. Sure, their life span and survival rate can't be compared with their relatives from the outside world, but at least they make their own choices and follow their primitive instincts! I don't know, maybe I'm just an oversensitive, whiny bitch and they have zero self-awareness about their lives, but it doesn't change the way I feel." - I paused for a second, blowing my nose loudly with a tissue. "I wish they were kept here only while injured, and then released into the merciless and dangerous wild where they belong!" It took me a while to finish that sentence, as I was sobbing between every second word, filled with embarrassment. Crying in front of others made me feel weak and vulnerable. I debriefed him the painful childhood memory, which he listened to attentively.
"I understand your point of view, but look at how happy they are! Of course all zoo animals don't receive the same treatment everywhere but can we at least appreciate the amount of effort that went into building this one? If you feel uncomfortable, we can always leave. I'm sorry I pressured you into coming here, I should have asked if you were up for it first." I had no energy to tell him he had nothing to do with it, I just needed someone to squeeze the life out of me with a hug. The bewitching cologne from his neck triggered every dopamine receptor in my body. Cherry on top, a familiar voice called my name unexpectedly, ruining our sweet moment.
"Noah! Are you okay? What's going on?" It was none other than Leo, with his younger brother hiding behind him. His worried face analyzed Jamie head to toe, before sitting next to me.
"Leo, hey! I didn't think you'd be here so late." - I tried hiding my teary eyes, but there was no point. He looked at me like I was a victim of harassment. "It's nothing really, just get super emotional around animals, that's all. No need to worry, I'll be fine, just need to breathe in for a few seconds." The two observed each other aggressively, making matters even worse. I wiped my tears against my cardigan, to properly introduce them as they seemed eager to know more about each other.
"Jamie, this is my best friend Leo. Leo, this is Jamie...an old friend of mine." It took me a while to figure out how to label our relationship, but it was the closest thing I could come up with. Maybe 'a guy I've seen like three times in my life, who's engaged and with whom I might be tremendously in love with even if he doesn't feel the same way' would've been more fitting, not sure. The two shook hands so firmly, I could almost hear their bones crack. Their unconvincing "pleasure to meet you" and "likewise" created a lump inside my throat.
"So, you're not enjoying the zoo so far, Noey? I was planning on showing you my parent's office here next week, like we said we would, but my little bro begged me to see the new reptile exhibit. It's fine though, you two must be busy. I'll see you around in class, enjoy the rest of it." - he seemed awfully quick to dismiss himself. Why was he playing the jealous game? He must have created an association between the two of us that night, after viewing Jamie's name on that poster and my unanticipated reaction. I told him to wait for me, so I could catch up and apologize for breaking my promise.
"Listen, I owe you an apology. I know we made plans..."
"It's all good, no hard feelings. I just wish you told me about him sooner, I thought we could be honest with each other. Look, we can talk more about this on Monday, okay? No need to stress yourself out now." No answer came to mind since he was right about everything. We were friends and I kept this from him, thinking it would ruin our relationship. I'll make it up to him, I have to. Looking after me these past months, bringing so much laughter and joy into my life, but I was too blinded by my obsession with Jamie that I didn't realize how left out he felt in comparison. Not having the courage to say anything, scared that my voice might crack, I mumbled quietly: "He...he's a very special person to me, and he's leaving tomorrow so I wanted us to have a great time and..." - but my voice gave up, overtaken by oppressive emotions.
"Hey, come here." - he got a hold of my shoulders, looking me straight in the eyes. "You don't need to explain yourself to me now, I can see you two have a thing going on and I would be honored to help you realize it. That's what friends are for, right? Listen, the museum is closing in fifteen minutes, have you visited the aquarium section yet?" I shook my head, wiping the tears off with the tissue he gave me.
"Okay, perfect. I'll go to my mom's office to grab her spare keys, so you two can have the place all for yourself. Just give me a few minutes, alright?" - he turned towards a restricted area reserved for employees, not giving me enough time to thank him properly for the favor. What would I do without him? Returning to Jamie, he pretended to read some facts about cobras, as if nothing happened.
"Hey, sorry about that, it was really embarrassing and uncomfortable. Let's move on to the aquarium, we can stay a bit after it closes." - but before I could leave, he pulled me back towards him.
"Don't apologize for feeling, ever again. It's what makes you human, what makes you stand out from the crowd. I've never seen anyone show so much love and care for animals. I really look up to you, Noah. Or should I call you Noey now?" - his jealousy spoke for him.
"No, it's how Leo calls me. He's a really nice guy, you know. I'm sure you two would get along well. Him and I have some catching up to do, that's all."
"Maybe we'll get to hang out one day, all together." - he said optimistically, but I had a hard time imagining it. Thankfully, it wasn't sarcastic, and I was able to breathe once again. I'll sort everything out with him later. I have to. The backdoor entrance to the aquarium was unlocked by Leo from the other side, allowing us to pass through unnoticed.
