Played like a Guitar - Chapter 4: Chapter 4
You are reading Played like a Guitar, Chapter 4: Chapter 4. Read more chapters of Played like a Guitar.
Yesterday, we celebrated our three months together which flew by ridiculously fast. I insisted on us not making a big deal out of it, so we decided to go out for dinner, a bottle of red wine, and a late stroll under the night sky. Having spent years in this city, I never stopped admiring its beauty and liveliness as cafés and bars were filled until dawn. I was grateful to have such a fulfilling lifestyle, getting along with my parents well, achieving great success in college and being in a actual relationship after a long time. Athena was a fun girl to be around with, but I couldn't help but think we both had different plans for the future. As always, I was preoccupied with my academics, especially with the deadline of my final year dissertation being only months away. She, on the other hand, was more laid-back and live-in-the-moment type of girl. I felt guilty at times, believing she deserved someone better who was willing to fully commit to her, but she still stuck around during the highs and lows.
Our journey began on my flight back from Manchester, where I spent the summer at my mother's place. A huge setback, to say the least. I felt like I was sixteen all over again, having to readjust to her strict house rules, irritating habits and nosy questions. You'd think she'd be nicer after my lengthy absence, at least for a little while, but instead she kept treating me like a sponge that can absorb all her negativity and life dissatisfaction. Every now and then, she'd ask questions about her ex-husband, trying extra hard not to appear interested. Afraid that I might miss the flight, she drove me to the airport three hours before takeoff, leaving me plenty of spare time to continue reading Alcott's Little Women which I had been savoring deliciously, blown away by her writing style. I noticed a pair of honey brown eyes staring at me at the gate waiting area - a girl my age with beautiful tanned skin, long caramel hair swept effortlessly to one side, reading the exact same book. We both burst into a contagious laugh, clearly amused by the coincidence. Coincidentally, we happened to be seated in the same row so we started talking after that in hopes of making the rest of the long flight more bearable.
Born in a small village in Greece, she grew up with lots of farm animals which explained her admiration for nature, wildlife, and her vintage looks. The only piece of tech she actually used was her old MP3 player to listen to iconic tracks from the 80's and 90's. She was a naturally beautiful person, both on the inside and outside. I was surprised to hear she studied veterinary in a college near mine so we continued seeing each other afterwards. The number of places I visited in Greece quadrupled ever since I met her outgoing self. From small islands and hidden waterfalls, to mystical forests and music-packed car trips. We shared our first kiss during one of our monthly outdoor trips to a stunning sunflower field, right next to a small lake. She even made me go skinny dipping with her, something I never imagined having the courage and confidence to do before.
But even with all these magnificent traits, she was not what I was looking for in the long run. A crucial ingredient was missing, but I couldn't which one. We both lived in our own incompatible worlds. I was obsessed with routines, studying and staying within my comfort zone whereas she was too...perfect. With all the care and effort she invested in the relationship, breaking up was never an option so I stayed, hoping we would adjust to our different lifestyles eventually. The sex was great, she always had new ideas to keep things fresh - especially after a few drinks but at one point I kept fearing the passion would slowly fade away, and I was not ready to be alone again. The truth was, I found myself to be a difficult person to like and not particularly attractive at all, so whenever I saw someone appreciating my true nature, it was insanely difficult to let go as I never knew whether I'd be able to find someone like that again. It was one out of the many existential problems I faced throughout my life.
I didn't have many people left to rely on anyways, especially after I distanced myself from Elektra not long after the club incident two years ago. I didn't blame her for what happened, but I couldn't keep complying to her needs when she was not ready to do the same for me. She continued living her wild nightlife, during which she felt most appreciated and free, so I didn't expect her to stop just because I had one bad experience. I sincerely hoped she wouldn't go through what I (and many others) had to. It left me so traumatized I had to apply for counseling sessions, but I couldn't let my parents know. The thought of almost getting abused occupied my nightmares as vivid flashbacks of the attack kept reoccurring. Thankfully I met Athena, she helped me fight my insecurities until they went almost extinct. If my mum were to find out, she would send me back to Manchester instantly and dad would blame himself for the entire situation. He was struggling with work and always stayed extra hours, so I tried to do most of the housekeeping which also added some extra weight on my shoulders. He felt bad for not spending enough time with me after being absent most of my late childhood and seeing him try his very best to make ends meet, it was the very least I could to return the favor.
