Played like a Guitar - Chapter 20: Chapter 20

The scanty summer breeze did little to save us from the gigantic heat wave spreading quietly throughout the city. Sipping on my ice cold lemonade right next to an old fan on our balcony, I was supposed to be in a relaxed state of mind now that my Master's degree was completed, finally done with college and able to begin my journey as an independent adult. Except I wasn't. My motivation drained to zero, everything seemed so neutral and irrelevant, my life was slowly falling apart. Most importantly, I was clueless as to how to find a job and where to search for one. Manchester, Rome, here or somewhere else even? So many possibilities yet none interested me.
"I'm dragging you to work with me today, with a forklift if I have to! You look like someone sucked the life out of you and left you to rot in a basement for three months. Get your shit together, Noah!" Oh brother, why did I call her in the first place? Oh right, so she could bring me back from the dead. Worst decision ever.
"I don't want to." - I wined like a little baby, falling flat on my bed, too lazy to even breathe.
"It wasn't a question. C'mon, let's have a fun little makeover moment! You know what I always say, if you look good, you feel good. Now get your boring ass up, I can't be late again or else they'll fire me!" I could tell that for a second she was considering whether or not her job was even worth arriving to on time. Typical Elektra. How did she even get the position? Sure, she's into fashion and her mother's recommendation came to aid but holy cow was she disorganized.
"Can't we just sit in bed and eat ice cream all day?" - I mumbled through my greasy pillow.
"What do you think I've been doing all this time while you were gone?" Fair enough. She pulled me in for a hug, kissing me on the cheek while I was throwing a fresh oversized T-shirt over myself, since my current one was reeking for God knows how long. She was trying her best to cheer me up, feeling bad over the way our friendship ended after the first year. Especially now that I've learned what the poor soul went through recently.
Apparently it took her two years to realize she was hanging out with the wrong set of people who kept dragging her down into failure. After several alcohol-induced nights, her widowed mother found her unconscious on the floor from severe alcohol overdose. Fortunately, the ambulance arrived on time and put her on IV fluids for hydration - the reckless bastard nearly choked on her own vomit. She was sent to a rehab program against her will soon after, but continued sneaking out at night with her 'friends' nonetheless. As expected, her studies were neglected and her reputation pivoted downwards. Names like 'crackhead' and 'slut' were often used to label her in the college auditoriums. One night, however, a guy ended up in her pants, only this time she wasn't fully conscious. Total blackout. A month later, her pregnancy test was positive. He slipped off the condom during sex. Just when her mother thought things couldn't get any worse, that's when the real drama started, from the abortion to the lawsuit against the guy who sexually abused her. She won, thankfully. Justice was delivered but the damage was too severe and trauma was yet to be faced.
Something clicked in her afterwards, though, a complete behavioral change. She stopped drinking, smoking, she tried to catch up with her studies and managed to barely pass a couple of exams. Her mother found her a position as a sales assistant in a brand new shopping mall to pay for her treatments and get back on her feet. Elektra still tries to act like her old, crazy self but I could tell she had suffered a lot lately behind that fake bright smile of hers. I'm glad she adopted this new lifestyle, but the cost was too high.
"Imagine me having one of these in my room some day. I'd probably wipe my ass with it." - she joked, reading my Master's diploma glued to the wall like a Hannah Montana poster. She was still passing some exams from the second year and had an abundance of lectures to catch up to. I felt partially guilty over her setback, thinking how she might've finished her own degree if she had me by her side all these years. Similarly to how our friendship started, she was still exploiting my excelling academic skills to pass her summer exams in return for her moral support and upbeat nature. To think I barely graduated with Honors because of that worthless scumbag! Thank goodness Leo was there to encourage me to fight until the end, otherwise I would've failed the last semester. I was a mess, in dire need of an escape as everything reminded me of him. Music reminded me of his voice, paintings of his work, couples evoked thoughts about what we could've been. He was everywhere, even a thousand miles away. Like an infectious disease, inescapable.
