Project Heart - Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Life settled into a comfortable routine after that.
In the mornings, Junak would sit with his grandfather and discuss the news over chai. The old man knew a lot and had really strong opinions against the Right that Junak thoroughly enjoyed listening to.
After that, he would help his grandmother in her gardening. The old woman would ask him to pluck vegetables and tell him all she knew about the earth and how to care for the plants.
It was in one such gardening adventure that he found out that Dikhou was an agriculture major and had taught Grandma some secret techniques to make better manure. Junak needed a few moments to process that.
"He's hoping to get into a research program or something like that."
"Research?" Junak echoed.
His grandmother was checking the chilli plant for pests. Her mekhela was tucked up at her waist, revealing her ankles. "I don't understand much," she said, "but he's a bright kid, I'm sure he'll get it."
"Huh. Science kid."
"What?"
"Nothing." Guess he wasn't too bad for a science kid.
He met Dikhou at least twice every day. In the mornings he would randomly drop by to have some idle chat with either Grandma or Jatin and later in the evening, he would show up before dinner to ensure Junak's grandparents had taken their medicines.
That bit blew Junak's mind when he found out.
"You come over every day just to hand them meds?"
Dikhou shrugged, arranging the medicine in a box and then putting it in a drawer. They were in Junak's grandfather's old study, a small room with lots of shelves and even more books. There was an ancient longcase clock looming in one side, showing that it was half-past eight.
"Can't Jatin or Priti do it?"
"They can – and they did when I was away for my studies. But," Dikhou shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck, "I don't mind. And I live right next door so it's no problem."
Junak leaned back against a shelf, eyeing the other man while nibbling at a carrot stick he got from Priti. "Where did you go to study?"
Dikhou had his back to Junak. He was staring out of the window that opened out to the dark backyard. "Jorhat."
"You didn't wanna go outside Assam?" Junak did not think much about his question; in his head, everyone wanted to leave.
So when Dikhou stiffly and harshly said "No" and walked out of the room, he wondered what was inappropriate in his question.
But then Priti made duck for dinner and Junak forgot all about it.
Priti was a great cook. And she had a great sense of humour. Around a decade older than Junak, she was the mother of two beautiful kids and they lived on a small plot of land right behind Grandpa's. She had been working for the old pair since she was a kid, with her mother being their previous cook. She was also a kickass carrom-player, as Junak soon found out.
It started around the end of the first week. Junak's phone had died and he was bored out of his mind when Jatin asked if he wanted to play carrom. And since then, every evening, he and Jatin would settle on the porch with a big, old carrom-board in front of them. Sometimes Niribili and Banhi would join them, other times it would be Priti or her husband Bittu who was a cheerful yet shy fellow working in the fields. And other times, much to Junak's bewilderment, some random passers-by would see them playing and they would come and join.
It was the most fun Junak had had in a long time.
On some early evenings, he would go over to the middle-school playground where Lohor and his friends would be playing cricket or football or kho-kho and Junak, who was certainly not much of a sportsperson, would join them. Or he, Niribili and Banhi would sit under some tree eating berries and oranges. Or he and Grandma would go over to a neighbour's place for a cup of tea.
Junak had never known peace of this kind before.
And then, there was Jatin, Junak's new best friend.
It mostly spawned from their daily carrom-games but Jatin began to feel like a brother Junak never had. Well, he did have a brother but their relationship was limited to them following each other on Instagram. Jatin, on the other hand, was just buckets of fun! He taught Junak how to use the catapult to shoo away monkeys, how to herd cows, and how to make a leaf flute. The two would sit near bonfires and exchange stories – Jatin talking about his family and schoolmates; he even told Junak about this girl he'd been crushing on for a few years now.
"Wait, Hiya as in Kalita khura's daughter? Kalita khura, the principal of the middle school?"
"Don't remind me that," Jatin drawled. The two were sitting in the dining room, chopping vegetables for Priti.
"She's cute," Junak chuckled, eyes on the potato he was peeling. Priti was making khichiri that night.
"I know." Jatin was blushing profusely. "And way out of my league."
"Hey, that can't be true!"
"Junak-da, you don't know her! She's in my class. Forget that her father is a principal, she herself is like so smart. She always scores the highest marks."
"Come on, you're smart too." Jatin rolled his eyes so Junak added, "Plus you're a sweetheart! That definitely counts for stuff. Trust me, contrary to popular belief, girls like nice guys."
