Project Heart - Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Dikhou kept his promise.
The next morning, Junak found himself sitting on the sand bed again and this time he wasn't alone. In front of him sat Dikhou with the dhool on his lap. The breeze from the river was ruffling his hair and the air was set alight with the music pouring out from between his fingers.
Junak was unable to look away. Or even breathe.
Dikhou was a performer. Many people knew how to play an instrument but being a performer required flare. And Dikhou, that goddamn jerk, was filled to the brim with it! From the moment he looked down and his hands met the dhool, it was like he became a different person altogether. He was smiling, banging his head to an exciting tempo, his hands flying, his fingers expertly drumming the dhool.
The music was loud, nearly rattling Junak's bones. His heart had sped up too, as if trying to match pace with the rhythm of the dhool.
Dikhou tapped the single drumstick on the body of the dhool and ended the song. The notes were still echoing in Junak's ears when Dikhou looked up, his lips curled into a smile. "How's this one?"
"I like it," Junak replied. His heart was still wild inside his chest.
Dikhou rested his elbows on the body of the dhool and leaned forward. His sleeves were rolled up, as usual, revealing dark skin along lean muscles. "So, this'll do?"
"Y-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah." Junak picked up his camera from where it sat on the sand next to him, filming Dikhou. "Yeah. It should."
"You don't sound so sure of yourself," Dikhou said, not unkindly. More... curiously. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Junak scowled at him.
Dikhou's smile widened, raising his hands in surrender. "Just asking."
Junak kept the camera on his lap after ending the recording and then leaned back on his palms. The ground was soft and slightly damp under his skin. In front of him, the river flowed lazily, its waters glittering under the sun.
He let out a sigh, wondering what indeed was he doing. He had a plan. It sounded fool-proof. But now, he was less certain. He did not know if they were going to find the actors and the dancers. And there were also his worries regarding the consequences of his film.
He felt like a thief. A liar. How would his grandparents react if (or when) they found out he was making a Bihu song about a lesbian couple? How would the villagers react? Hell, how would the so-called woke people in Guwahati react?
There was going to be a lot of backlashes, and he was suddenly not sure if he would be capable of dealing with it.
Something gently nudged his shoulder and he looked sideways to see Dikhou holding out a water bottle towards him. Junak wordlessly accepted it and put it to his lips.
The news of him fainting in the middle of the road reached his grandparents like he knew it would. What he did not know or anticipate was the fuss that it created. A doctor was called, who said it was mostly dehydration and fatigue. Grandma nearly got hypertension on hearing it and took it upon herself to ensure Junak drank gallons of water and got proper food and rest.
For instance, when he set out this morning, Grandma handed him a large bottle of water and a container with freshly cut fruits. "Make sure he eats," she called out to Dikhou, as if Junak was some child incapable of taking care of himself. And though he huffed and made a face, a part of Junak enjoyed the care and attention he was getting.
He blamed it on his parents.
Throughout his life, he had spent most of his sick days either alone or with some hired nurse so he never particularly bothered about his health. Same with his meals – with no one there to eat with him, he had no schedule nor any interest to care about what he was eating. As long as it satiated his hunger and the stuff tasted good, he was all set.
Junak pulled the bottle away from his lips, then stretched out a hand towards Dikhou, silently asking for the cap.
Dikhou placed it on his palm, careful not to touch skin.
"What do we do about the other instruments?" Junak asked, closing the bottle and keeping it aside. "Koka said you lead a group of performers? Will they help?"
Dikhou looked away, his smile faltering. "Uh, yes, but they're just a bunch of friends, not professionals."
"That's okay–"
"I don't think we should ask them," Dikhou interrupted hastily. His smile had completely vanished now.
Junak frowned.
As if sensing the unasked question, Dikhou brought his gaze to Junak. "I mean, I know a few guys from another village a couple of kilometres away. T-They play better."
Junak's frown deepened. "But aita said your team won some competition."
Dikhou shrugged, smiling a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. "Sheer luck."
Junak kept frowning.
