Project Heart - Chapter 17: Chapter 17

"He bought me ice cream."
Banhi squealed into her palm from where she sat perched on a chair, listening to Junak recount the day's events. "Tell me everything."
"No, that's it. He bought me ice cream and now I'm wondering if it might mean something?" Junak sat on the bed, in Banhi and Niribili's room, playing with the pillow near him. "But it could just be a bro-thing, right? Do cishet men buy ice cream for each other? Or maybe he thinks of me as a younger brother? People definitely buy ice cream for their younger brothers, right?"
Banhi kept grinning, which was very unhelpful, so Junak carried on. "I mean, Puhor never bought me ice cream but he's not much of an ideal brother. Oh, that reminds me! I need to block him from my Insta. He told Ma I'm in - ow, what?"
Banhi had thrown a shawl at his face. "Don't go off track. Tell me about the date. I helped arrange it, after all." She wriggled her brows.
Junak's face was hot and that made him feel stupid. There was no possible way that was a date.
Right?
Like, Junak knew Dikhou was just trying to cheer him up after that disaster of a conversation with his mother. That was it.
Yeah.
"Tell me everything," Banhi cried. "What did he say when he gave you the ice cream?"
"I was at the store getting the cake..."
Banhi nodded enthusiastically.
"He said I'll be right back." In that sexy voice of his. "And then I met him on the way to the car. I kept the cake in the backseat and got behind the wheel. That's when he handed me a Corneto and said - here you go."
Banhi squealed, then rose to her feet and tackled Junak into a hug. "If he didn't say no homo tho then it was definitely a date!"
Junak laughed, feeling oddly giddy. He didn't remember the last time he had felt this way. "And we played a game on the way."
Banhi sat on the bed next to him, resting her chin on his shoulder. "What game?"
"This or that."
"Dude, that's definitely a date game!"
Junak winced as Banhi practically screamed in his ear. "It is not!"
"It is!"
"What are you two giggling about?" Niribili asked, walking into the room. She was frowning a little but held a wide smile on her lips as she eyed her two friends.
"You know-" Banhi was cut off with Junak placing his hand over her mouth and saying, "Nothing! I just had ice cream so I'm happy and a little high on sugar."
Niribili shook her head fondly. "Come on, everyone's outside." She walked towards the table where Banhi's guitar was propped up against the wall. "Babe, can I take your guitar? The kids want entertainment."
Banhi nodded, trying to shove Junak away but maybe he was a little high on serotonin because he did not let go.
"Very mature guys." Niribili picked up the guitar and left the room. On her way out, she said, "Hurry up!" over her shoulder.
Only then did Junak let go of Banhi.
"What the hell was that all about?" Banhi said, punching Junak's arm but smiling nonetheless.
"So... Niri warned me to... not... you know?"
Banhi frowned.
"You know."
Her frown deepened.
"You know, to not fall for Dikhou or something," Junak hissed.
Banhi gasped dramatically. "So you admit you're falling for him."
"I am not!" Junak wasn't sure who he was fooling.
Banhi smirked suggestively before turning a little sober. "But why though? Dikhou's a nice guy."
Junak looked down at his hands on his lap. "He's probably straight. Or closeted. Perfect recipe for a disaster."
"Ah. Yes." She made a face. "But. He did take you on a date-"
"It wasn't a date!"
"- so we can rule out straight. And if he is closeted, we'll just help him out. There are three gays living next door! The odds have never been better for him."
"You're crazy." Junak laughed.
Banhi nodded in agreement, then got to her feet. "Let's go now. I'll help you woo your man. I'm the best wingwoman."
"I don't need a - Banhi wait." He ran after her out of the room. "Just don't tell Niri."
"I won't. Bros before hoes."
"Did you just call your girlfriend-"
"Shush!"
It had been a few hours since the sun dipped past the horizon and the sky was dark with the first few stars starting to twinkle.
A bonfire was lit up in the backyard, surrounded by chairs and benches. Unlike the previous feast he had attended, this one did not have any elderly people. It was instead crawling with children, at least a dozen of them. They were sitting in a circle a little away from the fire, playing with pebbles. On one side around the fire, Niribili was sitting with four teenage girls, laughing amongst themselves.