Jatin sighed dramatically, chopping beans into tiny pieces.
"You should tell her how you feel."
"No!"
"Yes!" Junak grinned at the boy, but after a second thought, he frowned and said, "Okay, maybe just gauge the situation first. What kind of vibes does she give off around you?"
"I don't know," Jatin said miserably. "Girls are weird."
"That's true." Junak laughed, then reached out to pat Jatin's shoulder. "Tell you what, next time she's around, beckon me over and I'll do the gauging for you. And if that doesn't work, we'll ask Banhi. She knows all about girls." He snorted at his own inside joke.
"I don't know, Junak-da, it sounds like a lot of work."
"Well, of course!" Junak exclaimed, dramatically. "Love is hard, haven't you seen any films? If it were easy, everyone would do it. Half of the world's stock of art wouldn't exist."
Jatin laughed, his voice echoing through the deserted room. "Wow."
Junak smiled, then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Say, Jatin, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Does... Dikhou have a... girlfriend? Or something?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. But he did have a serious fling with Gagori-ba."
"Gagori, as in, the dancer?"
Jatin nodded.
Ugh, it was so cliché, Junak was a little annoyed. He discarded the vegetables he was peeling and pulled his stool closer to the younger man. "Tell me."
Jatin chuckled at his eagerness. "Well, uh... I don't know much, I was a kid back then."
Junak narrowed his eyes. "Spill."
"Fine." Jatin too kept the vegetables and knife away on the table and scooted closer to Junak. "They were classmates all their lives but they got together only after finishing high school. They were a really popular couple back then, and everything was fine for a few years. And then they broke up, just before finishing up their undergrad."
"Okay. Why?"
"No one's really sure. There are two stories. According to Dikhou-da, she wanted something long-term. Like, she wanted to get married but he didn't."
The idea of Dikhou as a married man made Junak shudder. "What's the other story?"
Jatin fidgeted with his hands. "So, I've heard from someone who's heard from someone–"
"Oh my god, just tell me!"
"Okay so according to Gagori-ba, Dikhou-da refused to," Jatin was blushing as he furiously waved his hands in front of him and whispered, "You know."
Have sex. Or probably something close to it since those guys were big on post-marital sex and stuff. "Got it," Junak said.
Jatin looked relieved that he didn't have to explain further. He nodded and said, "So yeah. Um, because of that she suspected he might be into someone else."
"Was there? Someone else?"
"I don't know." Jatin shrugged like it pained him to not know.
"What about in the university? Did he have a girlfriend then?"
Jatin scratched his head. "I don't know."
"Jatin!" Junak whined.
"I really don't know! Dikhou-da is very private about this stuff."
Junak groaned. "But you two talk like all the time."
"We don't talk about this!"
"You're sixteen years old! What else do you talk about?"
"Hey!" Jatin cried but laughed all the same. Before he could explain more, or before Junak could press him for more gossip on Dikhou, Priti showed up with her hands on her hips, asking why they weren't done yet.
The two men shut their mouths and went to work.
As absurd as it was, for the first time in his life, Junak felt like he was home.
And he was so fucking elated to be there, he was... sort of procrastinating on the real task at hand.
"It's been a week since Dikhou sent you the music," Niribili said from where sat in Junak's room late one night. Junak's grandparents, Banhi and Jatin were all sleeping and Priti had left for home. The house was quiet but it was warm and full of life. "You still haven't written a single word of the song."
Junak sighed. He was sprawled on his bed, while Niribili sat on the desk chair with her legs propped up. She was wearing rainbow socks and her nails were dyed orange from jetuka. Junak's were the same.
"I'm trying, I swear," Junak drawled. "I've listened to so many Bihu songs they're all that play in my head now." He propped himself up on his elbows, looking at his friend. "Do you know some of those are like... outright vulgar?"
"Oh yeah." Niribili nodded absently, her fingers playing with a notebook lying on the table. Junak had clattered it with gadgets and skincare products and pretty pebbles he collected from the river banks.
"Like, there's one song that literally says get a girl with a big butt, only then she'll last!" Junak cried. "Like, um, what the actual fuck?"
Niribili sighed in resignation. "I know."
"And they romanticise the creepiest shit, like stalking and everything!"
"I know."
"How are these songs even allowed to play in community events? While me saying fuck once in one song would get me in trouble."
Niribili sighed deeply. "I know, Jun, I know."