"Trust me on this, won't you?" Dikhou said. "I know what kind of stuff you're looking for and those guys will be better suited for the job."
Junak squinted at him. "Are you trying to trick me again?"
Dikhou snorted, his usual mirth returning. "No, I'm not tricking you."
Junak kept staring at him sceptically. Dikhou stared back, grinning in amusement.
After a minute, Junak said, "Fine." He looked down at his lap. "Will you be able to record a track with them and send it to me? We'll record properly in a studio later but for now, I just need the draft so that I can start writing the song."
Dikhou nodded. He kept the dhool beside him and stretched out his legs. He was barefoot and wearing simple khaki trousers that were folded once at his ankles. "When do you need it?"
ASAP was the answer, but Junak did not know how much he could push Dikhou. Not after all their history and drama. "The sooner, the better. If you can give it to me by this week, that'll be great."
Dikhou nodded again, his gaze on the river ahead. "Okay."
They sat in silence after that. It was... the uncomfortable kind. Though they had called a truce, there was still an undercurrent tension pulsating between them that Junak did not know how to deal with. He did not even understand what it was exactly, just that it felt stifling and he felt unduly nervous around the other man.
Maybe it was because he had questions he wanted to ask – what happened between their fathers, how did he never know about Dikhou, is that why he hated Junak, but then, why was he helping him now? That night, his sister Kopili did not mention anything about their fathers, just said that he and Dikhou used to fight as kids. Junak found himself wondering about that too – did Dikhou remember those memories? Would he share if Junak asked?
"You are–" Dikhou started and then broke off, just as suddenly.
Junak looked at him, waiting for him to finish but it seemed like he was struggling with the words. "What?" Junak asked, unable to hide the curiosity dripping from his voice.
Dikhou shook his head. "Nothing."
Junak's brows knit in an unasked question.
"Actually, no, not nothing." Dikhou sucked in a deep breath. "Can I... ask you... something?"
"Y-Yeah?"
"These.... films you make..."
Junak waited.
Dikhou grimaced. "About... you know?"
"Queer people?" Junak prompted.
Dikhou nodded. "Your, uh... your – your parents are okay with it?"
Junak's heart lurched. "Um. They don't really... see my films," he muttered.
"Why not?" Dikhou frowned.
Junak shrugged. Trying to keep his voice as steady as he could, he said, "They..." Don't care. "Are busy."
Dikhou was staring at the sand underneath him, absently wringing with his fingers. "Do they know that you're...?"
"Pansexual," Junak said, completing the sentence. "I'm pansexual. And no, they don't."
Dikhou looked at him, face matted with confusion. "And what is that... exactly?"
"Uh..." Junak was drawing random shapes on the sand in front of him with his fingers. "It's like... I like people. Irrespective of gender." Dikhou still looked confused, so he added, "I mean... uh... when I like someone, I don't see if they're a man or woman or non-binary. It doesn't matter."
Dikhou blinked at him for a while, his head cocked to the side. Then, he said, "What's non-binary?"
Junak caught his gaze and smiled. He couldn't help it.
And for the next half an hour, Junak sat on the sand bed, the river gushing past them, the sun bathing them in warmth, telling the other man everything he knew about gender identities and sexual orientations. Dikhou took all of it in, eager, curious and interrupting with many, many questions of his own.
It was refreshing, even for Junak.
When he finally concluded and Dikhou had no more queries, the latter let out a sigh and lied back down on the ground, tucking his arm under his head. "And you say there are people like that in our village too?"
"Yeah." Junak closed his eyes and gulped in a deep breath. The air was cool and fresh. "People don't come out because of all the stigma, but yeah, they exist."
Dikhou did not speak after that. Junak wanted to ask why Dikhou was asking but he was scared to scare him away. So, he let it be. Instead, he said, "Can I ask you something in return?"
Dikhou tilted his head to look at Junak.
"What..." Junak's heart trembled. "Uh... what happened between my fa–"
A guy singing that he caught it bad yesterday cut through the air, the electronic music standing out like a sore thumb.
