Played like a Guitar - Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Choosing the ideal ride proved to be a challenge, considering our options consisted of a fairly cheap and modest boat with no cover, a classic red and white double-decker packed with tourists, and a fancy vintage floating restaurant with a mini bar. We argued over them like an old married couple deciding which house to buy and I was clearly more entertained than he was. Wishing to treat me yet again for keeping him company, he insisted on the third luxurious ride. As much as his generosity and need to spend money on trivial things drove me crazy, my curiosity for what lavish commodities laid inside was far superior. Plus, I wanted this to be a night both of us would remember, no matter what happens after his regrettable departure tomorrow.
La Sorellina's interior featured raisin-colored leather seats, sleek wooden tables, and a large patterned royal carpet to finish off the prestige appearance. The minibar looked stolen straight from a Great Gatsby mansion with lights showing off the collection of exclusive bottles the sophisticatedly dressed barista had to offer. She immediately served us sparkling water, surprising me with her outstanding English pronunciation. It was clear as day that the freckled ginger and I were foreigners, so she didn't even bother checking if we were locals.
"What brings you two here?" - she asked, showing off her crystal white teeth and cute dimples. I gave her a brief summary of everything we're planning to do as she seemed actually interested. She didn't recognize who Jamie was, to my surprise. Even though I was aware that he was far from an A-star Hollywood celebrity, I expected people stopping us at every corner to ask for pictures and autographs. Maybe he wasn't as international as I was led to believe, they were a band on the rise after all. While engaging in casual chit-chat, she served us an assortment of scrumptious cheese bites as appetizers. Switching back to Jamie once I was done conversing with her, I noticed him looking around aimlessly with a dull look on his face.
"Aw, is the famous musician not receiving the attention that his oh so many talents deserve?" - I pinched his left cheek, feeling like we've reached the stage where minor physical contact is socially acceptable. Before I even finished my sentence, he gave her an almost threatening look, observing her shaking us a Daiquiri and Piña Colada. Yeesh! He really is the jealous type.
"What? No! I was simply...checking out the interior decorations." - he lied, almost choking on his own words, causing his freckled cheeks to blush instantly. Boys will be boys. Still can't believe he is older than me. He acts like a Doctor of Philosophy at one point, and then transforms into an immature kindergartner. Not sure which one I loved more.
Throughout our most random conversations, I continuously wondered about his engagement with The-One-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, since he avoided revealing pretty much anything concerning their relationship. How can a famous couple be so secretive? He was busy telling me a funny story to notice me drifting off for a bit. This was supposed to be a special period for their relationship: living together, planning their marriage, tightening their bond yet he never seemed to mention her. Then I remembered the question his fan asked at the book tour.
"You mentioned Valentina working on her first fashion collection earlier. How's it going?" - I asked while swirling my drink, setting foot into forbidden ground. His expression changed rapidly, from joyful to rather nervous as we switched topics from an embarrassing fail that happened on stage during their tour, onto his controversial soon-to-be wife.
"Oh yeah, about that." - he cleared his throat. It sounded like I almost reminded him of her existence. "She's finishing up some final touches before sending it to this high-end fashion show in Paris, among other famous designers. Her family have high expectations for her, since they pretty much financed all the necessary materials, photo shoots, and runway models. She's nervous as hell, but thrilled to share her creations with the world. Just like any artist, really." - he smiled faintly. The next question came up naturally.
"How on Earth do you get to see each other? You with your constant tours and her working all the time, it's impressive you've made it this far." - I drank to that conclusion, but he seemed lost in thought again. "Kudos, seriously. It's rare nowadays for long distance couples to last this long." After several glasses, my mouth was operating faster than my brain, and I kinda liked it. In fact, I felt like causing a bit of drama just for the thrill of it.
"Thanks, I guess." - he seemed puzzled on whether or not I was being ironic. His current posture and body language opposed the ones from the museum greatly. He resembled an old drunk with an arched back and empty gaze fixed onto the whirling pool he created in his drink. "Our careers are peaking now, so we've mutually agreed to focus on making names of ourselves and improving in our fields of choice first until we're able to settle down." - he sipped on his drink before shifting his attention back to me. Taking into consideration her not-so-modest family heritage, she doesn't need to be successful to settle down. Perhaps Mr. Delgado set a limit to her generous allowance?
"What about you, though? How come you haven't found anyone so far?" - he was more than happy to redirect the conversation on to me, and I almost spit my drink all over the barista. "Oh come on! There must be someone you like. What about that Leo guy? He seems like your type." - he flashed his eyebrows in quick succession. Oh, it's on O'Dea, you asked for it.
