Project Heart - Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Dikhou was not free. He was hopelessly behind on his studies and had planned to finish a significant topic that evening, but when Banhi said "Jun is going to town to get something but he's directionally challenged so would you go with him? Only if you're free!" he immediately said, "Sure, I'm free." This would've made him feel stupid if it didn't terrify him.
Junak was too much. His whole damn being. It had been around ten days since he got here and all Dikhou had done during those days was think about things he should not be thinking about. Things he did not like thinking about. Things that he thought he had buried several feet under for good.
Dikhou blamed most of it on Junak's smile. There was some childlike wonder in it – the way his eyes would light up – and the curl of those lips over his teeth was beautiful. Junak would also absently hum sometimes whenever he was too engrossed in some work – by work, it mostly involved cutting vegetables or peeling oranges or standing long hours with his camera pointed at a seemingly barren strip of land.
Dikhou did not understand many things about Junak, including why and how he was so impossibly endearing.
"Where are you going?" Kopili asked, stopping Dikhou in his steps. "And why do you have a weird look on your face?" She was standing in the backyard, hanging clothes on a line.
"What weird look?"
Kopili studied her brother for a second, then shrugged and said, "Eh. It's just your face."
Dikhou scowled at her. He turned to leave when she asked him where he was headed. "Out," he said, feeling like a liar.
His mother had explicitly asked him to stay away from the newcomers, which clearly, he did not follow through. Every day since then he expected her to bring it up again and reprimand him but she simply seemed to turn a blind eye at it.
Dikhou was not sure how to feel about it.
"Out where?"
Dikhou rolled his eyes. "To find you a husband, maybe. God knows that'll be hard."
Kopili snapped a wet sador at him, sprinkling him with water. "I hate you."
"Back at you!"
As Dikhou made his way towards Baruah koka's house, he subconsciously touched his face, wondering if he did indeed look weird.
He suddenly wished he had shampooed his hair that morning, then scolded himself for being so self-conscious. Caring about his looks was something he never bothered with before and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now.
Definitely not.
Yeah.
He still raised a hand to his head, trying to tame the messy mop of hair. It didn't help so he groaned and let it be.
Stupid Kopili, why did she have to –
"You don't need to come with," Junak said instead of a greeting when Dikhou stepped through the front gate. "I don't know why Banhi asked. I can manage."
Dikhou shrugged, trying to keep it casual. "It's okay. I didn't have anything to do anyway." God, he was so fucked.
Junak tried to fight a smile but failed. "Okay. Hop on, then."
Dikhou eyed the car as he made his way towards the passenger side door. It was a large black SUV and an Audi no less. A flicker of anger and jealousy flared through his chest but he gulped it down – he did not want to go down that road again – and then forgot about it completely when Junak pulled on a hoodie that had eyes and ears and a horn.
It was blue in colour, with a single conical horn on the hood, next to large black eyes. And pink ears. "What are you wearing?"
Junak froze with one of his hands on the door handle. "It's a unicorn." He flashed his teeth. "I'm a unicorn."
It was definitely terrifying the way Dikhou's heart fluttered.
The two climbed into the car. Junak turned on the music system and then threw on a pair of shades. "Do you want to pick the music?" he asked Dikhou who shook his head. So, when Junak pulled the car out into the highway, a girl was longingly singing space girl, show me the stars...
Dikhou propped his elbow on the armrest and sat in a way that Junak always stayed in his line of vision. He couldn't help it. Junak was softly singing the song, bobbing his head and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. His nails were dyed orange.
"You look happy," Dikhou mused before he could help himself.
Junak glanced at him, smiling brightly. "It's just one of those good days, you know. Also. The pickles I was making with aita got done today; we had it for lunch!"
Dikhou couldn't resist how wide his own grin had become. "That's great."
"Yup. I'll ask aita to send you some."
That made Dikhou feel warm. He leaned back on the seat, eyes fixed at Junak. "Why exactly are we going to the town?"
"It's Asha's birthday today." Junak turned to Dikhou who looked confused so he added, "Priti's daughter? Did I get her name wrong?"