Traveling to Manchester would've made things worse as the Midnight Blues' popularity was most prominent there. Knowing my mother well, she would've made me search for a job the second I entered the front yard which was the last thing I needed at the moment, so staying in Thess at my dad's place seemed like the safest option. Oh boy, was I wrong! We had a rough argument the first week I came back during our traditional Sunday family dinner when my grandparents visited. My father would rarely ask anything about my personal life unless I shared it with him, but when grandmother decided to interrogate me like an FBI detective (was expecting her to point a flashlight in my face and a kitchen knife up my neck), even he couldn't resist joining her private investigation. "You never tell us anything, are you hiding something from us, did you get secretly married?" - were some of the typical questions and statements I had to deny. Apparently, her desire to be a great grandmother was way bigger than mine to be a parent. Keep dreaming, grandma.
"What makes you think I want children in the first place, huh?" The devastated look on all of their faces made me regret making the snarky remark, as if I confessed of snorting cocaine before going to bed every night. I do want a child someday, but the fact that they didn't bother asking about my personal wishes irritated me immensely. It almost made me not want to have kids just to go on their nerves! I barged out of the dining area, wishing I never returned. My father gave me the silent treatment afterwards, upset that his only child didn't want to pass on the family genes. So dramatic. I even thought about coming out to them during dinner, but was slightly worried both may have a stroke and die in front of my very own eyes.
Desperately crying out for some decent human affection, I contacted some of my former classmates but they were all abroad elsewhere. Scrolling through social media aimlessly, I came across Athena's recent post, a picture of her in an extra large floppy hat and bathing suit, lying on the sand. She was still here, but how? Perhaps she returned for summer vacation? Feeling the odd need to catch up with her, I asked her out for coffee but ended up getting ghosted. "Karma's a bitch." - the wise voice commented. Didn't blame her, but I thought at least she'd give me a chance to explain myself. After a lengthy internal debate, I wrote her an apology text saying:
'Hey, I know it may be a few years late, but I just wanted to apologize for what I've done to you. It was sudden, unexpected and unfair, which is why I understand if you don't ever want to see my face again. Some old emotions resurfaced the night we went to the concert and they ended up overwhelming me so much that I could no longer continue our relationship. It's not an excuse, but just wanted you to know, that's all. What we had was real and you accepted me for who I was, but deep down I knew you deserved more than what I offered. Hope you're doing well (amazing pics btw) and maybe we'll run into each other some day. Sorry once again. Xoxo'.
Took me a while to press 'send', but the urge to feel less shitty about myself prevailed.
"What part of "hurry up" did you not understand?" - Elektra's satanic side reemerged, which usually means that I'm acting like a total pain in the ass.
"Okay, okay, let's go." - I dragged myself to the front door.
Stepping onto the familiar pavements, I couldn't help but notice how the relaxing Greek lifestyle helped ease up some of the anxiety I was carrying with me for a long time. Not having as many responsibilities now that I wasn't living by myself anymore had its perks, but for the long term I'd rather have control over my own life decisions. The argument with my family did a real number on me, but they needed to realize I wasn't going to have children in order to satisfy their needs. First, I need to find myself a stable job and someone new. I chuckled to the second thought with my subconscious."Nice one."
"What's so funny? Do I have something on my outfit?" – she searched her rear end thoroughly for any spots.
"Don't worry, your butt is as big and beautiful as ever." - I reassured. She flipped her hair and spun in agreement. Guess some things never change.
"Sorry, I'm taken now." - she showed off the silver ring on her index finger, which she bought herself with the modest sum she gained from the lawsuit. A promise ring, she claimed, one to remind her not to go off the beaten path anymore. God, I'm so proud of her. My best friend's a freaking survivor! You'd think I'd learn a lesson or two from her, but nooo. On the way there, we waited impatiently in front of a new hotel built near the sea, in the very heart of the city.