"Leo's a great guy, I'm so glad I met him! He's funny, kind, generous, smart and has the prettiest smile out there! Maybe there is something between us, who knows?" - I glanced towards him in a slightly provocative way, and it worked like a charm. "What do you know about my type, anyways?" - I turned the tables again. Got you now, sucker! He ordered an ice bucket, giving him enough time to figure out a plausible answer to my question. I can wait all day O'Dea, no problem.
"I've no clue, actually. You two just looked cute together, that's all." Disappointed and unconvinced. "What is your type, then?" - his devious smirk wanted me to describe him in front of his very own eyes. Not gonna happen. But something struck me that instance - he didn't know about my sexuality. Now or never, I guess.
"Depends, I usually prefer guys with a good sense of humor, protective, kind-hearted, with a bit of mystery behind them. For girls, it's another story. Crazy but gentle, confident and understanding, someone I can count on for an amazing time, go wild, who can drag me out of my comfort zone." He looked surprised, not sure if I was saying what he thought I was. "So yeah...I'm queer." - I added shyly, confirming his beliefs. It's a very vulnerable moment, coming out to someone, sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings like that. I had a very limited set of people who knew, but I felt like he deserved to be one of them. And for the first time ever, it came up so naturally! There was no debate inside my head, it felt like telling him how old I was or what shoe size I wore. There was no way on Earth I could have shared this so easily with my parents.
"Oh, wow, I didn't know. How was that whole experience while growing up?" Although clearly surprised, he gave me a supportive smile, happy that I chose to share this with him. He was trying to play it cool for my sake, but was definitely processing it in the back of his head.
"Well, it took me a long time to admit it to myself, but I was attracted to all people, regardless of their gender. Obviously, my parents know nothing of it. We're on bad terms already so I can't risk making matters even worse. However, an incident happened years ago where I got drunk and made out with a friend of mine. It was my first same-sex experience, but after rumors started circling around that we hooked up, I suppressed that side of me until college started. I don't know if you remember, but back in Thess, that girl who came with me to your concert was actually my girlfriend, not just a girl...friend. And before her I was also in a relationship with a guy back in Manchester, but we broke it off before I went to college."
"Okay, I see...Well, I'm sorry you had to go through that nightmare, but at least you're finally able to breathe now! I've met a lot of queer folks back in Ireland and I can safely say that they feel comfortable being themselves there. It's important for this community to know you can do whatever you want with your partner, without having second thoughts whether someone will judge or discriminate you for your preferences." A brief silence followed, during which he traveled back in time to put some puzzle pieces back together. "Wait, so you're telling me you were in a relationship the last time we saw each other?" Yeah, about that...I may not have thought things trough after all. Great, now he'll see me as a lying, cheating piece of shit that I am.
"We broke up after that night, I couldn't look at her the same way without feeling guilty. I still don't regret what happened Jamie, it was a fun night for both of us, even if it ended on godawful terms." - I admitted boldly, true to my words.
"Hold up. You broke up with her because of the incident? Are you crazy!? It was just an accident!" No, quite the opposite my beloved. I may have had a few drinks, but I was fully conscious and aware of my decisions.
"I don't expect you to understand, Jamie. That night was...magical! I felt so many things at once: excitement, joy, warmth, sadness, guilt, despair, everything! It's like my life was on pause for years and then, for those few hours, it finally had a purpose, something that ignited in me, that made me enjoy the world and see things in screaming colors! We ate, we drank, we laughed, we talked, we nearly got killed, we almost kissed for Christ's sake! And it was all because of you, you made all of that happen!" Holy shit that felt good, just letting these buried emotions out that were devouring me on the inside, like releasing a beast from its cage, trapped for so long. Oh no, that serious face of his again, shredding me to bits. Don't know which eye color is more menacing, the ocean blue or the olive green?
"I...I'm speechless. I had no idea that night meant so much to you. Ever since we released our album, my life has been an endless roller coaster ride. Do this, go there, meet him, meet her, try harder, do better, on and on and on! Every. Single. Goddamn. Day. Your advice the first day we met was a serious reality check for me, and not to mention our night out last year..." - he paused briefly, shaking his head, almost in disbelief. "...was just incredible. I still feel like shit for the way it ended, it affected me for a long time afterwards. I... I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think straight really, it was my fault in the first place." - he admitted courageously.