As for the infamous Mr. O'Dea, my Lord Almighty Savior, we texted briefly after that night. I thanked him for helping me out and let him know about my therapy sessions. There was no point in continuing the conversations as we were strangers who'd probably never see each other again, so we stopped texting when all was said and done. During my loneliest hours ever since, I'd let my imagination run wild, creating events and situations that lived inside my head rent-free. I suppose I fell in love with him a tiny bit, his mysterious aura, charming looks and compelling persona but I left it in the past. Just a microscopic bit, pinky promise.
He had his own career and dreams to pursue, especially now that their album won several awards and is currently topping the charts in the UK. Most importantly, though, he was spotted going on a few dates with a famous designer on the rise, Valentina Delgado, daughter of one of Spain's most influential families, currently residing in Ireland. Not that I was stalking him or anything, the couple were all over social media so I was basically forced to hear rumors about them during class breaks. All the girls and gays were drooling over Jessie's interviews, swept away by his charismatic personality and dreamy looks. They had no one else to admire, as most talk show hosts neglected the rest of the band. I tried avoiding his intriguing face online to suppress the feelings I had for him, but his photos kept following me wherever I went, with those damn eyes and stupid smirk. I was happy that he found love and success, but I didn't take him for the fame-hungry type. I bet he sleeps peacefully at night, oblivious that someone out there wants nothing more than to share that very same bed with him. Does anyone wish the same with me? The answer my subconscious suggested shattered my self-esteem.
Hell, the Midnight Blues even got Athena hooked onto their latest single, part of their incoming second album with 80's influences. The song deserved its recognition but I found myself unable to enjoy it, knowing fairly well who wrote the lyrics and got no credits in return. From what I've heard (and I've heard many things), they switched to a successful record label which housed several other chart-topping artists. Cherry on top, they were going on an official European tour now that their fame became more prominent, a major step up from bars and clubs. This time, they were offered a huge stage in an open area the size of a football field during one of the upcoming music festivals and Athena wanted to go as she enjoyed listening to a few other lesser-known artists performing there as well. I had no choice but to agree, knowing deep down we could take advantage of it and spend some much-needed quality time together, but also afraid that my old feelings may return upon seeing him. She planned on booking us tickets, but I was secretly hoping she wouldn't succeed.
Their popularity among the youth was once again proven as all the seats were booked only within a few hours after release. Being her old-fashioned self, Athena insisted on buying the tickets in person while hundreds of fans booked theirs online before she could even step out the front door. I felt guilty, knowing she was excited to go and I had easy access to them, if I wanted to (which I most certainly did not). But then she showed me her adorable puppy face, indirectly begging me to ask Jamie myself for tickets. I told her about my brief encounter with him, minus the love-at-first-sight part, when she confessed how badly she wanted to hear them sing live. To be honest, I expected him to send me tickets as soon as he found out they were performing here but I was wrong apparently, overestimating the connection during our brief encounter once again. But for her sake, I was ready to send him a text as a final resort.
"Hey there Hollywood star, it's Noah :) ! You know, the one you saved that one night at that club? I heard you guys were coming back to Thess for another show, so I was wondering if you had two spare tickets for me? It got sold out pretty fast >:(( Hope you're doing well." - I pressed send, wondering if he changed his phone number in the meantime, a quick adrenaline rush surging through my body.