"No, no, that's her."
Junak frowned then. "You didn't know it's her birthday?"
It was cute and highly misleading that Junak thought Dikhou knew everything about everyone in the village. "No. It must've slipped my mind."
Junak nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer. "Banhi wants to throw her a party. We are going to get the cake."
"Ah."
"You're invited, of course," Junak added hastily.
Dikhou snorted. "Thanks."
"It's in the evening. In our backyard. Before dinner."
Dikhou noticed he said our. "Got it. I'll be there." Though, really, I shouldn't be because I have studies to get to.
"Ask Kopili to come as well."
"Kopili?" Dikhou echoed, his smile faltering.
"Yeah. I haven't really spoken to her since that first night."
"Okay."
Dikhou did such a bad job at hiding his displeasure that Junak turned to him with wide eyes and said, "Not like – I mean, not like that. Just, you know, platonically. Like your sister is my sister."
Did Junak think Dikhou was going to beat him up? It was very cute.
He chuckled. "I got it, Jun."
Junak looked relieved as he shifted in his seat while keeping his eyes on the road. There were acres of open pasture on their right while a river wound its way along the road on the left. The sun was hanging low near the horizon, bathing the sky in brilliant hues of red. Junak had a window rolled down and the wind was carelessly ruffling his hair.
The song had changed to some guy singing that he falls in love a little bit every day with someone new. Dikhou said it before he could run it through the filter in his head, "Did you ever have a boyfriend?"
Junak wheezed and nearly swerved them off the road. When he turned to gape at Dikhou, his brows were almost near his hairline and his eyes were wide as saucers. "Uhh..."
Yes, Dikhou regretted asking but there was nothing he could do now except play it cool. "Is it a secret or something?"
"No! Uh... uh... no. No." Junak rubbed his forehead. "T-The answer is no."
"No?" Dikhou couldn't keep his surprise at bay.
"Well, I've had girlfriends," Junak said quickly. "Like, a lot of them."
"A lot of them?"
Junak was squirming in his seat. "Maybe like... ten."
"Ten?"
"N-Not at the same time!" Junak sputtered. "I mean, of course. You know that." He paused and glanced at Dikhou who kept gaping at him. "It was like... you know, I was in school and it was dumb and all. A-And as for guys, I've hooked up with them but not like – you know, dated them. Or whatever."
It was a thing Junak did whenever he was nervous – he would switch to English and speak really fast and really animatedly. Right now, he couldn't let go of the wheel so he was using only one hand, waving it all around himself. "Are you judging me right now? B-Because that's – that's unfair. Hooking up without feelings is very valid! And..."
And then he went on and on about how society has messed-up notions on sex, using it as a weapon to oppress women and queer people and reinforcing their heteropatriarchal ideas.
Dikhou just sat there listening to him. When he was finally done with the rant, Dikhou said, "I hadn't said anything."
Junak turned a bright shade of red. He wriggled in his seat, muttering, "Sorry. It's... kind of a touchy topic."
Dikhou smiled. "I could tell."
Junak let out a nervous chuckle and shook his head. Then he pursed his lips and said, "What about you?"
Dikhou's heart lurched. "What about me?"
Junak shrugged. "Do you have a partner?"
It scared Dikhou that he said partner instead of a girlfriend. "No."
"Exes?"
It was Dikhou's turn to shift in his seat. "No."
Junak frowned, like he didn't believe him, but did not press further.
The music filled the silence:
It's a long way home; I'm not even counting the miles
All my fears, like yesterday, are so far gone
Fallen through the surface of the sun...
Though Dikhou's heart was racing for lying about not having an ex – which, honestly, he did not know why he did – there was an oddly soothing undertone in the air. His eyes were drawn towards Junak's fingers once again where they were drumming the wheel. He had really pretty fingers, long, fair and uncalloused, and the orange from the jetuka highlighted his well-kept nails.
Dikhou hadn't realised he was openly staring until Junak unclenched one hand. "Priti did these for me," he said, beaming at his nails.
"Looks good."