"I hate this." Junak fell back on the bed. The ceiling was made of wood or maybe bamboo, Junak wasn't sure. It was painted white that had dulled over the years. "I hate it."
"Which is why you need to write the song. To show them how it's done. Wasn't that your plan anyway?"
Junak heaved. "I know..."
He heard movement, and the next moment Niribili climbed up on his bed. He turned to the side to see her lying beside him, arms tucked under her head. With her long, black hair, sharp eyes and really pretty, thin lips, she was beautiful. "What's wrong, Jun?"
He hated when she did this – see through him. He still tried to throw her off with a "Nothing."
She wasn't fooled and kept staring at him with her unanswered questioning hanging between them.
Junak rolled his eyes, resigning. "I don't... I don't have a muse for the song."
That was... putting it lightly.
He had to write a Bihu song. By virtue, it was a love song. And that needed him to be all romantic and sappy and... in love!
And Junak wasn't feeling anything even remotely close to such mushy feelings.
In fact, he did not even remember what those things felt like. Over the last few days, as he sat down to work on the song, he even began wondering if he had ever been in love.
There were a few random crushes and short-term exes before Sasha but he obviously did not love any of them.
He'd met Sasha when they were sixteen and, as silly as it felt now, he was sure then that he was in love.
And after her...
He looked over at Niribili. They had met in college. They were in different courses but shared a few mutual friends. They hit it off at a fest; both were trying to sneak out of a concert when they found each other. They laughed, shared their mutual dislike of the concert artist and spent the rest of the evening together. And that was enough to create a bond unlike anything Junak had ever known before. She was the first person he had come out to, with Niribili saying – yeah, same. Well, sorta same. I'm bi.
It changed his life. They attended pride events together and their shared love for films made Junak wonder if she was "the one" people spoke of. She saw him, understood him and accepted him.
She felt like home.
"Come on, you must have someone to act as a muse," Niribili said, poking his shoulder. "No present crushes?"
That Junak's mind momentarily drifted to Dikhou standing half-naked in the pond made him want to drown himself. "No."
"What about... Miles?"
Junak cringed. "Ew, no. He was a one-time thing, trust me."
"Come on, there must be someone. Think of some ex-crush."
"I don't remember." He groaned.
Niribili clicked her tongue. "Who was the last person you had a crush on?"
Junak looked at her. "You."
The surprise was clear on her features. She turned her face away, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. "That was... that was a long time ago."
Junak shrugged, smiling at the old, familiar warmth that still lingered sometimes. "You kinda set the bar a little too high."
Niribili pursed her lips but otherwise did not react to his compliment.
It was effortless to fall for her, really, with the kind of comfort they shared. For the longest time, he did not confess his feelings in fear of losing the best friend he'd ever had in his life. And then, around a year later, Niribili met Banhi, and Junak knew he had blown his chance.
Junak lightly punched her arm. "I'm over you, don't worry." It wasn't easy, but he did. He loved her too much to lose her over something so petty.
"I know." She was smiling as she turned to look at him. "I know."
"Good. 'Cause you said we can joke about it."
"I know."
"And that you won't be weird."
"I'm not – god! Shut up, I'm just surprised. Like, Jun, that was a long time ago."
It was two years ago. Junak shrugged.
Niribili's brows furrowed in concern. "Are you sure it's not because of... Sasha?"
That hit a nerve. "Ew, no, I'm done with her."
Niribili studied him like she didn't quite believe him. But after a while, she said, "Okay. That's good. Because you deserve better."
Junak doubted that but he hummed in agreement.
"On that note," Niribili began. Slowly. That only ever meant trouble so Junak braced himself for it. "I see you making heart eyes at Dikhou–"
"I DO NOT–" He sputtered, but broke off when Niribili touched his arm.
Unlike Banhi, there was no teasing smile on her lips. "He seems like a nice guy, Jun, but just remember, okay, that it's not wise to fall for het or closeted guys."
Junak ignored the way her words stung, the way his heart constricted. "I'm not falling for him, geez."
Niribili nodded, seriously, then got up from the bed. "It's almost one, we should get some sleep. No pressure for the song but you need to get started. Let me know if you need help, yeah?"
Junak nodded. "Niri."
She stopped by the door and looked over her shoulder.
He flashed her a toothy grin. "I need to pee," he said.
"And I need to know that... why?"
"Will you accompany me to the bathroom?"
Junak did not know much about love, but the fact that Niribili complained and called him names but still walked out with him felt a lot like it.