"According to my estimations, you have roughly fifteen minutes so make the best out of them. My brother and I will distract our parents in the meantime. Have fun you two!" - he said before closing the door shut behind us.
It was a long corridor with tremendous water tanks on both sides, unveiling what seemed to be every single aquatic species there is, showing off all colors of the spectrum. Just when I thought it couldn't get any more spectacular, the lights in the corridor went off unexpectedly, marking the official closing time of the museum, leaving us painted in the dark blue luminescence emerging from the aquarium. Thank you, Leo, I won't forget this.
"At least these animals are treated well, right?" - Jamie gave me an insecure look, scared that his words may trigger my earlier feelings to come back.
"This place is an animal paradise, there's no denying it. Look at them..." I could stare at the fish tanks for hours and there would still be new species to admire. Some floated around in groups, others circled the coral reefs aimlessly. I heard Jamie sighing behind, sitting against the glass of the right aquarium, showing clear signs of exhaustion. I smirked and did the same on the opposite side, feeling the burn in my legs after standing for hours now. So much for being fit.
"I always wondered how their primal minds function. Do they see us as some form of superior beings, or are they just here for the food? Take dogs for example, wiggling their tails happily while their owner are talking to them even if they don't understand a single word being said. Do they wonder why they're so small and unable to respond to our alien language?" - I asked him as if he were a dog whisperer or animal expert.
"They don't have a sense of time like we do, since they are genetically programmed to survive and reproduce. If wiggling a tail helps them get food, they will surely continue doing so. But yeah, I used to imagine myself from an animal's perspective all the time when I was a kid." The blue in his blue eye became, well, bluer. I could see the fishies swimming inside it.
"I know, right? Imagine being a centipede, how gigantic the world must be when you're so tiny, not to mention moving more than a hundred pair of legs simultaneously! Or having eight eyeballs, feathered wings, gills...it gets weirder and weirder the more you think about it."
"Speaking of animals, you never told me you had pets before." - he remarked, sounding almost offended.
"That's because I never really did. My mother despised pets, and couldn't stand cleaning after them. The only animal contact I had was with my father's parrot. Shortly before he went back to Greece, my parents left me at home all by myself so I took the opportunity to set it free since they never let me touch it while they were around. However, silly little Noah didn't realize there was an open window in the living room, so you can figure out the rest of the story. I was traumatized for weeks when my mother told me he couldn't survive a day out there all alone, despite my dad trying to sugarcoat the story so that I wouldn't feel guilty. To this day, I'm convinced she left the window on purpose, knowing I'd open the cage. They usually kept it on a shelf too high for me to reach in the kitchen, but somehow that particular night it was on the kitchen table. She despised its annoying squawks and whistles. No wonder my father left. Hopefully, once I have my own place and a stable job, I can get some easy maintenance pets, with huge cages and lots of toys for them to entertain themselves while I'm away."
"Jesus, you were only seven. How did you turn out to be so kind, raised by a miniature Hitler?" - he laughed. "Anyways, this story reminds of my grandpa's house in an Irish province not far from Galway, where he kept horses, sheep, pigs and other farm animals. They promised Malory a pony for her sixth birthday, and since they never got me one, I decided to give it a ride before she arrived there with my parents. I put on my cowboy hat and boots, sneaked into the barn with our bearded collie and rode the pony to a nearby forest. I don't remember all the details, but I drained all the poor fella's energy, so it tripped over a branch and injured its slim leg. I had no choice but to leave it there since we were far away from the farm house, and I pretended I had zero clue as to where it was when my grandparents interrogated me. Malory was devastated when they told her about her present's disappearance, crying all day so I finally gave in and told them the truth. Luckily, the dog found it while we were searching for it in the woods, barely alive though. My grandma patched it up, the horse healed soon after and I was grounded for a month. Also, Malory didn't talk to me for weeks. Fun story, really. Good times." - he picked at the necklace, an emblem of their bond.
"Well, that explains why you're so messed up now. First you dump her on the street, then you murder her horse on her birthday? Poor pony, I feel so sorry that Malory has such a jealously deranged brother. You still haven't changed in that aspect either, by the way." - I looked sideways, hoping he would ignore the last remark.
"Woah, woah, hold up. What's that supposed to mean?" I pointed to a random fish above his head, which in this case was a winsome clownfish as a form of distraction. I was hoping to avoid discussing our current relationship, as that conversation may shatter my body into tiny unrecoverable pieces. Fortunately, the aquatic creature was so adorable that he couldn't resist checking it out. I knew deep down he wasn't that stupid, just pretending to be for my own sake. Let's leave it for later once the inevitable moment arrives, the one where we go our separate ways. The only difference is he will continue living his dream life, whereas I'll end up just like last time, sobbing in bed for a month. "You found him!" - he uttered, and I rolled my eyes at the obvious Disney animated movie reference.