"He's worse than you, I swear. Is this some kind of Italian trend I'm unaware of? Not cute at all." – as soon as she finished the sentence, like summoned, Leo emerged from the hotel lobby in a light blue printed Hawaiian shirt, beige shorts and white espadrilles. I noticed Elektra taking off her sunglasses, eyeing him top-down. So much for being subtle, girl. "Totally cute." - she whispered before he approached us.
"We're not in Santorini, you know that?" – I teased him in vain while he was introducing himself to the fellow blonde.
"Pleasure to meet you. Hey there, Noah." – he greeted me as if we saw each other two days ago, and not almost a month. If he didn't fly all the way here to check up on me, he'd be dead meat by now! After the night at the hotel, he would call me several times a day to check up on my mental state and walk me to class to make sure I didn't do anything reckless. I told him everything that happened with Jamie even though it was supposed to be our secret, I had to or otherwise I'd explode. He found out about us at the zoo, so there was no harm done. Besides, he didn't know who the Midnight Blues were either way, so the fact that a celebrity couple was involved in the story didn't seem to interest him. What he wanted most was my happiness and psychological well-being. I was wrong about him all along, misinterpreting his acts of kindness and care as signs of flirting.
Elektra, on the other hand, was only given the general story: some Irish dude in Italy hooked up with me, we fell in love, he left to marry his fiancé, he lived happily ever after, boohoo. She flipped of course, knowing how incredibly dull my life used to be. Leo is more trustworthy with juicy secrets, whereas she can't keep her lips sealed so I couldn't reveal the mister's identity. Sorry, not sorry. Let's face it, if anyone else experienced the emotional wreck that was Jamie O'Dea, the entire world would have known about the cheating scandal by now and I wasn't going to purposefully destroy his life. After hearing Malory's story, I didn't have the heart to commit something so evil, they already have enough on their plate as we're speaking. In any case, he's the one who'll be spending it with someone he has no connection with whatsoever, not me.
Elektra worked in a trendy shopping mall, more specifically, a famous brand reseller with pricey clothes. Not exactly my cup of tea, but we would receive a (legal?) discount on almost all items. The outfits on display were too fancy and over-the-top for my taste, but maybe it's just what I needed to keep things fresh. It's as if getting rid of my old self would somehow alter my personality and ways of thinking. Worth a try.
"Okay, listen. I'll go change into my work clothes real quick and you guys can check out the first floor. Technically, I work on the second one only but I'll ask my coworkers to change places as you move up so I can keep you company and have fun while I'm getting paid. Yay! I'm so excited!" – she pulled us in for a tight squeeze, but pushed us away when she saw her manager judging her from afar. The imbecile won't make it a week before getting fired.
"How've you been? You look horrible." - Leo remarked brutally honest. Ouch. Just because my skin hasn't seen daylight in weeks doesn't mean I look bad, okay? Comparing our skin tones in the grand mirror, I looked like cottage cheese standing next to his tanned arms and legs. Point taken. I may have gained some weight too from binge eating and watching Netflix all day. A fat mess.
"Thanks, it matches my current inner state." – he returned a worried look.
"I'm kidding Leo! Chillax, we came here to have fun, not to have another therapy session. All I need is you two, a damn good suntan and some new clothes. Let's do this!"
After three hours, I've reached a safe conclusion: never go on a shopping spree with Elektra ever again, no matter the sales or occasion. She was dragging me to every corner, making me try on clothes I would never wear in my life, then while I was undressing, she would barge in aggressively and throw dozens of new items on my face. She would abuse her position as the store assistant to secure a changing room only for myself and cut through the waiting lines, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Some of the pieces were so expensive that I'd have to resort to eating breadcrumbs for the rest of the month if I were to buy them. Sometimes I had the impression she was forcing me to buy clothes she'd normally wear so as to 'borrow' them from me later on. Leo wasn't very helpful, either, mostly nodding to whatever outfit she assembled without even looking. He had his own money to spend and went his own way. It was kind of sad, really, watching Leo buy expensive designer jeans and shirts without checking the price tags whereas it was the only thing the two of us cared about. Although I absolutely adore Leo, I should probably stop hanging out with upper class people in the future, they make you focus on what's 'missing' from your life.