I received an unexpectedly quick reply after only a few minutes, my pupils dilating like those of a cat at night: "Hey there stranger! Yeah, I think I remember doing something that heroic a few years back, do I qualify as a superhero now? Jokes aside, I always have spare tickets for my number one fan. Who's the lucky person joining ya? Doing good, I'd love to catch up with you once I'm back though. Maybe get the city tour I was promised last time? ;)"
Woah there, tiger. I had to reread the message several times, receiving extremely mixed signals. Ignoring his tremendous cockiness, teasing comments and triggering winky face, the second part of the massage grabbed my attention. "Lucky person" joining me? Do I sense some jealousy again? I wrote down a short reply to my superhero, explaining that it was for a friend and that I'd give him a city tour if he impresses me during their performance. Two online tickets were sent to my email inbox, along with "Deal" written underneath. I let a huge sigh, knowing I was asking for unnecessary drama. Why can't I just be fine with a regular life? "What's the fun in that?" – I heard my subconscious laughing at me. I let Athena know about the mission's success, and her excitement was over the roof as she wrapped her arms around me for a warm hug, swinging me left and right.
She spent the rest of the day acting even nicer than usual, as a form of repayment for the favor. She made us some delicious four cheese spaghetti and chocolate brownies, which we savored in delight on her balcony, enjoying the change in the city's atmosphere during the night. Cuddling under our cozy blankets, I couldn't focus on the cliché movie she chose for us (The Devil Wears Prada) as my mind was wandering far and away.
God, being queer can be so weird and confusing sometimes. It's like a pendulum, you just swing from one side to the other in such short notice. You'd think that having double the choices made initiating relationships easier, but it was quite the opposite actually. Instead of getting rejected by one half of the population, now you can be rejected by both sides, and everyone in between! In all cases though, I needed to feel that distinct connection, that everlasting spark, like two pieces of puzzles molded perfectly to fit each other. Back when we first started dating, Athena was what I needed most at the time: accepting, honest, patient, and positive. She had this natural beauty I was looking for and didn't have this need for constant approval like most teens nowadays do, almost like I stole her from an American suburb in the 90's with a time machine. Those damn mom jeans and white Bardot top made staring at her worthwhile: so weird yet so lovable. If hippies were still a thing, she'd definitely be one driving around the country in a rainbow minivan.
However, now that their concert was closing in, it's like my heart is suddenly taking Jamie and I into consideration as a possibility again, pushing Athena to the side. The thought is truly monstrous, but it's how I felt on the inside despite my ego trying to hide it in the very depths of my unconscious. My feelings may be impossible to control, but I can choose not to act upon them. On one hand, I really want to see him again to check if that gut-feeling was still present, but if it turns out that it is, well...things won't end well for me, and our relationship. But, even if there's even a slight chance of him and I getting close, I'm willing to take it even if it's only for one night. That way, my heart will be satisfied that I've experienced my hidden desires and I'll finally be able to let go. Well, that's the plan at least.
Her soft lips interrupted my thoughts, leaving dark red lipstick all over my left cheek. Oh, I like where this is going! I laid on top of her as we started undressing ourselves bit by bit, passionately kissing and biting her soft spots, before moving on to her breasts. Her body was my playground, and I enjoyed the ride. Her stunning curves, beauty marks, delicate touch and warmth drove me insane. I noticed how hours flew by like minutes with her, staring at the clock now that she fell asleep naked on my torso, resting so peacefully. It was nights like these that made me realize what an angel she was and how little I deserved to have her by my side.
The rest of the month passed by swiftly, as my schedule was busier than ever, filled with assignments, projects and time well-spent with her and my father. Our relationship was odd (an understatement), as we were both trying to ignore the blank period after the divorce but also felt pressured to bond quickly. I wasn't used to having a father figure in my life; Skype calls, postcards and holiday visits could never replace that. He didn't know many basic things about me: my favorite food, clothing store, dream job, you name it, but the time for that passed a long time ago. Right now, we were just focused on functioning well together as a family of two. He was used to living alone, leaving his belongings everywhere like a messy teenage boy going through puberty. Mum was the complete opposite and I blamed her partially for my obsessive need for cleanliness and planning. They took "opposites attract" on a whole new level, but it didn't work out as planned.
Mother kept telling me they were just unlucky, coming from different countries and having met with already ongoing careers. Dad tried sacrificing his for love, but she wasn't ready to do the same. I'm glad they left things on relatively good terms though. I sometimes even catch him talking to her late at night and couldn't help but imagine them getting back together after all this time. It was their business, however, and I didn't want to meddle into it. "Maybe you're just afraid of getting your hopes up." - the voice whispered oh-so wisely. Maybe.