Banhi walked towards the second group. Junak stayed put, looking around for one particular man who, much to his disappointment, was nowhere in sight.
"Junak-da!" Pakhi rose to her feet and beckoned him over. He smiled and walked up to the group of children. Asha, the birthday girl was sitting amongst them and she beamed when he wished her.
He sat on his heels beside them. "What are you guys doing?"
A young boy by the name of Atul - who was apparently Lohor's mortal enemy - started an elaborate explanation of what the game was. Junak went along, nodding. Throughout his stay there, those kids were the only friends he had managed to make; for whatever reasons, the guys his age stayed away from him and honestly, after that brief interaction he had with three of them, Junak was glad.
"Do you want to play?" Atul asked once he concluded listing out all the rules.
"Uh..."
Dikhou walked into the clearing with Aseem - a young boy, around three years of age - held in his arms. Behind the two walked Lohor, animatedly saying something to Dikhou who was absently nodding, too busy trying to handle the kid who was waving around a plastic gun.
"Junak-da, are you even listening to me?" Atul protested.
"Uh..." Junak had to force his eyes to the boy beside him. "I'll be right back."
Atul made a face but then shrugged it off and returned to his friends.
Junak rose to his feet and walked up to Dikhou.
"What are you wearing?" Lohor asked, squinting up at the older man.
"It's a unicorn," Dikhou replied, smiling at Junak.
"What's a unicorn?"
"It's like a magical horse." Junak gestured at the horn atop his hoodie. "It has a horn."
Lohor nodded thoughtfully. "Convenient for stabbing."
"STABBING," Aseem shouted and hit the barrel of his toy gun at Dikhou's shoulder.
Dikhou winced and raised a hand to shield his face. "Okay, we don't hit people and we don't listen to Lohor-da, remember?"
Apparently, Aseem did not remember and he tried to hit Dikhou again. Only, this time, he miscalculated his attack and ended him hitting himself on the head with the stock of the gun. Immediately, he started wailing.
Junak and Lohor took an involuntary step back.
Dikhou, on the other hand, was hardly fazed. He took the gun away from Aseem - quietly passed it to Lohor - and cooed in baby gibberish that it was okay.
Junak watched, almost in awe.
Priti ran up to them on hearing her son cry but Dikhou assured her he could manage the kid. She looked relieved to hear it and returned to the kitchen.
"You're going to be a good boy for your mother, okay?" Dikhou told Aseem. "She has work to do so we're going quietly sit here..." He walked towards the bonfire and sat down on a bench. Junak and Lohor exchanged a look and followed him.
Aseem briefly stopped crying when his eyes fell on Junak. Dikhou picked up on that and said, "Do something."
Junak hated that phrase and the sheer amount of performance anxiety it brought with it. "What do I...?" He was looking around helplessly when his eyes fell on Banhi's guitar resting on a chair. "Okay, wait." He fetched the guitar and took a seat next to Dikhou.
Aseem stopped wailing the moment Junak plucked a few strings. His face was red and stricken with tears as he stared at Junak wide-eyed. The adult holding him had a curious smile on his lips that made Junak a little giddy.
Junak had only planned on distracting the kid, but hearing the music, the rest of the people gathered around the fire and eyed him expectantly. He let out a nervous chuckle. "I'm not gonna-"
"Sing us a song! Woo," Banhi cheered, very unhelpfully.
"No. No. I'm not gonna - you sing."
"No, you first," she replied.
"No, you-"
"Oh my god, just play!" Lohor cried. Dikhou chuckled quietly.
Junak felt his cheeks heat up. "Fine." He gulped and looked down at the guitar. He was unbelievably nervous all of a sudden, especially while feeling Dikhou's eyes on him.
When Aseem let out an impatient screech, Junak knew he had to start.
He sucked in a deep breath and started playing. The guitar strums seemed to mingle perfectly with the soft crackling of the fire and the hum of insects in the distance.
"Rolling over the edge, sleeping underneath the tidal wave," he sang.
Amongst the crowd, he saw Niribili, her smile near blinding. He grinned back at her as he continued to sing.
It was their song; the day Sasha had broken up with - and publicly humiliated - him, he and Niribili spent the whole night gorging on ice cream and dancing to this song in their pyjamas.