Thousands of thoughts were racing through my mind, although relieved to know I wasn't the only one who felt that way. On one hand, he sensed that intense chemistry between us (romantic or not), but he was about to propose so he couldn't have possibly done anything. It's so frustrating that she gets to be the one laying by his side at the end of the day, having close to zero affiliation with him. Maybe it's just me not being able to accept the fact that there is someone else in his life, someone better. On second thought, why am I so surprised that he chose his freaking fiancée over me? I would give anything to watch the two of them together face-to-face, to see if they shared that same spark the two of us had, that force that pulled us towards each other. If they did, maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated with this whole situation.
"We were just drunk and reckless, forget about it." – I lied, hoping he would forget the whole 'I love you' drama in the end but he didn't seem persuaded. Why would he be? It's not something you say easily, not for me at least. He nodded unconvincingly, knowing all too well it was against my better nature to lie. Silence took over anew, guilt and pressure pervading every inch of my body. I glanced through the submarine-like circular window, just now noticing that the cruise had already begun. We were so caught up in our conversation that we ignored why we boarded this boat in the first place. We tipped the waitress generously for her kind service and left with our drinks outside.
The decorations on the deck were simple yet elegant, with flowers and miniature lanterns tangled up in the railings, the guests standing beside tall tables with scented candles. A real visual treat: Rome at this time of day, from a fresh perspective, flowing down the Tiber under numerous historical bridges standing the test of time. I noticed a middle-aged couple at the very front of the hull hugging and slow dancing to the gentle instrumental playing in the background, like a scene from Titanic. Jamie also stared at the two enviously, wishing it were him and Valentina probably. Judging by his distant expression, something was missing in his life right now, so I assumed it was her. Could I ever fill that void for him, somehow? Unlikely.
Then his mood shifted completely out of nowhere, as if a spectacular idea crossed his mind. "Gimme a sec." – was all he left me with, before heading back inside towards the DJ's booth. Ugh, here we go again. What did he come up with this time? Through the windows, he seemed to be talking to the DJ and manager. After a few minutes of intense curiosity, the boat crew came out, pushing the tables to the side of the deck, leaving the central area empty.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We've decided to organize a very special event only for tonight - our very own dance competition! Just step on the floor with your partner of choice and dance to the DJ's playlist. Guests who don't wish to participate will get to decide the winners. As for the prize, free drinks will be awarded to those in first place. Begin!" - he informed us enthusiastically as the DJ transferred his gear outside. Did Jamie just organize a frigging dance tournament in five minutes? This dude is actually insane! He seemed so proud standing next to them, as if he developed a cure for cancer or something. Cute.
"Shall we?" – he offered his hand once the nostalgic 2009 Black Eyes Peas song started playing. Even with the alcohol in my system, it was barely enough to convince me to publicly embarrass myself in front of dozens of strangers. But with my competitive nature, I had no choice but to accept his daring offer. Early childhood memories came back while synchronizing my questionable moves to the familiar beat, ones from simpler times where we had no responsibilities, no stress, just growing up freely. Ah, I miss being a child.
Seeing Jamie dance, however, made me feel like Michael Jackson - that's how horrible he was. "Finally, something you suck at!" – I shouted through the loud music, but he chose to ignore my remark, twisting and moving his body in mysterious ways. Well, he has confidence, I'll give him that. With those looks, there was no way we could lose. Everyone loves an attractive face, right?
Soon after, the music traveled back in time to the famous disco track Dancing Queen, which I knew most of the choreography from all the musicals I've watched in elementary school. A guilty pleasure for sure. Having noticed these brilliant moves, the Mick Jagger wannabe tried following every step of the routine, pleasing the crowd as everyone was recording and roaring of laughter. Will we become an overnight sensation? Will we be the next guests on the Ellen show? Either way, I'm positive we nailed this one!
The real competition started once Madonna's La Isla Bonita took over, with Latin-inspired vibes. A sexy Spanish-looking couple had everyone's attention with their perfect rumba coordination. "We can kiss our first place goodbye, we're no match for them." - declared Jamie with a nasty attitude. Besides the professionals, we had two toddlers jumping up and down hyperactively, alongside a young female couple spinning each other in turns gracefully, and a few other seniors who were barely standing but still tried their very best.
So many timeless chart-toppers followed afterwards such as You're The One That I Want, Take On Me, I Wanna Dance With Somebody and Crazy In Love, all of which were huge dance anthems in their respective times. I was sweating like crazy, having the workout of my life on the dance floor. Jamie looked as if he just came out of the shower, dripping in sweat and smiling from ear to ear. We were having a blast so it was totally worth it.
The DJ stopped his playlist, causing both the audience and the participants to groan in disappointment. "Hope you guys are having a whale of a time here at La Sorellina! We're not done just yet, it's time to slow things down a notch. Grab your partners and enjoy the moment. And remember, you're all winners tonight!" - he let us know. Ha! I settle for nothing less than gold. Jamie took the opportunity to return to our table and catch a breath, taking off his sweater and unbuttoning the top of his shirt. Great, now I'm turned on.