The concert was only a few days away now and I couldn't stop thinking about the different scenarios that might occur. I forced myself to sleep, going through all the romantic places we would visit together in an alternate universe, with my faithful girlfriend laying besides me peacefully.
Our journey began on my flight back from Manchester, where I spent the summer at my mother's place. A huge setback, to say the least. I felt like I was sixteen all over again, having to readjust to her strict house rules, irritating habits and nosy questions. You'd think she'd be nicer after my lengthy absence, at least for a little while, but instead she kept treating me like a sponge that can absorb all her negativity and life dissatisfaction. Every now and then, she'd ask questions about her ex-husband, trying extra hard not to appear interested. Afraid that I might miss the flight, she drove me to the airport three hours before takeoff, leaving me plenty of spare time to continue reading Alcott's Little Women which I had been savoring deliciously, blown away by her writing style. I noticed a pair of honey brown eyes staring at me at the gate waiting area - a girl my age with beautiful tanned skin, long caramel hair swept effortlessly to one side, reading the exact same book. We both burst into a contagious laugh, clearly amused by the coincidence. Coincidentally, we happened to be seated in the same row so we started talking after that in hopes of making the rest of the long flight more bearable.
Born in a small village in Greece, she grew up with lots of farm animals which explained her admiration for nature, wildlife, and her vintage looks. The only piece of tech she actually used was her old MP3 player to listen to iconic tracks from the 80's and 90's. She was a naturally beautiful person, both on the inside and outside. I was surprised to hear she studied veterinary in a college near mine so we continued seeing each other afterwards. The number of places I visited in Greece quadrupled ever since I met her outgoing self. From small islands and hidden waterfalls, to mystical forests and music-packed car trips. We shared our first kiss during one of our monthly outdoor trips to a stunning sunflower field, right next to a small lake. She even made me go skinny dipping with her, something I never imagined having the courage and confidence to do before.
But even with all these magnificent traits, she was not what I was looking for in the long run. A crucial ingredient was missing, but I couldn't which one. We both lived in our own incompatible worlds. I was obsessed with routines, studying and staying within my comfort zone whereas she was too...perfect. With all the care and effort she invested in the relationship, breaking up was never an option so I stayed, hoping we would adjust to our different lifestyles eventually. The sex was great, she always had new ideas to keep things fresh - especially after a few drinks but at one point I kept fearing the passion would slowly fade away, and I was not ready to be alone again. The truth was, I found myself to be a difficult person to like and not particularly attractive at all, so whenever I saw someone appreciating my true nature, it was insanely difficult to let go as I never knew whether I'd be able to find someone like that again. It was one out of the many existential problems I faced throughout my life.
I didn't have many people left to rely on anyways, especially after I distanced myself from Elektra not long after the club incident two years ago. I didn't blame her for what happened, but I couldn't keep complying to her needs when she was not ready to do the same for me. She continued living her wild nightlife, during which she felt most appreciated and free, so I didn't expect her to stop just because I had one bad experience. I sincerely hoped she wouldn't go through what I (and many others) had to. It left me so traumatized I had to apply for counseling sessions, but I couldn't let my parents know. The thought of almost getting abused occupied my nightmares as vivid flashbacks of the attack kept reoccurring. Thankfully I met Athena, she helped me fight my insecurities until they went almost extinct. If my mum were to find out, she would send me back to Manchester instantly and dad would blame himself for the entire situation. He was struggling with work and always stayed extra hours, so I tried to do most of the housekeeping which also added some extra weight on my shoulders. He felt bad for not spending enough time with me after being absent most of my late childhood and seeing him try his very best to make ends meet, it was the very least I could to return the favor.