"Why should I feel exhausted for taking up this space?" Junak closed his eyes. It was a terrible day but one that he now looked back with an uncanny fondness because he knew it changed him for the better. He had been in a toxic relationship for years, never realising it until Niribili held him by the hand and showed him the way out.
As Junak reached the chorus, Niribili sang with him: "Praying over the dead, pick the berries with the strangest taste."
They were both grinning at each other, in the comfort of a secret only they shared. Niribili wasn't a very good singer, she messed up the notes but no one cared, certainly not Junak. They sang the rest of the song together and it was only when the music died down and people applauded that he remembered they were not alone.
He was still smiling, shyly now, as he involuntarily turned to look at Dikhou. He was looking away into the fire, wearing a strange expression that Junak couldn't decipher.
"Sing an Assamese song!" someone shouted. Others added with "Yeah"s.
Junak smiled. "Name a song, then."
Half the people shouted Zubeen's songs, the other half shouted Papon's, so Junak ended up singing two more songs, one of each. He felt his grandparents' gaze on him the whole time; at first, it was so shocking, he nearly messed up a note, but then he noticed the pride in their faces and his eyes grew hot.
He had been a performer and an artist ever since he was a child but never before had any of his family members been there to watch him. His parents never attended the school events or bothered to read his writeups or watch his films. He thought he was used to it; it gave him some creative liberty, in a way. But now, finding his grandparents' faces in his audience, his heart swelled. He could not believe how good it felt.
He was singing, in front of people he cared about. People he knew cared about him as well. It felt dreamlike.
He concluded the third song and bowed low, mostly to blink away tears.
Everyone clapped; Banhi and Jatin hooted.
"It's time to cut the cake," Priti announced and everyone got to their feet and scurried inside the house; the children shoving one another.
Junak stayed put and much to his surprise, so did Dikhou who handed Aseem to Lohor and watched the two walk away.
Junak felt nervous all of a sudden. And excited. Coupled with the weird euphoria he was feeling a while ago, it was all a little too much to handle. He tapped his fingers on the body of the guitar and kept his eyes on the fire.
"Not joining them?" Dikhou asked.
"No." The girls Niribili hung out with would get really awkward around him so he kept his distance. "You?"
Dikhou was leaning to the side on one arm, his legs stretched out in front of him. "Tired."
"Tired? You?"
"What?"
"You're like always doing something - running errands and stuff. It's strange to hear you say you're tired."
Dikhou smiled but it did not seem to reach his eyes. "I liked the song you sang. The first one - well, all of them, but the first one especially."
Junak bit the inside of his lips, hoping his exhilaration did not seep into his face. "It's one of my favourite songs. It's called Somersaults in Spring." He frowned as a thought crossed him. "Do you know how to somersault?"
"No. ... Do you?"
"No." Junak suddenly imagined himself trying and failing and falling into Dikhou's arms -
Fuck!
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Dikhou reached out and traced a finger along the head of the guitar. "It's really nice, what you and Niribili have."
Junak eyed Dikhou's fingers, wondering how they would feel around his. "I swear we're not-"
Dikhou let out a soft chuckle. "I know. It's not that. It's just..." He broke off. He had a pained, wistful expression that he did not bother to hide. Junak had never seen him like that, but before he could ask about it, Dikhou said, "How'd you meet?"
"Ah." He felt warm at the memory. "It was during a college fest, in our first year. A concert was going on - some lame dude was singing lame love songs. My friends were sickeningly into it so I left them and sneaked out. Niri was apparently doing the same - ditching her friends. We went out together, away from the crowd and had chai and Maggi while sitting by the pavement on a brilliant winter evening. Naturally, it was life-changing."
Dikhou was looking at Junak, smiling. "Sounds lovely."
"Yeah." Junak swayed a little. "What about you? Do you have a best friend?"
Dikhou's smile faltered. He turned his face towards the fire and shook his head.
It ached, Junak's chest, but he couldn't let the other man wallow in pain so he said, "Lohor doesn't count, huh? I think he'll be pretty upset to know this."
Dikhou chuckled.
When his gaze returned to Junak, the latter caught it and did not let go. "But you have two sisters. That must be nice."
