Rivals ? - Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Juice paced through the living room; staring out of the window every other minute to see if Raine was finally there. He wished they could have gone home together, but the chance of someone seeing them had been too big. Raine told him he would go home to change clothes, then he would leave. By now, Juice was home for 30 minutes and his anxiety was starting to bother him. Maybe Raine realized he'd rather be alone. Or maybe his head was filled with so much grief, that he didn't pay enough attention to his surroundings and laid down his bike. Clenching his fingers to a fist, he bit his knuckles, as if that could help him to send away the thought.
"Lovie... Please sit down with me." Mouse grabbed his hand and led him to the couch. "Why don't you cook something? I'm sure he's hungry."
"I don't think he'll be able to eat something," he muttered.
"He has too," Mouse answered determined.
Sighing softly, Juice headed for the kitchen and opened the refrigerator and the cupboards. He decided to make lasagne that would keep him busy for a while. His roommate helped him to cut the ingredients. Making dinner helped him to control his anxiety, but it didn't take away the feeling.
"What am I supposed to say to him when he's here, Mouse?" he asked quietly. "How do I behave around him? He obviously hopes to take solace in me. What if he can't find it? What if I'm only getting on his nerves? I want to help him so badly, but I don't know how. I don't – I don't even know where he has to sleep. Should I sleep on the couch?"
"I don't think he's looking for healing words, sweetheart. He just needs someone who makes him dinner, who gives him space to recover and who can hold him when he needs two arms around him." Reassuringly, she rubbed between his shoulders. "Just ask him what he wants, when he's tired. Whether he likes to have you around or rather sleeps alone. In the latter case, you come to me. There's enough room in my bed."
He bit on the corner of his pinky nail. "Staying with him is weird, don't you think?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "Why? I can imagine he craves for someone to hold."
The thought made him feel hot all over. Shame flashed through him; how could he even feel something like that after today? "But it's weird," he repeated softly. "We're just friends."
"We are also just friends," she winked. "But if we had buried a loved one of mine today, you would've found it completely normal to hold me during the night."
She had a point – but it was different. He knew Skye so well, she felt like a part of himself.
The doorbell dragged him out of his thoughts. Rushing to the door, he let Raine in. Relieved, they searched for each other's arms; Raine grateful for no longer being alone and Juice for his friend arriving in one piece.
A little awkwardly, Juice led him to the living room, not knowing what to say to him. Mouse greeted the Mayan with a hug, whispering softly to him.
Not knowing what to do, he turned to the oven; twenty more minutes before the lasagne was ready.
"I don't know if you're hungry," Juice said as he returned to the living room, seeing the two others had let go of each other. "But there's lasagne in the oven."
"Thanks. I haven't had a proper meal in days."
His face looked exhausted. Juice walked to the couch so his friend could sit. Raine flopped down next to him. Although there was quite some space left on the couch, Raine sat very close to him; there was only an inch between their legs. It made Juice nervous. Would the Mayan like a hand on his thigh? Should he hold his hand? Or didn't he realize how close he was sitting to Juice? In an attempt to divert his attention away from the bundle of nerves in his stomach, he cleared his throat.
"You relieved all the planning is over now?" he asked quietly, doubtful whether he should ask questions at all. Maybe it was better to distract him.
Raine sighed. "Those days were so chaotic... It still feels surreal. That she's gone, that I will never talk to her." His voice was trembling and he took a deep breath. A lump formed in Juice's throat and tears filled his eyes. "I was caring for Sasha for a while now, but now I'm officially her guardian. Now she's my responsibility." He bent his head. "And at the first day, I dump her on family."
"Don't think of it that way," Juice answered. "You gave everything the past days. You need to get a hold of yourself before you can care for someone else. I think it's wise you took some time for yourself. You know she's in good hands."
Raine looked at him, a small smile on his lips. "Thank you for letting me stay here tonight, Juice." He glanced at Skye, he wanted to thank her too. She however, was busy in the kitchen.
"The door is always open for you," Juice said, and he meant it. "I'm glad there was something I could do for you."
Raine kept his glance. "You do so much more for me than you will ever understand. Every day I thank God for that broken elevator."
. . .
After dinner, they kept sitting around the couch for a while, talking. It didn't take long before exhaustion started to set in. Juice also had some bad nights; so if he already felt so tired, it had to be ten times worse for his friend.
"You want to sleep?"
"Yeah, think that might be wise," he sighed.
Juice got up and led him to his bedroom. Raine picked up his bag and followed him inside. Except for Mouse, nobody had ever been in his bedroom, and it felt strange to let his friend in. It was cold in the room; quickly he walked over to the window to close it.
"Sorry, maybe it's a little cold."
"You didn't do that so I'd snuggle up to you, huh?" Raine teased.