As for the infamous Mr. O'Dea, my Lord Almighty Savior, we texted briefly after that night. I thanked him for helping me out and let him know about my therapy sessions. There was no point in continuing the conversations as we were strangers who'd probably never see each other again, so we stopped texting when all was said and done. During my loneliest hours ever since, I'd let my imagination run wild, creating events and situations that lived inside my head rent-free. I suppose I fell in love with him a tiny bit, his mysterious aura, charming looks and compelling persona but I left it in the past. Just a microscopic bit, pinky promise.
He had his own career and dreams to pursue, especially now that their album won several awards and is currently topping the charts in the UK. Most importantly, though, he was spotted going on a few dates with a famous designer on the rise, Valentina Delgado, daughter of one of Spain's most influential families, currently residing in Ireland. Not that I was stalking him or anything, the couple were all over social media so I was basically forced to hear rumors about them during class breaks. All the girls and gays were drooling over Jessie's interviews, swept away by his charismatic personality and dreamy looks. They had no one else to admire, as most talk show hosts neglected the rest of the band. I tried avoiding his intriguing face online to suppress the feelings I had for him, but his photos kept following me wherever I went, with those damn eyes and stupid smirk. I was happy that he found love and success, but I didn't take him for the fame-hungry type. I bet he sleeps peacefully at night, oblivious that someone out there wants nothing more than to share that very same bed with him. Does anyone wish the same with me? The answer my subconscious suggested shattered my self-esteem.
Hell, the Midnight Blues even got Athena hooked onto their latest single, part of their incoming second album with 80's influences. The song deserved its recognition but I found myself unable to enjoy it, knowing fairly well who wrote the lyrics and got no credits in return. From what I've heard (and I've heard many things), they switched to a successful record label which housed several other chart-topping artists. Cherry on top, they were going on an official European tour now that their fame became more prominent, a major step up from bars and clubs. This time, they were offered a huge stage in an open area the size of a football field during one of the upcoming music festivals and Athena wanted to go as she enjoyed listening to a few other lesser-known artists performing there as well. I had no choice but to agree, knowing deep down we could take advantage of it and spend some much-needed quality time together, but also afraid that my old feelings may return upon seeing him. She planned on booking us tickets, but I was secretly hoping she wouldn't succeed.
Their popularity among the youth was once again proven as all the seats were booked only within a few hours after release. Being her old-fashioned self, Athena insisted on buying the tickets in person while hundreds of fans booked theirs online before she could even step out the front door. I felt guilty, knowing she was excited to go and I had easy access to them, if I wanted to (which I most certainly did not). But then she showed me her adorable puppy face, indirectly begging me to ask Jamie myself for tickets. I told her about my brief encounter with him, minus the love-at-first-sight part, when she confessed how badly she wanted to hear them sing live. To be honest, I expected him to send me tickets as soon as he found out they were performing here but I was wrong apparently, overestimating the connection during our brief encounter once again. But for her sake, I was ready to send him a text as a final resort.
"Hey there Hollywood star, it's Noah :) ! You know, the one you saved that one night at that club? I heard you guys were coming back to Thess for another show, so I was wondering if you had two spare tickets for me? It got sold out pretty fast >:(( Hope you're doing well." - I pressed send, wondering if he changed his phone number in the meantime, a quick adrenaline rush surging through my body.
I received an unexpectedly quick reply after only a few minutes, my pupils dilating like those of a cat at night: "Hey there stranger! Yeah, I think I remember doing something that heroic a few years back, do I qualify as a superhero now? Jokes aside, I always have spare tickets for my number one fan. Who's the lucky person joining ya? Doing good, I'd love to catch up with you once I'm back though. Maybe get the city tour I was promised last time? ;)"
Woah there, tiger. I had to reread the message several times, receiving extremely mixed signals. Ignoring his tremendous cockiness, teasing comments and triggering winky face, the second part of the massage grabbed my attention. "Lucky person" joining me? Do I sense some jealousy again? I wrote down a short reply to my superhero, explaining that it was for a friend and that I'd give him a city tour if he impresses me during their performance. Two online tickets were sent to my email inbox, along with "Deal" written underneath. I let a huge sigh, knowing I was asking for unnecessary drama. Why can't I just be fine with a regular life? "What's the fun in that?" – I heard my subconscious laughing at me. I let Athena know about the mission's success, and her excitement was over the roof as she wrapped her arms around me for a warm hug, swinging me left and right.