The first song was none other than the legendary operatic track, Time To Say Goodbye, with some of the finest vocals music has to offer to date. Seated on the table next to ours, I noticed the old couple standing up the moment they recognized the melody, unable to resist slow-dancing to it. The gentleman looked classy in his vintage brown tweed suit and grey flat cap. His much shorter wife, however, wore a light purple blouse and long skirt. They held each other's hands like it was their first time, gazing into each other with such companionate love. We both stared in awe, admiring the everlasting love sparking inside them after God knows how many years of being married. I've never seen Jamie's expression like this before, his eyes so tranquil, with a faint smile, probably wondering if his relationship will last long enough to experience such a satisfying conclusion. How do I tell him that they're lucky if they last a year, without sounding rude?
"Relationship goals, am I right?" - I exhaled, holding my head with my right hand on the table, but got no reply from the hopeless daydreamer sitting next to me, who dozed away completely. "Earth to Jamie!" - I cried for attention.
"What? Oh, yeah! Totally." - he nodded like he actually listened to a word I was saying.
"Ever seen an old couple before?" - I asked sarcastically, wondering why he was obsessing over them so much.
"I did, but not quite like them. They're so...pure. The coordinated movements, the gentle touch, the amorous gaze...It's a rare sight nowadays, especially for their age group. Good for them." - he commented, still fixated on them like a wildlife biologist observing an endangered species.
Next, the DJ chose Ed Sheeran's cliché slow dance song, Thinking Out Loud, one of my personal favorites. Taking miniature sips of my yellow Piña Colada, I observed the radiant couples holding each other dearly, the air filling up with love instantly. A truly magnificent moment for them, during which I wished there was someone with whom I could share it with. I wasn't expecting Jamie to ask me for a dance, it wasn't a high school prom after all, and he was just as engaged as ever. Regretting my antisocial nature, I sighed so deeply that he had to turn around and check if I was still alive.
"Everything okay there? Did you maybe...want to dance to this as well?" - he offered insecurely, wiping the sweat off with a napkin. How convenient! Will I ever be able to resist that adorable puppy face of his?
"I would love to." - I answered, chugging down what little was left of my drink before stepping amongst the crowd. We still had two minutes left until the song's end, so I gathered up all my strength and courage to wrap my arms around his broad shoulders which he gladly accepted. He placed his hands gently against my back, afraid he might tear me to pieces. With those drop-dead gorgeous eyes of his, I can't promise him I won't.
He followed my footsteps delicately, turning around inch by inch, savoring every second of the song. "This is the closest you'll ever get to him." – the evil voice jogged my memory. Oh, give me a break! I shushed it back into the unconscious where it belonged, holding what was forbidden from me oh so tightly. His strong provoking cologne tested my patience to the fullest, especially since I wasn't able to bite his neck. Okay, maybe that last drink was a bad idea. Not in a million years, Noah.
Noticing how close I got in contrast to him, he placed his cheek softly against my hair. The world paused for a minute, the universe was our audience and we were at peace with ourselves. No matter what happened afterwards, in this moment in time, we were content.
"...kiss me under the light of a thousand stars." – he chanted softly with his beautiful lullaby-like voice, reflecting the same idea I had in mind at the time. "Please do." – I replied to him in another life. My eyes closed, my hands holding on for dear life, my brain carving every single detail.
"...we found love right where we are." Why can't this be us? Was it too much to ask for? Did you ever think about "us", O'Dea? "No, we didn't apparently." – I replied to Ed's lyrics internally. The song came to an end, and a round of applause was given to us, and some even threw a few roses they picked from the table bouquets. The manager grabbed the microphone wishing to present the winners of the night.
"Bravo, signore e signori! My colleagues and I had some disagreements over tonight's winners, so let's hear what the audience has to say and see who gets the crown tonight." - the Italian owner with a chevron mustache and short black hair notified us, turning to the guests.
As anticipated, the hot flamenco couple get to drink themselves to death tonight. The disgusting little children were given a second place thanks to their infinite supply of energy, leaving us with a bronze medal for effort. Although entirely expected, I still managed to be disappointed. Those infinite drinks sure do sound nice right now. Nonetheless, all that mattered in the end was that we got to share this exceptional moment together.
The clock tower struck, indicating precisely nine o'clock. "That was fun! What now?" - the charming Irishman wondered once we stepped out of the boat. "The same question you'll be asking yourself for the rest of your miserable life, unless you do something." - pointed the inner voice.