Dikhou raised a brow.
Junak pouted, pulling out his phone, unsure if he was relieved or irritated at the interruption.
The caller ID showed a picture of Niribili sitting atop a table, legs crossed, in a long, blue dress. She was wearing a black graduation hat and was smiling warmly at the camera.
"Gimme a sec," Junak told Dikhou - who nodded - and put the phone to his ears. "Hey. Everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," came Niribili's voice from the other end. "Just calling to check whether you're still conscious."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Junak rolled his eyes, resisting a smile. "I'm fine."
"Where are you? With Dikhou?"
Junak's eyes darted to his companion who was staring at him. His shirt was pulled up slightly, revealing a strip of dark skin along his stomach. Junak looked away immediately. "Y-Yeah."
"Got the music?"
"Almost. He said he'll talk to a few guys and get me the track in a couple of days."
"Okay. That's good."
"How's it going on your end?"
"Right, yeah. That's why I called."
Junak's heart picked up speed. "I hope it's good news. I need good news."
Niribili chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, it's good news. You remember my cousin Prapti?"
"Uh..." Junak bit the inside of his cheek. "Nooo...?"
"She was in university with us. One year senior? Was dating the guy Vivan or something from your class?"
"I don't... I don't remember the cishets."
Niribili choked out a laugh, then hastily disguised it as a cough. "Okay. Anyway. The point is, I just found out Prapti is an actor. Like, a good one. Like, she's studying in National School of Drama."
"No!"
"Yeah! And... I just spoke to her and she's willing to act in our film.
Junak clutched his mouth. "No!"
"Yes!" Niribili cheered. "She's Assamese. Queer-friendly. And isn't asking for remuneration. Well, she wants me to talk to her mother about something but that's okay. What do you think?"
"I... that – that's good, Niri. That's really good."
He could hear her smile through the phone. "Thought so. She knows another girl from Assam, who's also willing to help. I haven't received confirmation from her yet, but it looks positive."
"Niri," Junak said, closing his eyes and allowing himself to smile his biggest smile. "I love you."
Niribili laughed. "Okay, babe. Wait for the catch."
Junak's heart dropped; he knew it was too good to be true.
"They don't know how to dance Bihu," Niribili said.
Junak groaned, raising his head to the sky.
"But. They are willing to learn. And I propose asking them to visit Nonrong. Gagori can teach them; we'll anyway need backup dancers. How does that sound?"
"Really?" Junak made a face. "You sure that won't be a lot of work?"
"No, I think it'll be fun. They'll just need a place to stay, so you'll have to ask your grandparents."
"Okay. When are they... when are they coming?"
"Not for the next two weeks at least. They have some work plus you need to write the song first, remember?"
From the corner of his eyes, Junak could see Dikhou's dhool sitting on the sand. Its body was wrapped in a gamocha. "Yeah, okay."
"Great!" Niribili exclaimed. "That's all I wanted to discuss. I'll see you at lunch?"
Junak grinned then, finally allowing himself to process and revel at all the information she fed him. They. Got. Their. Actors. They got their actors!!!! "Yup, I'll see you at lunch."
Junak was beaming when he cut the call and turned around to face Dikhou. The latter had a curious look on his face, the sight of which slightly dampened Junak's excitement.
"I didn't mean to overhear but," Dikhou gestured at Junak's phone, "Niribili, was it? You sound different when talking to her."
Junak's heart tripped over old memories. "I don't know." He paused, then added, "Do I?"
Dikhou nodded and asked, "Are you and her...?"
Junak saw the question coming miles away. "No!" He laughed, shaking his head. "No, no, no. She uh... she and Banhi are together."
Dikhou's brows shot up, his eyes wide.
"Yeah." Junak smiled. "They are so much in love, it's a little gross," he joked.
Dikhou did not find that funny. He turned his face away, towards the sky, and closed his eyes. "That sounds nice," he hummed.
"Yeah..." Junak pursed his lips, wondering if the wistful note in Dikhou's voice was just him projecting his own yearnings on the latter.