She spent the rest of the day acting even nicer than usual, as a form of repayment for the favor. She made us some delicious four cheese spaghetti and chocolate brownies, which we savored in delight on her balcony, enjoying the change in the city's atmosphere during the night. Cuddling under our cozy blankets, I couldn't focus on the cliché movie she chose for us (The Devil Wears Prada) as my mind was wandering far and away.
God, being queer can be so weird and confusing sometimes. It's like a pendulum, you just swing from one side to the other in such short notice. You'd think that having double the choices made initiating relationships easier, but it was quite the opposite actually. Instead of getting rejected by one half of the population, now you can be rejected by both sides, and everyone in between! In all cases though, I needed to feel that distinct connection, that everlasting spark, like two pieces of puzzles molded perfectly to fit each other. Back when we first started dating, Athena was what I needed most at the time: accepting, honest, patient, and positive. She had this natural beauty I was looking for and didn't have this need for constant approval like most teens nowadays do, almost like I stole her from an American suburb in the 90's with a time machine. Those damn mom jeans and white Bardot top made staring at her worthwhile: so weird yet so lovable. If hippies were still a thing, she'd definitely be one driving around the country in a rainbow minivan.
However, now that their concert was closing in, it's like my heart is suddenly taking Jamie and I into consideration as a possibility again, pushing Athena to the side. The thought is truly monstrous, but it's how I felt on the inside despite my ego trying to hide it in the very depths of my unconscious. My feelings may be impossible to control, but I can choose not to act upon them. On one hand, I really want to see him again to check if that gut-feeling was still present, but if it turns out that it is, well...things won't end well for me, and our relationship. But, even if there's even a slight chance of him and I getting close, I'm willing to take it even if it's only for one night. That way, my heart will be satisfied that I've experienced my hidden desires and I'll finally be able to let go. Well, that's the plan at least.
Her soft lips interrupted my thoughts, leaving dark red lipstick all over my left cheek. Oh, I like where this is going! I laid on top of her as we started undressing ourselves bit by bit, passionately kissing and biting her soft spots, before moving on to her breasts. Her body was my playground, and I enjoyed the ride. Her stunning curves, beauty marks, delicate touch and warmth drove me insane. I noticed how hours flew by like minutes with her, staring at the clock now that she fell asleep naked on my torso, resting so peacefully. It was nights like these that made me realize what an angel she was and how little I deserved to have her by my side.
The rest of the month passed by swiftly, as my schedule was busier than ever, filled with assignments, projects and time well-spent with her and my father. Our relationship was odd (an understatement), as we were both trying to ignore the blank period after the divorce but also felt pressured to bond quickly. I wasn't used to having a father figure in my life; Skype calls, postcards and holiday visits could never replace that. He didn't know many basic things about me: my favorite food, clothing store, dream job, you name it, but the time for that passed a long time ago. Right now, we were just focused on functioning well together as a family of two. He was used to living alone, leaving his belongings everywhere like a messy teenage boy going through puberty. Mum was the complete opposite and I blamed her partially for my obsessive need for cleanliness and planning. They took "opposites attract" on a whole new level, but it didn't work out as planned.
Mother kept telling me they were just unlucky, coming from different countries and having met with already ongoing careers. Dad tried sacrificing his for love, but she wasn't ready to do the same. I'm glad they left things on relatively good terms though. I sometimes even catch him talking to her late at night and couldn't help but imagine them getting back together after all this time. It was their business, however, and I didn't want to meddle into it. "Maybe you're just afraid of getting your hopes up." - the voice whispered oh-so wisely. Maybe.
The concert was only a few days away now and I couldn't stop thinking about the different scenarios that might occur. I forced myself to sleep, going through all the romantic places we would visit together in an alternate universe, with my faithful girlfriend laying besides me peacefully.
End of Played like a Guitar Chapter 4. Continue reading Chapter 5 or return to Played like a Guitar book page.