Now that I think about it, Elektra probably bought her unique clothes from thrift stores or during sale seasons, since she had a pretty big wardrobe and small budget. She lived off her mom's salary until now after all. How smart and resourceful! If only she used that brain for educational purposes...
My wallet emptied itself completely after the hair salon appointments and facials Elektra had coupons for. I cut mine a bit shorter and had it dyed a few shades lighter: nothing extreme, yet effective whereas she turned her blonde ends into a cherry blossom pink. With her crazy personality, sense of style and looks, she could easily pull off a Harley Quinn audition. All we needed now was a Joker. The two blonds looked cute together. It was about time she cut off the toxic bad boys and replaced them with a decent guy with a kind heart who would take good care of her in this vulnerable state. What I feared most was that no one could please her in the long term, as she was used to switching boyfriends like underwear.
"Damn, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine the damage that asshole dealt to you and your mother." – Leo sympathized after Elektra retold her horrific experience as we sat in a trendy café next to the sea shore. She seemed to be more comfortable talking about it now that it was finally over. I remember her sobbing in my chest when we first reunited this summer. It was a harsh period for both of us and we needed each other's support, so we forgot about what happened during the first year and got back together, the dynamic duo resurrected.
"Thanks, I'm just trying to help my mom out. For what it's worth, it was a life-changing reality check. I've decided to change my lifestyle, eat healthier, work out, find a job and finish my studies. The old El was hungover during the first half of the day and drinking her problems away during the second one. The rehab center helped me realize I wasn't the only one with these issues, and that people like me still have a second chance at a normal life. Obviously, easier said than done but it was totally worth it! So yeah, cheers to that!" – we clinked our fresh peach ice tea in celebration of her heartfelt journey. We both chose to avoid alcohol so as not to make her feel excluded.
"Leo, Noah told me a lot of nice things about you." – she revealed, biting on her straw.
"Really now? And yet I've never received a single compliment." – he returned me a suspicious look, then proceeded to give a brief summary of his life, how he grew up in a conservative family in a province far away. His parents owned the only pet shop in town and worked fairly well considering the small number of citizens, the place where every animal in the neighborhood got their supplies, medicine and food from. His father left to find a better job in the city, around the time the zoo was under construction so he secured two positions for them in advanced. I got so jealous whenever he mentioned how well his folks are doing. They were one wealthy, happy, well-functioning and loving family: a rare sight nowadays. Plus, their children were disciplined and excelled at school, what else could they possibly need? A dream come true for people like me who've had to grow up with one parent at a time.
Guitar strings and drums playing in the background swoosh right into my ears, entering my brain which soon recognized the familiar track, striking my heart with a fatal blow. "Wild" by the Midnight Blues. Flashbacks of him shining on stage and winking his dreamy eyes at me resurfaced. The same ones that comforted me, scared me to death, the ones that told me those three cursed words.
"Want me to tell them to change the song?" - Leo instantly reacted to my pale face, but it was already too late. Mental images manifested themselves: her lipstick covering his face, his hands pulling her hair, her nails digging into his back. The majestic couple standing at the altar, tying the knot, declaring their eternal love for each other.
"No...it's fine." - I reassured him. Pull yourself together. You can do this. You have to.
"Are you sure? It's no big deal..." - he doubted me.
"I said it's fine!" – I declared louder than intended, drawing unnecessary attention to us.
"Noah, what's going on?" – questioned Elektra equally confused as she was shocked at my uncommon display of anger.
"It's his song." – Leo tried to explain, probably thinking that she's aware of what's been going on.
"What does Jessie have to do with anything?" - she shook her head in confusion.
"Not Jessie. Remember what happened with Jamie?" - he reminded her without using his brain. I kicked his shin under the table, causing him to jump and regret revealing everything. Then El's eyes opened entirely, covering her hands in front of her mouth and gasping dramatically. Uh-oh. The secret was out.