Juice felt his cheeks glow. "No, uh – I can also sleep somewhere else if you're afraid of that? In – in Mouse's bed?"
Silently cursing himself for starting to stutter, he closed his eyes.
Raine stepped closer to him so they were standing across from each other. "Of course I'm not afraid of that."
Feeling insecure, Juice crossed his arms and held his shoulders. "You mean... We can sleep in the same bed?"
Raine shrugged his shoulders. "Why not?"
Juice dropped his eyes. "You think it's not weird if two male friends sleep in the same bed?"
"It's also weird if I make my crush sleep in his ex's bed, don't you think?"
My crush... Again those cursed cheeks started to glow. "O-okay," he stammered, reminding himself that it had been his goal to make Raine feel better.
Raine pulled his shirt over his head. Mesmerized, Juice stared at his muscular body. It had been so long since he had seen it that he was again overwhelmed by how good looking he was. His breathing faltered as Raine unbuckled his belt and lowered his pants, so he was only wearing a black boxer. Suddenly his mouth felt dry. As Raine caught his glance, he quickly started to undress himself too. Then he headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and slipped underneath the blankets. A few minutes later, Raine did the same.
Juice's heart was racing now they were lying in the same bed. He had switched off the ceiling light, the night-light on Raine's side of the bed was still on. Raine was lying on his side, his face towards Juice. The duvet had fallen back to halfway down his chest, and Juice noticed he couldn't keep his eyes off the exposed skin.
"What do you want us to be tonight, Juice?" Raine asked when their eyes met. "Lovers or friends?"
Juice froze. "You want sex?" he blurted out.
Raine chuckled softly, scooted a little closer to him and laid his hand against his cheek. "No – I'm not in the mood for sex." His thumb stroked the stubble on Juice's jaw. "And I would never do that to you. Use you as some fuck toy so I feel something else than the pain and the grief. But I would like a little more intimacy, just for tonight. We kissed and took our distance before. But I understand if that's too confusing for you."
There was only one thing important to him tonight, and that was making sure that Raine felt better. Having sex for the first time while they wanted to be friends alone might go a little too far, but cuddle and maybe making out for a bit... That wouldn't hurt them. Afraid that his voice started to shake as he answered verbally, he moved a little closer to his friend. Not knowing how much intimacy the man wanted, he kept a small distance between them, looking up to him with a questioning look.
"You don't wanna come closer?"
Raine's voice sounded hoarse – tense.
Juice's head was spinning. It felt like his heart could explode at the slightest touch.
"I – I'm not sure what you want," he whispered timidly. And not only that – he was afraid of the physical response Raine would call up inside him once they became more intimate.
"I want more than I will allow." The man laid an arm around him, his fingers slightly curved over his spine, so he mainly felt his palm and fingertips. It was no compelling grasp, he didn't pull him close. Juice laid a hand on his side, then he moved a little more to the side so their upper bodies were sharing their warmth and their legs were touching.
Raine's heavy breathing told him his friend was uptight too. Knowing that he had neither lied like this with a man before, made his skin tingle and caused his toes to curl.
Juice raised his head and looked at Raine. For the first time today, he saw something other than the boundless pain in his eyes. Slowly he moved his hand up and down across Raine's side. His skin was supple, warm and invited his fingers to put a little more pressure. The Mayan closed his eyes, as if he wanted to cement the touch to his memory, knowing it might be the last time they would touch each other like this.
Juice tried to let go of the hesitation and to act instinctively. His left hand moved to Raine's hair, his thumb stroking the shaved lines. The fingers on his back started to move, the short fingernails drawing patterns on his skin, and after a while all he felt were the light touches of his fingertips. Goosebumps spread across his whole body and a sigh slipped past his lips.
His lover smiled. The sight of it filled him with heat. Their last kiss felt like ages ago, and he didn't even remember how it had felt. Would he kiss him again? Raine said he wanted to kiss. And he... he wanted it too.
He wanted it so much.
He moved his hand from Raine's side to his arm, gliding up across the tattooed skin, to his shoulder, across his neck until he cupped his jaw. With his thumb, he stroked the rough stubble while he looked Raine in the eye again. The man was holding his breath; the longing radiating from him made Juice shiver.
He had seen yearning glances before – at all the crow eaters trying to get his attention. Their desires had been purely physical, caused by the fact that he was wearing a kutte. But Raine... Raine didn't want him because he was a Son. Raine wanted him because of who he was. Their passion was a forbidden one; one they were trying to ignore; one that was crawling underneath their skin for weeks. Juice could no longer fight his longing, neither was there a reason to... And so, he kissed the man.