"Let's check out what's at the end before we leave. Race ya there!" - he crawled his way towards the swimming pools before breaking out into a sprint, his immaturity striking me once again.
"That's not fair, you had a head start!" - I ran as fast as my lazy legs could carry me, activating muscles that were numb for months (or years). If he wants to play dirty, two can play that game. I tripped over and fell, grabbing my knee and fake grunting in pain. Oh no, how silly of me. He instantly stopped, jogging back towards me, asking if I was okay. I pointed to the part where I was "bruised", but before he could pull my jeans up to check the wound, I pushed him back with all force, causing him to land on his back.
"Sike!" – I took advantage of the confusion to secure my win in this extremely competitive match he invented where losing was not an option. Looking back to see his face, I was awarded with a graceful scene of him slipping while trying to get up, causing me to burst of laughter and land on my knees (for real this time) right in front of the imaginary finish line, unable to breathe.
"Touché." – he confessed, judging me secretly for the little stunt I pulled on him. He offered his hand, lifting me back up on my feet as if I were a feather. At least someone used their gym membership pass.
Purple lights bloomed over the pools containing some adorably plump seals, rejoicing in their nightly swim. A small marble bridge laid over it in the middle, painted blue on the outside and white on the walking area. We observed them curiously from above, their shiny black eyes, long whiskers, and flapping arms. Listening to the satisfying sound of water splashing and burbling, we let silence prevail for a change.
"I used to sleep with a seal plushy when I was five or six to prevent all the monsters and ghosts hiding under my bed from kidnapping me. Surprisingly, it actually worked! It made all the silhouettes in the dark disappear, almost like a shield against everything negative in this world. I want a real one now..." - I squealed, dying inside from the cuteness overload.
Although they had a tough opponent tonight, they will always be my absolute favorite. He placed his arms flat against the railing, the purple light reflecting off the pool onto his bedazzling features. On second thought, Jamie gets the golden medal. I dived deep down into my imagination, longing to grab his hands and pull him in for a passionate kiss, but the everlasting tension roamed the air, resembling two identical magnet poles repelling each other away. His hands in my hair, his marks all over my skin, his teeth biting my lips. Oh, the images that were going through my mind in that moment.
"Remember, you asked for this, imbecile." - the inner voice murmured. I suppressed it quickly, too busy imagining all the (im)possible romantic scenarios that could happen, had the circumstances been different.
"I used to talk to it before going to bed, as a way of lashing out all my thoughts and frustrations. It's funny, I remember promising it we would stay friends forever, that I wouldn't forget about it like all the other kids do eventually when they grow up, and yet I have no idea where it is right now. For all I know, mum got rid of the toy as soon as I stopped sleeping with it."
"She didn't like you talking to your plushy?" - he asked judgmentally. I don't think this guy would get along well with her, maybe it's best if they never meet.
"No, she kept hiding it from me, claiming that she gave it to some baby who needed it more than I did. I would flip the house upside down just to find it, since I didn't have any siblings to play with instead, or throw in the garbage." - I winked at him, remembering his silly story. "Then one day, her wish came true and I donated most of my stuff to an orphanage nearby, but I'm not sure if I kept it, I'll check it out when I come back."
"Maybe that seal is busy fighting off someone else's demons as we're speaking." - he comforted my material loss.
"Yeah, I'd like to think that." - I smiled. The mere image of a little kid hugging the toy sparkled up my insides. "Isn't it crazy how you might go somewhere or meet someone extraordinary, not knowing it would be your last time? I was convinced that seal would sleep next to me forever, unaware that the night before the donation would be our last. When I graduated from high school, it might have been the last time I saw some of the same familiar faces I've attended classes with for years. For all I know, the dinner I had with my grandparents before I left Greece could've been our last one. It's scary, really, the more you think about it..."
"Stop being so morbid all the time, Squidward! If that's another one of your issues, then I recommend you live every day like it's your last, as cliché as that sounds." Although my first reaction was to defend myself, the comparison to the animated squid was uncanny.
"What if this is our last night together, and we don't know it?" - I gulped.
"It might be, but I have this gut feeling telling me otherwise. It's like no matter where we are, we'll somehow end up running into each other, you know? If your nightmares come back, I'll make sure to bring a sword and shield with me just in case so don't you worry." - he winked with a smile worth posting on every toothpaste advertisement out there, his heartfelt words piercing through my heart with such ease.
"Aw, how sweet. Now if you're done with your little act, let's get out of here! I need a drink (or ten)." There's no way l could deal with these profound emotions sober. Knowing perfectly well it would make matters even worse, we returned the keys to Leo, heading off to our next destination: a short cruise down the Tiber.