Dikhou shrugged. He was very different this evening - curiously soft and raw at the edges. "They are nice. I... I love them."
"But?" Junak teased.
Dikhou smiled in resignation and sighed dramatically. "But I just wish they did not treat me like a kid all the time. Especially, Jiri, my eldest sister."
"She doesn't live here?"
"No, she lives in Guwahati. She's married. She's a nurse." He made a face. "Despite not being here, she continues to nag me over every little thing. Don't do this, don't do that, be careful with this or you'll trip and fall and a train will run you over."
Junak laughed. It was incredible to see Dikhou like this: he was ranting! And over something so silly. It was adorable.
"I helped in picking a husband for her!" Dikhou cried, wronged and outraged. "I'm not five."
"I don't know, dude," Junak said between laughs. "I don't know why you're complaining. I would love to have an elder sister who babied me. I like being babied."
It was only when Dikhou raised a brow, amused, that Junak realised what he'd said. His face grew hot. "I mean..."
"Hi, boys, I come bearing cake!" Niribili announced, approaching them. She held two plates in her hands that she handed to the two men.
"Thank you," Dikhou said, taking one.
Junak, on the other hand, pouted instead of accepting the plate. "You didn't bring spoons; my hands will get dirty."
"Then go wash them after you're done," Niribili said.
"And waste water?"
"I'm not going back in there to get you a damn spoon."
Junak grinned. "You already have cake on your hands," he said, then opened his mouth.
"You're unbelievable."
Junak did not relent. Niribili rolled her eyes, sighing. She picked up the cake and held it towards him. He took a bite, careful to not graze her fingers.
Niribili, with the half-eaten piece of cake in her hands, turned to Dikhou. "I don't know why I'm friends with him. I don't even get paid."
Dikhou laughed.
"Hai, wu lub me," Junak mumbled through a mouthful of cake. "Im a bessin."
"If you spit cake on me, I'll punch you."
Junak swallowed, then dutifully opened his mouth again. Niribili fed him the rest of the cake. Once done, she lightly slapped his forehead with the back of her hand and walked away.
"Wow. I now see what you mean by being babied," Dikhou said.
Junak grinned at him, his cheeks puffed with the cake.
Dikhou shook his head and looked down at the plate in his hands.
Junak gulped and wiped his lips on his sleeves. He wondered what Dikhou must've thought just now, seeing Niribili and him. He hoped Dikhou was jealous.
God. Junak was losing it.
Dikhou did not say anything after that, just kept eating - taking small bites. Because Junak couldn't just sit and stare, he looked down at the guitar and hummed a little tune.
A few minutes later, Dikhou stood up and walked towards the handpump. Junak kept playing. Five minutes passed and Dikhou did not return, so he looked up.
His breath hitched.
Near the handpump was a wide patch of land that was littered with bushes. Dikhou was standing there, in their midst, his form a dark shadow. And swirling all around him, like a protagonist out of a Disney movie, were scores of fireflies. They twinkled as they hovered around him, like it was a sea of stars on earth and he was the gravitational pull.
Junak's first thought was: whoa. His second thought was: fuck, why did I leave my camera in my room? His final thought was: wait!
Without taking his eyes off the man, Junak pulled out his phone. It took a minute, because he had the guitar on his lap, and by the time he had it in his fingers, Dikhou had already moved.
Ugh!
His sour mood barely lasted a second because Dikhou strolled up to him with a bright smile on his lips. His hands were cupped in front of him.
"What?" Junak suddenly felt breathless.
Instead of answering, Dikhou stretched out his cupped hands towards Junak. "It's ridiculous how nice your name is."
Junak almost gasped with the way his heart lurched. "What?" He raised his hands towards Dikhou, almost like he was in a trance.
Dikhou lined his fingers over Junak's, then pulled away. Curious and awed and absolutely breathless, Junak peered into his palms.
There, hovering over his hands, were two fireflies.
Fireflies. In Assamese, they were called junaki porua. Moonlit ants.
Junak stared at the small flickering lights in his hands. And he gaped. It was all he could do. He felt Dikhou's presence beside him, knew he was smiling.
That night, after everyone had gone home, Junak wrote the first verse of his song about one's lover gifting them fireflies.