Junak was about to say something when the music got cut off and a robotic voice announced: Ma. Calling.
Immediately, all traces of happiness vanished from Junak's face. He sucked in a deep, shaky breath and sat up straighter with his eyes on the road ahead. His hand was trembling slightly as he answered the call. "Hi, Ma."
"Hello, Junak," a gentle voice echoed through the interior of the car.
Dikhou turned to Junak with raised brows, but the latter did not seem to care that his phone was connected to the speakers.
"How are you?" the woman said, and if Junak hadn't just called her Ma, Dikhou would've thought it was some distant relative calling after months.
"Fine. You?"
"I just landed in Mumbai."
"Okay."
"My next flight isn't for another week so I was planning on going home. But Puhor said you're not in Guwahati."
Junak scowled at the road. "Yeah."
"That you're in Nonrong for some reason?!" She made zero efforts to hide the distaste in her voice.
Junak's nails were digging into the wheel. "Yeah."
"Why?"
"I'm making a film."
There was a brief pause. "Okay. You're staying with your grandparents, right?"
"Uh huh."
"How are they?"
"They are good."
"Good. That's good. How long will you be staying there?"
That question caught Dikhou's attention.
"I don't know," Junak said. "Till we are done."
"Who else has gone with you?"
"Niri and–"
"Niri, your friend from Delhi?"
"Yeah."
"Junak!" his mother cried. "Don't tell me you took a girl to your grandfather's village!"
Junak sounded unfazed. "She's a friend, Ma."
"I know that and I believe you. But the villagers won't."
Junak's eyes flitted towards Dikhou, as if realising for the first time that the call was on loudspeaker.
"Look. I don't mean to be crass, Junak, but the people there are very narrow-minded–"
"Ma–"
"And I personally don't care what they think, but your grandparents certainly do."
Junak was clearly panicking now. "Ma," he cried, scrambling to pick up his phone from the armrest storage and disconnect it from the speakers.
"Trust me, the people there are hankering to throw mud at–"
Her voice got cut off and Junak put the phone to his ears. He was strictly avoiding Dikhou's gaze as he gave one-word replies to his mother – yes, no, okay. His fingers were tightly clenched around his phone. When he hung up with a "Bye, love you," he hastily dropped the phone and gripped the steering wheel with both hands, almost as if for support.
The air was oppressively uncomfortable as they sat in silence after that. There was no music, either, to buffer their unease.
Dikhou could see the discomfort in Junak's face and knew with a frightening certainty that he wanted to help rid him of it. "She's wrong, you know," he said. "About your grandparents. They care about people, yes, a lot, but they don't judge and they certainly don't care about other people's judgements."
When Junak glanced at him, it looked like wanted to argue. But then he resigned, his shoulders slackening, and said, "I'm sorry."
"What? Why?"
Junak shrugged and looked out of the windshield.
Dikhou sighed, trying to process everything he had just heard. It was a strange conversation, more like an interrogation and definitely not one he'd expect to hear between mother and son.
He suddenly felt really sad for Junak.
"Hey, Jun."
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to play a game?"
The way Junak's face lit up was worth everything. "What game?"
Dikhou shrugged. "Mountains or rivers?"
A smile spread across Junak's face, seemingly brightening the world. "Rivers."
Dikhou sat back comfortably, smiling. "Your turn."
"Uh... mangoes or oranges?"
"Mangoes. Fire or ice?"
"Robert Frost, much?" Junak mused, then said, "Ice, maybe. It's pretty."
"Fire can also be pretty."
Junak pouted. "But it's scary. Red or yellow?"
"Yellow. Ice cream or–"
"Ice cream!"
Dikhou chuckled. "I didn't finish."
"It's always ice cream over anything else," Junak said dreamily.
"Even in winters?"
"Especially in winters!"
Dikhou laughed, and later when they were in the town, he made sure to buy Junak an ice cream. You know, just to make him feel better, and certainly not because the sight of Junak beaming at him, knowing he was the cause of such joy, warmed Dikhou's heart unlike anything else ever had.