As tender as their touches had been, the kiss was heated and heavy, almost desperate. Finally – finally they could taste each other again. Their tongues fought for dominance – and Juice won the first round. He kissed his friend roughly, tugged and sucked his lip. He turned a little, his face floating above that of Raine so he could deepen the kiss. The moment the strokes of his tongue became more tender, it was Raine who took control and dominated the kiss. His oversensitive lips were trembling with pleasure, something he had never experienced before. The heat of Raine's mouth left his lips and moved across his jaw, to his neck. He took distance from Juice's upper body, only so his caressing fingertips could find their way to it.
Juice closed his eyes. The burning sensation in his face descended to the rest of his body. Raine's teeth sank into the flesh of his neck, where after he left a dark mark. Excitement coursed through his veins. His manhood rose and pressed against Raine's waist.
Again, shame broke into his thoughts. He didn't want his friend to notice his excitement; especially because he felt that he was the only one. Subtly, he turned away from Raine so his erection was no longer bothering him. Immediately, Raine's hand slid to his hip and pulled him back, pressing his waist against Juice's and grinding it.
A shared moan ascended.
Again that shame was there, that longing to turn himself away. Maybe it was because he had the feeling he was taking advantage of Raine's vulnerability, or maybe because a part of him believed he shouldn't do this with a man. By reflex, he rolled back from his friend so his hard on was no longer touching him.
Raine stopped kissing his neck and returned his eyes to Juice's. There was a silent question in them, but Juice had no idea how to answer it and cast his glance down. Raine gave him a small kiss on his chin, then he caught his glance.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. He stared into Juice's eyes, as if he tried to read the answer in them. Raine's fingers left his hip and neared his pubic region with his eyes never leaving his.
The conflict revived inside Juice, his breathing left him in little jolts. Fuck – this felt so good. He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Stop," he whispered.
He didn't sound convincing at all.
Nevertheless, Raine took his hand away. His fingertips glided up across his stomach and chest, grasped his shoulder and pushed him on his back. From there they moved to his neck, where after his thumb traced Juice's bottom lip.
The intense look with which Raine looked at him, made him breathe in sharply. There was something unexpectedly dominant about it, something stern; something making his mouth feel dry.
"I only want you to say stop when you mean it." His glance softened. "I think I sense pretty well what you want and don't want. In case I'm wrong; tell me to stop. But don't let shame or fear hold you back. Trust me. There is no shame in love, nor in true friendship. What we do isn't wrong. It's something we need – the both of us," he stressed.
Speechless, Juice stared at him. He nodded almost senselessly.
A small smirk curled around his lips. "Good boy."
Juice felt his cheeks glow; the shame simply refused to leave him alone.
Raine kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'm just teasing you. Let me be in charge now, you can go next."
Despite Raine's reassuring words there was a bundle of nerves in his stomach. He had no idea where this sudden nervousness was coming from and closed his eyes in an attempt to ignore it and concentrate on Raine.
His lover started to kiss his neck again. His lips followed a trail down his collarbone; they danced around his nipplesans descended further down to his abs. His tongue circled around his bellybuttonl his stubble slightly and pleasantly scratching his skin.
Juice raised himself a little on his elbows to watch his lover, causing Raine to let out a satisfying groan as his abs tensed underneath his lips. Open mouth kisses descended further down. In the dim light, he watched Raine's fingers stroking up and down the fabric of his briefs.
Juice's breathing fell heavier, all heat flowed to his crotch. As if his friend wanted to absorb the warmth, he wrapped his strong fingers around his masculinity while his lips neared the waistband of his boxers. All Juice could think of, was that he hadn't cleaned himself properly before going to bed and that it would be a bad first experience when Raine would suck him now.
Raine however, made no attempt to go further; he just left kisses across the edge of his boxers, and also on his thighs below the fabric. Juice relaxed a bit, remembering what Raine had told him: that he would sense what Juice wanted. Now he felt a bit more comfortable, his attention was drawn to Raine's grasp around his manhood. Right through his boxers, he was holding him firmly, slowly moving his hand up and down.
Juice groaned and panted quietly while Raine left wet marks on his lower abdomen. A whimper left his lips when Raine took away his hand. His friend bent over him again, kissing him with swollen lips on which he thought to taste the salt of his own sweat.
"You're so fucking hot," Raine whispered against his lips. "I'm so turned on right now."
Juice had been so immersed by Raine's touches that he was surprised by the tent in Raine's boxers. His hand moved aside, with his fingertips he caressed the tight fabric. The heat with which he was greeted made him shiver.
He looked at Raine, an almost pleading look in his eyes.
"I never meant to satisfy you," he said. "But rubbin' you up like this and stoppin' now feels rude. You want me to jerk you off? Or you feel more comfortable if you do it yourself?"
Juice knew he was right – that tension needed to leave. "You," he whispered. "Only – only tonight."
"Only tonight," he promised.